A dear friend brought me a jar of coconut oil for the psoriasis, she showed me how it helped her.
Now I am going to bed every night smelling like a macaroon.
I have to fight off Bijou who thinks this is delicious and loves to lick me up and down.
It helps with the scaling, the idea being to keep it moist.
July is usually good because I perspire s much and that helps too.
The scalp is covered so every night I put oil on it and I can't keep washing it either so...since I ham home all the time...I look like a slick Tango dancer ...the scalp is better the hairdo is from hell.
What we will do to keep from scratching....
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
the L2
If you are ever at odds with your L 2 you will know it.
Trust me it will take about 14 weeks (if you are pushing 80)
to get over the pain and the swallowing of Vicodin, Tylenol, beer, wine, not all of them at once. However at times this did not sound like a bad idea.
The L2 is not the transit car to a lovely destination, in my case it is a Lumbar vertebrae (L1–L5). Now I can't even remember what I did to it, break it? smash it? can it be fixed? None of this is logged into my mind.
All I knew was the pain and not being able to do very much at all.
The hips felt like they had taken in some 100 new lbs on each side.
Dr.Bones said I could not bend should sit up very straight at all times.
Gave me tons of Vicodin, I could have gone on the street corner and made
a fortune with them...if I could walk.
How did I upset this little vertebrae? I rested in my recliner to recover from having a kidney removed (cancer all gone) ,the surgery went well but what I forgot
was that on many occasions I have vertigo. SO...I got up from my seat and decided to do a pirouette maneuver and fall on my tush....that is all it took...remember next March I will be 80.....I am not the breaking a lot of bones kind...oops..I did break my ankle last March but that was because of the snow....
I am now walking on eggs....I do not yet have the OK from Dr Bones to do anything but I am feeling like a new person, no pain, hid the Vicodin, and started to weed in the yard. (Read spray with poison like Roundup).
The L2 I am assuming is happy again, restored? I do not know.
Trust me it will take about 14 weeks (if you are pushing 80)
to get over the pain and the swallowing of Vicodin, Tylenol, beer, wine, not all of them at once. However at times this did not sound like a bad idea.
The L2 is not the transit car to a lovely destination, in my case it is a Lumbar vertebrae (L1–L5). Now I can't even remember what I did to it, break it? smash it? can it be fixed? None of this is logged into my mind.
All I knew was the pain and not being able to do very much at all.
The hips felt like they had taken in some 100 new lbs on each side.
Dr.Bones said I could not bend should sit up very straight at all times.
Gave me tons of Vicodin, I could have gone on the street corner and made
a fortune with them...if I could walk.
How did I upset this little vertebrae? I rested in my recliner to recover from having a kidney removed (cancer all gone) ,the surgery went well but what I forgot
was that on many occasions I have vertigo. SO...I got up from my seat and decided to do a pirouette maneuver and fall on my tush....that is all it took...remember next March I will be 80.....I am not the breaking a lot of bones kind...oops..I did break my ankle last March but that was because of the snow....
I am now walking on eggs....I do not yet have the OK from Dr Bones to do anything but I am feeling like a new person, no pain, hid the Vicodin, and started to weed in the yard. (Read spray with poison like Roundup).
The L2 I am assuming is happy again, restored? I do not know.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
SAVANNAH TRIP JULY 4 2011
Sabrina and I went to Savannah to pickup Zack.
He had been taking lessons at SCAD, an private art school with a great reputation.
I felt very good and the ride (about 5hours) did not bother me. That was the best news for me.
I had booked a hotel in the center close to the dorms of the school.
Expedia had given us a great rate considering that it was the 4th of July week end
and the town was filled with tourists, not counting on all the parents who showed up to find their artsy kids.
More girls than boys we found out.
One floor of boy dorms and 3 floors of girl dorms.
Students had come from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Columbia, Sweden and all over the USA.
Zack's room mate was from Colorado , on his own and had flown in.
Zack was happy to see us and go out to shops and dinner out.
He did not want to go home, he had a great time there and felt he had learned a lot.
We had an exhibit to go to as soon as we had arrived , I was very anxious to see
what form of art there was to be seen.
7 busses filled to the brim with parents and students rushed to the ancient building near the white Bridge. The school had renovated an old warehouse and it is a fabulous building, lamps were made in the classroom using old materials and
a lot of the decorations were all school projects.
I was at home, again surrounded by art. All sorts of expressions, pencil drawings, paintings, collages, fashion designs, photography, jewelry originals, the scope was enormous. After walking row to row I managed to find a chair and plunk down and rest my tired feet. I started to take it all in and enjoy the youth energy around me. Girls in short, short dresses, girls in hippy type do's, memories from the 1970's. 4 inch heels I noticed going by and just when I wondered how they could walk on this, one girl twisted her foot with a big "ouch" yell.
The atmosphere was electric and I did enjoy the charge after the long ride.
I rarely see so many young people anymore and I surely enjoyed the mix.
I loved Zack's work, of course, I am his grandma, not sure of his cartoon but it was on display.No prizes were given, all were considered equal art expressions, I liked that. They will have enough critics if they continue in this line for a living.
After the show we managed to get dinner at a Mexican restaurant who served enough for for 10 of us. We had promised ourselves crab legs by the pound at the River for tomorrows outing.
Zack joined us the next day and we spent most of the day on the beach on Tybee Island (spelling?). I knew I could not sit on the sand and get up without a lot of assistance so I was smart and got me a regular beach chair. No way I could get in the water, as soon as I looked at the waves the vertigo set in and I was ready to flop on my derriere again. Brie and Zack had a lot of fun in the water and I
just sat and took it all in, mostly I enjoyed the sun and the breeze.
Yes, there was a breeze otherwise I would not have been able to handle the 98 degrees out there.
In the evening we went to the River walk. We found our restaurant and I devoured 1 lb of crab legs tried not to dip too much in the butter and enjoyed a light beer too. I was in heaven! Lots of noise, lots of people, there is a world out there after all.
Savannah has one very good point to make, it gives you free busses every 20 minutes into the center and then the river. Fabulous as parking is always filled up.
At the beach we had to pay 20 bucks to park on a private lawn. We were lucky to find that.
Zack reminded his mother and I that the bus was going to be there in 5 minutes so we had to leave the dress shop and start walking, did I say walking? We saw the bus and we started to run, old Meme here with her back problem forgot not to do this
madness and just sprinted with the other two. Made it into the bus and a pain cracked up and down my spine. Oh, Shit! I said silently, afraid to tell Sabrina but by the time we were at our hotel the pain was gone. Go figure!
Dr. Bones would not be pleased with me but I am feeling fine.
On the way home we made a slight detour of about 60 miles to find the red roof Tanger stores, we ended up in Hilton Head. We came for Zack shoes, did not find them, but I found 2 skorts and Brie a lovely bathing suit which she had not found
at the beach. As we walked in the stores a person at the door would yell out
50% off today for the whole store. This scene was repeated and repeated and we did welcome that!!!
We came home to be greeted by 3 excited dogs!!!!!Bijou did not let me sleep that night, he kept creeping up to my face and licking me. In the middle of the night I took him out figuring that he needed to pee, not so, came back into bed and he started licking again....mama is home .....that is what he was saying and he
wanted to show me how much he had missed me.
Did Savannah win me over this time? No! I was glad to go to be out of the house and to zee Zack but Charleston is my place.
He had been taking lessons at SCAD, an private art school with a great reputation.
I felt very good and the ride (about 5hours) did not bother me. That was the best news for me.
