Ok Dr bones has an opinion...I do not have to agree

said he, yes the handsome one, I did not like his shirt tie combination today ....
so said he:"your back is ugly....IF you fall again you will go through the same scenario....your bones are brittle...take vitamin D (I already do)".
Goodbye!
I decided that I am going to walk on eggs until I am steady without vertigo and
just let him talk and do my thing.
He told another lady I know after he did her shoulder surgery:
"this will probably come back so be prepared!"
I think he is wishing for more clients so he plants this stuff into our
subconscious.
He also told me a few months ago that his friend had the same surgery as mine
and they said he did not have any cancer anymore and he died from cancer 6 months later. He looked at my necklace then and said: Will this to Sabrina!
Hello?????
The end of this month it will be 5 months since my surgery...yikes....

I am going to the beach for the Labor day week end with Brie.
We both can use a "run away" time even for a few days.
The ocean loves me and the sun there is stronger then here (S C )
so I should get some help with the scalp which is now one landmark of psoriasis,
I do not flake little tiny flakes I have snowflakes falling from my
stresses!!!!!

Bob is doing very well in the humor department.
He is triply kind to me, he is a nice guy.
He will conquer this disease, he has to.
He still has a lot of life in him.
Girlfriend is still upper most on his mind.
Good so!

Sabrina went sliding or whatever they call it,
just going down a rope at 55 miles an hour and 200 feet above the trees.
She loved it.

Got to do some dishes

tomorrow shopping day, dr Bones day too

wow!!!!!This is going to be good!!!!

so our credit rating is down the toilet.

It will be interesting to see what the next weeks will bring.
was watching Amanpour and no one at the table was very happy about the way
this was done. Politics, who can understand the undergarments of politics,
the deals made in quiet rooms, promises to the industry, promises to countries, wars, costly deals.

Our loss today in the human scene is greater with more soldiers dying.
22 of our elite men , blown up in a helicopter. Belonging to a very small
group of 300 or so. Thinking of all the families at home today, children who
will never see their father again. This is now almost a daily routine...cost? enormous, cost of lives? not replaceable.

If I start thinking about it all I will go in a corner and sulk, what can I do to change anything? I can help with world hunger and hope the people who need it
will get their share of it.

Forget my mood, I am grouchy and I no longer have PMS to blame it on.

lovely week end

Had a nice visit with Bob's girlfriend.
What I learned so far is that she is very considerate and remembers things about you, she brought me this large glass which holds a zillion tons of water, it is double walled so it keeps it cool, in the wall is a blue butterfly.
She remembered the butterfly story and she knows I need to drink water, she gave it to me with orders to DRINK THE WATER.
Same with her Mom who made raspberry cheesecake for him as his favorite fruit is
raspberries. They seem to remember the little things.

On the other side of the coin, a stalked who made his life miserable for 2 years,
he never met, never talked on the phone, is back on the email trail to make his life miserable. A sicko person who needs mental help. When are we going to help people who need that kind of a hand????

I probably gained 5 lbs with the cheesecake, calories were left in it.

I did enjoy some very cool moments today with a bit of rain and started to be able to clean the house. I did, honestly I did.

Rhonda is at sea on the way to Maine.
It is her dream.

I am feeling very healthy so hope all the other tests will be fine too.
They have to be.
I have much to see and do.

the brutal honesty .......

people who know me, know that I tell it like it is.
No bandages, no pretending, I am who I am, would I like to improve? yup, I surely would and I strive for it all the time, it does not always work.

The girl in Bob's life is a plus.
I said it before, he now laughs a lot and tries to walk a bit further away from the house, it is a good start.

I run ,again, 2 businesses, eBay and my shop in Brevard, it remains to be seen if I will make money. I also sell a great deal of my "collections" time to try simplicity.

Simplicity! It has never worked before, we always were working out of this house.
At first Bob and I made our Santas on the kitchen table, rabbit fur was everywhere, creeping into the nostrils even and in parts we did not know we had.
We had so much fun but the house was such a shambles. Fabrics here and there and a sewing machine here and there. We worked hard until we rented a studio above our shop and that became our haven for fur and fabrics.

We did shows for years and years, high end craft shows, the Father Christmas dolls sold for 175.00 and we never made the same one twice.
We did art shows all over the Eastern seaboard with Bob's work.
We did antique shows in Atlanta, Charlotte, Mount Dora when it was antique heaven and on and on.....
The unloading of stuff often in the house and starting all over again next Friday.
We were not allowed to make this a commercial site but we should have.
Bob took in restorations and paintings with holes were to be found in every corner waiting for the master.

