After a very emotional week I am starting to breath again with a more relaxed rhythm
Told a friend that I wanted things normal again when all I had to worry about was coping with Alzheimer. My friend thought I was loony.
We still do not have the final resting place in order for my daughter in law.
Cremating and sending to a different state seems to be taking time.
I thought this talk about "closure" was bananas but right now we need closure.
All of us do.
So here I am getting again on my soap box.
Please if you read this , listen, no matter how young or old you are, if you are an adult for
heavens sake write down what you would like to be done in case you are no longer here
and can't have a voice in how you want to be buried, and what you want to be done
with what you leave.
Be it about the future of your children.
About your assets even if all you have is a pair of walking shoes.
Your dog , your cat and the vase from Aunt Mabel.
Please , please, make a will, write a will, write down all you think the people left behind should know.
I have been in the estate business for 3 decades, handled dozens of estate sales for lawyers and even the court system.
In all my years I only found one family who did not argue about anything.
One family among dozens.
You may not think anyone would want the old pair of walking shoes but think again as one or two will show up and say "I need to have this for a souvenir of him/her" and the second one will say I am older by one day and should be in line first to get the smelly shoe.
Funny? Do not kid yourself, I have seen battles involving third and fourth cousins who showed up out of nowhere.
Pick a lawyer with better care than you would pick your plastic surgeon, believe me, there are so many crooks out there. I have seen them manage to dwindle down your jewelry collection till all is left is something you bought at Woolworth the dime store.
If you do anything for your future then please bring your affairs in order now and all will be done the way you would like it.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Santa Cruz Mountains in trouble
The week has gone by like in a fog.
I did not work until today and was lucky that I could still add figures without
messing up.
The reality of our loss has yet to hit us.
We function to a certain degree.
Make pancakes, walk the dogs, plant some more lobelias and sit in a chair outside just staring at birds and squirrels not really thinking.
I forget about the work needed inside the house.
I forget to write that important insurance check.
I just think about how the people in my life are leaving.
But a young person's loss seems so much harder to take.
Had a call from Santa Cruz, my Paradise from the late sixties, the Santa Cruz Mountains are on fire. I lived there 7 years and how I loved the small villages, Boulder Creek,
Ben Lomond, Brookdale ................
Of all the decades that I lived in the US that part of the world is paradise.
I no longer have my friends there, Mary, Kathy, Georgina, April, all gone to a better place,
two of them had breast cancer.
Where has the time gone when we walked along Highway 9 from village to village.
The house we lived in had been eaten up by fire 3 decades ago and now the mountains
are being eaten up by fire. I think there still is only one road out of there and that is 9
to Felton.
No one to call anymore "Hey are you ok?"
How many of the gorgeous red wood trees will be gone and when will nature take over again and sprout some new ones.?
I do not think I ever worried about a fire back then but had my share of fear of the earth quakes. The slightest rumble made the dishes rattle and before I knew which way to get out of the house it would be over. St Andreas vault.
I dont think I will get back there again.
Paradise has changed , you need to be very wealthy to afford to live there.
Now I wish I could get some sleep, I work this week end but look forward to a flower festival in town. Lets see what plant I absolutely need and a MUST HAVE.
I did not work until today and was lucky that I could still add figures without
messing up.
The reality of our loss has yet to hit us.
We function to a certain degree.
Make pancakes, walk the dogs, plant some more lobelias and sit in a chair outside just staring at birds and squirrels not really thinking.
I forget about the work needed inside the house.
I forget to write that important insurance check.
I just think about how the people in my life are leaving.
But a young person's loss seems so much harder to take.
Had a call from Santa Cruz, my Paradise from the late sixties, the Santa Cruz Mountains are on fire. I lived there 7 years and how I loved the small villages, Boulder Creek,
Ben Lomond, Brookdale ................
Of all the decades that I lived in the US that part of the world is paradise.
I no longer have my friends there, Mary, Kathy, Georgina, April, all gone to a better place,
two of them had breast cancer.
Where has the time gone when we walked along Highway 9 from village to village.
The house we lived in had been eaten up by fire 3 decades ago and now the mountains
are being eaten up by fire. I think there still is only one road out of there and that is 9
to Felton.
No one to call anymore "Hey are you ok?"
How many of the gorgeous red wood trees will be gone and when will nature take over again and sprout some new ones.?
I do not think I ever worried about a fire back then but had my share of fear of the earth quakes. The slightest rumble made the dishes rattle and before I knew which way to get out of the house it would be over. St Andreas vault.
I dont think I will get back there again.
Paradise has changed , you need to be very wealthy to afford to live there.
Now I wish I could get some sleep, I work this week end but look forward to a flower festival in town. Lets see what plant I absolutely need and a MUST HAVE.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
A bad time for us
There is no getting around to loss of a friend which happened a few months ago.
It lingers and lingers, you think of what he had said at a certain time,
you remember funny times and sad times and you feel like you should
get in touch this very minute but ..................he is not longer with us.
So, two days ago, it struck us much closer.
My 32 year old daughter in law , left us , unexpectedly.
Leaving behind a 9 year old and a husband with a broken heart.
Mother and Father having only one child having to face their loneliness
We are all in a shock state.
I keep thinking there is a mistake, someone made a mistake.
She was with us just a couple of days before and she had
to return to Texas where her child goes to a special school.
Funeral arrangements were done today.
Phone calls on 2 phones are going non stop.
She had a master degree in psychology and her specialty was
about children with major problems.
The calls come to us from the many, many parents she had helped.
The nights she stayed with them when a child was sick.
The times she took a baby who was so beaten that she hardly had a
brain left and cared for her and the foster mother for years and years.
We had planned a very low key graveside family funeral but we
had nothing but calls and people telling us:
"do not leave us out, we want to be there, we want to say goodbye to her"
I think in her short life she has done so much good and she became
an advocate for the mentally challenged , went to Raleigh to fight for them.
I think for a long time to come we are going to think about her.
No doubt she is hanging around the angels and may even earn some wings
for herself. Watch out Angels she had a penchant for silver and she may
want silver wings.
Good night girl, you are missed.
It lingers and lingers, you think of what he had said at a certain time,
you remember funny times and sad times and you feel like you should
get in touch this very minute but ..................he is not longer with us.
So, two days ago, it struck us much closer.
