working working working some results:

busy busy busy

my little commercial corner will open Feb 11.
I am sorting, beading, pricing, washing and ironing vintage linens.
Busy busy busy

Meanwhile I do read my fave British blog:http://to-the-manner-born.blogspot.com/

and watch the Master Piece theatre on Sundays

and extremely happy about the oscar nominations of the King's Speech
as I rarely go to movies anymore and saw that one!!!!

Happy it is raining today and no snow.
My gas bill gave me heartburn over 400 bucks for Dec/Jan
Be still my heart.

Rhonda is 53

How could that be?
OK so I needed convincing.
Instead of counting on the fingers I did the math on my machine.
The machine and fingers are lying.
How could she be 53???(tomorrow Jan 21)
I feel like I am barely 55.

What do numbers mean anyway?????????
Surely I did not get any thrills when it turned 1/1/11
what is up with that?

I do not think that 2012 is the end of it all...........but I am wondering why the birds are dropping dead in flocks not only here but Italy and Germany too????
Are they the canaries entering the mines and telling us something?

Well, for now I am happy to just take it one day at a time, if I wake up in the morning that is a good sign that I am still here, no matter what age I am.
Happy Birthday Girl

leave me alone..............

I want to tell the truth almost all the time.
hate even little white lies.
But now I know I am in trouble when I want to tell my friends, my family, to just leave me the hell alone.
Do not talk to me ...I want the Garbo act...I want to be alone.....

Of course it would be rude and it would be a lie.

I am just lonely and yes, depressed.
All that damn snow does not help.

Then I read in Times that they have new theories about mourning.
Since the Arizona shooting , Time magazine decided to upgrade us on
what grieving is.

All the writings of K. Ross from the 1960's had been followed for decades.
5 stages of grief etc...now in bold letters I read they are all a myth.
Research has been done in the last decades in several countries and
Universities. "They" decided that most people are over their grief within 6 months. Seeking counseling does not necessarily help and talking about your loss
is not needed.
Women are not the ones who have most trouble grieving as we thought.
Working people get over it faster and on and on..............

So I read all this stuff and decided I have till March to clean up my act,
not sleep the days away, clean my floors more often, take more showers,
and walk when the snow melts.

We missed Kahleb

all the snow in Asheville and here stopped us from seeing Kahleb a second time.
I can imagine him going to Sweden and telling his friends that he could not go shopping because of the snow.
Bet they do not believe him.

New Yorker reading can be a shock

Yup, I am reading in the New Yorker, latests do dads and there is the article on Belgtium.
Well written, well researched , talked to the right people kind of journalist but the news is shocking to this old Belgian.
We complain about immigration here, most Mexicans come to work, do work we no longer do. The mix of immigrants in Belgium is another story.
Not only do we have two parts fighting within the Belgians, the Walloons and the Flemish people but then you add into this mix, unruly Marocons, Algerians, Russians, the list goes on and on.
No borders, freedom, at what costs?
There are neighborhoods in Brussels which are riddled with crime. Belgians afraid to go into them. If you want a good school then send your kids to the Flemish school, most immigrants pick the French schools, easy for them to learn. That system is going to hell too. Teachers afraid of some of their students.
Government folding time after time.
No one interviewed has an answer.
They say Belgium's future is a question mark. Other countries are watching what will happen to little B. France is hard in their administration and rulings but they see what is happening next door.
None of what I read smells, looks, feels, like the place I grew up in.

In my friend neighborhood someone had been watching closely when people were going to work and returning. A big truck came packed everything from the house with several "movers" and was gone within 1/2 hour. That truck can make it out of Belgium and parts of Germany by night fall. Who will follow them? Who will even bother? It is a routine situation.

In my day we had to have our passports just to go dancing in Holland 7 km from my house. Waiting at the customs till they cleared us. We were annoyed but it was the rule.

snow snow snow

Started Sunday night and we are Tuesday morning, we still get some off and on, freezing temperature no thaw in sight.'
Roads dangerous.
So far ok with power.
This is the deep freeze for a week I would say
even Atlanta and Charlotte got into the act.
No planes etc....
STORM now on the way to the North.
Expensive winter this will be.

