Today, Valentine Day, there is heart ache, especially when Brie posted a photo of our wedding day , 41 years ago.
It suddenly sunk in, I saw these two people smiling, laughing, oh! how very happy we were.
My two best California friends were there. Kathy Hermle, the cut up, she was in full force with her "blue" jokes.
We did not tell too many of color jokes in 1969, but she did!
We were a good pair, she the outgoing full force woman, I (then) the mousy one. I remember when one day Sabrina started to complain that she had to go to the bathroom in a restaurant.
Ladies room had a line, Sabrina started to cry, Kathy grabbed her by the arm and
ran into the men's room with her.
She told the guy's in there that she was a nurse (she was) and that she had seen worse and in she went into a stall with my crying daughter. I was left outside and tried to find a place to hide.
My friend had a horrible battle with breast cancer. Took several years of pain to take her away. I wanted to go and say goodbye and she said "No, do not see me this way, remember me when..."
I do. I have her photo by my desk and I often smile on how we would fight at the Goodwill for the best bargains. It was a riot.
She was my ex husband's bosses wife.
When she found out the ex was getting remarried to a very young gorgeous Swede who was very pregnant....she wanted to take my girls in rags by the church entrance.
She was going to yell to the guest that he had not paid for his children.
I shudder at the thought. Of course , I stopped her. It did not stop her to put old blue cheese in his lunch box day after day.
April Lee was my other friend, tiny, fragile, had a hard life before she met her husband, artist George Lee.
He was older and he let her have anything she wanted, she loved animals more than people. She had a goat in the house, several cats, a dog and whatever stray she could find.
She and I opened up a second hand clothing store in Santa Cruz and there I met my Bob.
April much wiser to the world than I was told me that Bob was gay.
I said: How do you know?
She answered: He runs like a girl.
He did and it is funny to watch.
Gay he was not.
She was the quiet one at the wedding, her husband was the cut up.
He had been a child star in some movie, very well known movie which I forget now. His father had worked on sets all his life so little George went to work as an actor.
George past on and after he went April joined him also with breast cancer.
That was years ago but she did not get the help she needed because she was broke. The old story about insurance and the right care.
Her life was not easy, not by any stretch of the imagination.
So seeing my wedding photos I am thinking of all the people who make up the tapestry of our life-shawl.
My shawl is scratchy in parts, soft and lovely in pastel weaving in the middle and so far it is getting a tiny bit scratchy again. C'est la vie.
Would I redo my shawl, tear it all up and start weaving again? Not on your life.
It is what it is.
The scratchy parts made me look for something softer .
Happy Day!!!!!
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
addition to Valentine Day
Husband believed in Astrology so he made up my chart before our first date.
I was lucky we were in the good graces of the stars.
I laughed.
I am glad he did not think to check the Chinese for he is a Tiger and a Tiger (say the Chinese) should never marry a
Monkey!
So much for fortune telling.
I was lucky we were in the good graces of the stars.
I laughed.
I am glad he did not think to check the Chinese for he is a Tiger and a Tiger (say the Chinese) should never marry a
Monkey!
So much for fortune telling.
Valentine day
So tomorrow is Valentines day.
Bob and I have been married 41 years on that special day.
It was him, the romantic one, who wanted it on that day.
It was him who asked me to marry him dozens of times.
It was him who won out.
It was me who was afraid of marriage.
Afraid of the pain repeating itself.
Afraid that I just was not worthy.
Did nt someone tell me that for 17 years?
Did I not buy into that?
Early on in our relationship I became quite ill with
bouts of arthritis. I could not lift my arms, could hardly walk.
Did not fit in shoes, wore flip flops everywhere. The feet
hanging over the straps, they were that swollen.
Walking felt like walking on thousands of pins.
Bob decided to move in to help me with my girls
and cook for me.
It did not sit well with my next door friend, an old lady
full of old judgemental ideas.
He did not move in for an exciting sex life, did not come to
see if he could try it all out and then run.
No, he came to help.
Help he did.
He brushed the long hair on the girls even if they screamed because the knots were unfriendly this man did not do it like Mommy. They just tried him.
He would make and pour my coffee as I could not even lift the pot.
Many days now, I think of that. When the task is too hard and I feel like shaking him then I try to go back there.
Back to all his help and all his care.
I know he would do it for me if the tables were turned.
He would not question it, not for a moment.
Eventually I agreed to marry him.
We were broke.
He an artist painter, feast or famine life style.
My bookkeeper mother told me that we would starve.
When she met him she asked if he had a brother,
she fell in love with him , she knew he was so kind to me
and loved me.
I soon learned that this was a man I could trust, this was a man with integrity, he would not cheat on me.
He would do his best to take care of me.
So he did, for 30 years I was spoiled. He always opened doors for me. I never undid a grocery cart or took a bag in my arms, it was always him and he would not let me touch
anything.
He did the dishes, he only complained once about my cooking.
Honestly, once in all these years, I had made sushi with raw fish way before sushi was popular.
I promised I would never cook this again.
Well, I did not exactly cook it.
My oldest wrote this to a friend :
“Eventually, we were introduced to Bob and, in time, my mom fell in love. They were married on Valentine’s Day. I can honestly say that of all the people I know they are the only two I can honestly call ‘soulmates’. When they are together, it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
The love never stopped. Now when he no longer knows my name and he often kicks me out of the bed then I ache with an ache so deep that I cant begin to fathom it.
I tell myself that is not my Bob, but I cant truly believe it.
People tell me it is the disease.
Does not mean a damn thing to me, this is the man that I
love so do not talk to me about a disease.
I have consolation prizes, some days he kisses me on the lips, other days it is a barely peck on my cheek
I know when he KNOWS me.
It is all still there somewhere!!!
His brain is being attacked by some Pacman sort of enzyme but it has left a few little dots which tell him:
This is Jeannot, and all is well.
Alzheimer is horrible for the afflicted and probably more so for the caregiver. The last 13 years have not been a picnic
but then I KNOW people who have the same situation with a man who was unkind to them. Think of it how horrible that would be to end a relationship on that note.