My 32 year old daughter in law , left us , unexpectedly.
Leaving behind a 9 year old and a husband with a broken heart.
Mother and Father having only one child having to face their loneliness
We are all in a shock state.
I keep thinking there is a mistake, someone made a mistake.
She was with us just a couple of days before and she had
to return to Texas where her child goes to a special school.
Funeral arrangements were done today.
Phone calls on 2 phones are going non stop.
She had a master degree in psychology and her specialty was
about children with major problems.
The calls come to us from the many, many parents she had helped.
The nights she stayed with them when a child was sick.
The times she took a baby who was so beaten that she hardly had a
brain left and cared for her and the foster mother for years and years.
We had planned a very low key graveside family funeral but we
had nothing but calls and people telling us:
"do not leave us out, we want to be there, we want to say goodbye to her"
I think in her short life she has done so much good and she became
an advocate for the mentally challenged , went to Raleigh to fight for them.
I think for a long time to come we are going to think about her.
No doubt she is hanging around the angels and may even earn some wings
for herself. Watch out Angels she had a penchant for silver and she may
want silver wings.
Good night girl, you are missed.
Friday, May 16, 2008
On my soap box
I was answering some question on the WOW.COM about Alzheimer and the cost of it.
Some unknown person answered me that my husband AND I could possibly be eligible
for a pension from the VA.
Now we have been to the VA several times and I spoke to a social worker several times,
all what was offered us are a couple of mornings in a program for A but 20 miles away from us.
Since I do not drive this is not much of a solution.
I was dumbfounded that someone suggestion a pension.
I thought this to be impossible.
Went to the site http://www.veteranaid.org/
Indeed there it was in black and white.
Not only does my husband qualify for a pension due to his service in WW2 but so would I
should he pass on.
I had to read it all several times to believe it.
He was eligible when he turned 65 , that is almost 17 years ago.
The VA does not try to make this a priority in fact a lot of politics involved to
seemingly keep it quiet. (according to the site and others I now have been reading)
Not only that, there are companies who go around telling senior groups of this
pension but then charge as much as 1200 $ to do the paper work.
It took me 1 hour to do the paperwork and probably 2 hours to dig up
marriage certificate and his discharge papers.
Mailed it all priority mail the next day.
There are abour 24% of vets who are now taking advantage of this program,
there is additional pensions for your medical expenses or for your spouse's
medical expenses.
I read some getting as little as 96.00 a month and as much as 1200.00 a month
depending on your income and circumstances.
Nothing has to be service related such as a disease.
I wrote about this in Yahoo Question and Answers and 5 people wrote me back within an hour and said they too qualified and had never heard about it. They were elated.
So I am doing my best to let every one know.
http://www.veteranaid.org/ will make a difference for us, if you are a vet from whatever war and have a honorable discharge then do check it out.
I will keep you up to date with this.
Time expected before we get anything is 4 to 6 months and someone told me 1 year.
HOWEVER the benefits will start from the day the VA receives your application.
Here in part taken from the site:
Some unknown person answered me that my husband AND I could possibly be eligible
for a pension from the VA.
Now we have been to the VA several times and I spoke to a social worker several times,
all what was offered us are a couple of mornings in a program for A but 20 miles away from us.
Since I do not drive this is not much of a solution.
I was dumbfounded that someone suggestion a pension.
I thought this to be impossible.
Went to the site http://www.veteranaid.org/
Indeed there it was in black and white.
Not only does my husband qualify for a pension due to his service in WW2 but so would I
should he pass on.
I had to read it all several times to believe it.
He was eligible when he turned 65 , that is almost 17 years ago.
The VA does not try to make this a priority in fact a lot of politics involved to
seemingly keep it quiet. (according to the site and others I now have been reading)
Not only that, there are companies who go around telling senior groups of this
pension but then charge as much as 1200 $ to do the paper work.
It took me 1 hour to do the paperwork and probably 2 hours to dig up
marriage certificate and his discharge papers.
Mailed it all priority mail the next day.
There are abour 24% of vets who are now taking advantage of this program,
there is additional pensions for your medical expenses or for your spouse's
medical expenses.
I read some getting as little as 96.00 a month and as much as 1200.00 a month
depending on your income and circumstances.
Nothing has to be service related such as a disease.
I wrote about this in Yahoo Question and Answers and 5 people wrote me back within an hour and said they too qualified and had never heard about it. They were elated.
So I am doing my best to let every one know.
http://www.veteranaid.org/ will make a difference for us, if you are a vet from whatever war and have a honorable discharge then do check it out.
I will keep you up to date with this.
Time expected before we get anything is 4 to 6 months and someone told me 1 year.
HOWEVER the benefits will start from the day the VA receives your application.
Here in part taken from the site:
| INTRODUCTION TO THE VETERANS' AID AND ATTENDANCE SPECIAL PENSION The Veterans' Administration offers a Special Pension with Aid and Attendance (A&A) benefit that is largely unknown. This Special Pension (part of the VA Improved Pension program) allows for Veterans and surviving spouses who require the regular attendance of another person to assist in eating, bathing, dressing, undressing or taking care of the needs of nature to receive additional monetary benefits. It also includes individuals who are blind or a patient in a nursing home because of mental or physical incapacity. Assisted care in an assisted living facility also qualifies. This most important benefit is overlooked by many families with Veterans or surviving spouses who need additional monies to help care for ailing parents or loved ones. This is a "pension benefit" and is not dependent upon service-related injuries for compensation. Most Veterans who are in need of assistance qualify for this pension. Aid and Attendance can help pay for care in the home, nursing home or assisted living facility. A Veteran is eligible for up to $1,519 per month, while a surviving spouse is eligible for up to $976 per month. A couple is eligible for up to $1,801 per month*. The Aid and Attendance Benefit is considered to be the third tier of a VA program called Improved Pension. The other two tiers are Basic and Housebound. Each tier has its own level of benefits and qualifications. While the objective of this site is to disseminate information about the Aid and Attendance Benefit, we urge you to read an important document prepared by the American Veterans Institute that clearly explains the Improved Pension program, its levels of benefits and the qualifications for each. If you or your loved one does not qualify for Aid and Attendance, you may want to check to see if you qualify for another level of the Pension. | ||
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Garden time
I have been busy , hence, no new messages.
