a small light at the tunnel

feel a bit more like my old self
Aleve is helping me a lot.
Tomorrow more adjustments

The C and L's

Yup they were here on Saturday with a box full of delicate luscious goodies.
Fresh cooked shrimp on top of the list , a lot of to wake up my appetite and by Georges I think that did it.
Thank you C and L , sounds like an electric company.
Love you

Mother used to say:

when they are little they step on your apron strings.
when they are old they step on your heart.
It's been that kind of a week.
Waiting for a phone call, an email....
Waiting for Sunday.......
Looking at the message board by the smiling face of my computer, is there a new little envelope showing me there is a message? Nah....
the heart aches, no matter how often this happens and I say
it will not bother me.
The heart aches...............

18 days and counting

or should I stop to count.
This surgery did not go like I thought it would.
I imagine it was just a walk in the park, soon I would be in my garden.
Did not work out that way and then I added a week ago a rather nasty fall on my right hip and side due to the vertigo which sent me spinning.
Not sure which is worse the pain of the fall or the surgery.
The fall still lingering.

Fed up

So i had the surgery, takes longer to recuperate then I thought it would.
So Sunday I do fairly well, it's a hot pretty day, all is well with the world,
I get up from my recliner, very, very slowly as I have learned to do that with the
vertigo I take one step and the whole room starts to dance like in a horror movie,I swirl with it one whole turn and fall on my derriere, fall HARD.
In going down I even thought now what will break?
I sat for a long long time afraid to get up and break my hips even worse like I had done with the ankle. Enormous pain , Bobby helps me into my chair and gives me a pain pill. I slept the whole Sunday away taking Tylenol and at night Vicodin.

Today I would be dancing in the streets if it was not for this right hip who is obviously well bruised inside and muscles going outchie.
I am so fed up

a good day

nice and warm outside , a good day to feel alive.
All is well.
Slow but then that is part of the recovery package.
a friend brought me home made soup which must have 40 veggies in it.
So yummy and a bag of croissants to go with it.
Life is good.

at least now I do not have to be a kidney donor and try to be heroic for someone.

If you know someone who has all this love for someone else and wants to be or has been a kidney donor..........then go kiss their feet.
That is not small donation, that is not a small surgery.
They are heroes of love, the love to save someone else's life.
How big is that?

To live with or without drugs ...........

I am making Lexapro richer and richer
the little white pills gave me a different state of mind during Bob's illness, guess now they are my crutch but I am not sorry. Hey, what time is left I want a feel good time.
In the hospital they took away my Lexapro so I started back up yesterday.
I am in a constant state of crying followed by complete ecstacy , moment after moment changes. No fun.
Give me again stability!
Give me my Lexapro.
If I had extra money I would buy their stock too.
Cant find the "correct my spelling button" Boo Hoo Boo Hoo

so that was an "ouchie!"

2 weeks ago a trip to the ER with some bleeding turned my world upside down.
Within 5 hours the men with white coats, girls with giddy prints on their scrubs and guys with pony tails in nets decided to tell me I had a "mass" on right kidney.
I will catch up with the memories of the last 2 weeks but now fast forward I am thinking that in 13 months , starting March 3 2010 till now I had 3 major
changes in my life .
Forgetting that by then in 2010 I had been a caregiver to husband for 13 years.
Forget that part , March 3 2010 I break my ankle in 3 places.
6 months recovery time.
Sept 5 2010: Husband makes his transition.
recovery time : impossible.
March 31 2011 : surgery, removal of complete kidney infested with Cancer.
Recovery time : 6 days in hospital and waiting now at home for the rest
of the time.
I do pain quite well but pain with this surgery was not my friend.
I was a big ouchie!
I did not even lose weight , they tell me I am still bloated. Fine and dandy.
I hardly ate in 2 weeks for "bloating?".
Needed blood transfusion, they tell me the donor is was a man.
OK so will I grow balls now or be afraid to ask my way when I am lost?
Final line: I am cancer free do not need chemo.
For my friends who prayed and sent me energy I thank you.
You are the diamonds in my life's tiara.
Love every one of you
Jeannot
Back after a recovery commercial