HEAR YE? HEAR YE? HEAR YE?

10 months ago I spent 4000 buckeroos on a pair of hearing aids.
My 4th pair. The others before did not work for very long and wee cheaper.
My first set was a Siemens set for 6000 but my darling husband (with dementia)
took care of them. Never to be found, I did like them. C'est la vie.

So when we went into Sams, Brie and I found a new brand supposed to be the best.
The person in charge os testing makes the aid right there and then.
No returns 21 days from now. Right there and then they are in your ears and you think
that Sams is the loudest place you have ever been in.
Lord, once these babies were in the ear I wanted to shut them up, I never heard Sams
to be a LOUD place.

Went on for a few weeks smiling like a Cheshire cat.
I had it made. I could hear on the cel phone, good, not regular phones.
I had been promised that.
Slowly the aids diminished in capacity (?) had them checked twice and was
told this was the best she could do, deal with it.
Did my hearing go down hill so fast ?I asked.
"No, they are the same as before" said the lady who did not listen much to what I had to say.
She was very rude and ignored most of my conversation.
Numerous times she called me wrong.
Well, said I, I should know they are my ears!
The computer tells me different she answered.
Several visits, and things got worse.
The little suction cups which fit on the inner  ear computer just came off every day.
I needed someone home to go digging in my ear to find the cup.
When I had to go to the ER they had a problem getting them out.
One day I had to go clear to Sams and have her do it, she asked my grandson to assist her to hold my head, she had so much trouble finding the plastic cups which had annoyed me all night.
Finally, I just gave up, I hardly wear them at all.
If I did not have my son living with me, I would throw them in the trash.
He has become my "ear nurse" night after night.
What does this mean?
It means that the computer gadget breaks away from the cup which should keep it in place as close
possible into your inner ear.

Sabrina, had enough of it called headquarters and talked to a man in charge.
She asked for a refund and told him my story.
I can't talk at all anymore on the phone.
He told Brie that this should not happen.
About his employee all he had to say was that she was excentric! New word for rude?
So tomorrow I am to go back to the same office and get a new pair of hearing aids.
We start all over again.
10 months of misery.
I do not have that much time left to sit and wait to hear someone.
I do not like to have sellers insult me.
I have been in retail all my life and I probably lost my cool about 2 times.
Above all I always felt the customer is right even when I knew I was.
Sabrina can attest to that.

Hate to go in tomorrow.
I will follow up.
Refund? are you kidding, not an industry who likes to give refunds
but I know one lawyer in NY who did get it for his client.

Stolen from my Face Book

Deeper dent in couch, check!
headphone needs batteries, check!
restock Heineken, check
unavailable Argentina coach, checked!
hope to be around in 2018, check
training start today for 2018 in worst heat, check!
Germans have an early Oktoberfest, check!
Brazilians dance tears away, check!
Spring cleaning starts now for me, check!
after a nap.....check!

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS YOU MAKE LEMONADE

and so he did.
I was thinking all day about my cousin who passed away yesterday.
I could not get him out of my mind.
I had not seen him since he became sick (Alzheimer/dimentia), I had not been home
in fact since Bob was seriously advanced with the same malaise.

Home to me is Belgium.
I had 2 cousins left and now I am down to one.
The numbers are dwindling fast.
Why did I always think it would all last forever?
I'd get my ticket out of season and visit Mom, then the cousins, friends and
my usual trips to the fleamarket on Friday.

I thought I should give him more honor than a few lines of "au revoir, RIP".
He was born in 1932, 6 months after me.
He had the most beautiful crop of red hair.
In our Flemish Folklore it is said that red heads are TROUBLE.
He was no exception, he was full of mischief.
His sister said that he got more spankings than food.
I'd rather doubt it because their parents were quite mild.
However, I do think that daily he found something to ruin by taking it apart.
He always had to know what make something work, getting it back together was another matter.

He had learning disability. In school he would be bored and get in trouble so it was not
his place of choice.
Quite early in his teens he was an apprentice in a toolmaker shop.
There he came into his own. His hands could be full of grease so you hardly saw his fingernails and he was in heaven.
What no one could figure out was that he did not understand math.
YET, he could read the blue prints and make parts accordingly with accuracy  to the millimeter.
 Later he was hired at a larger factory and stayed there till his late years before he retired.
Often after his retirement they would call him to come in and solve a major problem.
They could always count on him.