Old Bob doing pretty much the same.
Young Bob stuck with a near deaf mother so has to repeat all the time
and a father who does not know him.
Life is not easy for him right now.
As for myself I am hanging on to the job but it is with less and less hours.
Which is fine one way or the other, gives me time to work in the garden.
I am having things pop up and surprise me.
Old Bob had planted some grapes when he was still feeling half way decent.
He planted 4 and 1 survived and to mu surprise today I see oodles and oodles
of grapes growing on the vine. How neat!!!!
I did not think we would get fruit on them , I thought the plant would look nice
on the arbor , but here they were tiny little grapes.
The cherry tree has 4x what we used to have, I am guessing that draught agrees
with this tree. The trick will be to keep them on there, last year Bob went nuts
and picked all the green cherries and put them in the fridge to ripen.
He was lucky to be alive that evening.
I voted yesterday for Hillary Clinton, I saw her in person last Friday.
But NC did not give her the vote she needed.
I did my duty.
Tired of the hoopla , we will vote Democrat in November to the winner of this
race. I just do not want to hear about it anymore.
Old Bob doing pretty much the same.
Young Bob stuck with a near deaf mother so has to repeat all the time
and a father who does not know him.
Life is not easy for him right now.
As for myself I am hanging on to the job but it is with less and less hours.
Which is fine one way or the other, gives me time to work in the garden.
I am having things pop up and surprise me.
Old Bob had planted some grapes when he was still feeling half way decent.
He planted 4 and 1 survived and to mu surprise today I see oodles and oodles
of grapes growing on the vine. How neat!!!!
I did not think we would get fruit on them , I thought the plant would look nice
on the arbor , but here they were tiny little grapes.
The cherry tree has 4x what we used to have, I am guessing that draught agrees
with this tree. The trick will be to keep them on there, last year Bob went nuts
and picked all the green cherries and put them in the fridge to ripen.
He was lucky to be alive that evening.
I voted yesterday for Hillary Clinton, I saw her in person last Friday.
But NC did not give her the vote she needed.
I did my duty.
Tired of the hoopla , we will vote Democrat in November to the winner of this
race. I just do not want to hear about it anymore.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Bad mood days
Been in a bad mood for a few days and can't get out of it.
Have not been listening to the news lately because I can't handle that either.
The Corgy is finally back to chasing the cat and Toto.
We have no idea what Bob is feeding these animals.
He is sneaky about it.
Funny how he remembers there are No No's but not why we should not
feed them milk etc...
I am afraid to buy anything with chocolate in.
Then we read that onions too are bad for dogs.
Old B is constantly giving bad looks at the son.
I told Bobby yesterday that I usually tell him "it will get better" but with this problem
that does not work anymore.
It will not get better.
Getting hot so Bobby put the screens in the windows, we do not have AC,
Old Bob keeps coming and closing the windows.
He is afraid of intruders.
I am glad that I still have a place to go to work.
How long they will keep us open and if there is hope at
the end of this recession tunnel , I do not know.
I know very little these days , just to be in a bad mood
and I hate that. It is not my nature to run around
like that.
Have not been listening to the news lately because I can't handle that either.
The Corgy is finally back to chasing the cat and Toto.
We have no idea what Bob is feeding these animals.
He is sneaky about it.
Funny how he remembers there are No No's but not why we should not
feed them milk etc...
I am afraid to buy anything with chocolate in.
Then we read that onions too are bad for dogs.
Old B is constantly giving bad looks at the son.
I told Bobby yesterday that I usually tell him "it will get better" but with this problem
that does not work anymore.
It will not get better.
Getting hot so Bobby put the screens in the windows, we do not have AC,
Old Bob keeps coming and closing the windows.
He is afraid of intruders.
I am glad that I still have a place to go to work.
How long they will keep us open and if there is hope at
the end of this recession tunnel , I do not know.
I know very little these days , just to be in a bad mood
and I hate that. It is not my nature to run around
like that.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Time Out
Had two days and one night away from the house.
Sabrina , my grandson and a friend took some time off to
go to Tennessee.
The mountains were in full bloom withe dogwoods and
purple wild plum trees.
It was just magical to see the new greens on the trees and
a bit of snow on the tops of the Smokey's.
I left old B with young B and it turned out to be a great combination.
Bobby cooked , fixedhis coffee the way he likes it and gave his meds.
When I walked in and asked foolishly "Did you miss me?"
He said"No. why?"
I said " I was gone 2 days" and the sweet man said:
I did not notice it.
I was delighted for I did not feel guilt that I had left him.
It was a dangerous question for if he had indeed missed me then I would
not dare to go out again.
So all is well. I had a great relaxing time and everyone survived !!!!
Sabrina told me that we will try and do this every month.
We are surrounded by the great mountains and lakes so we can
always find a place within 1 or 2 hour ride.
It is great to get a "normal" view of everything and be out once in awhile.
Sabrina , my grandson and a friend took some time off to
go to Tennessee.
The mountains were in full bloom withe dogwoods and
purple wild plum trees.
It was just magical to see the new greens on the trees and
a bit of snow on the tops of the Smokey's.
I left old B with young B and it turned out to be a great combination.
Bobby cooked , fixedhis coffee the way he likes it and gave his meds.
When I walked in and asked foolishly "Did you miss me?"
He said"No. why?"
I said " I was gone 2 days" and the sweet man said:
I did not notice it.
I was delighted for I did not feel guilt that I had left him.
It was a dangerous question for if he had indeed missed me then I would
not dare to go out again.
So all is well. I had a great relaxing time and everyone survived !!!!
Sabrina told me that we will try and do this every month.
We are surrounded by the great mountains and lakes so we can
always find a place within 1 or 2 hour ride.
It is great to get a "normal" view of everything and be out once in awhile.
Monday, April 14, 2008
3.30 in the morning and no place to go
I am back to the habit of not sleeping a full night. Three o clock in the morning and I wake up to demons rushing about in my head. I can come up with more "what if"s" then anybody I know.
Even so yesterday was an OK day. We had a good sale at the store and met our goals so I could be busy counting money and put in a few hours more. My friends in Belgium became grandparents.
Bob was doing ok.