I had booked a hotel in the center close to the dorms of the school.
Expedia had given us a great rate considering that it was the 4th of July week end
and the town was filled with tourists, not counting on all the parents who showed up to find their artsy kids.
More girls than boys we found out.
One floor of boy dorms and 3 floors of girl dorms.
Students had come from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Columbia, Sweden and all over the USA.
Zack's room mate was from Colorado , on his own and had flown in.
Zack was happy to see us and go out to shops and dinner out.
He did not want to go home, he had a great time there and felt he had learned a lot.
We had an exhibit to go to as soon as we had arrived , I was very anxious to see
what form of art there was to be seen.
7 busses filled to the brim with parents and students rushed to the ancient building near the white Bridge. The school had renovated an old warehouse and it is a fabulous building, lamps were made in the classroom using old materials and
a lot of the decorations were all school projects.
I was at home, again surrounded by art. All sorts of expressions, pencil drawings, paintings, collages, fashion designs, photography, jewelry originals, the scope was enormous. After walking row to row I managed to find a chair and plunk down and rest my tired feet. I started to take it all in and enjoy the youth energy around me. Girls in short, short dresses, girls in hippy type do's, memories from the 1970's. 4 inch heels I noticed going by and just when I wondered how they could walk on this, one girl twisted her foot with a big "ouch" yell.
The atmosphere was electric and I did enjoy the charge after the long ride.
I rarely see so many young people anymore and I surely enjoyed the mix.
I loved Zack's work, of course, I am his grandma, not sure of his cartoon but it was on display.No prizes were given, all were considered equal art expressions, I liked that. They will have enough critics if they continue in this line for a living.
After the show we managed to get dinner at a Mexican restaurant who served enough for for 10 of us. We had promised ourselves crab legs by the pound at the River for tomorrows outing.
Zack joined us the next day and we spent most of the day on the beach on Tybee Island (spelling?). I knew I could not sit on the sand and get up without a lot of assistance so I was smart and got me a regular beach chair. No way I could get in the water, as soon as I looked at the waves the vertigo set in and I was ready to flop on my derriere again. Brie and Zack had a lot of fun in the water and I
just sat and took it all in, mostly I enjoyed the sun and the breeze.
Yes, there was a breeze otherwise I would not have been able to handle the 98 degrees out there.
In the evening we went to the River walk. We found our restaurant and I devoured 1 lb of crab legs tried not to dip too much in the butter and enjoyed a light beer too. I was in heaven! Lots of noise, lots of people, there is a world out there after all.
Savannah has one very good point to make, it gives you free busses every 20 minutes into the center and then the river. Fabulous as parking is always filled up.
At the beach we had to pay 20 bucks to park on a private lawn. We were lucky to find that.
Zack reminded his mother and I that the bus was going to be there in 5 minutes so we had to leave the dress shop and start walking, did I say walking? We saw the bus and we started to run, old Meme here with her back problem forgot not to do this
madness and just sprinted with the other two. Made it into the bus and a pain cracked up and down my spine. Oh, Shit! I said silently, afraid to tell Sabrina but by the time we were at our hotel the pain was gone. Go figure!
Dr. Bones would not be pleased with me but I am feeling fine.
On the way home we made a slight detour of about 60 miles to find the red roof Tanger stores, we ended up in Hilton Head. We came for Zack shoes, did not find them, but I found 2 skorts and Brie a lovely bathing suit which she had not found
at the beach. As we walked in the stores a person at the door would yell out
50% off today for the whole store. This scene was repeated and repeated and we did welcome that!!!
We came home to be greeted by 3 excited dogs!!!!!Bijou did not let me sleep that night, he kept creeping up to my face and licking me. In the middle of the night I took him out figuring that he needed to pee, not so, came back into bed and he started licking again....mama is home .....that is what he was saying and he
wanted to show me how much he had missed me.
Did Savannah win me over this time? No! I was glad to go to be out of the house and to zee Zack but Charleston is my place.
The bed
"Our bed" has become "My bed".
That at first was the worst place to go back to.
Shared this for decades with my best friend and lover.
Now the queen size bed loomed enormously huge in my bedroom.
George Burns said that when Gracie died his only comfort was to sleep in her bed.
They had a lot of twin beds in those days.
So the bed was put into a corner against the wall as only one exit is needed now.
I bought some voile netting for the four poster and draped it over it and added
some of my great color shawls. Looks like an invitation for a small harem.
Bob would not have liked that design change, not at all, so now it is mine and I love it.
I make a point of sleeping right in the middle and my Maltese best friend, Bijou, sleeps tightly against my body. When I sleep I am thinking Bob is there until I wake up to reality.
It's a nice bed, every night even when he was ill we fell asleep hand in hand, somewhere in out tussles the hands fell apart while we went into dream land. I am sure I always had a smile on my face.
We did not promise to never go to sleep angry, if we were angry we just went to sleep back to back, no hand holding. Basta. We both hated these moments , fortunately they were few.
I do not have arguments with Bijou but if I pass gas he is out of there and goes to sleep at my feet!
I love my bed again.
That at first was the worst place to go back to.
Shared this for decades with my best friend and lover.
Now the queen size bed loomed enormously huge in my bedroom.
George Burns said that when Gracie died his only comfort was to sleep in her bed.
They had a lot of twin beds in those days.
So the bed was put into a corner against the wall as only one exit is needed now.
I bought some voile netting for the four poster and draped it over it and added
some of my great color shawls. Looks like an invitation for a small harem.
Bob would not have liked that design change, not at all, so now it is mine and I love it.
I make a point of sleeping right in the middle and my Maltese best friend, Bijou, sleeps tightly against my body. When I sleep I am thinking Bob is there until I wake up to reality.
It's a nice bed, every night even when he was ill we fell asleep hand in hand, somewhere in out tussles the hands fell apart while we went into dream land. I am sure I always had a smile on my face.
We did not promise to never go to sleep angry, if we were angry we just went to sleep back to back, no hand holding. Basta. We both hated these moments , fortunately they were few.
I do not have arguments with Bijou but if I pass gas he is out of there and goes to sleep at my feet!
I love my bed again.
I collect.............
Among other things I LOVE purses, hate shoes, (my feet always hurt since childhood unless I buy a boat size with wiggle room).
Purses! In the 1980's the eel skin purses were the rage , I had them in different colors, there is a problem with them ...they last and last and last....so donated them to the charities after I was tired of them.
I am BACK , I like them again and found a great dealer on eBay with second hand bags and no shipping charges...love that site.
If lucky I can get an eelskin bag for under 20.00 , now I have a vibrant green one coming that I won and I can't wait to see it.
You did not think I had vices? Think again.
Purses! In the 1980's the eel skin purses were the rage , I had them in different colors, there is a problem with them ...they last and last and last....so donated them to the charities after I was tired of them.
I am BACK , I like them again and found a great dealer on eBay with second hand bags and no shipping charges...love that site.
If lucky I can get an eelskin bag for under 20.00 , now I have a vibrant green one coming that I won and I can't wait to see it.
You did not think I had vices? Think again.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Savannah Ga
We, Sabrina and I will pick up Zack at the art school on this 4th of July week end.
Traffic will be something out of nightmares but wr are returning on Sunday.
I am now on week 11 with the back issue but feel so much better.
Therefore I have been feeling caged in and the lioness wants OUT!
How Bobby survives in this house for years is scary to think about.
I can't be locked up for 11 weeks (even then I did go grocery shopping)
Savannah is not my fave.
