The HAWK

Legend has it in the Native American world of symbols that the Hawk as your guide is one of insight.
Sabrina had claimed him eons ago when we went to Native American lectures.
Sabrina has a connection with our Natives.
Whenever she passed out when she was a child she would start rambling of all the Indians and the wagons around in a circle and she was petrified. At first we thought she had seen to many cowboy and Indian movies but it happened over and over again when she was totally out of it.
My aunt had a stroke and one arm lame, Brie touched her arm and fainted on the spot and started her story all over again.
Later on in hypnosis she found out she had been an Indian warrior.
So she continues to accept her hawk.

About 20 years ago ,I was washing dishes in the sink and looking out to my hedge right in front of me and there landed the biggest bird I had seen close up in the wild. He looked at me and I was happy that a window separated us. His look was not inviting and the beak was awesome. My bird book is right at my sink so I quietly moved to see what that was. I have been watching birds forever in my yard. He did not move he just looked into the window, perhaps he saw himself in the reflection perhaps he was wondering
what a strange bird I was op close. I was thinking an eagle but soon found him as a red hawk. He was there for a long stretch and was in a trance over him. When he flew away he looked even more spectacular.
I can still remember the scene. Nature boy, Frank, said that they do not come often in a town situation with all the traffic and less greenery and forest.

So a couple of days ago I walk Bijou early and I always check out what birds are flying about , I love the chickadees who visit our feeders and a titmouse or two. Our streets are narrow, so I can see the dead tree in front of next small street.
That tree is so neglected and the owner is not removing it. I watch it all the time as for sure one day it will come down and hit the house in front of me, maybe even part of ours. It was a very grey morning and about 8 am. The dead tree is nothing but black bark with long branches sticking out all around the trunk, it is very tall must have been a pine (I think).
So I look up and see a LARGE bird , I stop in my tracks and get closer, he is facing me but still high up. His belly seems like all white feathers. I am thinking an owl, we have them around the house. This was one giant owl. He does not move. Neither do I.
Bijou is pulling on the leash he had no interest in birds. I ignore Bijou. The bird start to clean his feathers and now I see
that he is white and brownish mixed on the belly and I see his head clearly, not an owl, a hawk, a bird of prey, no doubt in my mind. I quietly go back home much to the chagrin of Bijou with a full bladder, and I grab my camera. Would you not know it, the battery was dead. I gave up went back outside and HE was still there.

I gave up and took Bijou for his usual tour of trees and mud puddles he loves.
Upon our return at least 20 minutes had passed and HE was still there.
I went into the house trying to see if I could quickly charge the battery but no such luck.
From my computer I could still see him and I was happy. I was telling myself that I had to see him fly away.
I started to type and poof he was gone and I missed it.

I had the nerve to tell myself that he was going to come back and greet me.
My camera would be ready.
Next day I got out in the afternoon with the while Maltese dragging me all over the place and I was so exhausted,
I look up at the tree and there HE is, this time his back at me.
Ran into the house forgetting my fatigue and started to shoot photos.


Here he is:

I watched till he flew away in a ballet move of wings and grace.
This one much larger then the one I saw years ago.
I will continue to look for him. He must like that tree even when the ravens come to sit close to him and make their loud objections heard. They too love that tree and come there every day sometimes 2 but most of the time 3 at a time.
Life is great when one has the time to look around and stop.

a new milestone in the Catholic church.

I looked at the latest on my FB page and saw a small notice from the BBC and my pal in the UK.
It said that the Pope was resigning.
I checked to make sure we were not April 1st.
I thought I had missed a bunch of Rome's news as this could not just come out of the blue.
I wrote"Surprise?"

It turned out it was. The Cardinal from NY was on the news and told us that his secretary told him when he went into his office.
He just said he had to sit down. He could not believe it.
The church has to deal with a lot these days not the least of it the pedophile charges all over the place.
Less people filling the chairs...more Catholic schools closing at least in the USA and the list goes on and on.
My mother was a kid in a catholic convent from age 3 to 18.
She did not go to church very often anymore in the last 3 or 4 decades of her life not even on Easter. When she passed on the priest said to me that he did not know that woman. Was not sure if she belonged to his parish. I told him she lived for decades around the corner of his church. Evidently he had not tried to find his parishers either. After much talk he let her come into the church for her final trip.
I was a bit out of shape with him, at the end he did well by us. But I was thinking today that she had little use for the Popes, she said over and over again that the good one had been poisoned for sure even so it was never declared so. I can't remember which one it was, anyway during her life time. She did not know about this new one, she had already left us, I have an idea she would not have liked him either. She wanted more changes and I think a lot of people would still agree with her.