Of course I am worried about the Corgy, she is not herself and just sits in a corner where we can hardly see her. When we take her for a walk she digs her feet into the dirt and refuses to come back in the house. She will need to see a vet but how to get her to one is another story.
Bobby's car broke down and the girls are working tomorrow.
There I go with the "what if" scenario.
We had dogs when I was little. My father raised German shepherds and I we never had shots and all that stuff we do today for animals. We gave them kitchen scraps and they seemed to be
doing fine.
I better get some sleep. I am rattling and rattled.
Even so yesterday was an OK day. We had a good sale at the store and met our goals so I could be busy counting money and put in a few hours more. My friends in Belgium became grandparents.
Bob was doing ok.
Of course I am worried about the Corgy, she is not herself and just sits in a corner where we can hardly see her. When we take her for a walk she digs her feet into the dirt and refuses to come back in the house. She will need to see a vet but how to get her to one is another story.
Bobby's car broke down and the girls are working tomorrow.
There I go with the "what if" scenario.
We had dogs when I was little. My father raised German shepherds and I we never had shots and all that stuff we do today for animals. We gave them kitchen scraps and they seemed to be
doing fine.
I better get some sleep. I am rattling and rattled.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Great day
Thank God it is Friday say the bureaucrats but I start my week on Friday.
It does not matter, one day blends into the next day.
But this Friday I had lunch with two good friends and I had verbal diahrea as always.
I am becoming my mother.
When she had a visitor, the visitor was a prisoner to her talks.
I am a talker. So be it.
Also I have few people to talk to these days since Bob and I were talking non stop to
each for 30 years of our marriage.
What in heavens did we say to each other?
I know we talked all the time. what is worse we almost always agreed with each other.
The last 10 years have changed all that, slowly the talks were gone, the conversation dried up
into a dry pond. The idea fading from Bob's mind on what subject he should pick or answer me on.
So my dear friends have all the patience in the world and listen to me for 2 hours.
Is my life so interesting? Au contraire it is boring to the max.
SO C and L thank you for being there.
You are better than the 150 dollar shrink!
It does not matter, one day blends into the next day.
But this Friday I had lunch with two good friends and I had verbal diahrea as always.
I am becoming my mother.
When she had a visitor, the visitor was a prisoner to her talks.
I am a talker. So be it.
Also I have few people to talk to these days since Bob and I were talking non stop to
each for 30 years of our marriage.
What in heavens did we say to each other?
I know we talked all the time. what is worse we almost always agreed with each other.
The last 10 years have changed all that, slowly the talks were gone, the conversation dried up
into a dry pond. The idea fading from Bob's mind on what subject he should pick or answer me on.
So my dear friends have all the patience in the world and listen to me for 2 hours.
Is my life so interesting? Au contraire it is boring to the max.
SO C and L thank you for being there.
You are better than the 150 dollar shrink!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
green star on eBay
Oh I did not mention this milestone.
I made 5000 feedback on eBay
and 100 percent positive.
I am quite proud of that.
Almost 8000 sales too as duplicate buyers do not count.
(they will change that)
So I got a green star now and a letter from eBay with congrats.
I made 5000 feedback on eBay
and 100 percent positive.
I am quite proud of that.
Almost 8000 sales too as duplicate buyers do not count.
(they will change that)
So I got a green star now and a letter from eBay with congrats.
Turn around a bad day
Bob wants to go home to his Aunts and Uncles, a new one, if they were still alive they would be about 120 years old. Time to put the alarms on so we can catch him if he leaves.
I am going out in the yard just about measuring how tall my perennials got. I just have to see something positive because my head is splitting.
Ok so I am doing well after I saw that the Dutch Iris did not freeze after all and are in buds!Yeah!
Bobby's seed planting is coming along too and some of the roses are wielding buds.
The weather man said we will drop another 15 degrees again tomorrow.
That is not so hot!
Tomorrow, another day.
Tomorrow big 12 hour sale at the store.
We better sell or we will have more hours cut.
We are having some really nice duds at 75 Percent off.
Glad it is evening and I can go to sleep soon and forget the world.
I am going out in the yard just about measuring how tall my perennials got. I just have to see something positive because my head is splitting.
Ok so I am doing well after I saw that the Dutch Iris did not freeze after all and are in buds!Yeah!
Bobby's seed planting is coming along too and some of the roses are wielding buds.
The weather man said we will drop another 15 degrees again tomorrow.
That is not so hot!
Tomorrow, another day.
Tomorrow big 12 hour sale at the store.
We better sell or we will have more hours cut.
We are having some really nice duds at 75 Percent off.
Glad it is evening and I can go to sleep soon and forget the world.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Slowing down
A relative of ours has written negative letters all her life. When the letter comes you are afraid to open it. The kid broke an arm, the car broke down, the boss was mean, the rain would not stop,
the mattress is old, the new TV sucks, and on and on.
So , at this point in my life, I am afraid to write to my friends for I am not always in good spirits but I try. Who wants to hear about all the bad news???Just turn on TV and you have a belly full.
But this blog I started for those in the same boat such as us and so we can just uplift one another or we can read that we are not alone and what some of the solutions are.
For instance I always think that with the Namenda and Raznil (?) old Bob has been able to last quite long without falling quickly into never land.
It is costly but I would recommend it.
Get driveway alarms , sign up for the bracelet in case he/she is lost , a must.
Lately we have alarms at the doors inside the house.
The last few weeks a lot of small changes are surfacing.
He forgets to do the dishes which he was religiously doing before I would come home.
The other day , I asked to walk the dog.
He pointed to the cat.
I showed him Toto, he took him outside and stood there in the driveway with
a dog who had his legs crossed but daddy decide he would come back in.
He had no idea what to do with the dog.
He hides more stuff.
He does not warm up to son, instead he looks with anger at him.
He sleeps between bites of lunch and dinner.
He sleeps watching the birds.
Yet he refuses to take a nap in bed.
He talks very little these days.
He has problems making a sentence.
He looks frail.
The people at the post office told me yesterday they were shocked to see him
looking so ill when we were there last week.
He does not look ill, he is frail and skinny.
He looks like he is not here most of the time.
Last Friday I lost it at work, not proud of it,
I want to be professional .
Daughter called me and said she would pick me up shortly.
I hung up and after hearing her voice I just let it all out.
I just cried and cried.