I am so lucky that for 30 years we had bliss, how often do you hear that today?
Thank you, my love, thank you with all my heart I tell you that I love you.
Bob and I have been married 41 years on that special day.
It was him, the romantic one, who wanted it on that day.
It was him who asked me to marry him dozens of times.
It was him who won out.
It was me who was afraid of marriage.
Afraid of the pain repeating itself.
Afraid that I just was not worthy.
Did nt someone tell me that for 17 years?
Did I not buy into that?
Early on in our relationship I became quite ill with
bouts of arthritis. I could not lift my arms, could hardly walk.
Did not fit in shoes, wore flip flops everywhere. The feet
hanging over the straps, they were that swollen.
Walking felt like walking on thousands of pins.
Bob decided to move in to help me with my girls
and cook for me.
It did not sit well with my next door friend, an old lady
full of old judgemental ideas.
He did not move in for an exciting sex life, did not come to
see if he could try it all out and then run.
No, he came to help.
Help he did.
He brushed the long hair on the girls even if they screamed because the knots were unfriendly this man did not do it like Mommy. They just tried him.
He would make and pour my coffee as I could not even lift the pot.
Many days now, I think of that. When the task is too hard and I feel like shaking him then I try to go back there.
Back to all his help and all his care.
I know he would do it for me if the tables were turned.
He would not question it, not for a moment.
Eventually I agreed to marry him.
We were broke.
He an artist painter, feast or famine life style.
My bookkeeper mother told me that we would starve.
When she met him she asked if he had a brother,
she fell in love with him , she knew he was so kind to me
and loved me.
I soon learned that this was a man I could trust, this was a man with integrity, he would not cheat on me.
He would do his best to take care of me.
So he did, for 30 years I was spoiled. He always opened doors for me. I never undid a grocery cart or took a bag in my arms, it was always him and he would not let me touch
anything.
He did the dishes, he only complained once about my cooking.
Honestly, once in all these years, I had made sushi with raw fish way before sushi was popular.
I promised I would never cook this again.
Well, I did not exactly cook it.
My oldest wrote this to a friend :
“Eventually, we were introduced to Bob and, in time, my mom fell in love. They were married on Valentine’s Day. I can honestly say that of all the people I know they are the only two I can honestly call ‘soulmates’. When they are together, it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
The love never stopped. Now when he no longer knows my name and he often kicks me out of the bed then I ache with an ache so deep that I cant begin to fathom it.
I tell myself that is not my Bob, but I cant truly believe it.
People tell me it is the disease.
Does not mean a damn thing to me, this is the man that I
love so do not talk to me about a disease.
I have consolation prizes, some days he kisses me on the lips, other days it is a barely peck on my cheek
I know when he KNOWS me.
It is all still there somewhere!!!
His brain is being attacked by some Pacman sort of enzyme but it has left a few little dots which tell him:
This is Jeannot, and all is well.
Alzheimer is horrible for the afflicted and probably more so for the caregiver. The last 13 years have not been a picnic
but then I KNOW people who have the same situation with a man who was unkind to them. Think of it how horrible that would be to end a relationship on that note.
I am so lucky that for 30 years we had bliss, how often do you hear that today?
Thank you, my love, thank you with all my heart I tell you that I love you.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
What now?
Got up after a hilarious dream.
Some friends, long gone, were odd millionaires in my dream and we were just traveling all over the place and having so much fun. I got up and giggled. That was a fun dream. Alfredo who was a cut up in life had continued to be so in my dream. A little dog was also on the scene.
I did not stay in that mode for very long as I felt the kitchen to be cold.
Touched the heaters and "cold" .
Ran downstairs to the old furnace and "cold" - not working.
26 degrees outside and a fierce wind.
62 inside , put in the electric heater which I can't put on high or the electric fuse goes. My fuse box is the antique kind but I doubt that I can get much on eBay for it.
Whatever!
The mood did not get better as I decided to wake son and ask if he could check the furnace. At that moment I did forget that he had a bout with insomnia and the last I saw him he had not slept for 18 hours.
To wake him up now was brutal but all I could think about was how cold I was.
Well, it did not all sit very well and we had an argument.
I crawled in bed with the covers over my head.
I had a brief moment when I truly thought that continuing this journey was getting to be too much.
I was totally exhausted of emotions, exhausted of not knowing answers, exhausted from life.
So it has been a shitty day and I can't wait till it is 8 o clock and I can put Bob in bed, crawl next to him and watch
American Idol.
I want to think of nothing pertaining to my life ,I want to hear people sing off key and fall asleep.
Oh btw son did fix the 50 year old furnace something to do with the pilot.
Right now I can't even think how great that was.
Some friends, long gone, were odd millionaires in my dream and we were just traveling all over the place and having so much fun. I got up and giggled. That was a fun dream. Alfredo who was a cut up in life had continued to be so in my dream. A little dog was also on the scene.
I did not stay in that mode for very long as I felt the kitchen to be cold.
Touched the heaters and "cold" .
Ran downstairs to the old furnace and "cold" - not working.
26 degrees outside and a fierce wind.
62 inside , put in the electric heater which I can't put on high or the electric fuse goes. My fuse box is the antique kind but I doubt that I can get much on eBay for it.
Whatever!
The mood did not get better as I decided to wake son and ask if he could check the furnace. At that moment I did forget that he had a bout with insomnia and the last I saw him he had not slept for 18 hours.
To wake him up now was brutal but all I could think about was how cold I was.
Well, it did not all sit very well and we had an argument.
I crawled in bed with the covers over my head.
I had a brief moment when I truly thought that continuing this journey was getting to be too much.
I was totally exhausted of emotions, exhausted of not knowing answers, exhausted from life.
So it has been a shitty day and I can't wait till it is 8 o clock and I can put Bob in bed, crawl next to him and watch
American Idol.
I want to think of nothing pertaining to my life ,I want to hear people sing off key and fall asleep.
Oh btw son did fix the 50 year old furnace something to do with the pilot.
Right now I can't even think how great that was.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Weather is all we talk about now
Monday Feb 8 2010
This much of winter has us all talking about nothing else.