He married a gorgeous girl when both were too young.
She liked to party and dance, that only lasted a short time. He never wanted to drink alcohol.
He had finished his army duties of 2 years and I think anything in the partying vein he had done
already then.
So he started to immerse himself in a hobby.
Fixing clocks was his first love. He'd buy old clocks in the fleamarket and try to find parts to make them work.
Soon he had his own "man cave" filled with clocks and parts and junk!
He also became a bit of a recluse.
He continued to work every day but he was starting to be afraid of everything his immagination
could get together. Afraid to eat certain things. Afraid to wear a new coat so he would hang on to a rag of a jacket. He had panic disorder and more and more stayed inside. He would go as far as an auction house if he wanted a part but he would stay at the door and not go in. They knew to watch for his bid.
He bought a car thinking this would help him and his wife (she went to work on her bike every day
and wanted better) .Quickly he found out that driving the car made him very confused. The streets he knew by heart, he had been in all of them in the city on his bicycle, this felt different, there were signs
to pay attention to, cars coming and going. It was to much. He became extremely worried about driving this machine and sold it to buy a heavy motorbike. That became his friend. His poor wife rode on the
back when he was in a mood to go somewhere but the party scene was no longer his scenario.
They were married I think about 15 years when she found a much older man with a luxurious apartment
and divorced. I did not blame her.

Her background was quite different from ours. She was raised with the "boat people".
"Boat People" I was explained by my Mom, were very special.
She showed me the daily row of barges which went to and fro on the canal of Terneuzen
by our doorsteps. Sometimes I saw children and we waived. I learned what nationality they were from the flags hanging at the rear. You could tell if they were loaded with merchandise as the boat was really close to the water, if the barge was empty of goods it was floating quite high.

To the boat people that was their house and their living.
Many would continue this for generations.
They would have comfortable living quarters usually at the back of the barge and a very large
hole next to that to fill with goods, coal, lumber, all sorts of items went from a factory to a
delivery place in another city or country. When trucks became popular after the war that took a bite  in that industry but as far as I know there still are barges working the canals.
The kids were often sent to boarding schools. In every port they would dock sometimes 4 and 5 side by side
so they had to jump from one boat to the other to get to a street but that was not a problem.
The boat people were all old friends up and down the waterways.
They would hang out in the same taverns and restaurants and share ideas about what to avoid.
It was a very tight group. Very jovial. Very giving. Hard to get into their so called society.
E's wife had grown up in that millieu and I think then her parents were still on the barge.

When E. became single he just immersed himself with more hobbies and now he also started to
put gold leaf on everything he owned. I went to visit him one day and on his mantle he had at least pressed together three candelabra sets which came with clocks too. All in gold. He was beaming. Then he would tell me :"This is Louis Quinze" , this one is Federal English. He was always learning from a friend
in the business. 

His panic attacks escalated so he would not get very far from his house, the fleamarket was still his safe place and on my yearly visits we would meet there. He would drag me from dealer to dealer and say: This is Jeannot my beautiful cousin, she is from America". I would poke him time and time again as I knew
the price was going to be higher if I wanted something. But before too long they all knew me and waited to bait me or to tell me that they had not seen him yet this morning. He would not eat with me unless he knew the restaurant owners. He was afraid of certain places and people. How much I learned about this
behavior when my son became ill with agoraphobia.

His later years, after his retirement he met his first love as she was buying dolls. She was a neat lady, was divorced a long time ago, and became his friend. She got him out of his shell. Dragged him to the
dentist and held his hand. All his teeth were bad so he now had white dentures and smiled at me while
showing them. They were just friends but she did not let him get away with hiding. Soon he would take the
train with her and go to Ostende and walk on the boardwalk. He'd whisper to me:"I go on trains now".
Then he went to the Paris fleamarket and felt like he had conquered the world. He did it one row at a time with every visit and one day conquered the whole market. That was his diploma for conquering fear.