My manager had to count my money and do the deposits I just
was a blubbering idiot who could not count.
I did not want to go home so Sabrina and I drove around
all afternoon from Walmart to Target to Sams.
Once there I would not know what I needed either.
To make matters worse it was that afternoon that I found out
about our friend's letter which was returned with a Deceased stamp on.
I am coming out of it.
Sabrina my grandson and I will go for 2 days to Gatlinburg TN and visit the new acquarium.
Fishes calm me down even sharks.
Sometimes I tell myself to go deep into the boots and pull up some more
hope, courage, and stamina. That was always my mother's message.
Sometimes my 10 1/2 boots are too big to dig in.
Sometimes one needs to cry buckets, and mother always said that then
you do not pee so much either.
Voila that is all for the Belgian wisdom
the mattress is old, the new TV sucks, and on and on.
So , at this point in my life, I am afraid to write to my friends for I am not always in good spirits but I try. Who wants to hear about all the bad news???Just turn on TV and you have a belly full.
But this blog I started for those in the same boat such as us and so we can just uplift one another or we can read that we are not alone and what some of the solutions are.
For instance I always think that with the Namenda and Raznil (?) old Bob has been able to last quite long without falling quickly into never land.
It is costly but I would recommend it.
Get driveway alarms , sign up for the bracelet in case he/she is lost , a must.
Lately we have alarms at the doors inside the house.
The last few weeks a lot of small changes are surfacing.
He forgets to do the dishes which he was religiously doing before I would come home.
The other day , I asked to walk the dog.
He pointed to the cat.
I showed him Toto, he took him outside and stood there in the driveway with
a dog who had his legs crossed but daddy decide he would come back in.
He had no idea what to do with the dog.
He hides more stuff.
He does not warm up to son, instead he looks with anger at him.
He sleeps between bites of lunch and dinner.
He sleeps watching the birds.
Yet he refuses to take a nap in bed.
He talks very little these days.
He has problems making a sentence.
He looks frail.
The people at the post office told me yesterday they were shocked to see him
looking so ill when we were there last week.
He does not look ill, he is frail and skinny.
He looks like he is not here most of the time.
Last Friday I lost it at work, not proud of it,
I want to be professional .
Daughter called me and said she would pick me up shortly.
I hung up and after hearing her voice I just let it all out.
I just cried and cried.
My manager had to count my money and do the deposits I just
was a blubbering idiot who could not count.
I did not want to go home so Sabrina and I drove around
all afternoon from Walmart to Target to Sams.
Once there I would not know what I needed either.
To make matters worse it was that afternoon that I found out
about our friend's letter which was returned with a Deceased stamp on.
I am coming out of it.
Sabrina my grandson and I will go for 2 days to Gatlinburg TN and visit the new acquarium.
Fishes calm me down even sharks.
Sometimes I tell myself to go deep into the boots and pull up some more
hope, courage, and stamina. That was always my mother's message.
Sometimes my 10 1/2 boots are too big to dig in.
Sometimes one needs to cry buckets, and mother always said that then
you do not pee so much either.
Voila that is all for the Belgian wisdom
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Another loss
A long time ago I canceled my long distance service as Bob started to dial foreign countries. That was then. Now he would not even know how to dial 911.
No need to reinstate the long distance for our friend in San Francisco has left us.
It was a big shock. He was younger than us.
I wrote him a letter on March 5th and it was returned the other day with a notice:
diseased .
I did not believe it. Knowing Allen, I thought OK he packed and went to Palm Springs
which was his aim for when he would retire.
Daughter searched the internet and found his building and started to call people.
She soon found out that he had passed away alone in his apartment late Feb.
She also found out the number of his daughter.
I had known this guy since I met Bob in 1967. He was a character and always could make me laugh with his repertoire of jokes and life anecdotes.
He had several careers in his life. When one became boring he switched, money was not
his aim, he just wanted to do something different.
I admired him the most for 8 years he gave of himself in a hospice with aids patients.
At a time they were dying every day , Allen was witness to this and tried his best to be
a part of what he could do for their last days.
So he hired a bus and took some of the guys to gamble one more time in Tahoe.
Or he would get a cab and take them to a movie. He did not care if they needed oxygen with them
or went in their robes. He still took them where they wanted to go.
He had a giving nature without limits.
At my shop he once bought 27 gifts for the women in the office.
His first thought when we went somewhere together was to buy jewelry for his
daughter. After that it was for his friends. I did not dare look at anything more than
once or he would buy it for me.
He brought Bob a huge gold ring with a diamond in it and to this day knowing Allen'
I have no idea if it is a CZ or a diamond and it does not matter at all.
Bob lost it in his early stages and when I found it again I put it away, I knew he would not want that ring lost. He still wears a watch Allen gave him and he forgets to set it but it is
a showy piece and he wears it on top of his sleeves so people can see his fancy
watch.
He asked us to go to Torremolinos with him for a month. I told him it was not in my budget.
Can we plan for next year. We used to travel there with Grand Circle and it was a bargain
arrangement but that year out of my reach. I did not even think about it anymore until Grand Circle called me and said Mr. W. had made arrangements for all 3 of us to be in Spain next
March.
He had not told us and I was absolutely in shock. I have a hard time taking gifts and that
one was bitter sweet. How could we repay him ????Bob promised him a watercolor and that is all he wanted. We had a ball. We took a tour to Marocco and I think he purchased every thing each kid was offering him. He had a very soft spot for children in need. He had been there.
He was not a wealthy man in fact he was still working full time and overtime at his job in a hospital and he was 73. He was a born caregiver and generous to a fault.
He went into a bar and saw this gorgeous embroidered Chinese opera shawl hanging on the wall,he told me that he knew he had to have it to give to me. He asked the man what he wanted for the shawl , the man thought about it and said : your leather jacket!
Allen took of his jacket and walked home with the shawl. I have it on display but now I am
thinking of packing it up and put in a box, how dumb is that?
I think he would want me to show it off.
Old Bob met him in San Francisco and together with another friend they rented a flat.
Allen complained about all the operas Bob would play and the horrible soup he made.
All 3 were cut ups and had a blast. Allen tried marriage 3 times but it was not to be
his life long dream. In the end he liked being alone, go when and where he felt like it.
My husband is saved a lot of pain in his Alzheimer state. He has no idea of what has happened
but one day I know they will be together and have another shot of brandy.