Amazing how many words are uttered now about snow, rain, cold and so forth.
To say that we have had enough in the South is to voice it mildly.
Just think what the Midwest is seeing now. Probably it will come this way again.
Nothing we can do about it, not a darn thing yet we spend a lot of energy talking about it and writing about it.
Today it was a balmy 42 and when I checked the 10 day forecast that is the best "heat" we will have for the next week +.
I was able to have my usual walk with the dogs without falling over ice and snow, it had been weeks since did this.
It felt like I was a new person.
SO here goes : tomorrow weather , mix rain and snow.
Bye Bye
This much of winter has us all talking about nothing else.
Amazing how many words are uttered now about snow, rain, cold and so forth.
To say that we have had enough in the South is to voice it mildly.
Just think what the Midwest is seeing now. Probably it will come this way again.
Nothing we can do about it, not a darn thing yet we spend a lot of energy talking about it and writing about it.
Today it was a balmy 42 and when I checked the 10 day forecast that is the best "heat" we will have for the next week +.
I was able to have my usual walk with the dogs without falling over ice and snow, it had been weeks since did this.
It felt like I was a new person.
SO here goes : tomorrow weather , mix rain and snow.
Bye Bye
Sunday, February 7, 2010
This and that problem
Sunday Feb 7 2010
It has been a very hard winter so far.
We have seen enough snow and have not had too much help from
city hall in the clean up. Come to think of it, we had leaf removal just once, the rest just flew hither and yonder. There are still piles
sitting on some sidewalks. Cutting down labor, I am guessing, and rising the taxes anyway.
For me it is a hard pill to swallow as I pay two taxes, one for the county and one for the city. Not sure what the county does for me but I do know
the city charges plenty for water and garbage. You'd think that they would give us better service in the winter. If for nothing else but to avoid
accidents.
OK this is my beef for today.
Now on to something I can do something about.
I have had a few very good weeks as far as my feeling more "UP"
versus "down". Good job! I tell myself and then I blew it again
last night.
Brie asks"is dad behaving?" I answer:"yes, because Mom behaved"
Ha Ha....not a joke.
When I am calm he is , of course, calmer.
How do I keep calm 24/7 with so many "little" occurrences which drive me absolutely nuts.
Why do I care for these little events?
I do not have a clue.
For instance, when he is home, he constantly opens the refrigerator door. Looks inside for a long time and then shuts it, not 2 seconds go by when he opens it again and this time takes out the milk.
He is now drinking more than 4 gallons a week.
This ritual happens probably 10 a 20 times a night.
He finishes his glass like he never saw milk before and put it in the sink.
Goes to the fridge and starts all over again.
By bed time I have - no exaggeration- 10 or more glasses and cups of
various sizes piled up ready for the clean up.
I get FURIOUS absolutely FURIOUS.
I tell him so, he laughs, he now has that laugh like a devious person and there is nothing devious about him -but there is that laugh.
So he goes to the fridge and starts again.
I am trying to play Dr Phil (not that I care for that man) with my own conversations.
Why?Jeannot? Why? It is only milk and glasses.
I have no answers.
Is the same routine getting to me?
Perhaps but then he follows me all day from room to room and when I turn around I step on his toes, does that bother me? Not like the milk.!
Does running out of milk bother you?
Yes, very much so, but I do buy 4 gallons when I go to the store.
Sometimes I miss my usual shopping day as I depend on the girls
to come and get me. Perhaps that is it?
I don't know.
Do the dishes bother you?
Yes, and I can prevent that.
I could use gloves as my hands are covered with psoriasis and
it certainly burns in the hot soapy water. Once the hands are
hurting I am thinking "I should have used my gloves and then it is too late".
Is that the problem????
I don't know.
Doubt that a real shrink would not know either.
The routine baffles me and angers me.
In the meantime all the milk is probably keeping him alive!
Another problem with keeping on being the "good Mama"
Every night, (he never misses a night) every night for years and
years now, he stands by the bed and points a finger:"this is me, this is you" . He indicates where we sleep.
5 minutes later he will make me go to the bedroom again and there goes the routine : "this is me, this is you"
I promise that I am not lying but he does this every evening for at least
an hour with 5 minute intervals or less.
After awhile of this I am ready to push him on "his side"
I am having a very hard time with this repetition.
We have so many others, like asking about the car outside and asking about invisible visitors for ever and ever and I stay calm.
The bedroom routine just is near impossible.
I tell him: Yes, that is your side has been for 40 years.
Like he understand 40 years.
Like he knows this second that this is his side but when he turns around
that thought has already escaped and he is wondering where to sleep.
I know all that, why is my patience so damn short.
If I get excited then pretty soon he looks at me and tells me to get the hell out of the house and all calm is gone. Bad Mama.
Give me another Lexapro, please, can I mix it with brandy?
Guess not.
It has been a very hard winter so far.
We have seen enough snow and have not had too much help from
city hall in the clean up. Come to think of it, we had leaf removal just once, the rest just flew hither and yonder. There are still piles
sitting on some sidewalks. Cutting down labor, I am guessing, and rising the taxes anyway.
For me it is a hard pill to swallow as I pay two taxes, one for the county and one for the city. Not sure what the county does for me but I do know
the city charges plenty for water and garbage. You'd think that they would give us better service in the winter. If for nothing else but to avoid
accidents.
OK this is my beef for today.
Now on to something I can do something about.
I have had a few very good weeks as far as my feeling more "UP"
versus "down". Good job! I tell myself and then I blew it again
last night.
Brie asks"is dad behaving?" I answer:"yes, because Mom behaved"
Ha Ha....not a joke.
When I am calm he is , of course, calmer.
How do I keep calm 24/7 with so many "little" occurrences which drive me absolutely nuts.
Why do I care for these little events?
I do not have a clue.
For instance, when he is home, he constantly opens the refrigerator door. Looks inside for a long time and then shuts it, not 2 seconds go by when he opens it again and this time takes out the milk.
He is now drinking more than 4 gallons a week.