Brie and I did shows there and we had a few bad experiences there as vendors and
people trying to steal our Father Christmas dolls.
We had cop escorts out of the building.
A jeweler had her stock stolen at her motel, van empty!
That does not only happen in Savannah, people who steal find venues were
money and goods are and follow either the money or the
Traffic will be something out of nightmares but wr are returning on Sunday.
I am now on week 11 with the back issue but feel so much better.
Therefore I have been feeling caged in and the lioness wants OUT!
How Bobby survives in this house for years is scary to think about.
I can't be locked up for 11 weeks (even then I did go grocery shopping)
Savannah is not my fave.
Brie and I did shows there and we had a few bad experiences there as vendors and
people trying to steal our Father Christmas dolls.
We had cop escorts out of the building.
A jeweler had her stock stolen at her motel, van empty!
That does not only happen in Savannah, people who steal find venues were
money and goods are and follow either the money or the
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
4th of July
Looking forward to the week end.
Sabrina and I will go to Savannah and pick up Zack from summer art school.
Think he is doing fine, he won some sort of contest first night there.
I love that kid, I helped raise him in out shop and studio when he was a baby.
Shop was downstairs our doll making studio was over the shop so he could be with us as Bob and I were working.
Had a play pen there and a place to sleep but mostly he slept on my lap what can I say.
Now he towers over me like a big football player but he loves art a lot more
his grandfather would be pleased.
We will stop at the beach and have some extra sunshine too.
Yea Yea yeah
Sabrina and I will go to Savannah and pick up Zack from summer art school.
Think he is doing fine, he won some sort of contest first night there.
I love that kid, I helped raise him in out shop and studio when he was a baby.
Shop was downstairs our doll making studio was over the shop so he could be with us as Bob and I were working.
Had a play pen there and a place to sleep but mostly he slept on my lap what can I say.
Now he towers over me like a big football player but he loves art a lot more
his grandfather would be pleased.
We will stop at the beach and have some extra sunshine too.
Yea Yea yeah
Monday, June 27, 2011
comprehension
I am noticing that my comprehension or quick knowledge of what I am looking at is out the window. That is frightening, it reminds me..........
For instance our power was cut for an hour or so and I was over anxious to get it going so I could do some work.
No lights went on (because we were asleep when the power went off) but the timer on the stove was lit. Son showed it to me without saying a thing and I wondered why
he kept showing me the timer telling me it was 7:13. What did it mean?
He was no help until exhausted he said: "Mom electricity!!!"
I felt so stupid and realized that often on regular daily stuff my comprehension is slowed down.
OK so I make up another thing to worry about.
For instance our power was cut for an hour or so and I was over anxious to get it going so I could do some work.
No lights went on (because we were asleep when the power went off) but the timer on the stove was lit. Son showed it to me without saying a thing and I wondered why
he kept showing me the timer telling me it was 7:13. What did it mean?
He was no help until exhausted he said: "Mom electricity!!!"
I felt so stupid and realized that often on regular daily stuff my comprehension is slowed down.
OK so I make up another thing to worry about.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
About birthing experiences
The other day had a great lunch with writer friends and my best friends here in Hville. I think they had an idea that I was and am still angry about a lot of things not the least retraining my mind to the positive. That part had been lost during the caregiving of Bob. All three of us, Bobby, Sabrina and I feel a lingering of feelings unknown to us before we became caregivers.
Somehow the conversation turned to our time in Spain and becoming pregnant while living there. My friends said to write it all down...so here I go:
Moved to Southern Spain in early 1970. My new husband had said that he would never live in America under Nixon but that in truth, was not the reason we left with 2 girls ages 10 and 12 , 4 suitcases and a terrific spirit of newly weds and adventure. We had other problems with drugs creeping in our valley and politics not to our liking.
We lived in a very small fishing village. Had purchased a very small apartment with a view on the Mediterranean when we stretched our necks out the balcony.
It was a small paradise. Tourists were few as the hotels we few then too.
Now, Nerja, is filled with every inch, huge piso's and full of tourists.
The fishing village swallowed up in the shade of concrete towers. I went back and could not find my way!!!!!
While there I found out that I could buy as much Valium over the counter as I wanted but THE Pill was a big NO NO. OK so start with the Catholic system in exchange. I remember reading "Love Story" and I became sort of sick. I had no energy, cried, laughed, was on a roller coaster. I did not get better and decided to see the only doctor in the village. He took care of the babies, your grandma's gall bladder, your boyfriend disease he got from sleeping with the foreign girls, and then there was I. I had Rhonda with me who was already well versed in the language. Doctor nodded and nodded. What was his problem? I knew I had leukemia
I just knew it. Then he asked me when was my last period.
I was puzzled, I said I was late but it was not unusual, I had cysts and was not regular at all. He told Rhonda he would do a test and see if the rabbit would die.
I laughed out loud, I said I am FOURTY!!!!I am not going to have a baby. Drs in America knew better they said I had a tipped whatever.....
Next day back to the dr. he talked too fast, I did not get it and Rhonda jumps up and down. I am still thinking leukemia. Then she tells me: I am going to have a brother. That is what the doctor said. WHAT???I am too old!!!!
Fast forward to September 1972, we now live in a fantastic gorgeous villa as caretakers for American Friends of ours. 4 bedrooms ,4 baths, huge terrace with view on the sea, on a clear day we can see Africa. A gardener and a maid comes with it. I fire the maid as I was cleaning before she came and was uncomfortable with the care but she continued to show up and was paid by the friends so I ignored most of it.
We were surrounded by the best older people, she was British down to her finger nails and tea habits, he was French down to all his sex jokes. We adored them and vice versa.
They loved the girls and the fact that a new baby was on the way.
Helen would come on the hour to check how I was doing. My mother came from Belgium to help when baby would be here.
I went to see the doctor and I had problems with high blood pressure. He suggested I'd see a gynecologist in Malaga and gave me his name.
The dr. to my surprise spoke English so at least I had a conversation on my own on this growing belly. He told me that he was going to London for a week when the baby was due. I panicked, not to worry he said I have plenty of midwives to help.
Seeing that I was a bit in shock he told me that he really wanted to induce labor as I was ready to pop.
Next day I come with my entourage of Helen, Alfredo, my mom and husband and we start the procedure of enduced labor.For some reason we started this in the doctors office so I felt good that he was near.
My on lookers sitting around in the large room together with a silent midwife. Everyone looked at me for the whole damn day, you could tell that they wanted this over with and go home but I wanted it a lot more.
Baby would not budge after 9 hours trying.
Exhausted we all pile up in Alfredo's car and go home.
Sept 4, labor day at home, gruesome murders in the Olympic village but we
ex-patriots as we are called know nothing of this.
My water breaks and I stand in the living room while my dog Julie just stares,
the girls, mother all join her and do the same. No one is moving.
I tell Rhonda to go to Helen and say it is time......it is finally time....
Now I have to explain that proud, boisterous Alfredo had to have the biggest automobile while driving in his hometown of Paris. it was a sleek, long, long Oldsmobile. He could not go in some of the small villages as he could not turn the darn thing around. He was very proud of that sign of prosperity.
So, in the car we go , the old couple Bob and I with child making funny moves in my body.
The road then to Malaga followed the sea, it was all winding, no straight spots, 2 lane, very small ones and it was not unusual to see a rusty car 100 feet below the edge into the sand. No guards on the sides either. Spain was poor and had suffered a lot during their war.