Blah day

Still sad that perhaps I will not see Kahleb again during his US visit.
I'd like at least to see him a full day.
4 Inches of snow in Asheville and we have a dusting.
Rhonda can't get out of her driveway.
I am gloomy and do not even know why.
Will try to clean it may cheer me up.
Bedroom needs it.

Jan 6 2011

The euphoria of the new year wears off very quickly.
One finds that even with the big promises of the new year there is this that does come back from the last year.
Problems are not solved because the clock struck twelve on Dec 31st , I may have felt that way but they are still here.
Can I do something about it? NO
so then why worry???
That is what son says, if you cant fix it then do not worry about it.

Grandson came to visit but son could not handle the emotions.
He could only handle it for 5 hours.
He is hurt, embarrassed (his word) and yet he could not be with
Kahleb thru the night.
I had heard them laughing in the living room and my heart was
singing.
We do not laugh often in this house. We are very quiet, very silent
most of the time.
The young laughter was great.
I had hoped for more.
It is not to be.
Not for now, perhaps next week???

January 2 2011

So far this has been a great year.
One very good day behind me, 364 to come.

The highlight was washing my muddy kitchen floor,.
did little else. Play on computer, farming...silly game and Lexulous, got smashed with playing against Nancy.

The biggest pleasure was the traditional game OUTDOOR in pouring rain and melting ice by Washington against the Penguins. Crosby being my favorite Penguin , they lost.
It was a very brutal game, weather atrocious for them. Loved it all.

New Year Day

1/1/11 and 1 PM

so far this has been a very good year!!!!
keep it coming.

Good NHL game tonight

must check out PBS Strauss concert

ate too much

will not diet in 2011 resolution.

no other resolutions except to try and stay alive.

End of 2010

In a few hours it will be 2011.

Remember to write that on my checks!!!

Brie sent me my "horror-scope" I am supposed to make much money starting May1.
I can handle that.

Of course I would love nothing better that a great year for all of us.

Peace in all regions.

Young B. to become healthy.

Continue life with Bijou, my best buddy.

Happy New Year to all my pals who have been listening to my ramblings.

How many more sleeps till it is 2011?

I keep telling myself that 2011 is going to be grand.
OK. Keep doing that , Jeannot.
So I am getting into the spirit of better days ahead.
Better than what I was a week ago.
Christmas celebration were to complicated for us and I started it all.
Scrooge was to blame.
So we are passed it.
Let 2011 ring with clear bells and promising adventures to come.
and No I did not have a drink besides coffee this morning.

This cat has more than nine commercial lives so I am hoping to'
start with a small space and sell "stuff" in Brevard.
The necklaces were a hit in California and the Hospice was
delighted with their check.
New models are getting on the way.....
Valentine Day is not far away so I am gathering hearts.......

Boxing day 2010

So glad and relieved all the hoopla is over with.
No wondering who will be pleased.
Who will talk and who will not talk.
Drama's left and right.
So exhausted from it all.
All because I wanted a quiet Christmas.

So on to the new.
I am looking forward to a new year.
I can't be anything but better than last year.
It has to be so much better.

So lets look ahead with anticipation that I can work
in the garden in 2011 and that I can walk without pain.
That I can make my jewelry and people do like it.
That I can outfox the IRS who now wants all sellers on eBay
to file if you sell more than 200 items in one year.
Gosh I can sell 200 postcards in one month (for instance)
How many people sell items for 99 cents? A lot of them.
More paperwork for the IRS and more $$$$from us , for what???
a war here and there?

OK OK just got a lecture from son.
He is right, we must start paying somewhere.
When I had a shop and sold on eBay I listed everything and
did pay taxes on the income I got from eBay sales.
HOWEVER...if I will sell again on eBay it is solely my personal
belongings.
Son said it is the law that we pay on anything we sell.
I don't understand that very well....
oh well..not the only think in life I do not understand.....

PS Kahleb can't get into Charlotte airport until Tuesday
too much snow everywhere.

Sabra has 1 day delay too much snow in Paris
Poor kid she so deserves a nice trip with her daughter.