I missed seeing him when Bob became ill and I could no longer travel and leave him.
I would get a card now and then or a photo someone made of him. He often would forget  the whole address but somehow it came into my hands anyway.

He had enormous challenges but he did not see them , he thought everything was  as it should be.
I never heard him speak ill about anyone.
I will miss him even if I get back to Belgium, he will no longer be by the clock seller.

Soccer and World Cup

I am not much of a sport watcher but I do love a very good soccer game.
I grew up with soccer.
Soccer in this country is far from being the favorite sport.
When boys start to look to the father on what to watch they immediately know that it is all
about football. You have to get a favorite team too.
Once in High School they can't wait to be picked by a coach to be on a team.
Daddy will be so proud. By now Daddy is 300lbs and can hardly get out of the couch.
I am making fun and to each his own.

I love the Cup because these guys have been pushing a ball since they could walk,
especially in South America. All you need is a ball and you can start your training.
Other kids will come later but by then they will be trained too and so it starts........
One of my grandsons tried it here and soon he found it boring.
He did not go for American football either.

The game USA-Belgium was a nightmare Howard our giant pro saved 16 goals.
Please!

Some games were just nail biters. Netherland last one so far gave me an upset stomach
I was so nervous. Lets see how they do in the semi finals.
so I will have to wait another 4 years for the next soccer thrill.

Consolation price is that in October the LA Kings will go to the ice again and that
I gladly watch any time, even when they are being lazy.
 

OBAMA BOUGHT A HOUSE IN ASHEVILLE NC?

How cool is that?
He picked the right town.

and then there were 2

Had a phone call from Belgium.
Of course I could hardly hear it
he spoke slowly and yelled ( he said)
It was my cousin Janine's grandson on the phone.
He said: I am sorry to tell you that Etienne has passed away.
My mind went sort of cloudy, still is.

Etienne was my buddy when we grew up, our mothers were sisters.
I was botn in March 1932, he same year but in Sept.
He suffered for many years with agaraphobia.
Can't spell right now.

Second friend from 1932 I loose in 2 months.

Etienne has Alzheimer and I did not see him in that state, he had been in
elder care in a hospital in Gent, Belgium.
Remembering my husband at the end I just feel like it probably was a blessing for him
what is left from the person near the end?

Rest in Peace, Etiennetje, my friend and cousin with the flaming red hair.
Love ye

meeting with a 40 + lbs scale

I should not be here.
No question about it.
I had a bad fall, damaged a knee and then grabbed at a tablecloth which was held down by a 40 + lbs antique scale.
Concussion.
I should not even be here to tell about it, scale hit me full force on the forehead.
More scanning expected probably this week.
Have minor problems with this.

from past files - Re 1946 and the Merchant of Venice

click on photos

Loving animals.....not every one's cup of tea.

I grew up in the 1930's and 1940's , we lived by a canal and I would have to add in Belgium.
Times were difficult and there was a lot of poverty.
We had several cats and one dog.
All outdoors. They were not pets to my parents they were working animals.
The Canal gave life to hundreds of water rats. They were the size of the cats and extremely vicious.
We had the cats to hunt them down.
My mother would feed them kitchen scraps and milk. She did not get attached to them.
If they had babies she would drown them as soon as they were born.
I remember being hysterical when I saw this.
Life was hard, 3 cats was enough to feed.

This was not a time when cat food came in bags or cans.
This was not a time that we thought of having them fixed. I do not remember ever hearing about a vet.
I think they had that on big farms for cows and horses.
Eutenasia was more used for whatever hailed the animals.

My father, a policeman, was watching the docks for smuggling at one time and found a Russian ship with aa sailor trying to sneak past him. Apprehended by my father he showed what he was going to sell in town: a young all white Russian Husky. My father quickly told him it was against the law and the sailor quickly gave the dog to the policeman. That was my first dog. We named him Jacquis. I adored that dog and he was the best hunter anyone had ever seen. He would throw the rats up in the air and catch them only to continue the game till the rat was dead and then bring it to the kitchen door for admiration of my mother.
He was a prince of a pet for me , the cats too I loved but they were not always friendly.
When war broke out the cats became wild. We hardly saw them. They were frighten by the noises of sirens and planes. One stuck by us and she learned quickly how to climb over the ladders to get to the shelter from the factory. My father said that she could hear the planes leaving England.