I did not feel the need for emergency and knew I still had lots of time but Helen decided that it was time for calm and some sort of British dignity while pushing the envelope. She took her white hanky and waved it out of the window to alert the drivers around us. Some would signal us it was ok to go around the bend.
Helen's voice was starting to crackle a bit as she would yell "Ayuda" or "Au Secour".
We figured that the ever present Guardia Civil would find us somewhere, I can't remember how long it took I am thinking about one hour to get to the big city.
Somewhere near Malaga a motor escort showed up and we followed them all the way to the private clinic.
It would have made a great Italian movie scene.
Did I know I was going to be in a private clinic?
No one had said that but it was where el doctor would bring babies into the world.
You were supposed to bring clothing for the baby and be prepared with bottles ....and have a maid or at least a tia (Aunt) with you.
Say what?
Rested in a large room next to me my husband with his "Science and Health" book by Mary Baker Eddy. Bob was a Christian Scientist. He kept telling me that I was going to be just fine. I believed him. I was beyond excited that after taking such care of my girls, adopting them and loving them, Bob would have his own child too.
Having said that in all our wedded years (42) he never made a difference between the 3 kids, Never!
In the other corner sat a silent midwife, she was rather hefty with gorgeous long black hair tied and running down her back. She was very interested in her knitting, perhaps she was counting stitches and had just fergotten about me.
I startled her with my "Senora! Mira" and I pointed to some spot between the legs.
She jumped up and actually ran to the bed looked under the covers and said one word:
"La cabeza" and ran away swinging the door behind her.
A stretcher was there in seconds and off I went to the delivery room.
I had to leave my glasses behind and could not see within more than a few feet in front of me.
Whoever was going to help me to go to sleep (he never did) was poking at my teeth and I growled, then he figured that I did not have false teeth he let go and I said " These are mine"!!!!
I noticed black stuff crawling in the light above so I asked someone what was that crawling, I was reassured with the words : "Nada"
Having heard that and the giggles I insisted a bit more and they confessed that cockroaches were inside the neon covers but could not get to me.....
welcome to the hospital!
The doctor was dressed in all white and mask and said very little, but son was ready and they did not even have to tell me to push he was on the way in no time.
The proud doctor said in glorious voice "Hijo!" a son, Spanish men love hijos, macho ones, of course!!!!!
I was just in seventh heaven!!!
They brought me to my room which looked more like a parlor from the Victorian days.
Huge furniture with lots of tassels, it was a standard then , tassels under every couch and chair and lots of gold designs.
This room has huge windows, and long heavy wine colored drapes.
I was put in a regular bed and I asked Bob who was just standing there like a stone Bishop on the square, I said: Where is my son????Where is my baby???
He looked puzzled and said "In the chair!!!!"
I said: Give me my glasses quick!
Indeed a bundle was put down on the seat of a stuffed chair. No crib in sight.
A person showed up and I asked where the crib was and she asked me where my maid was. Say what? Or a Tia? she asked. No, no one.
It was expected that one would bring "help".
There was a storage area I was told for cribs etc....
The "baby" was naked in a blanket. I was asked where his clothing was?????
I had delivered 2 girls in the USA and this was not something I had expected.
So Bob ran to downtown to Woolworth ( had just opened) and got some baby clothing for his son.
Later on we just could not get little Bobby to latch on for breast feeding and
I was told to get bottles very quickly, again father ran downtown to get bottles and whatever else we needed.
They would not give me medication to dry up so Dolly Parton sat up in bed in terrible pain. Finally they came with a sheet and bound the sheet tight around me so the milk could not come in.
Meanwhile my mother had come to visit and wanted me to home asap as this was barbaric the way these people are treating my daughter.
Mother thought that Spain belonged to Africa and that Europe ended at the
Pyrenees. She did come to visit often and did not mind it so much in the end.
Once home it was a guessing game on what to feed the kid.
No formula was established at the "hospital", they said it was a powder and the maid knows it.
The "maid" was now my mother who did not understand anything besides "si" and "discuenta" (discount).
So we just winged it.
We did not give this kid shots till it was LAW before he went to kindergarten.
He was healthy and full of beans , he was constantly following the gardener and
Paco adored him. His beginning words were "dirty squa" .He would mix up the two languages.
We plain forgot to announce him to the city hall, doctors do not do that either,
so months later we got him in the embassy and got him his American papers.
Yes, if your parents are US Citizen and you give birth in a foreign country you are still an American citizen. How cool is that?
Somehow the conversation turned to our time in Spain and becoming pregnant while living there. My friends said to write it all down...so here I go:
Moved to Southern Spain in early 1970. My new husband had said that he would never live in America under Nixon but that in truth, was not the reason we left with 2 girls ages 10 and 12 , 4 suitcases and a terrific spirit of newly weds and adventure. We had other problems with drugs creeping in our valley and politics not to our liking.
We lived in a very small fishing village. Had purchased a very small apartment with a view on the Mediterranean when we stretched our necks out the balcony.
It was a small paradise. Tourists were few as the hotels we few then too.
Now, Nerja, is filled with every inch, huge piso's and full of tourists.
The fishing village swallowed up in the shade of concrete towers. I went back and could not find my way!!!!!
While there I found out that I could buy as much Valium over the counter as I wanted but THE Pill was a big NO NO. OK so start with the Catholic system in exchange. I remember reading "Love Story" and I became sort of sick. I had no energy, cried, laughed, was on a roller coaster. I did not get better and decided to see the only doctor in the village. He took care of the babies, your grandma's gall bladder, your boyfriend disease he got from sleeping with the foreign girls, and then there was I. I had Rhonda with me who was already well versed in the language. Doctor nodded and nodded. What was his problem? I knew I had leukemia
I just knew it. Then he asked me when was my last period.
I was puzzled, I said I was late but it was not unusual, I had cysts and was not regular at all. He told Rhonda he would do a test and see if the rabbit would die.
I laughed out loud, I said I am FOURTY!!!!I am not going to have a baby. Drs in America knew better they said I had a tipped whatever.....
Next day back to the dr. he talked too fast, I did not get it and Rhonda jumps up and down. I am still thinking leukemia. Then she tells me: I am going to have a brother. That is what the doctor said. WHAT???I am too old!!!!
Fast forward to September 1972, we now live in a fantastic gorgeous villa as caretakers for American Friends of ours. 4 bedrooms ,4 baths, huge terrace with view on the sea, on a clear day we can see Africa. A gardener and a maid comes with it. I fire the maid as I was cleaning before she came and was uncomfortable with the care but she continued to show up and was paid by the friends so I ignored most of it.
We were surrounded by the best older people, she was British down to her finger nails and tea habits, he was French down to all his sex jokes. We adored them and vice versa.
They loved the girls and the fact that a new baby was on the way.
Helen would come on the hour to check how I was doing. My mother came from Belgium to help when baby would be here.
I went to see the doctor and I had problems with high blood pressure. He suggested I'd see a gynecologist in Malaga and gave me his name.
The dr. to my surprise spoke English so at least I had a conversation on my own on this growing belly. He told me that he was going to London for a week when the baby was due. I panicked, not to worry he said I have plenty of midwives to help.
Seeing that I was a bit in shock he told me that he really wanted to induce labor as I was ready to pop.
Next day I come with my entourage of Helen, Alfredo, my mom and husband and we start the procedure of enduced labor.For some reason we started this in the doctors office so I felt good that he was near.
My on lookers sitting around in the large room together with a silent midwife. Everyone looked at me for the whole damn day, you could tell that they wanted this over with and go home but I wanted it a lot more.