Christmas day 2010

I started out by getting another email from a dying friend.
What do you write to someone who has numbered days and is in pain.
You can't use the usual cliche and say "get better".
He can't get better.
You can tell him to try and stay without pain and get the help
he needs from Hospice.
I can't tell him that he will go here or there, he does not have
a spirituality sense nor a religion.
He has lived a full life.
Perhaps too full to keep organs working.
Who knows.
So I wrote something lame and said that I hoped he would see Bob.

Better days we can remember when we sat on his veranda in Maui
he had a store mannequin on his deck and she had faded.
He asked Bob to repaint her face and nipples.
Between a few brandy glasses Bob had the courage to sit on his knees
and paint nipples. It was a sight.
It would be fun if these two met again who knows what he would be
asked to paint next.

Inside the Maui house is a fabulous collection of paintings by Bob.
We traded with my friend , traded a large ball of Gouda cheese,
some other foods when they had been to Holland and we lived in Spain.
At last we traded a bunch of paintings for a VW bus with illegal Belgian
license plates. We were young and crazy.

We brought the bus back to the USA and it cost us a bundle to have it changed to our specs but we made hundreds of trips still with that worn out VW.

I hope you can rest in peace very soon, Hawaian bon vivant.

what I wrote end 2008

lessons coping with Alzheimer

Monday, December 29, 2008
Retirement day with excitement
I don’t know how to make an entrance but I sure know how to exit.
Yesterday, Dec 28th, last day at work.
I am retiring....again.
I was mixed with emotions , love the job, no energy, need to care for
the man at home.

Went down the hall to get my paperwork and my throat decided to
close. I mean “closed” for further operations.
I turned around in panic saw my manager and motioned that
I was chocking. Not chocking on food, mind you, just no air, period,no air.
Mgr tried the heimlich but no results, a client started to bang on my back, no results.
I thought I could feel my head burn and figured I was beat red and
someone said : She is turning blue. Get the medics.
I had the presence of mind to think that here I was in the middle of
the store and I was going to die on my retirement day.
No fair, I thought, but I was not even alarmed at that.

Then a very slight peep came out from the throat and I started in
earnest to try and cough and cough. I knew that if I could cough then
some air was coming in and I would be fine.
In a flash I remembered having this about 8 years ago and
the medics came with oxigen and took me to the hospital.
Same feeling.
This time the medics did not come that fast and I was able to do
some breathing and very slowly could talk again.
I have no idea who was all there but a small group had gathered
around me and a chair had been put under me.
I felt I would faint but I never did.
When the help came ,I explained to them what had happened and
was told that one of their own had this. It is a spasm in the throat
and shuts out all the air.
I refused the hospital trip as I know that is a good $500 I did not
have.
Daughter was on the way to get me and was rather non-chalant
when every one in the store was agitated. Her reply was:
she is OK now and I did not see her blue!

I had not finished my work. The deposits were not done.
I felt horrible but mgr told me to just relax and go home.
That is not my style. I should leave on my last day with
work undone?
I went to lunch came back and finished what I had started.

They knew at work that I had been dependable for 3 1/2 years I was not going to change it now. But it sure worked up a lot
of applause. I just know how to make an exit.

what I wrote end of 2009:

enf of 2009
Going to check what I wrote a year ago but I do not think that I was figuring on having my worst year yet.
In a way I truly had a lot of help via the VA. Bob is in day care. That should have sufficed to send me singing like a bird and have time to myself.

Somehow, somewhere, I became more and more tired and had less compassion (afraid to say) less patience, less money,
ans was faced with the downhill of the AD disease.
Bob became more violent, a big surprise to me, this was a very gentle man. More distance between him and the family.
I became "she" or the woman and Bobby became more and more hated.

The scenes of anger, frustration became more frequent on all sides. I think he is just as tired of this new mind which does not remember what happened 2 seconds ago.
Imagine for one second if my old and dearest friend would suddenly see a film with him in a rage. How would he feel? He would be devastated. He would be so sorry that he handled us that way, but he does not know.

The cliche , of course, is always "it is not him, it is the disease". Hard for me to put this all together at times.
I also can't understand the word "closure" Guess I need a shrink.

The thyroid is not helping, that plays a big part with being tired and sometimes just exhausted.

I am hoping for a better understanding of it all in 2010.
We are going in the 13th year. I should be used to it by
now/. We never get used to it- is the answer.