My Jacquis eventually lost his life when a truck killed him. We hardly had traffic on the cobblestone road which separated my house from the canal but somehow someone got him. I looked and called him for days until my mother had to tell me     and I went into a melt down.

This was my childhood with animals. When my father left us my mother did not want any animals around anymore, she said we just did not have the food for animals and that I am sure was for real.
She never did get to love the four footed variety. She said they mess up, they have hair everywhere, they were a lot of work. I now think that in her last decades when she was so lonely she would have had so much pleasure in her life. My Bijou is the biggest part of my life now.He follows me everywhere, he sleeps with me. He watches me. Bob's dog, the corgie is with me when he is gone, she too will follow me.
I walk around like an old lady just talking to them about the food I am preparing about the TV show and if I swear rather loudly the two have their ears perked and bark. They know I am not happy at that moment.

When Carwen became sick the other day, I just lost it, I cried buckets sitting by her and stroking her. I was sure she was dying , I thought that life was being very difficult right now. I have two very good friends fighting for their life and I am not handling that very well and the thought of Carwen going too was just too much to bear. I actually did not function, did not cook, did not clean, did not know what I was doing in one room and why I had turned the TV on the wrestling channel. I hate wrestling.

My Mom used to say when we lost a dog :"It is only a dog, it is not like it is a human you lost"
I could have smacked her when she said that because for me my dogs and cats have been better friends , always forgiving me if I stepped on them, always come running at me no matter how long I had been gone. Always a welcome. Always unconditional love. How often do we find that in humans?

Carwen ate something she should not have out there in the bushes, no doubt. The vet has great hopes for her recovery. She is my friend.

PS. When my father turned about 70 he suddenly adopted all the stray cats in his environment.
I visited him and he had purchased the best cat food and was feeding about 6 cats.
The old man had softened.

Our pets always wait till the week end to be sick...

Bob's sweet Corgie became sick yesterday morning, the day before she had been playing with Bijou and racing to see who could get the ball that glows.
Now it is Good Friday and not so good looking Carwen lays down on the kitchen floor and looks like she is not going to move. Her eyes closed and I pet her over and over gain and she continues to sleep.
Bob is at work when she decides to get up and walk a bit and tries to throw up and it does not work.
Then she wets and poops all over the place and she knows better, she never has accidents. She looks at me with very sad eyes, she is tellling me she is sorry. She then goes by the door and we walk outside and she tries again to throw up but instead she just lies down again and closes her eyes.
By then I am hysterical. Bob cant leave work the boss is out to buy supplies.
Brie does not have her car, Zack has it and on his way to get girldfriend.
She gets a hold of him and he U turns back to his Meme.
I am friggin cold and then notice I did not put on a jacket and I do not want to leave her either.
I am sure that she is dying.
Once at the vet the lovely Vet tells me that she is dehydrated by now and possibly ate something that made her sick. She asks if we feed the dogs at the table....I have to admit but I am cautious.
No onions, no this no that. Mostly I give them my chicken.
Bijou is OK so there is a nothing in the house I can think off.
Carwen takes hours on her walks. She sniffs everything. She goes into the ivy and smells forever.
Who knows what she found? Bijou is not like that, he runs for his walks, he pees every other second then squats and runs some more. He wants to chase dogs, any dog. He and a little  chiwawa
had a fight with a fence between them they  did lock but no damage before I could separate them.
Bijou like my previous Maltese would attack a pit bull, my poor Toto then died in front of me.
I have to watch Bijou with every step we take.
Later the vet called and said she had a urinary infection. They are treating her and keeping an eye on her.Into the night.
This morning the vet called and said he wants to keep an eye on her till perhaps later today.
So then I remembered that when she had stones in the kidney it was also a week end with surgery.
You know a Vet with 24/7 hours does have changes in fees accordingly. This being Easter week end
we are lucky at least she started it on a Friday.
However , there is not a question in Bob or my mind that whatever the cost we want this girl home.
When you have pets you have an obligation to keep them healthy, it is a small price to pay for the love they give us every day.
So even so I am hoping she does not have to stay into Easter I just want her home healthy that is the bottom line.