This ritual happens probably 10 a 20 times a night.
He finishes his glass like he never saw milk before and put it in the sink.
Goes to the fridge and starts all over again.
By bed time I have - no exaggeration- 10 or more glasses and cups of
various sizes piled up ready for the clean up.
I get FURIOUS absolutely FURIOUS.
I tell him so, he laughs, he now has that laugh like a devious person and there is nothing devious about him -but there is that laugh.
So he goes to the fridge and starts again.
I am trying to play Dr Phil (not that I care for that man) with my own conversations.
Why?Jeannot? Why? It is only milk and glasses.
I have no answers.
Is the same routine getting to me?
Perhaps but then he follows me all day from room to room and when I turn around I step on his toes, does that bother me? Not like the milk.!
Does running out of milk bother you?
Yes, very much so, but I do buy 4 gallons when I go to the store.
Sometimes I miss my usual shopping day as I depend on the girls
to come and get me. Perhaps that is it?
I don't know.
Do the dishes bother you?
Yes, and I can prevent that.
I could use gloves as my hands are covered with psoriasis and
it certainly burns in the hot soapy water. Once the hands are
hurting I am thinking "I should have used my gloves and then it is too late".
Is that the problem????
I don't know.
Doubt that a real shrink would not know either.
The routine baffles me and angers me.
In the meantime all the milk is probably keeping him alive!
Another problem with keeping on being the "good Mama"
Every night, (he never misses a night) every night for years and
years now, he stands by the bed and points a finger:"this is me, this is you" . He indicates where we sleep.
5 minutes later he will make me go to the bedroom again and there goes the routine : "this is me, this is you"
I promise that I am not lying but he does this every evening for at least
an hour with 5 minute intervals or less.
After awhile of this I am ready to push him on "his side"
I am having a very hard time with this repetition.
We have so many others, like asking about the car outside and asking about invisible visitors for ever and ever and I stay calm.
The bedroom routine just is near impossible.
I tell him: Yes, that is your side has been for 40 years.
Like he understand 40 years.
Like he knows this second that this is his side but when he turns around
that thought has already escaped and he is wondering where to sleep.
I know all that, why is my patience so damn short.
If I get excited then pretty soon he looks at me and tells me to get the hell out of the house and all calm is gone. Bad Mama.
Give me another Lexapro, please, can I mix it with brandy?
Guess not.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
the snow blues
I can't remember now when the yard did not have a ton or patches of snow.
This afternoon about 3 o clock we start all over again. Mix they tell us, a mix. They are not talking about a nice Marguerite mix, no, they are talking about either an ice storm or more snow. Take your pick, oh no, we can't pick it just comes.
I have tons to do and I just SIT, I am not depressed, I am just tired of this snow and cold weather. Not to even mention the gas bill.
The two girls are ill and son has a tooth infection and in terrible pain.
Old Bob did not know a thing this morning, he did not remember the bus nor the driver and wanted OUT.
I pushed him back in and said he was going to a place where they sing!
I hope it is the singing day, oh well, he wont remember that either so .....
He got up at 5 and maybe this is why I am just sitting here.
Bring on the flowers, bring on the spring.
enough is enough
This afternoon about 3 o clock we start all over again. Mix they tell us, a mix. They are not talking about a nice Marguerite mix, no, they are talking about either an ice storm or more snow. Take your pick, oh no, we can't pick it just comes.
I have tons to do and I just SIT, I am not depressed, I am just tired of this snow and cold weather. Not to even mention the gas bill.
The two girls are ill and son has a tooth infection and in terrible pain.
Old Bob did not know a thing this morning, he did not remember the bus nor the driver and wanted OUT.
I pushed him back in and said he was going to a place where they sing!
I hope it is the singing day, oh well, he wont remember that either so .....
He got up at 5 and maybe this is why I am just sitting here.
Bring on the flowers, bring on the spring.
enough is enough
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Prejudice
I am having a big surprise in one of my games. I love to play Farmtown it keeps my head at another place for a few minutes. It is a distraction.
One puts up a farm, houses, rivers, etc...the more you play the more points you get and can add to the decor of your farm.
To put up a flag you need special points, either you buy them or you work for them on the farm.
I am not about to buy anything for a free game so I wait till I have enough points by "working" the farm.
I put up a Belgian flag. Thought it neat to have that and then work for the American one. Thought perhaps I also would gather Belgian email friends.
Well, you can also hire other people to plow and harvest your farm.
I have made friends with many from different countries. That is a plus of the game.
After about 2 months I am following a pattern now.
When I "hire" people to work on the farm there is a new twist. Several have stopped (their avatar)right by the flag and have not continued to work.
At first I thought it an internet glitch but it has happened to often to be that.
So how dumb is that?
First of all I think perhaps "they" do not even know that it is a Belgian flag.
Will they only work on American farms? How ridiculous an attitude is that!
It is a game, guys.
It is a friggin game.
Get a life.
One puts up a farm, houses, rivers, etc...the more you play the more points you get and can add to the decor of your farm.
To put up a flag you need special points, either you buy them or you work for them on the farm.
I am not about to buy anything for a free game so I wait till I have enough points by "working" the farm.
I put up a Belgian flag. Thought it neat to have that and then work for the American one. Thought perhaps I also would gather Belgian email friends.
Well, you can also hire other people to plow and harvest your farm.
I have made friends with many from different countries. That is a plus of the game.
After about 2 months I am following a pattern now.
When I "hire" people to work on the farm there is a new twist. Several have stopped (their avatar)right by the flag and have not continued to work.
At first I thought it an internet glitch but it has happened to often to be that.
So how dumb is that?
First of all I think perhaps "they" do not even know that it is a Belgian flag.
Will they only work on American farms? How ridiculous an attitude is that!
It is a game, guys.
It is a friggin game.
Get a life.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Short month, Feb 2010
Small victory , yesterday with very little arguments his majesty shaved by himself.
Not only that he did a great job, remembered to go under the chin and under the nose (a bit).
I was very pleased.
Snow still stacked around us so the bus did not pick up people for day care!