Baby would not budge after 9 hours trying.
Exhausted we all pile up in Alfredo's car and go home.
Sept 4, labor day at home, gruesome murders in the Olympic village but we
ex-patriots as we are called know nothing of this.
My water breaks and I stand in the living room while my dog Julie just stares,
the girls, mother all join her and do the same. No one is moving.
I tell Rhonda to go to Helen and say it is time......it is finally time....
Now I have to explain that proud, boisterous Alfredo had to have the biggest automobile while driving in his hometown of Paris. it was a sleek, long, long Oldsmobile. He could not go in some of the small villages as he could not turn the darn thing around. He was very proud of that sign of prosperity.
So, in the car we go , the old couple Bob and I with child making funny moves in my body.
The road then to Malaga followed the sea, it was all winding, no straight spots, 2 lane, very small ones and it was not unusual to see a rusty car 100 feet below the edge into the sand. No guards on the sides either. Spain was poor and had suffered a lot during their war.
I did not feel the need for emergency and knew I still had lots of time but Helen decided that it was time for calm and some sort of British dignity while pushing the envelope. She took her white hanky and waved it out of the window to alert the drivers around us. Some would signal us it was ok to go around the bend.
Helen's voice was starting to crackle a bit as she would yell "Ayuda" or "Au Secour".
We figured that the ever present Guardia Civil would find us somewhere, I can't remember how long it took I am thinking about one hour to get to the big city.
Somewhere near Malaga a motor escort showed up and we followed them all the way to the private clinic.
It would have made a great Italian movie scene.
Did I know I was going to be in a private clinic?
No one had said that but it was where el doctor would bring babies into the world.
You were supposed to bring clothing for the baby and be prepared with bottles ....and have a maid or at least a tia (Aunt) with you.
Say what?
Rested in a large room next to me my husband with his "Science and Health" book by Mary Baker Eddy. Bob was a Christian Scientist. He kept telling me that I was going to be just fine. I believed him. I was beyond excited that after taking such care of my girls, adopting them and loving them, Bob would have his own child too.
Having said that in all our wedded years (42) he never made a difference between the 3 kids, Never!
In the other corner sat a silent midwife, she was rather hefty with gorgeous long black hair tied and running down her back. She was very interested in her knitting, perhaps she was counting stitches and had just fergotten about me.
I startled her with my "Senora! Mira" and I pointed to some spot between the legs.
She jumped up and actually ran to the bed looked under the covers and said one word:
"La cabeza" and ran away swinging the door behind her.
A stretcher was there in seconds and off I went to the delivery room.
I had to leave my glasses behind and could not see within more than a few feet in front of me.
Whoever was going to help me to go to sleep (he never did) was poking at my teeth and I growled, then he figured that I did not have false teeth he let go and I said " These are mine"!!!!
I noticed black stuff crawling in the light above so I asked someone what was that crawling, I was reassured with the words : "Nada"
Having heard that and the giggles I insisted a bit more and they confessed that cockroaches were inside the neon covers but could not get to me.....
welcome to the hospital!
The doctor was dressed in all white and mask and said very little, but son was ready and they did not even have to tell me to push he was on the way in no time.
The proud doctor said in glorious voice "Hijo!" a son, Spanish men love hijos, macho ones, of course!!!!!
I was just in seventh heaven!!!
They brought me to my room which looked more like a parlor from the Victorian days.
Huge furniture with lots of tassels, it was a standard then , tassels under every couch and chair and lots of gold designs.
This room has huge windows, and long heavy wine colored drapes.
I was put in a regular bed and I asked Bob who was just standing there like a stone Bishop on the square, I said: Where is my son????Where is my baby???
He looked puzzled and said "In the chair!!!!"
I said: Give me my glasses quick!
Indeed a bundle was put down on the seat of a stuffed chair. No crib in sight.
A person showed up and I asked where the crib was and she asked me where my maid was. Say what? Or a Tia? she asked. No, no one.
It was expected that one would bring "help".
There was a storage area I was told for cribs etc....
The "baby" was naked in a blanket. I was asked where his clothing was?????
I had delivered 2 girls in the USA and this was not something I had expected.
So Bob ran to downtown to Woolworth ( had just opened) and got some baby clothing for his son.
Later on we just could not get little Bobby to latch on for breast feeding and
I was told to get bottles very quickly, again father ran downtown to get bottles and whatever else we needed.
They would not give me medication to dry up so Dolly Parton sat up in bed in terrible pain. Finally they came with a sheet and bound the sheet tight around me so the milk could not come in.
Meanwhile my mother had come to visit and wanted me to home asap as this was barbaric the way these people are treating my daughter.
Mother thought that Spain belonged to Africa and that Europe ended at the
Pyrenees. She did come to visit often and did not mind it so much in the end.
Once home it was a guessing game on what to feed the kid.
No formula was established at the "hospital", they said it was a powder and the maid knows it.
The "maid" was now my mother who did not understand anything besides "si" and "discuenta" (discount).
So we just winged it.
We did not give this kid shots till it was LAW before he went to kindergarten.
He was healthy and full of beans , he was constantly following the gardener and
Paco adored him. His beginning words were "dirty squa" .He would mix up the two languages.
We plain forgot to announce him to the city hall, doctors do not do that either,
so months later we got him in the embassy and got him his American papers.
Yes, if your parents are US Citizen and you give birth in a foreign country you are still an American citizen. How cool is that?
I THINK I CAN...I THINK I CAN....
And this big Belgian/American engine thinks she made it up the hill once again.
I feel like the back is just about back to normal.
Now and then a little warning not to do this or that and I watch it!!!!
Next month we visit dr Bones (Check out his wardrobe) and he will say that I am healed.
Amazing to me is that they take out a kidney full of cancer, sew me back up and
that was not such a big deal.
Falling on my tush and messing with Mr. L vertebrae and it is a mess for weeks.
I can't even remember how to spell it.
I even walked 2 dogs at the same time this morning, that takes some muscles.
OK, they are little dogs....I doubt I would walk 2 Rottweilers....
Have a great Sunday....next week I will be in Savannah not my favorite town
but I will be out of the house!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like the back is just about back to normal.
Now and then a little warning not to do this or that and I watch it!!!!
Next month we visit dr Bones (Check out his wardrobe) and he will say that I am healed.
Amazing to me is that they take out a kidney full of cancer, sew me back up and
that was not such a big deal.
Falling on my tush and messing with Mr. L vertebrae and it is a mess for weeks.
I can't even remember how to spell it.
I even walked 2 dogs at the same time this morning, that takes some muscles.
OK, they are little dogs....I doubt I would walk 2 Rottweilers....
Have a great Sunday....next week I will be in Savannah not my favorite town
but I will be out of the house!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
quote for the day:
"Excuse my dust."
— Dorothy Parker
I do not even seem to care anymore either.
That is the bad part.
— Dorothy Parker
I do not even seem to care anymore either.
That is the bad part.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
June 8th - his birthday
Soon it will be the first birthday without him and without cakes
and well wishers.
Last year we went to the home and brought the large cake.
He was very confused about it, ate a little bit of it.
Did not want to sit in the special room and was uncomfortable
until we walked back into his hall way and the familiar nurses.
He would be 85 this year.
I miss him so much.
I dream about him almost every night and I tell people:
He has Alzheimer he does not know you.
Sometimes he drives and I say to him that he is not
allowed to do that, he ignores me, of course.