Return from a different place

For 5 weeks now I have been a different person, same shape, same hairdo, same everything but a total remake of the brain. Antibiotics for infection  said the doctor. I did not even hurt.
That in itself is a bit scary as I had a kidney full of cancer and that never hurt either.

Immediately I started to be extra tired, no energy, just eat and sleep.
The couch kept my inprint (?) for days, did not even bounce back.
My Maltese did not budge, he sat on top of my hip and stayed there for days.
Then the mind started to play tricks.
I figured daughter Sabrina was extremely angry with me. I did not know why so in
the middle of the night I emailed her.
One night I just wrote for hours to my friend in Chicago, I can't remember why I wrote
or what I wrote.
Sunday Rhonda came so we could go to Lowes to buy some mulch for the yard.
I seemed to be better I was less tired.
She went into one section and I went towards the garden section when I made a U turn
and went to look to buy a dryer. I was suddenly in a euphoric state of mind , not only did I want a dryer but the best one in display , a shiny gorgeous piece of glitter amid calm quiet white ones, this was over 1000.00 bucks. They also offered discounts with a Lowe account.....it started to look better and better.
Lucky no sales person approached me. A very slight glimmer entered the brain and said:
"Jeannot go get the mulch, no dryer today!"
Bewildered I agreed and went to the garden. Saw Rhonda and said :
DO NOT let me buy anything today but mulch.
She did but then she also told the helper :"She is like a kid I have to watch her or she will buy the store out!.

Yesterday, Monday I took my usual nap, I was not overly tired and as the day progressed
my head became clearer and clearer.
I knew I was on my way back.
Back from what?
From many decisions I was wrong about. I had been very depressed and even suicidal.
Not my usual style.
I was convinced that all my friends had left me. I have no idea why I thought that.

Sabrina called the pharmacist and she had the name of the medication, the antibiotics, the pharmacist said that some people react that way , I should have called him and my doctor. He put a red flag on my file to never get this medication again. He also told Brie that it is quite common for the elderly to respond that way.

I sit here and it feels like I missed weeks, I am not sure about my behavior at all.
If I offended my friends please note "I was under the influence and it was not the green leaf type"
Probably would have been much happier if it had been.

Hospital visits

Brie and I went to Mission for 2 people in need of help.
My friend suddenly struck with cancer which can't be cured.
I never saw him sick. You just figured he would be the one to make 100.
He ate right, he walked miles and miles all over this country and on dozens of trips in
England and Italy.
He is married to his best friend. I can't remember how many years ago.
Bob and I met him in Spain in 1971.
We are part the reason we are in North Carolina.
We visited Belgium together many times.
My mother adored them.
His wife is in total shock , my heart is breaking for her too.
Both of them stood by me during Bob's illness.
He visited his doctor (which is also mine) on Monday and immediately he was
put in the hospital. It took to Thursday before they found out what the problem was.
It was a week of waiting , I do not know what is worse waiting or knowing.
He is my brother I never had and the stuffing is coming out of me.
Worse is that we know he is in pain but the morphine, I hope can take most of it away.

From his bed Brie went into the heart building to visit her friend who at 51 suddenly had a heart attack at work on Thursday. Brie told me that they just returned her from surgery when she entered her room.
She had a blockage and they put in a (stent?), Brie said she was in full make up and in good cheer after coming out of the surgery just a little while ago.
So that will be a very good ending. She goes home on Monday. She is the cutest little lady bug!
She will be teased to be in bed with her make up on.
Sabrina was happy that she had seen her.

Take this medicine and feel horrible.....

Going to my favorite doctor , my urologist, just for last check up after the 3 years and kidney removed.
The staff finds an infection, I am not hurting, I am arguing. They took the wrong cup I say.
I get prescription called in.

Costly one not my usual one.