Bob does not handle death very well and that would have been devastating.
Allen was more than a brother to him, Allen was always there to listen and to guide him in
his artistic career. Allen always loved us all and today even my kids are mourning and rejoicing that they have the memories with Uncle Allen.
You behave yourself Allen , and wait for us.
No need to reinstate the long distance for our friend in San Francisco has left us.
It was a big shock. He was younger than us.
I wrote him a letter on March 5th and it was returned the other day with a notice:
diseased .
I did not believe it. Knowing Allen, I thought OK he packed and went to Palm Springs
which was his aim for when he would retire.
Daughter searched the internet and found his building and started to call people.
She soon found out that he had passed away alone in his apartment late Feb.
She also found out the number of his daughter.
I had known this guy since I met Bob in 1967. He was a character and always could make me laugh with his repertoire of jokes and life anecdotes.
He had several careers in his life. When one became boring he switched, money was not
his aim, he just wanted to do something different.
I admired him the most for 8 years he gave of himself in a hospice with aids patients.
At a time they were dying every day , Allen was witness to this and tried his best to be
a part of what he could do for their last days.
So he hired a bus and took some of the guys to gamble one more time in Tahoe.
Or he would get a cab and take them to a movie. He did not care if they needed oxygen with them
or went in their robes. He still took them where they wanted to go.
He had a giving nature without limits.
At my shop he once bought 27 gifts for the women in the office.
His first thought when we went somewhere together was to buy jewelry for his
daughter. After that it was for his friends. I did not dare look at anything more than
once or he would buy it for me.
He brought Bob a huge gold ring with a diamond in it and to this day knowing Allen'
I have no idea if it is a CZ or a diamond and it does not matter at all.
Bob lost it in his early stages and when I found it again I put it away, I knew he would not want that ring lost. He still wears a watch Allen gave him and he forgets to set it but it is
a showy piece and he wears it on top of his sleeves so people can see his fancy
watch.
He asked us to go to Torremolinos with him for a month. I told him it was not in my budget.
Can we plan for next year. We used to travel there with Grand Circle and it was a bargain
arrangement but that year out of my reach. I did not even think about it anymore until Grand Circle called me and said Mr. W. had made arrangements for all 3 of us to be in Spain next
March.
He had not told us and I was absolutely in shock. I have a hard time taking gifts and that
one was bitter sweet. How could we repay him ????Bob promised him a watercolor and that is all he wanted. We had a ball. We took a tour to Marocco and I think he purchased every thing each kid was offering him. He had a very soft spot for children in need. He had been there.
He was not a wealthy man in fact he was still working full time and overtime at his job in a hospital and he was 73. He was a born caregiver and generous to a fault.
He went into a bar and saw this gorgeous embroidered Chinese opera shawl hanging on the wall,he told me that he knew he had to have it to give to me. He asked the man what he wanted for the shawl , the man thought about it and said : your leather jacket!
Allen took of his jacket and walked home with the shawl. I have it on display but now I am
thinking of packing it up and put in a box, how dumb is that?
I think he would want me to show it off.
Old Bob met him in San Francisco and together with another friend they rented a flat.
Allen complained about all the operas Bob would play and the horrible soup he made.
All 3 were cut ups and had a blast. Allen tried marriage 3 times but it was not to be
his life long dream. In the end he liked being alone, go when and where he felt like it.
My husband is saved a lot of pain in his Alzheimer state. He has no idea of what has happened
but one day I know they will be together and have another shot of brandy.
Bob does not handle death very well and that would have been devastating.
Allen was more than a brother to him, Allen was always there to listen and to guide him in
his artistic career. Allen always loved us all and today even my kids are mourning and rejoicing that they have the memories with Uncle Allen.
You behave yourself Allen , and wait for us.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
My yard os for the birds
I had about 6 bird feeders in my yard, most are squirrel proof. The kind with a motor so the squirrels go for a ride if they decide to come for dinner. Young Bob has bought most of them for me for presents. Enter young Bob who comes to help and he has another half dozen feeders.
Lucky for me I found a good food mixture at Sams which is reasonable.
Years ago when Bob started to sit a lot in the kitchen, we decided to put the feeders right
by the window. The bird people told me it would not work as it is too close by the house.
They were wrong, birds came. I had dozens of the finches, the redish ones but the yellows
were not to be seen.
Two years ago we put up feeders by the living room window which is now Bob's rest area.
Lot of birds, but the yellow finches still did not come.
Now that young Bob rearranged the feeding stations somewhat we suddenly have droves of the yellow finches and more woodpeckers.
He put up the thistle feeders were they eat upside down.
It is such a joy to look out and see the birds taking turns on the many feeders.
When I walk the dog in the morning there is such a noisy concert that even my deaf ears are
hearing it.
As I see it, it is great entertainment for old Bob. He calls me whenever a cardinal shows up
but he can't remember the color. It just breaks my heart that this genius painter now can't see red or can't remember what to call it. Then again I turn it around and say"at least he is enjoying the birds and gets more excited about the cardinals then the others, so something is triggering still the artist within.
Got to run and visit Sams for more seeds...........
Lucky for me I found a good food mixture at Sams which is reasonable.
Years ago when Bob started to sit a lot in the kitchen, we decided to put the feeders right
by the window. The bird people told me it would not work as it is too close by the house.
They were wrong, birds came. I had dozens of the finches, the redish ones but the yellows
were not to be seen.
Two years ago we put up feeders by the living room window which is now Bob's rest area.
Lot of birds, but the yellow finches still did not come.
Now that young Bob rearranged the feeding stations somewhat we suddenly have droves of the yellow finches and more woodpeckers.
He put up the thistle feeders were they eat upside down.
It is such a joy to look out and see the birds taking turns on the many feeders.
When I walk the dog in the morning there is such a noisy concert that even my deaf ears are
hearing it.
As I see it, it is great entertainment for old Bob. He calls me whenever a cardinal shows up
but he can't remember the color. It just breaks my heart that this genius painter now can't see red or can't remember what to call it. Then again I turn it around and say"at least he is enjoying the birds and gets more excited about the cardinals then the others, so something is triggering still the artist within.
Got to run and visit Sams for more seeds...........