The years of caring have taken a toll on me mentally
as well as physically. I am a very changed person.
How so?
Sometimes I am bitter, it is not my nature to be so.
Sometimes I feel that life is cheating us.
Sometimes I wonder why I thought our golden years were going to be so
good.
I did not prepare for Alzheimer, who does?
He over came prostate cancer and he was very healthy.
I was the one who came down with bronchitis and bad throats.
He sat , read his Bible and Mary Baker Eddy so I figures as a
devout Christian Scientist he would overcome anything.
He spoiled me too much with his kindness and being a gentlemen.
Also Gentle.
He was such a nice human being.
I was so lucky so I should shut up already!
Looking back on the last 3 years I just do not know or comprehend
from where I did get the stamina to do the housework and watching him
day in and day out. The laundry was always in piles being behind.
Sheets had to be changed every day and often the covers too.
Food had to be smashed like for a baby.
He had to be dressed and he did not want to bathe.
A biggie.
How did I sleep at night when I was searching with my arm to see he was still in bed. I did that for months but stopped doing it a few weeks ago.
I am thinking that Bijou is him when I wake up < a few minutes later I
remember everything. Not Bob, it is Bijou.
Where did my courage come from then and why am I lacking it now?
I use the word "courage" in a French sense.
Mother always said : "Courage" meiske" she'd mix the French and Flemish like
we always do (that generation). I hear her whisper it and I am thinking
what the ....do I need courage for?
What is there to do?
Whatis there to look forward to?
Never mind, I ran out of my Lexapro for 5 days now.....so next week I will
be more alert.....need my drugs I think.
and well wishers.
Last year we went to the home and brought the large cake.
He was very confused about it, ate a little bit of it.
Did not want to sit in the special room and was uncomfortable
until we walked back into his hall way and the familiar nurses.
He would be 85 this year.
I miss him so much.
I dream about him almost every night and I tell people:
He has Alzheimer he does not know you.
Sometimes he drives and I say to him that he is not
allowed to do that, he ignores me, of course.
The years of caring have taken a toll on me mentally
as well as physically. I am a very changed person.
How so?
Sometimes I am bitter, it is not my nature to be so.
Sometimes I feel that life is cheating us.
Sometimes I wonder why I thought our golden years were going to be so
good.
I did not prepare for Alzheimer, who does?
He over came prostate cancer and he was very healthy.
I was the one who came down with bronchitis and bad throats.
He sat , read his Bible and Mary Baker Eddy so I figures as a
devout Christian Scientist he would overcome anything.
He spoiled me too much with his kindness and being a gentlemen.
Also Gentle.
He was such a nice human being.
I was so lucky so I should shut up already!
Looking back on the last 3 years I just do not know or comprehend
from where I did get the stamina to do the housework and watching him
day in and day out. The laundry was always in piles being behind.
Sheets had to be changed every day and often the covers too.
Food had to be smashed like for a baby.
He had to be dressed and he did not want to bathe.
A biggie.
How did I sleep at night when I was searching with my arm to see he was still in bed. I did that for months but stopped doing it a few weeks ago.
I am thinking that Bijou is him when I wake up < a few minutes later I
remember everything. Not Bob, it is Bijou.
Where did my courage come from then and why am I lacking it now?
I use the word "courage" in a French sense.
Mother always said : "Courage" meiske" she'd mix the French and Flemish like
we always do (that generation). I hear her whisper it and I am thinking
what the ....do I need courage for?
What is there to do?
Whatis there to look forward to?
Never mind, I ran out of my Lexapro for 5 days now.....so next week I will
be more alert.....need my drugs I think.
JUNE and allergies
I usually do not suffer that much but son does.
Having said that I woke up with a swollen face
my eyes sort of looked surrounded by puffiness but then
the wrinkles were gone, yet it was not a pretty sight.
Oh well, Claritin here I come.
Son also has poison oak as he helped in the yard and I
forgot to kill the darn stuff before they worked on it.
The june bugs are everywhere it is a pleasure to go out
at night and see the little lights flicker all over the place.
Bijou thinks he should catch them!
Two more days before dr Brooks I am anxious.
I have been very lazy.
Need to start on jewelry
Having said that I woke up with a swollen face
my eyes sort of looked surrounded by puffiness but then
the wrinkles were gone, yet it was not a pretty sight.
Oh well, Claritin here I come.
Son also has poison oak as he helped in the yard and I
forgot to kill the darn stuff before they worked on it.
The june bugs are everywhere it is a pleasure to go out
at night and see the little lights flicker all over the place.
Bijou thinks he should catch them!
Two more days before dr Brooks I am anxious.
I have been very lazy.
Need to start on jewelry
Thursday, June 2, 2011
JUNE
It is June? Where did April and May Go?
Oh! That is right, I was in the Vicodin sleepwalking state of mind.
Visit to Dr. Bones on Tuesday. Xray will tell what is happening.
This is more pain than I bargained for.
The surgery was not so bad but falling on the derriere is not so good when
you have my bones, I guess.
Tired of the whining and tired of not being able to do much.
I did cheat and did vacuuming and Sabrina will have my hide if she
finds out.
Planning on getting back to the jewelry next week.
The yard is starting to look decent thanks to Sabrina and Stone Crazy Gardens crew.
I have ordered more hostas as I will have a whole plot with different types of hostas under the trees.
Sat to have lunch on the porch and noticed about a dozen different birds coming to the feeders while the squirrels stay on the grass to get the crumbs as we do have squirrel proof Yankee feeders. If they try and stand on them they go flying,
they do not get hurt they just fly to the next tree and probably have hearts pounding. We buy premium food not that small yellow junk so they have to learn to share.
Bobby saw a chip munk too, I did not see these here before.
The "pond" has been cleaned and 3 happy little fish dart about so I hope that Mr. Heron stays away.
I am doing well as I am a survivor (that is what people say) but then...aren't we all survivors?
My sainted mother-in-law told my dear Bob: If you do not like this or that then you will have to get a gun and shoot yourself!"
So that is what we don't do , we just take it another day at a time.
My Mom said if in May 1940 she would have been told what the next 5 years would be she would have swallowed all her pills. Instead she did it , she survived one day at a time. Some were very hard and some we pretended all was fine and sang songs in the shelter. I learned to play cards at age 8 from grown men from the electrical plant. I became very good at it and I started to wish for the siren to go off and
run into the bunker built by the plant.
This past year, March to March was a horrible time for me, especially when Bob left for good this time. He had been leaving for so damn long. Now when I think of the cleaning , washing, feeding, cooking I did while watching him like a hawk for all these years I just wonder how I did it. Where did I get the energy? A survivor?No, you do what you have to. All the caregivers do what they have to do and take it
sometimes one minute at a time.
Son who has agoraphobia for many years now said that he would not have believed it if someone would have told him he would be here for 3 1/2 years in our house
and not been able to go 100 yards from here, in that same time he lost his wife and had to deal with his loss too. I often wonder how he is doing it. I would call him a survivor first class. BUT he is doing it most of the time just one hour at a time battling panic attacks and anxiety.
I am thinking that the next year has got to be fabulous.
My only handi cap is the hearing loss. That is the only bug in my daily life. I have had 4 different hearing aids but they are just aids. I can't go on a tour even local ones, I could not hear the guides. I'd be afraid to miss the buss, and if you can't hear a guide what is the use of going.
In the olden days I would pay the way of the girls and we would be off to somewhere, Belgium, Destin or wherever but I am no longer in that financial boat.