I can work in chaos. I am not orderly, never have been, and that is what I want to change...and then I buy hundreds of different beads ,chains, threads tools all for the necklaces I make. It is another puzzle ....I am trying to sort them all out as they come in and then when I start making a necklace I mess them up trying to find THE bead I want. Excuses , excuses, to try and tell myself that I am OK..I can't be like Sabrina who used to empty the ashtray of her husband as soon as he had a bud in it. She is a bit better now, at home we call that the cleaning sickness.
Here it is OCD, I think.

So....I sat down this lovely lady who is new in our lives and said:
It was very hot this week, I did not do anything to prepare for company..the floor needs washing and I have beads on the table which I need to prepare for their destiny....so dear girl, you have to learn to take me warts and all, I will no longer scramble to get everything in order before you come into the door.
You have to take me as I am....

She was polite and smiled.....wonder what she thought....does it matter to me?
Yes, it matters a lot what people think about me and how dumb is that?
I have lived a long life with ups and downs as we all have and I am the product of it all.......

Now I better go and clear my desk.............or not

Too hot to move!!!!

Doctor review

The CT scan needed from my solo kidney was not what I had hoped for,blood test showed it was not working full force.
So then the people who know about these things decided not to do the dye test and make the the kidney work harder.

I was a bit wondering what would be next...phone call a few minutes ago from urologist: everything looks good, not unusual for the kidney to be a bit slow
taking on the work of the other one too.
Not to worry....

So not worrying I will do, I feel fine.
Some days I know I am bloated but I must learn to drink more water instead of junk.....

Lunch at Bistro was not as good as usual, waiter's head in the cloud, service not so hot....the flower shop I did not visit this time...not in my budget..we are missing the discount we got with Rhonda working there...now it is a bit expensive for my taste and I am finished planting anyway.

Zack and friend came yesterday to finish the back yard.
He managed to get the formidable wood growing weed up the phone pole, it was a problem and not quite on my property. Do not think that Miss Ross knows that.

Sabrina forgot her phone yesterday and it was like she had lost her best friend...we joked about it all day...she finally started using her glasses case and talking to it....

The heat is making me sick and nautious....enough already.....I think SC is in the three digits.

The government paid our social security today, thank you for small favors....
some body said it was a gift we receive....a gift?....how much do you pay each time you get a paycheck????

Hate to think about the voting next year....blame...bashing...lies...it will be a circus....Prez you got my vote, I knew 3 years ago you could not clean up this mess in one term, probably not in 2 terms either....

Got to go and walk a hot dog in the hot sun.....

the house of smiles

something is happening in our house....the tears are dryed up most of the time....the pain is almost all gone....both physical and emotional....the garden is starting to look better....my finances are better...but most of all love has entered these walls.
These walls have been too moisterized with my tears for a decade or more.
The walls are hearing more and more laughter....son is happy...that is an elusive word that I no longer use...so son is content and I am content.
Son is finding new love. It may be forever, it may be for a short time, who knows but love is giving him a lot of hope, he is going to try to get healed by his own will
if possible.
You can tell he is better because he jokes with me and he puts his arms around me more often. We both need "the touch". Another human being just hugging you and
meaning it. He did not do that for a long time, he was lost in his own
sadness and he does not b s people.
What Bob what he gives you is what he is capable of and means it, good or bad.
I see him in front of the screen doing the sKYPE visit in the evening and he is
all smiles. He is a good man.
I have hope for him and I am all for it, the healing, the new life, another grandson (age 5) ...all is well in my world....

CLEAN UP YARD DAY

tomorrow the crew will come once again and trim the hedge, that thing grows like a weed, almost as fast as kudzu.
Then there is a lot of other overgrown bushes , Brie comes wih Zack and his nephew now strapping young lads.
It will be in the 90's again for they better drink a lot and stay cool as they can.

I will enjoy the end products and if things are short and cleaned up I can manage them better myself. Last year I was out of commission for broken ankle and this year the broken back....I still have to watch it all....yikes...getting old is not for sissies ...that is what they say...but then who is getting old.?

the week that was.........

Friday and end of the month.
The government is in shambles....leave it to the Republicans.........
still no vote at this late moment.....
social security checks may be late....
can we tell the electricity company that they have to wait too???