Monday, March 31, 2008
PROCRASTINATING
Not much new this side of the world. We are back to cold weather (45) when it was 70 last week. Cleaned up some of the pyracantha bushes but now it is too cold to work out there.
Shop is slow. I am slowing down, weather getting to me? I dunno/ I have much work on my plate and I am procrastinating writing letters to my friends and family. I did not even write a New Year letter to my Belgian cousin (a very traditional thing) what is worse is that I can't remember if she wrote. I am tired most of the time and yet do not finish my chores.
Old B. doing same as always, but he made Carwen quite ill, the new dog, a Corgy belonging to young B. She was ill for 3 days but old B keeps feeding the dogs stuff. We do not know what made her sick this time. I think our Maltese is used to the junk now being fed, he was ok.
Worse he hides it from us. He is quite sneaky, he has not lost the memory on how to be sneaky.
Found a new site for women http://www.wowowow.com/
Try it sometime.
Google is sending me info on Alzheimer and I can't believe it but there is porno stuff in there
too. Give me a break!!!!Why would they put the word Alzheimer in there to attract people to their site? Can't believe it.
I just asked for info on dementia / Alzheimer .
Lets see if I can stop this log and start writing to cousin Janine.
Shop is slow. I am slowing down, weather getting to me? I dunno/ I have much work on my plate and I am procrastinating writing letters to my friends and family. I did not even write a New Year letter to my Belgian cousin (a very traditional thing) what is worse is that I can't remember if she wrote. I am tired most of the time and yet do not finish my chores.
Old B. doing same as always, but he made Carwen quite ill, the new dog, a Corgy belonging to young B. She was ill for 3 days but old B keeps feeding the dogs stuff. We do not know what made her sick this time. I think our Maltese is used to the junk now being fed, he was ok.
Worse he hides it from us. He is quite sneaky, he has not lost the memory on how to be sneaky.
Found a new site for women http://www.wowowow.com/
Try it sometime.
Google is sending me info on Alzheimer and I can't believe it but there is porno stuff in there
too. Give me a break!!!!Why would they put the word Alzheimer in there to attract people to their site? Can't believe it.
I just asked for info on dementia / Alzheimer .
Lets see if I can stop this log and start writing to cousin Janine.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Easter 2008
The perks of having Rhonda work at the Biltmore estate is that we can go on the property with her at no charge. So since Steinmart was closed on Easter and I had finally a Sunday off we could just run about on the grounds and in the shops of the famous castle. Shops had pretty much the same decorator items we see now in our own store , at Kirkland , etc...The buyers seem to all strive for the roosters, the sun bursts in iron, the bunnies and angels for gardens.
I am glad I no longer have to buy for my shop. You compete with the big houses and
the little shop is lost.
But, I did have a great time looking around and checking out the garden store.
Since wine does not work well with psoriasis , I was out of luck to taste the wine.
The kiddies had a tub where they could squash the grapes, have their feet washed
and pictures taken. What fun , just to get your feet blue and mother will laugh!
There were Easter eggs hunts and the small fry ran around with lovely baskets and
goodies.
Rhonda gave us the idea of the 80 miles on the property of horse trails.
I will leave them behind.
Of special passes now just for hikers (since an old couple got killed on the Parkway recently)
castle property is well guarded.
Bike and skatings paths everywhere.
The landscaper who designed Central Park also designed the lay out of this enormous
acreage. (fergot the total)
When an employee finds themselves at the gate they have often a 20 minute ride
in the park before they reach their job.
Bob was given a choice to go or not go and he was excited like a kid to go and
see the castle. We have been there many times but he fergot it.
The shops made him extremely nervous. (He used to spend more time in shops than I did)
this time he kept tugging my hand towards the door and said:This is the exit , we need to go.
We need to go.
After awhile I took his hand and put it in Rhonda's and said: Your turn.
She then took him where he wanted to go and I got to snoop a little longer.
He did not want ice cream.(what a wonder) he just wanted to get back into the car.
Years ago when we made Victorian Father Christmas dolls we were commissioned by the staff to make 2 dolls for them.
I could only use Victorian fabrics and toys.
I cut an old velvet cape which was embroidered with passementrie and black jet beads and went to town. Made him into a peddler doll. Year after year he stands proudly on one of the bedrooms not far from a Renoir on the wall.
Then we also made them an old sled with a Victorian Father Christmas in the sled, a
leather horse was pulling the sled.
When son was in High School, his automotive class went to the castle and he bragged
about his parents dolls. The guys just roared. Yeah! Kensinger, yeah for sure they
are your parents dolls. The guard put an end to the argument, picked up the doll
and showed our signatures. Triumph for young Bob , well, for a day anyway.
The Christmas display is always the tops and their designers are often on Good Morning America during the holidays.
With the promise that we will return when the thousands of tulips are in bloom we said
goodbye to the Vanderbilts home and went home.
Nice day, a bit on the cool side for end of March but nice anyway to get away.
I am glad I no longer have to buy for my shop. You compete with the big houses and
the little shop is lost.
But, I did have a great time looking around and checking out the garden store.
Since wine does not work well with psoriasis , I was out of luck to taste the wine.
The kiddies had a tub where they could squash the grapes, have their feet washed
and pictures taken. What fun , just to get your feet blue and mother will laugh!
There were Easter eggs hunts and the small fry ran around with lovely baskets and
goodies.
Rhonda gave us the idea of the 80 miles on the property of horse trails.
I will leave them behind.
Of special passes now just for hikers (since an old couple got killed on the Parkway recently)
castle property is well guarded.
Bike and skatings paths everywhere.
The landscaper who designed Central Park also designed the lay out of this enormous
acreage. (fergot the total)
When an employee finds themselves at the gate they have often a 20 minute ride
in the park before they reach their job.
Bob was given a choice to go or not go and he was excited like a kid to go and
see the castle. We have been there many times but he fergot it.
The shops made him extremely nervous. (He used to spend more time in shops than I did)
this time he kept tugging my hand towards the door and said:This is the exit , we need to go.
We need to go.
After awhile I took his hand and put it in Rhonda's and said: Your turn.
She then took him where he wanted to go and I got to snoop a little longer.
He did not want ice cream.(what a wonder) he just wanted to get back into the car.
Years ago when we made Victorian Father Christmas dolls we were commissioned by the staff to make 2 dolls for them.