I look at the snow and imagine that the tulips are pushing under the earth and hoping to come up soon.
Yeah, life is OK.
I have a luncheon date on Wednesday and I see on the weather map that
it should be sunny. After that it will be till next Tuesday before we see sun again.
Yup more MIX coming.
It is a winter to remember.
Bobby has a very bad infected tooth and I do not know how we will get some antibiotics. He just can't leave the house. It is frightening.
Sabrina is ill in bed for day 4 with a very bad cold. So the kiddies being sick is not very good in continuing to be up.
I try my best even with old grouchy being grouchy in his corner.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Snow , Snow, Snow
I just about had it with the white stuff, pretty as it might be.
Dogs have cabin fever, I have cabin fever, old dad can't go to day care, shortage of milk is beginning to show ( he drinks 4 gal. a week!!!!) ,in 2 days I run out of my meds, the gas company is smiling big time, the hermit crabs are wrapped in thick towels (read the tanks are), city has yet to come and even try to scrape a bit on our street.
What bugs me the most? No busses and no day care till?????
Got the picture?
Dogs have cabin fever, I have cabin fever, old dad can't go to day care, shortage of milk is beginning to show ( he drinks 4 gal. a week!!!!) ,in 2 days I run out of my meds, the gas company is smiling big time, the hermit crabs are wrapped in thick towels (read the tanks are), city has yet to come and even try to scrape a bit on our street.
What bugs me the most? No busses and no day care till?????
Got the picture?
Internet joy
During WW2 my grandma often visited and made a special type of dessert, she called it "kneukels". Little round flour balls cooked in water. I loved them, my mom sort of curled up her nose at them.
Many decades later when I asked Mom about a recipe she would say that she never made them. Asked my Belgian peers, and they never heard of it.
My grams had been for many years in a different part of Belgium so she had picked up some local cuisine. The people from Gent never heard of kneukels and I just could not let it go.
Playing a bit on computer I decided to ask.com about my search.
First that came up was the complete recipe for Kneukels, someone had posted it in 2006.
How much magic can we find on ask.com? I think it is just great, some 70 years ago I fell in love with kneukels and now I can try them again and see if I still like them. Probably not as much as grandma did not make them.
Many decades later when I asked Mom about a recipe she would say that she never made them. Asked my Belgian peers, and they never heard of it.
My grams had been for many years in a different part of Belgium so she had picked up some local cuisine. The people from Gent never heard of kneukels and I just could not let it go.
Playing a bit on computer I decided to ask.com about my search.
First that came up was the complete recipe for Kneukels, someone had posted it in 2006.
How much magic can we find on ask.com? I think it is just great, some 70 years ago I fell in love with kneukels and now I can try them again and see if I still like them. Probably not as much as grandma did not make them.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
About being judgmental.
The older I get the more I have to correct some of my thinking. I guess it is never too late.
I have been (at times) judgemental about things which I now find out may have been a wrong perception on my part.
Take the case of rest homes. I have walked in some and down the hall I would get a whiff of urine smell which would stop my appetite for a few days. I would think this a very bad sign for a neglecting place.
I had to change that call. Since husband has problems during the night (only that so far) I will wake up around 5 in the am and sniff. Then I really wake up and know that he had a major leakage problem -regardless of the strongest Depends-
can't wait till he wakes up and I strip the bed , turn on the fan, spray the Lysoll and go wash the beddings.
Soon the odor is gone but ...think of it...if you have room after room with people who have that problem 24/7. It must be quite a job to try and stay on top of it. Perhaps I should not be so upset with the caregivers in that place. Perhaps a closer look is needed.
For decades I loathed tattoos. I was told as a kid in Europe that it was for sailors and merchant marines. Fine. Let them have it , a girls name from every port or simply "Mother" when they even would forget her birthday.
Then I started to think this was for Hell's Angels on big bikes. Perhaps even a Wrestler or two. OK so I can deal with that. They are not in my immediate family so I do not have to look at them.
Then one Christmas eve my son showed me his tattoo. Surprise Mom! He and a buddy had done a video of the whole procedure. What fun Mom, it was for class work.
Sure it was!!!!!! I was very upset to say the least.
As time went on and I became a tad more tolerant , in my life came a creature who was almost covered with tattoos.
She had a lovely face , she was very bright with all sorts of diploma's , she did not ride a big bike nor did she wrestle.
She helped people who could not help themselves. She ran group homes with love and care. WOW.
In time I let go of all my thoughts about tattoos, one way or another. Got addicted to show L A Ink and wondered why they had so "scared" me. Had to drop that judgmental attitude !
I have been (at times) judgemental about things which I now find out may have been a wrong perception on my part.
Take the case of rest homes. I have walked in some and down the hall I would get a whiff of urine smell which would stop my appetite for a few days. I would think this a very bad sign for a neglecting place.
I had to change that call. Since husband has problems during the night (only that so far) I will wake up around 5 in the am and sniff. Then I really wake up and know that he had a major leakage problem -regardless of the strongest Depends-
can't wait till he wakes up and I strip the bed , turn on the fan, spray the Lysoll and go wash the beddings.
Soon the odor is gone but ...think of it...if you have room after room with people who have that problem 24/7. It must be quite a job to try and stay on top of it. Perhaps I should not be so upset with the caregivers in that place. Perhaps a closer look is needed.
For decades I loathed tattoos. I was told as a kid in Europe that it was for sailors and merchant marines. Fine. Let them have it , a girls name from every port or simply "Mother" when they even would forget her birthday.
Then I started to think this was for Hell's Angels on big bikes. Perhaps even a Wrestler or two. OK so I can deal with that. They are not in my immediate family so I do not have to look at them.
Then one Christmas eve my son showed me his tattoo. Surprise Mom! He and a buddy had done a video of the whole procedure. What fun Mom, it was for class work.
Sure it was!!!!!! I was very upset to say the least.
As time went on and I became a tad more tolerant , in my life came a creature who was almost covered with tattoos.
She had a lovely face , she was very bright with all sorts of diploma's , she did not ride a big bike nor did she wrestle.