Some odd circumstances brought me to the attention of the passing of a man
who once was my husband for 17 years and fathered my gorgeous women/daughters.
I have to thank him for the help in that case.

He was 82 and his wife 59. I do hope that she had a great time with him and that he stopped his chasing and infidelity.

I had not given the man much thought during my last 4 decades.
I was just so darn happy with Bob who was such gentle, loving man.
Our son reminds me so much of him as he has the same basic ideals of honesty and decency.

My girls grew up in an art world, visits to Museums, opera's ,travels and living in a Spain for 5 years. It was a great life with feast or famine but I always managed to get us fed as my contour will attest. A true artist is a very different persona then the rest of us , Bob was that, he loved old ladies with wrinkles so he could paint them, he loved flowers and trees for watercolors and still lifes.
With him I learned to pay attention to colors, nature , forms, and what beauty is.

So back to husband numero uno , does a long term relationship when you are young, foolish and trusting also make you a widow again? In that case I must be a black widow (just kidding here) 2 husbands in one year? Gone!

Truly I am just joking here, Joe (numero uno) was no longer a part of my daily thoughts, unfortunately, he came back in my dreams after Bob died. Go figure!
Night after night he was there, young, (I never saw him old) full of beans as he was a joker and he was cheating on me and I would cry buckets. Night after night.
I would get up so angry and it would take me a few minutes to get back to the reality of my daily life.

In my case I would tell anyone who cheats on their relationship, women or men, that they probably have no idea what trauma this causes to a person who was trusting.
Trust does not come back with ease, took me years to trust Bob.
The pain is with you for a very long time and actually for me it must be somewhere in my mind to return in my dreams after 4 decades +.

Joe I read in his obit was in Belgium on a visit and died from a stroke....
it was on June 8th 2011....on that day my husband Bob would have been 85 if he was still with us.....

Weird!

of great interest:

check out this link and learn something about agoraphobia:

http://alifeinpanic.wordpress.com/

I do not like surprises

I am set in my ways....you kidding me? I am so damn set and stubborn.

So I sort of lost it this past week end.
In retrospect it is silly, stupid, and too much about "me".

Son and I are very quiet.
He does his thing in his room or the living room and I do my thing in
kitchen and office.
We cross now and then in between rooms, sometimes we hug, sometimes
we ignore each other like we are ghost living in one place but do not need
to communicate. We are fine , we have space.
What does invade our space are the 3 dogs and sometimes the cat too.
They follow one of us when we move, does not matter where we go, they have to know if this is going to involve food or a special treat.

So a shock came early in the week with son telling me that he was
starting a long distance relationship. I knew he was writing to people on the internet, just like I do, it is his and my connection to the outer world as we are both stuck for one reason or another. I do not drive, it is hot to walk downtown, or I had doctors orders not to, and he has agoraphobia...had it for years.

So when the announcement came that he was starting a relationship I was in
seventh heaven. I knew he was lonely, I know that having a 79 year old around is not exactly a "young thinking" person. He needs young people.

So he explained that the young lady, and he had been writing for a long time, he said 2 years, she said 1 year...pick whatever,
she is 35 and divorced and has a boy age 5, Bob adores small kids.
So it all sounded very good.

Two days later he announces that the girl will come and visit ...when? said I with apprehension. He answered this week end, like in 2 days.

My head started to spin. I shop once a week and have everything sort of in orders for just Bob and I and not much extra as nobody comes here to worry about.
The available food was at minimum..ok I knew I had frozen chicken, that is good,
and I have russet potatoes....the menu started to shape up....ok ok I can do that.
I would have liked advance notice to go shopping but that was not in the cards.

What all followed during the visit is a bit much to rehash but I felt like the
aliens had invaded and I already had Bob married in 3 months and gone to another state. Could I live alone? Absolutely! Did I know it then??Absolutely NOT.
I was frantic and out of sorts , grouchy,
I asked the young lady out to lunch, she politely refused as she wanted to be with Bob....of course she did that is why she came here.....but that too bothered me...
I bothered a few of my friends with my lament.
I was very selfish in my thinking.....my son needs to get healed...this may force the issue...he needs to be happy....maybe this is in the cards for him...
I behaved badly and I regret that I am re-acting out of fear ....
I am somewhat ashamed of myself...

Urologist is happy,mommy is happy

pain in my back he thinks is muscular, the test came out clear, got hell from Brie because I do not drink enough water to make the left over kidney work.

I have had a rough week with ridiculous emotions but I am getting over it.
Sabrina always sets me straight.