I could only use Victorian fabrics and toys.
I cut an old velvet cape which was embroidered with passementrie and black jet beads and went to town. Made him into a peddler doll. Year after year he stands proudly on one of the bedrooms not far from a Renoir on the wall.
Then we also made them an old sled with a Victorian Father Christmas in the sled, a
leather horse was pulling the sled.
When son was in High School, his automotive class went to the castle and he bragged
about his parents dolls. The guys just roared. Yeah! Kensinger, yeah for sure they
are your parents dolls. The guard put an end to the argument, picked up the doll
and showed our signatures. Triumph for young Bob , well, for a day anyway.
The Christmas display is always the tops and their designers are often on Good Morning America during the holidays.
With the promise that we will return when the thousands of tulips are in bloom we said
goodbye to the Vanderbilts home and went home.
Nice day, a bit on the cool side for end of March but nice anyway to get away.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
RHONDA AT THE BILTMORE
As I wrote before, daughter Rhonda stopped teaching and is now working at the only historical castle left in the USA which is privately owned.
We have seen so many castles in Europe and when we came to W.N.C. we thought, oh yeah, another one here that will be something. But we were surprised how lovely it truly is and what treasures it holds.
When they started to grow grapes we said "Oh No that will never work"
Again we were wrong , Biltmore wines are a great success.
Today's owners are making it work.
To be a part of their staff we are finding out is not that easy.
So Rhonda was lucky to get a great job there and here are the photos they took
yesterday and gave them in lovely folders to the new employees.
You all come and visit the castle. It is well worth it.
We have seen so many castles in Europe and when we came to W.N.C. we thought, oh yeah, another one here that will be something. But we were surprised how lovely it truly is and what treasures it holds.
When they started to grow grapes we said "Oh No that will never work"
Again we were wrong , Biltmore wines are a great success.
Today's owners are making it work.
To be a part of their staff we are finding out is not that easy.
So Rhonda was lucky to get a great job there and here are the photos they took
yesterday and gave them in lovely folders to the new employees.
You all come and visit the castle. It is well worth it.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
GIVE ME SOME ENERGY
Yikes, my day off , I have no energy, trying to do some sorting in my
eBay store and I am worn out.
Bob is walking around in circles all day.
Open the door , looks for mail, opens the door looks for mail, over and over again.
Drinks too much coke, I gave him ice tea and hide the coke, he finds the coke.
I have a hard time with patience today.
I do not know why he is so agitated and what he is constantly looking for.
It is also raining cats and dogs and our Maltese hates water drops, just hates them.
The Corgy does not care, she just runs about with her little short legs, I am sure her
belly must get wet.
But Toto is the drama king, he should not have his silken hair wet, period.
Can't wait to get into the garden.
Son does very well with seeds and I don't so I ordered some nice flowering seeds
and he set up a contraption with lights to star them indoors.
We shall see.
Daughter in law was bitten by one of these bad spiders , a recluse or something like
that , I am worried about her. A friend at work struggled with that for 3 years now
and has to take Cancer drugs (hair falling out etc...) to get it cleared up.
She has been to Duke and to numerous specialist but the truth is , they did not clean it out sufficiently in the beginning.
These are nasty bites.
Hope that Ari will have the right help.
Good news: Daughter 1 gave up teaching (too much paperwork etc....) and found a great job at the Biltmore castle. She is a romantic person and always loved the castles we visited in
Europe, she will love it there.
Biltmore is a great employer with many perks. They also want the family of the employees
to come and visit often and give passes for this.
Rhonda is floating.
She was exhausted after all the years of teaching and doing paperwork night after night.
She was an ESL teacher and had to keep papers for the government for each kid
day in and day out. With migrant workers coming in our area all the time, the work was
never ending. Her little son always had a couch in her classroom and many a time she
had a police escort to her car with her sleepy child in her arms when it was past 11.
Her new job is 9 to 5 , go home and do not think about anything but a nice evening with Peter and family.
I also found out that grandson Kahleb is on his way this summer to visit us.
He lives in Sweden and young Bob tells me that the kids is an absolute genius with
computer programs. He is also fluent in both languages. I am looking forward to his visit.
Oh well, with the good over riding the negative I al starting to be in a better mood.
Cheers
eBay store and I am worn out.
Bob is walking around in circles all day.
Open the door , looks for mail, opens the door looks for mail, over and over again.
Drinks too much coke, I gave him ice tea and hide the coke, he finds the coke.
I have a hard time with patience today.
I do not know why he is so agitated and what he is constantly looking for.
It is also raining cats and dogs and our Maltese hates water drops, just hates them.
The Corgy does not care, she just runs about with her little short legs, I am sure her
belly must get wet.
But Toto is the drama king, he should not have his silken hair wet, period.
Can't wait to get into the garden.
Son does very well with seeds and I don't so I ordered some nice flowering seeds
and he set up a contraption with lights to star them indoors.
We shall see.
Daughter in law was bitten by one of these bad spiders , a recluse or something like
that , I am worried about her. A friend at work struggled with that for 3 years now
and has to take Cancer drugs (hair falling out etc...) to get it cleared up.
She has been to Duke and to numerous specialist but the truth is , they did not clean it out sufficiently in the beginning.
These are nasty bites.
Hope that Ari will have the right help.
Good news: Daughter 1 gave up teaching (too much paperwork etc....) and found a great job at the Biltmore castle. She is a romantic person and always loved the castles we visited in
Europe, she will love it there.
Biltmore is a great employer with many perks. They also want the family of the employees
to come and visit often and give passes for this.
Rhonda is floating.
She was exhausted after all the years of teaching and doing paperwork night after night.
She was an ESL teacher and had to keep papers for the government for each kid
day in and day out. With migrant workers coming in our area all the time, the work was
never ending. Her little son always had a couch in her classroom and many a time she
had a police escort to her car with her sleepy child in her arms when it was past 11.
Her new job is 9 to 5 , go home and do not think about anything but a nice evening with Peter and family.
I also found out that grandson Kahleb is on his way this summer to visit us.
He lives in Sweden and young Bob tells me that the kids is an absolute genius with
computer programs. He is also fluent in both languages. I am looking forward to his visit.
Oh well, with the good over riding the negative I al starting to be in a better mood.
Cheers
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