She helped people who could not help themselves. She ran group homes with love and care. WOW.
In time I let go of all my thoughts about tattoos, one way or another. Got addicted to show L A Ink and wondered why they had so "scared" me. Had to drop that judgmental attitude !
Thursday, January 28, 2010
A shave, come to my barber shop
This is actually funny.
You guys know by now that I tell it like it is.
Scenario last night:
Husband needs a shave, this 5 o clock shadow business now so popular in Hollywood does not do a thing for him.
On Brad and George it is heavenly on my old Bob it is
"hobo like".
As soon as he sees the electric shaver he runs to the bedroom: No No No.
I say: Yes Yes Yes
the fist are forming and I stay at a safe distance but I KNOW that I have to do this.
I catch him without getting hit and push him onto the bed.
If we were youngsters you would now wait for the rest of the story but we are "late seniors" whatever that means. So cool it, this is not a porno site.
I push him down into the mattress and he screams that I am killing him, he does remember about killings (1 good point for the day) I push the face to the side and shave cheek to the right and then reverse it all. Can't touch the moustache nor chin but at least 2 shiny cheeks.
I just would like a video of this, it must look like some film noir a French director would plot.
AT last I got something done till the next time and a new technique.
He got up walked into the kitchen turned around and kissed me. He already forgot that I straddled him onto the bed for
a closer shave. Welcome to my world.
You guys know by now that I tell it like it is.
Scenario last night:
Husband needs a shave, this 5 o clock shadow business now so popular in Hollywood does not do a thing for him.
On Brad and George it is heavenly on my old Bob it is
"hobo like".
As soon as he sees the electric shaver he runs to the bedroom: No No No.
I say: Yes Yes Yes
the fist are forming and I stay at a safe distance but I KNOW that I have to do this.
I catch him without getting hit and push him onto the bed.
If we were youngsters you would now wait for the rest of the story but we are "late seniors" whatever that means. So cool it, this is not a porno site.
I push him down into the mattress and he screams that I am killing him, he does remember about killings (1 good point for the day) I push the face to the side and shave cheek to the right and then reverse it all. Can't touch the moustache nor chin but at least 2 shiny cheeks.
I just would like a video of this, it must look like some film noir a French director would plot.
AT last I got something done till the next time and a new technique.
He got up walked into the kitchen turned around and kissed me. He already forgot that I straddled him onto the bed for
a closer shave. Welcome to my world.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
January 21 2010
Rhonda is ....., she has a birthday today!!!!
I am to cook the usual Flemish dinner for her
I can hardly keep my eyes open, this is going to be fun.
We mayhave to run t Burger King.
Old Bob kept me up.
He also was home for 5 days.
He had a drippy nose, I think allergies.
He does not remember how to use a tissue.
This morning did not want to go to the bus and day care....
guess what ? I pushed him in the bus!!!!
Bye Bye have a good time at day care, sing along or sleep all day. Not my problm for these hours.
Back to cooking, I will post pictures of this "party?"
I am to cook the usual Flemish dinner for her
I can hardly keep my eyes open, this is going to be fun.
We mayhave to run t Burger King.
Old Bob kept me up.
He also was home for 5 days.
He had a drippy nose, I think allergies.
He does not remember how to use a tissue.
This morning did not want to go to the bus and day care....
guess what ? I pushed him in the bus!!!!
Bye Bye have a good time at day care, sing along or sleep all day. Not my problm for these hours.
Back to cooking, I will post pictures of this "party?"
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
History in photos
Facebook was having old photo week so that got me started.
First photo I am 19 and my haute couture seamstresses (2 aunts) made me a gown in baby blue taffeta and tulle.
I am a new bride of 6 months and we have a gala ball to go too.
jump to the 1980's and I am back in school.
Loved auctioneering BUT did not know that you needed god lungs to work 3 hours at a time. I could not hack it !!!
I could help out but not be the major auctioneer.
I was devastated.
2007 back at work this time as auditor in Steinmart
I make employee of the year . voted by my co-workers and I am in 7th heaven. This was my best job ever.
I had to retire Jan 1 2009 and take over the tasks at home.
Last photo, together with 74 other W N C writers I am published in a book "Clothe Lines" edited and put together by Celia Miles who has quite a few books under her belt.
Life is good I will be 78 in a few months and there is still life ticking inside the old grey haired roof!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Dear Diary,
Remember when life was simple and you wrote : Dear Diary, everyone hates me, my mother is mean to me....blah blah blah." or something in the genre of "he smiled at me, does it mean he loves me?"
How simple was it all, or was it?
I once wrote a note that I missed my father (he had left us) and I got an enormous slap in the face from my Mother.
She was not supposed to find my note. We were too poor to have a diary book to write in but if I found paper, I would write on it. No matter that the butcher just brought a cheap sausage in it. No matter the fat or blood I would write notes.
I did not know that I was venting my feelings.
So here we are 7 decades later and I am still venting.
Dear blog,
the last 3 days were not easy.
No respite with day care.
I am worn out.
Last night he did not want to sleep in our bed, he wanted the people out of the living room, he did not like what I fixed for food, he continuously gave milk and people food to the dogs and I threw away more precious fresh food - read I am a ww2 products cant stand to throw away- . The 701.00 bill from a bad stomach on my dog is still laying heavy on my stomach.
So when he started to yap about this and that I should have (hate the" should" word ) been quiet but I was tired from him following me, being cold (it is 12 F outside-heater is very old-only gives out so much) so I yapped back and since we are now both deaf, it does get on people's nerves.
No not the imaginary people in the living room but the nerves of my son were also on the edge and he yelled at me to STOP. I said :"I am venting" and he answered :"Go vent on the phone to my sisters, I do not want to hear it".
First reaction was that I now was also angry at son. Then I thought about it in the calm of the night and figured that he has a point too. He no longer sees the father he loved so much and the father has been telling him every day to GET OUT! My responding to ridiculous Alzheimer talk is just ludicrous and I know it .
So I sit down the next morning (now) and write in my diary.......dear diary..................
How simple was it all, or was it?