Taking the pill I do not feel different since I have no pain but I am getting exhausted, I get up walk my dog , eat my breakfast and crawl on the couch sleeping till lunchtime. Do the same routine all over again.
After about 3 days of this I am thinking on giving up. I am having very dark thoughts.
I am so depressed I truly do not want to talk to people.
Finally I am figuring out that if I take all my pills at once I will no longer have to worry about anything.
I have a glimmer of "Do not be stupid" . I talk to my son and daughter, they convince me it is the medicine and it will all pass.
The day after my last pill is taken , the girls and I go to Biltmore for lunch , we took a vote, they won, I would have preferred going to BK. I was afraid I would fall asleep at the table.
I bought an orchid in the flower shop hoping it would change my mood. It did not.
I just became angry that I spent the money on a flower again.
I love being with the girls now that there is peace between us all.

Next day back to the routine of sleeping.
Much work to be done around me and I try to ignore.
I feel like I am 95 at least and will sit in a chair in a corner in a nursing home.
The future looks like hell.

Back at the doctor for check up , all is clear, infection is gone.
I ask the doctor why I have no energy and was suicidal and he immediately tells me that different people are affected by the antibiotic. Some do not sleep at all, nausea also common and depression very common in the elderly. He tells me that 10 days after the last pill I will get back to normal.

So I am writing this looking longingly at my couch. 7 or so more days to be "normal".

82

In a few hours I will be 82.
I truly never thought I would make it this far.
Had a few bumps in the years which could have ended it earlier but I am somewhat like a cat, I have 9 lives.

Right now I am in a very good place.
My children are OK, my grandchildren are terrific, none are ready yet to give me great-grandchildren and that is OK too.

All of us live within 20 miles from each other.
The simple reason being that I never did cut the umbilical chord, I hope they do not read this for
they do not know that and may get out the scissors in the blink of an eye.

At age 12 or 13 I decided I wanted to live in America. I pushed and pushed until it became a reality.
I never gave the thought that I might be homesick.
I was, many times. I missed family. There was no returning because I love the USA.


So then my children and husbands (2) were all I had in this country.
They were my everything.
They still are.

I am oddly enough not a person who makes friends with ease.
To me the word means "friends forever". It takes work like a marriage, it takes understanding and listening to people who may not have the same ideals as you and may sometimes not agree with you, you sort it out and continue. That is if you have a good friend.

Currently I am still close to my peer I met when in school. I write often to her, her husband on internet and her daughter . They are in my thoughts every day. My American friend goes back to 1955 and my job at Johnson and Johnson. She is cute, petite, very smart and Jewish. We love each other like sisters. I just got a birthday card from one of her daughters, I cried, how cool is that? Our girls are friends too.

I am not the kind of person who joins clubs. Not having a college education I often feel inferior to the ones who have titles behind their names or brag about the sisterhood in Harvard or Princeton. How can I compete with that? (is what I always thought) . Yet two of my best NC friends have PHD's and are writers.
I love them and feel comfortable with them but they never brag about all the years they spent in school.

Half of my school years in grade school were non existing. I have a book written by teachers from Ghent who wrote "the lost youth!". They were teaching during WW2. I read it several times and it hurts, it hurts how our classes were cut because of alarms, not enough heat to open the doors, children coming to school
who had lost parents already etc...etc..shortages of books, books about certain parts of past history destroyed, a notebook to write in became a jewel to hang on to.  Pencils became rare and just simple life became a different life. Soldiers would come in and we were to jump up and arm salute. My mother had sworn that she would never, ever do that so I tried to avoid it. It did not work. When I was in Catholic school my father and mother were in the underground movement. My father had contact with some of the patriotic nuns and hid parachutists in the convent at different times. I can only imagine how my parents worried if we would have a search in our classes. Many years later my father said that he had to tell the men to be sure and put the lids down on the toilets, that would have been a first giveaway in a convent.

I was lucky my nun had a deal going with my mother and often I went to her room to get more instruction.
She was from the Walloon country and did not speak Flemish but she was hell on wheels to teach me correctly. She was very patriotic but disliked the priest and our King who had fled to a Swiss residence.
He did not have the same blood as his father King Albert who stayed in Belgium during WW1 and lived with his queen with the fighting troops.