Since childhood I always wanted to go somewhere...anywhere.
A suitcase is a happy time for me , I should have a big smiling face on my luggage.
Well, I have been many places and I am happy with memories, that is terrific and also a bit of a lie.
Good night.
Oh! That is right, I was in the Vicodin sleepwalking state of mind.
Visit to Dr. Bones on Tuesday. Xray will tell what is happening.
This is more pain than I bargained for.
The surgery was not so bad but falling on the derriere is not so good when
you have my bones, I guess.
Tired of the whining and tired of not being able to do much.
I did cheat and did vacuuming and Sabrina will have my hide if she
finds out.
Planning on getting back to the jewelry next week.
The yard is starting to look decent thanks to Sabrina and Stone Crazy Gardens crew.
I have ordered more hostas as I will have a whole plot with different types of hostas under the trees.
Sat to have lunch on the porch and noticed about a dozen different birds coming to the feeders while the squirrels stay on the grass to get the crumbs as we do have squirrel proof Yankee feeders. If they try and stand on them they go flying,
they do not get hurt they just fly to the next tree and probably have hearts pounding. We buy premium food not that small yellow junk so they have to learn to share.
Bobby saw a chip munk too, I did not see these here before.
The "pond" has been cleaned and 3 happy little fish dart about so I hope that Mr. Heron stays away.
I am doing well as I am a survivor (that is what people say) but then...aren't we all survivors?
My sainted mother-in-law told my dear Bob: If you do not like this or that then you will have to get a gun and shoot yourself!"
So that is what we don't do , we just take it another day at a time.
My Mom said if in May 1940 she would have been told what the next 5 years would be she would have swallowed all her pills. Instead she did it , she survived one day at a time. Some were very hard and some we pretended all was fine and sang songs in the shelter. I learned to play cards at age 8 from grown men from the electrical plant. I became very good at it and I started to wish for the siren to go off and
run into the bunker built by the plant.
This past year, March to March was a horrible time for me, especially when Bob left for good this time. He had been leaving for so damn long. Now when I think of the cleaning , washing, feeding, cooking I did while watching him like a hawk for all these years I just wonder how I did it. Where did I get the energy? A survivor?No, you do what you have to. All the caregivers do what they have to do and take it
sometimes one minute at a time.
Son who has agoraphobia for many years now said that he would not have believed it if someone would have told him he would be here for 3 1/2 years in our house
and not been able to go 100 yards from here, in that same time he lost his wife and had to deal with his loss too. I often wonder how he is doing it. I would call him a survivor first class. BUT he is doing it most of the time just one hour at a time battling panic attacks and anxiety.
I am thinking that the next year has got to be fabulous.
My only handi cap is the hearing loss. That is the only bug in my daily life. I have had 4 different hearing aids but they are just aids. I can't go on a tour even local ones, I could not hear the guides. I'd be afraid to miss the buss, and if you can't hear a guide what is the use of going.
In the olden days I would pay the way of the girls and we would be off to somewhere, Belgium, Destin or wherever but I am no longer in that financial boat.
Since childhood I always wanted to go somewhere...anywhere.
A suitcase is a happy time for me , I should have a big smiling face on my luggage.
Well, I have been many places and I am happy with memories, that is terrific and also a bit of a lie.
Good night.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
big week end ahead
Saturday we have the spring jubilee on Main street.
People bring their plants both home grown and commercial.
Artisan bring jewelry, basket, clothing, garden decorations etc..
Last row is my favorite : FOOD
Cajun, BBQ like only the sOuth knows how to make it, then there is pastry of sorts spot (being a Belgian, I am very picky) they do a nice beignet but I still go to
the funnel cake and smear my face with powdered sugar not to mention the top of my dress. If yours boobs stick out you share the food!
Now going back and forth is the trick so I was going to be quiet and not tell of
my adventure to downtown but Brie got me on it before i uttered a word and she
found a great soul to bring me and pick me up.
I am saving the rest of my month budget for the trip.
It is a long week end, Memorial week end. Beginning of Summer officially with
people bringing out the BBQ machines which are GETTING BIGGER and bigger.
You would think people are going to cater to 100 or more in their yards.
Due to budget cuts in every town (nearly broke) the fireworks will be a NO GO this year.For the 4th of July that is. Why do we need that anyway? Messes up the sky and some dumb soul always gets hurt. People go to S C to get home fireworks which are illegal in N C. Go figure!!
2 1/2 more weeks before we can have another xray and see if the back is healed,dr. Bones is very strict about all that. Yikes he told Sabrina off. Looks like this gorgeous Dr also has a bit of a temper.
My urologist is a doll and he gave me the full healthy OK to go on living with one kidney. I need to be nice to that organ and drink a lot...water..that is.
The other day at lunch I was playing grown up and had a mimosa, told myself that I did not have my orange juice that day so I deserved this treat. I ignored the price tag.
It was too much champagne for my taste and I did not even have a tiny buzzzzzz.
Thought it would help with the back pain...nah...back to pill.
It did mess up with the psoriasis as I knew it would.
Have not been able to sit on my work chair to do beading, hope to do it soon.
Oh, on Sunday the crew from Stone Crazy Gardens comes minus the main chief but the garden will be tackled. My neighbors will be pleased and unfortunately I worry about what they think even if one of them I no longer speak to.
It's not like the old days, I have been here 36 years, people come and go but in 13 years of struggle with old Bob no one ever came to my door to see if I needed something from the store.
The other day someone called , she used to have a shop near mine , she asked "How is Bob"? I said : "Dead!". She must have fallen in her chair. "But, Jeannot she said, it was not in the paper"
My reply: "That is right, I did not think that anyone was interested about his passing since no one was at my door nor the telephone for 13 years while he was still alive, albeit sick"
The conversation was short!
The friends who had been there for me knew the same day when he left us.
They did not have to read the obituaries.
Maybe I am wrong about this but I am following my heart.
In fact I was with my best friend that day.
Last night Bob was in my dream he was coming towards Sabrina and I and gave us the biggest hug. I was so glad to see him. He looked so silly. He had two large roses pinned on his chest and flowers in his hair and said"There is a party somewhere".
It was so unlike him, I just kept on laughing. It was so nice to hear his voice and he seemed to remember things.
What I did not like that AGAIN I was trying to reach for things and could not.
Could not walk properly could not move my legs but halfway, been doing that for awhile now, a repeated dream.....geez that better not be a sign that............never mind...my British friend Christ Brand said : Dreams are rubbish!
People bring their plants both home grown and commercial.
Artisan bring jewelry, basket, clothing, garden decorations etc..
Last row is my favorite : FOOD
Cajun, BBQ like only the sOuth knows how to make it, then there is pastry of sorts spot (being a Belgian, I am very picky) they do a nice beignet but I still go to
the funnel cake and smear my face with powdered sugar not to mention the top of my dress. If yours boobs stick out you share the food!
Now going back and forth is the trick so I was going to be quiet and not tell of
my adventure to downtown but Brie got me on it before i uttered a word and she
found a great soul to bring me and pick me up.
I am saving the rest of my month budget for the trip.
It is a long week end, Memorial week end. Beginning of Summer officially with
people bringing out the BBQ machines which are GETTING BIGGER and bigger.
You would think people are going to cater to 100 or more in their yards.
Due to budget cuts in every town (nearly broke) the fireworks will be a NO GO this year.For the 4th of July that is. Why do we need that anyway? Messes up the sky and some dumb soul always gets hurt. People go to S C to get home fireworks which are illegal in N C. Go figure!!