I once wrote a note that I missed my father (he had left us) and I got an enormous slap in the face from my Mother.
She was not supposed to find my note. We were too poor to have a diary book to write in but if I found paper, I would write on it. No matter that the butcher just brought a cheap sausage in it. No matter the fat or blood I would write notes.
I did not know that I was venting my feelings.
So here we are 7 decades later and I am still venting.
Dear blog,
the last 3 days were not easy.
No respite with day care.
I am worn out.
Last night he did not want to sleep in our bed, he wanted the people out of the living room, he did not like what I fixed for food, he continuously gave milk and people food to the dogs and I threw away more precious fresh food - read I am a ww2 products cant stand to throw away- . The 701.00 bill from a bad stomach on my dog is still laying heavy on my stomach.
So when he started to yap about this and that I should have (hate the" should" word ) been quiet but I was tired from him following me, being cold (it is 12 F outside-heater is very old-only gives out so much) so I yapped back and since we are now both deaf, it does get on people's nerves.
No not the imaginary people in the living room but the nerves of my son were also on the edge and he yelled at me to STOP. I said :"I am venting" and he answered :"Go vent on the phone to my sisters, I do not want to hear it".
First reaction was that I now was also angry at son. Then I thought about it in the calm of the night and figured that he has a point too. He no longer sees the father he loved so much and the father has been telling him every day to GET OUT! My responding to ridiculous Alzheimer talk is just ludicrous and I know it .
So I sit down the next morning (now) and write in my diary.......dear diary..................
Sunday, January 3, 2010
books and more books
It seems that every other month another book shows up on how to live with Alzheimer's patients.
Om WowOwow this week there is a new one.
If I remember well it is written by a Mrs Fox.
Her suggestions albeit brief in that site is something all of us caregivers can write after 2 years experience.
Nothing new that I saw here.
I was not impressed but then in all honesty I did not read the whole book.
So many of them is just repetition and more repetition.
OK how much can you write about it?
They say if you know a person with Alzheimer/dementia then you know just one person. Fact is that a lot act out differently and yet there are always some similarities in the different stages.
This lady writes to tell us that holding hands in the nursing homes means that somehow the ill one will know and will be happy to have that experience.
Well, what about having them under foot 24/7 , feeding, changing diapers, washing when possible. Would that help too?
Holding hands, we often do in bed, he often reaches for my hand and we fall asleep that way. When in fact and truth be told I am still angry for what he did an hour ago. I try and gt over it and hold his hand because he wants it.
I think that it is important to read what you can about the legalities when the disease is diagnosed, get your papers in order, check out if there will be a possibility down the road for a rest home, get your financial house in order.
There are some books out there showing you step by step and that is extremely important.
When to give up driving is probably the hardest nut to crack.
Everyone is going to hold on to the driving, no matter how you slice it, you will have a battle on your hands.
From past experience I would say to get rid of the car if you can. I did not do that and it costs us a lot of grief even after 7 or so years. Gave the car to my son and my husband still checks the doors every day.
Understand that from this moment on:"Nothing will ever be the same for you and the afflicted".
I was told that by a man with experience and I hated it when he told me.
These words still ring in my ears and no greater truth was ever said to me.
Some people prefer to say that it is dementia not Alzheimer like that is a better price to win. Folks , you are just trying too hard , last we saw a specialist it was too expensive to do the final test and Medicare did not cover it but the good doctor told me that in any case they really do not know until they can do an autopsy. By then you do not care what it was, you have enough scares from caregiving.
Check out your books at the library and buy the one that helped you so you can go back to it time and time again or just take it all one day at the time....or one hour at the time...in 16 hours my husband will be on the bus to daycare...that I am doing one hour at the time.
Om WowOwow this week there is a new one.
If I remember well it is written by a Mrs Fox.
Her suggestions albeit brief in that site is something all of us caregivers can write after 2 years experience.
Nothing new that I saw here.
I was not impressed but then in all honesty I did not read the whole book.
So many of them is just repetition and more repetition.
OK how much can you write about it?
They say if you know a person with Alzheimer/dementia then you know just one person. Fact is that a lot act out differently and yet there are always some similarities in the different stages.
This lady writes to tell us that holding hands in the nursing homes means that somehow the ill one will know and will be happy to have that experience.
Well, what about having them under foot 24/7 , feeding, changing diapers, washing when possible. Would that help too?
Holding hands, we often do in bed, he often reaches for my hand and we fall asleep that way. When in fact and truth be told I am still angry for what he did an hour ago. I try and gt over it and hold his hand because he wants it.
I think that it is important to read what you can about the legalities when the disease is diagnosed, get your papers in order, check out if there will be a possibility down the road for a rest home, get your financial house in order.
There are some books out there showing you step by step and that is extremely important.
When to give up driving is probably the hardest nut to crack.
Everyone is going to hold on to the driving, no matter how you slice it, you will have a battle on your hands.
From past experience I would say to get rid of the car if you can. I did not do that and it costs us a lot of grief even after 7 or so years. Gave the car to my son and my husband still checks the doors every day.
Understand that from this moment on:"Nothing will ever be the same for you and the afflicted".
I was told that by a man with experience and I hated it when he told me.
These words still ring in my ears and no greater truth was ever said to me.
Some people prefer to say that it is dementia not Alzheimer like that is a better price to win. Folks , you are just trying too hard , last we saw a specialist it was too expensive to do the final test and Medicare did not cover it but the good doctor told me that in any case they really do not know until they can do an autopsy. By then you do not care what it was, you have enough scares from caregiving.
Check out your books at the library and buy the one that helped you so you can go back to it time and time again or just take it all one day at the time....or one hour at the time...in 16 hours my husband will be on the bus to daycare...that I am doing one hour at the time.
Now what?
Used to be the white sale came into wanting our dollars in January. Then the accountants are suddenly awake and telling us what to do with receipts , checks and balances because the tax man is a coming!
Now there are sales all the time, Turbo Tax will start their ads and people who are able to gt a refund will scramble to get it asap and help the ailing minusses from Christmas spending.