Probably odd that I mention the word "patriotic". To be sure we had our share of Belgians who were
pro German. You just did not know when you spoke to someone if they were hiding something and would report you. I heard so much in my house followed by:"Jeannot do not ever say that to anyone, not even your best friend, we could be shot. " On my birthday in a near village several males, all ages, were lined up and shot because of what? We did not know. I think that every birthday I think of that. I saw my mother cry and I felt that from now on I would have a sad birthday because so many people died the same day. Of course I learned about the reality of war and it faded until it is March 15 then it hits me again.

We in the north were lucky as we were liberated in September 1944. The biggest battle, the "Battle of the Bulge" in our Ardennes was still to happen in December. I do not remember if my father knew about it.
Of course everything was hearsay. It was years before we had a phone, and the radios we had in the house prior to the invasion had been stolen when we evacuated. My father had a special radio in the attic with communications to England, I did not know it until after the war.

So the liberation changed the course of my life. Two soldiers brought their clothing to my mom to be washed and ironed. We welcomed a few exchanges of food and blankets. A Master Sergeant and a  19 year old Red head who had just married a day before leaving the USA. I have written about them and will again shortly with photos. In short: the Master Sergeant W. E Schacht and his generous family supported us with clothing and later became the sponsor for me and my then husband and we came to the USA in 1955.
They are my heroes!!!!No one in my life has ever been a bigger hero than these two USA Army men.
About 10 years ago I found the red head (now grey) still married to his war bride and went to thank him for his help. He came to visit and talk to my grandchildren . Now both are gone but I had that chance to see them.

I married in 1951 at 19 and of course I was too young but he too wanted to come to the USA.
17 years with two gorgeous little girls as my reward for being patient with someone who loved all women.

I finally divorced him and met my second husband. He was a 42 year old bachelor and I was 36 with baggage of having 2 girls, plus a huge mistrust of men.
He passed on in 2010 after 13 years of suffering with Alzheimer.
I took care of him and started this blog when I thought I would go crazy.
Writing my feelings helped me a lot.
I am an open book, always have been. No closet secrets in my life, I am a blabbermouth.
The blog got me into WOWOW which is a site for women.
There I met an amazing lady who had been all over the world. She had been in places I could not even pronounce let alone go there. She wrote travel logs and still does. We became email friends. I do not know how many times in a day she would write me and encourage me to keep on trucking while Bob
no longer knew me ,kicked me out of the bed or became violent.
She kept me going I will never see her in person and because of my hearing problems never talked to her on the phone but I would say that she has become a very great friend.

Then I went on Facebook and met another Farmer playing the same game as I was.
A word here and a word there, I think that was around 2009 and of course I found out that she was a German lady living in England. To my amazement I started to really like that lady. The more we wrote to each other the more I figured that my hatred for ANYTHING German had just left me.
I had carried that load for I'd say 65 years or so.....I came by it honestly, my parents had been kids during ww1 and especially my father had suffered much as he was in a family of 8 and his father was a prisoner of war. His mother had no education and often they stole food to survive. Neither parents could tolerate a German.  I am proud of myself to have ditched that kind of prejudice.

So when I think back over the decades I can say in all honesty that I was born when I was 36 from then on even living with an artist with feast or famine, I had the very best life. My husband was a gentle, caring, loving human being who adopted my girls. They still carry his last name even when married. He was never ill until Alzheimer hit him. But even in these years I saw his goodness until at the end the violence took over. He had no idea what he was doing, of course, it is the disease.

My long time friend told me years ago that I needed to make more girl friends. She said I was always with Bob and if he died I would be very lonely. I accepted that as a fact.
I miss him every second of the day, I play imagination games, I see him sitting by the window looking at the bird feeder, I see him painting with earphones on so I would not have to listen to the heavy German opera.
As he held up his brush to see what other color to start he would act like a music director and swing the brush to the tunes in his ears. I always loved that. I see him making coffee in the morning for the two of us and pour our cereal. I see him shaving and hating that he had such paper thin skin and would always bleed.
I see him become a beast in the car when people around him made mistakes, he was always driving the speed limit, the kids called him an" old man driving " before he was an old man.
 For my birthday and Valentine day he would paint a large still life or watercolor. He always managed to do it on the sneak.