2 1/2 more weeks before we can have another xray and see if the back is healed,dr. Bones is very strict about all that. Yikes he told Sabrina off. Looks like this gorgeous Dr also has a bit of a temper.
My urologist is a doll and he gave me the full healthy OK to go on living with one kidney. I need to be nice to that organ and drink a lot...water..that is.
The other day at lunch I was playing grown up and had a mimosa, told myself that I did not have my orange juice that day so I deserved this treat. I ignored the price tag.
It was too much champagne for my taste and I did not even have a tiny buzzzzzz.
Thought it would help with the back pain...nah...back to pill.
It did mess up with the psoriasis as I knew it would.
Have not been able to sit on my work chair to do beading, hope to do it soon.
Oh, on Sunday the crew from Stone Crazy Gardens comes minus the main chief but the garden will be tackled. My neighbors will be pleased and unfortunately I worry about what they think even if one of them I no longer speak to.
It's not like the old days, I have been here 36 years, people come and go but in 13 years of struggle with old Bob no one ever came to my door to see if I needed something from the store.
The other day someone called , she used to have a shop near mine , she asked "How is Bob"? I said : "Dead!". She must have fallen in her chair. "But, Jeannot she said, it was not in the paper"
My reply: "That is right, I did not think that anyone was interested about his passing since no one was at my door nor the telephone for 13 years while he was still alive, albeit sick"
The conversation was short!
The friends who had been there for me knew the same day when he left us.
They did not have to read the obituaries.
Maybe I am wrong about this but I am following my heart.
In fact I was with my best friend that day.
Last night Bob was in my dream he was coming towards Sabrina and I and gave us the biggest hug. I was so glad to see him. He looked so silly. He had two large roses pinned on his chest and flowers in his hair and said"There is a party somewhere".
It was so unlike him, I just kept on laughing. It was so nice to hear his voice and he seemed to remember things.
What I did not like that AGAIN I was trying to reach for things and could not.
Could not walk properly could not move my legs but halfway, been doing that for awhile now, a repeated dream.....geez that better not be a sign that............never mind...my British friend Christ Brand said : Dreams are rubbish!
Monday, May 23, 2011
fed up with resting
I was telling my son how fed up I was with everything , especially resting.
I am not a couch potato, I need to "do" things.
Son looked at me with all the pain in his face and said:
Mom, if I could be well in 2 weeks and just sit in my room for 2 weeks
and rest. If I could do that and guarantee that I could then do what you do
I would sign up for it in a heart beat.
Son has agoraphobia has been in my house without leaving for 3 1/2 years.
I felt ashamed that I am being such a bitch about this set back.
I can still walk, I conquered the cancer, I still can think, what the heck is wrong with me?
I am not a couch potato, I need to "do" things.
Son looked at me with all the pain in his face and said:
Mom, if I could be well in 2 weeks and just sit in my room for 2 weeks
and rest. If I could do that and guarantee that I could then do what you do
I would sign up for it in a heart beat.
Son has agoraphobia has been in my house without leaving for 3 1/2 years.
I felt ashamed that I am being such a bitch about this set back.
I can still walk, I conquered the cancer, I still can think, what the heck is wrong with me?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
is she moving out soon?
I am tired of this cranky old lady living in my house as of late.
She is no fun to be with.
That is an understatement.
On a very bad day I can muster some sympathy for her but that is only on very bad days.
She is getting old and parts of the body are complaining and so is she.
Start out with itching all over the place , oh that would be psoriasis, after 42 years you should be used to it so shut up about it.
She is lucky to walk like a normal person after she broke her ankle last March.
So she lost her husband, her best friend, she can join the widow's group the town is full of them.
Of course she had a bit of a shock at the end of March when she was told she had cancer. She never expected that, but then who does?
She lost a kidney, so what she has another to spare.
She came out clean.
She is no fun to be with.
That is an understatement.
On a very bad day I can muster some sympathy for her but that is only on very bad days.
She is getting old and parts of the body are complaining and so is she.
Start out with itching all over the place , oh that would be psoriasis, after 42 years you should be used to it so shut up about it.
She is lucky to walk like a normal person after she broke her ankle last March.
So she lost her husband, her best friend, she can join the widow's group the town is full of them.
Of course she had a bit of a shock at the end of March when she was told she had cancer. She never expected that, but then who does?
She lost a kidney, so what she has another to spare.
She came out clean.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
did you step on a crack and break your mother's back?
Yup....my fall turned out to be a problem with L2 , vertebrae that is.
I should have (should could would) gone to the ER the Sunday morning I fell.
But just 10 days out of my surgery I was kind of tired of hospitals and hoped for the best with just a "fall".
Pain became worse and worse so instead I went for an adjustment.
that did not help so I took the rest of the Vicodin they gave me for the
surgery, that did not help.
I gave in on week 3 and waltzed into my bone dr who was not very pleased with me
when we mentioned "chiropractor".
He talked to Sabrina in a different tone than usual and I did not get it all but he was pissed. Xrays were taken and gorgeous Dr.Bones walks in throws my chart on the
"bed" and says"she broke her back".
Turning to me : rest, rest, rest.
Walked out and nurse returned with Vicodin prescription but a much larger dosage then I had for the surgery.
I slept that night like a drugged baby.
As I write it will be 5 weeks since I fell.
I still have pain but stopped the meds because they made me so damn depressed and the dreams were horrible, this pill was messing with my mind.
I still can't go into the garden and start pulling weeds and stuff, it irritates me. I still have to go and rest in the recliner when the pain is a bit much.
This has been some year started March 2010 and it can stop now.
I am tired of this survival game.
Tired of needing help for small stuff.
Just plain tired.
I should have (should could would) gone to the ER the Sunday morning I fell.
But just 10 days out of my surgery I was kind of tired of hospitals and hoped for the best with just a "fall".
Pain became worse and worse so instead I went for an adjustment.
that did not help so I took the rest of the Vicodin they gave me for the
surgery, that did not help.
I gave in on week 3 and waltzed into my bone dr who was not very pleased with me
when we mentioned "chiropractor".
He talked to Sabrina in a different tone than usual and I did not get it all but he was pissed. Xrays were taken and gorgeous Dr.Bones walks in throws my chart on the
"bed" and says"she broke her back".
Turning to me : rest, rest, rest.
Walked out and nurse returned with Vicodin prescription but a much larger dosage then I had for the surgery.
I slept that night like a drugged baby.
As I write it will be 5 weeks since I fell.
I still have pain but stopped the meds because they made me so damn depressed and the dreams were horrible, this pill was messing with my mind.
I still can't go into the garden and start pulling weeds and stuff, it irritates me. I still have to go and rest in the recliner when the pain is a bit much.
This has been some year started March 2010 and it can stop now.
I am tired of this survival game.
Tired of needing help for small stuff.
Just plain tired.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
and so it goes
Have not been blogging much since the surgery and the fall.
Still pain mostly from the fall.
Not a happy camper as I am sort of cut off from doing much of anything.
I am trying to give me more time and learn to have patience, not one of my virtues.
I just noticed that Peter who changed his name signed on to view his grandfather paintings. Good for you Peter. OK if I still call you Pete?
Still pain mostly from the fall.
Not a happy camper as I am sort of cut off from doing much of anything.
I am trying to give me more time and learn to have patience, not one of my virtues.
I just noticed that Peter who changed his name signed on to view his grandfather paintings. Good for you Peter. OK if I still call you Pete?
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