The heating bills are not creeping up but jumping higher and higher as this is already a bad winter for most of the country.
I always had this notion that when Chistmas was over with then spring was not very far. I fooled myself for years with that fantasy. This morning it was 12 F when Bijou wanted out , I did not have a thought about spring. I just watched where I was walking amidst the ice spots still here from a 2 week old storm. Falling is not on my schedule. At our age it can mean BIG trouble. I surely do not need more trouble in the health department.
Lung man said that I have a smidgeon of asthma.
I do not believe him at all.....no sir...not I.
BUT walking in the cold wind I found it very hard to breathe
and started to wonder.
I am not going to give in to that doctor.
Tomorrow there is relief, day care open again.
I will be delighted when I put Bob on the bus.
Delighted, I may make a dance.
He has been a pest, to say it gently and I am waiting to go into the bedroom to see if I have to strip it all down this morning. I am hoping for a NO.
The constant milk drinking and always a fresh glass gets on my nerves. I can't believe that he is that thirsty all the time. It looks like boredom to me, something to do.
The fact that the dishes tripple when he is home can't be changed. I try and try to tell him that he can use the same glass , that he just finished drinking 2 minutes ago but nothing is entering the brain and he repeats the whole scenario, fresh glass fresh milk. In 15 minutes he will repeat it. He used to love water, no more.
I should try and list some of my treasures on eBay, have not worked eBay in months and months. I too have over spent for the holidays but most of all Bijou getting ill and the old furnace in need of big help was my downfall.
OK so I shall go and look in the bedroom to see what is waiting for me.
Good day to every one.
Now there are sales all the time, Turbo Tax will start their ads and people who are able to gt a refund will scramble to get it asap and help the ailing minusses from Christmas spending.
The heating bills are not creeping up but jumping higher and higher as this is already a bad winter for most of the country.
I always had this notion that when Chistmas was over with then spring was not very far. I fooled myself for years with that fantasy. This morning it was 12 F when Bijou wanted out , I did not have a thought about spring. I just watched where I was walking amidst the ice spots still here from a 2 week old storm. Falling is not on my schedule. At our age it can mean BIG trouble. I surely do not need more trouble in the health department.
Lung man said that I have a smidgeon of asthma.
I do not believe him at all.....no sir...not I.
BUT walking in the cold wind I found it very hard to breathe
and started to wonder.
I am not going to give in to that doctor.
Tomorrow there is relief, day care open again.
I will be delighted when I put Bob on the bus.
Delighted, I may make a dance.
He has been a pest, to say it gently and I am waiting to go into the bedroom to see if I have to strip it all down this morning. I am hoping for a NO.
The constant milk drinking and always a fresh glass gets on my nerves. I can't believe that he is that thirsty all the time. It looks like boredom to me, something to do.
The fact that the dishes tripple when he is home can't be changed. I try and try to tell him that he can use the same glass , that he just finished drinking 2 minutes ago but nothing is entering the brain and he repeats the whole scenario, fresh glass fresh milk. In 15 minutes he will repeat it. He used to love water, no more.
I should try and list some of my treasures on eBay, have not worked eBay in months and months. I too have over spent for the holidays but most of all Bijou getting ill and the old furnace in need of big help was my downfall.
OK so I shall go and look in the bedroom to see what is waiting for me.
Good day to every one.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year
2010
what will it bring?
looked up last year
it was my last day at work.
That is to say outside the house work.
I am thinking that I work enough in this house.
I have become part Chinese with the large amounts of laundry -read: bed changes-daily-
I eat out one meal a week when we go grocery shopping, Mina , or Rhonda and I.
All the other meals prepared at home and I have become
an expert at both "mushy food" - no teeth Bob- and
whatever pleases picky eater son. I am starting to cook for me. Hard to do, I am always cooking for an army.
Across the street a party is in full swing.
New Year day party. Young folks, baby on the way.
I look at all the cars parked and I have to smile, inside and outside.
I am happy with my memories of "been there , done that, wear the T shirt".
Happy now to have a T shirt that tells me it is OK to be whatever I want to be and do whatever I want to do.
Of course also taking in consideration that I am a care giver.
There are some curves in the road and sometimes mountains to climb but I am very lucky as I am in good health.
All things considered.
Lost a lot of hair this year, a lot, thyroid meds and problems with it are no help. Wig shop? I may need it.
Back on WW and managed 15 lbs less so far.
I can walk up the hill without panting, that is a plus.
Have a nice roof over my head and the heater is helping me by continuing to work so....who can complain?
Most of all I have 3 kids who are near and dear, not many people can say that. Not many for sure.
We all love each other too. My help from them is enormous.
I am thinking that 2010 may be just fine.
Happy day to all!!!!
what will it bring?
looked up last year
it was my last day at work.
That is to say outside the house work.
I am thinking that I work enough in this house.
I have become part Chinese with the large amounts of laundry -read: bed changes-daily-
I eat out one meal a week when we go grocery shopping, Mina , or Rhonda and I.
All the other meals prepared at home and I have become
an expert at both "mushy food" - no teeth Bob- and
whatever pleases picky eater son. I am starting to cook for me. Hard to do, I am always cooking for an army.
Across the street a party is in full swing.
New Year day party. Young folks, baby on the way.
I look at all the cars parked and I have to smile, inside and outside.
I am happy with my memories of "been there , done that, wear the T shirt".
Happy now to have a T shirt that tells me it is OK to be whatever I want to be and do whatever I want to do.
Of course also taking in consideration that I am a care giver.
There are some curves in the road and sometimes mountains to climb but I am very lucky as I am in good health.
All things considered.
Lost a lot of hair this year, a lot, thyroid meds and problems with it are no help. Wig shop? I may need it.
Back on WW and managed 15 lbs less so far.
I can walk up the hill without panting, that is a plus.
Have a nice roof over my head and the heater is helping me by continuing to work so....who can complain?
Most of all I have 3 kids who are near and dear, not many people can say that. Not many for sure.
We all love each other too. My help from them is enormous.
I am thinking that 2010 may be just fine.
Happy day to all!!!!
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