After 5 years of marriage I finally trusted him and my trust never wavered after that and he earned it. He made all the bad memories from previous experience just vanish.
We spent our years almost always together 24/7 , we did a lot of traveling and did hundreds of art and antique shows in the South. We lived in Spain for almost 5 years and had our son while there.
We left his beloved Santa Cruz and the Santa Cruz mountains and eventually landed in N.C.

Being a liberal democrat was not the best place to be in the 1970's , but we had each other.
That is all that mattered. The kids and him , a cat or two, a dog or two, And that has always been my family and still is . I miss him but I am adjusting. I had to learn to adjust at a young age and after awhile it is no longer a challenge but something you just do.





   

Friends in trouble.........

When you reach my age and you have friends who have been there for many years then you know
you may get emails or phone calls and hear some health news you'd rather not hear.

Today is such a day and it is taking the wind out of my sails.

This lady is a long time friend in Belgium and has been like another daughter for many years.
She found herself in trouble with the C word.
Cancer in the breast, when will it stop?
I am hoping that she was in time to fight what   was there or is there.
I am very found of her.
Oddly I have been dreaming for weeks now that I am at the beach with her Uncle and Aunt.
They have passed several years ago. Yesterday I was wearing a shawl from her Aunt as she started a stroke
while we had lunch and went to the ER never to make it out again. I had her shawl in my hands and
keep it and wear it often.

This new event has to end well.
It just has to , she is still very young.

The Survivor

I adore him because he is my son.
I respect him because of his values.
I admire him because he is a survivor.
I know in my heart that when he survived his adversities this far
he will make it and turn the tables and have a happy life from here on in.

No, he did not have cancer or some horrible accident.
He had a mental issue, agoraphobia.
If he had cancer hundreds of hospitals are there with help.
With mental health issues you are out of luck to get help.

I will not go back to all what happened to this young man.
His love left us after an accidental overdose of over the counter medicine.
Before that short time of being content he had a hell of a life.
From High school on nothing went well and panic started and he lived in fear
from certain people both at his work and with other adults.

We stood in a corner not being able to help.

He is just now delivering himself of all the demons and finally the last 3 years had a terrific group of drs. and counselors.
He is my hero.

Snow again? I hope not.

Supposed to have snow tonight and then rain tomorrow so it will all be gone in a quick tempo.

Day was confusing, so many gadgets to get used to.

Bijou is having mid life crisis he can't live the girl alone...what is up with that, he could not reach her if he wanted to and if he had the equipment still working as both have been "fixed".
I broke one of Bob' TV machines and fretted all day, he said it is OK and still working , never mind that I spilled my soup on it.
Rhonda was sick so a no-show.
Tomorrow will be better.

a New necklace

Life changes all the time for me.
7 months ago I made necklaces with tons of beads and rocks.
Now I wear a necklace with GPS capacity.
Being alone a lot more now I have :
a necklace with emergency button, a watchband with emergency button and a main unit which work both with GPS and phone and answers very quickly to any emergency I may have.

I feel so spoiled and extremely protected.

so :

Funny: Bob said it was all charging during the night and so in the am I just wanted to see how hard I had to press the button and would it go off if I pressed by mistake.

So I press the necklace button and you have to press hard, that is good, suddenly bells are going off at the main unit and a voice asks me what my emergency is...I just blabber :"I am OK I am Ok" by then Bobby comes rushing into the kitchen having heard all these beeps. He took over and told the man my name.The man said :Have a good day!.
Yikes I did not think it was hooked up for real.
We tested the wrist band, the necklace, the main unit we took into the yard and all tested very well.
I have to do that once a week.
I have a door lock like the people do when we rent on vacation, in case they need in, (ambulance or police) the number will be given them, and there is a key in the box to open the door.

What more do I need? 

So we have a new cat. Mom's reward.

Gift from Bob
because I am his favorite Mom
and he is my favorite son.
And this cat has made me smile on dark days.
Now I get to hug it and let him stay grumpy if he wants to.