Soon all the tests which I hate, did you try to drink all that stuff before a colonoscopy? I asked my urologist. He shook his head and said it is ridiculous and he could hardly swallow it.....I was throwing it up by the third bottle...hate it...just hate it.

Fun day in Asheville today

I love to go to Asheville but most of my visits there lately have been to see doctors.
Got to see my urologist for check up, not very happy about that since I have been having pain in my back. Do not want the other kidney to start any trouble.
The trophy I get afterwards is a nice lunch at the Bistro on the castle grounds.
We have a year pass, Brie and I, and we treat ourselves to a nice lunch at the Bistro.
Usually just a cheese plate and fantastic bread.
The best of cheeses which melt in your mouth like butter.
Then we go to the garden shop and see if anything is affordable and needed...cross out needed....what do we need but bread butter and wine...cross out wine...the psoriasis does not like it...bread butter and a good cup of java.
Then we meander into Michaels ...maybe...but most of all the huge Habitat thrift store...they do have so me neat things at times and it is a very clean store, no clothing but furniture, art work , and do dads.
Then we stop somewhere for an ice cream in the afternoon, get groceries and call it a day. For me that is heaven! Thanks to Brie I get this treat!
Also Rhonda gave us the pass to get into Biltmore.

surprises come in all different sizes

and packages.
So surprise, surprise,
Bobby has a girlfriend.
Started via the internet and they met for the first time
this past week end.

My son deserves to be happy, no question about that.
He said to me the exact words his father said:
I am getting lonely.

Old Bob was 42 and a bachelor and decided he was lonely
and found me in a fleamarket of all places, best bargain
we both had.

Viva le 14 Juillet

French are celebrating today and soon the festival in Ghent will start for 8 days and I wonder if I could still handle the crowds.
Last time we went during the festivities was with the grandsons and we rented an apartment right on the main street of noise.
I loved it.
A piano player was busy till 4 am right across the street. I sat at the window
watching all the young people run around.
Elvire and Leonard where still alive.
Come to think of it we went another time much later just Bob and I , it was still fun then. Then both of our friends had gone and we became friends with the nephew and his wife, we still are friends with them!!!!
Great old times.
Well, frenchies have fun today!

the hosta corner

I had this vision of having tons of different types of hostas all in one area in back yard.
The dirt there is so hard to manage because of the tree roots in place so I decided to put them all in pots and then make a little red brick road aro9und them.
In my head it looks great.
Started it this morning while it was only in the seventies but moving all the pots I planted was no small task, dr Bones would be upset.
I did it, Bob has major issues with allergies is on second set of antibiotics so I dd not want him outside.
I am not happy with the look but have not gotten to the bricks yet so many that will change.

visitor on Saturday

Bob has a friend coming to visit on Saturday.
That does not seem so unusual to most people.
For Bob it is, 4 plus years with agoraphobia does not give you
much of a social life.
I am delighted for him that he can talk to someone closer to his age
than Mom's.

HOT FRIES and they are not FRENCH, they ARE FLEMISH

It is 92 degrees in the kitchen and I am going for Sainthood.
I fried some chicken and now I am making my usual fries.
No the French did not invent them, the Flemish people did.
Not that I am doing this for halo's from my son.....
but because I can't be too many days without my fries...
so if the pope is reading this....make me a St Jeannot....
nah that does not sound right...but then again my baptism said I was born Johanna...

Judge Judy addiction....

Old Bob hated her.
He said she was mean and bossy.
He would turn the tv off if he saw her face.
I am getting even.
Son is recording her so with reruns and new ones I have daily dosages
of the law.
She not only deals with justice the way I like to see it but she is also
funny.
When someone is arrogant to her she shakes her finger and tells him or her:"This is MY playpen" You are not going to top me!
When a couple seem to be unmatched and with elevators not going to the top, she will ask if they have kids. When the answer is NO then she yells out "Keep it that way!"
She will make a comment when some girls show up barely covered, she will ask "Where did you think you were coming today? The beach?"
I am constantly amazed at how many young people just tell the whole world that they have been in jail and smile about it.
When I was young, jail was something you hid like TB. You told no one that you had been there or had tuberculosis, these were family secrets.
Young man just stand there and say:"Oh yes, my third DUI, lawyer cost 5 grand but this girl paid for it because she likes me and I do not owe her nothin!".
The nerve!
Love that Judy!
It is an education! Write a contract! Do not sell cars to relatives !!!