The changes are not going to come as I heard Cockie Roberts explain that the Cardinals of choice for the most part
were accepted under this Pope or the one right before all with similar convictions, not a rebel in the bunch.
Several Catholics in interviews would like to see someone from Africa for a change. It worked for a President so why not?

I am confused that he made this proclamation 2 days before Lent. Easter looming in the horizon. The sudden announcement and more so the timing. I will leave Feb 28th. That is like 2 weeks away, why not do it after Easter?
To look at his face one can see that he is not well. He has aged a lot in the last 5 years. They say he can hardly walk.

This evening the talk on the news was how to go into unsailed waters...what to call him after this. What to do with the Papal ring (usually being smashed) , is he still a Holy man? questions were everywhere. a lot will remain to be seen on how the rest of his Vatican people will vote and make up new rules as they go.
I have my doubts that he did this on his free will.
Does he have dementia? Could he still deliver his speech in latin if he does? Could he not be in his bed during a bad illness and give the orders to his people in charge?
Did the book from his secretary make a dent? Did the HBO show make a difference?
The secrecy in the Vatican is legend so we may never know what is going on.
I thought I read that he wanted his last days in Bavaria, quiet and in prayer. Then they showed the apartment which is of course in the same buildings in the Vatican.

The next Pope comes in with a load full of work and more and more controversy.

I have left the church decades ago, I would never have been able to marry the love of my life.
We were married at the Unity Church in Santa Cruz cal.44 years tomorrow.
Bob said there was only one day in the year which suited him for our wedding and it was Valentines day.
Happy 44 wherever you are Papa K.

The Immigrant

I worked with a woman from Mexico, she spoke French and Spanish and was learning English from a private tutor who wanted to help her (free lessons). English did not come easy to her but she did not give up.

She and her husband wanted to come the USA like your grandparents, parents and family did.
They wanted their children educated in our universities.
She is a quiet lady, did not sit in the lunch room joining the latest gossip and kept her life very private.
Her work ethic was the best. I was the auditor in the store and had to take the phone calls before we opened and we could bet on the calls we would get on Mondays and Saturdays...."I have the flue" (read:>"hangover") ,my this and that is hurting I can't come in , (read: party tonight I have to get ready in time).
Never a call from her. She was there when she was supposed to be and quickly behind the counter rearranging.

Then her husband had Colon cancer and one could read the worry on her face.
Fortunately he is free of cancer as I write this.

A couple of time this past month I went into the store, she was behind the cash register very busy and smiling.
Waving at me. I noticed she had a new haircut and it was very well styled, daughter said to me :"Mom, I think it is a wig"
My stomach went into a knot. A wig? really a wig? I don't think so she always has this thick black hair, it is just shorter.
I did not want to know the reality. Cancer is now a word we live with since Zack became ill. To me a wig means cancer unless you watch Bravo and see all these ladies with different wigs every week.

So a few days ago we went back, daughter and I, there was the lady working and talking with customers with big smiles and eyes shining with friendly greetings. I noticed right away that her face seemed smaller and sort of yellow in color.
I was alarmed. My ex manager took me into the lunch room and told me the story.

The lady had a complete mastectomy 3 years ago, kept it silent at work.
Had gone to Mexico to see some relatives and came right back to work.
Then she decided at some point to get a wig like her old style.
Told her co-workers what the problem was and wanted her privacy to be intact.
Doctors found it had spread in the bones and other organs, it is terminal.

The store had a special fund for such cases and the workers added quite a large sum to give to this lady as a goodbye gift.
She refused several times. A shock to her co-workers, she was gracious about it and asked that she just could continue to do her work as usual with the time out for her chemo (now a new chemo fresh on the market) .No one could believe that she refused the gift.

I could hardly leave the store without crying.
Yes, she was an immigrant, legal or not I do not care. Yes ,the store had hired her and yes she is doing a marvelous job, always has. An example for all of us.
She and her husband contributed to also give us 2 adults both with a degree in nursing and teaching.
We, Americans, are to be grateful.

I am an immigrant, I became a US Citizen, I have 3 American children and 6 grandsons.
I am proud of my little tribe, all are terrific Americans and contribute to this country to the best of their knowledge.

The people who want to be here have an agenda to get a better life for themselves and their children.
I am very happy to know the very lovely M.

loving the water feature

Now it is a winter mess and soon will be cleaned out but I just do not see any of the fishes I have left.....think no more...this morning this gorgeous large bird flies over my head...a grey heron. Me thinks he had breakfast.
He could have gone to Long John SIlver.....with a lot of ponds covered with ice every other day he was looking for new territory.......

Think he found it.

No new fish coming in until May!!!!!Put that on your calendar Mister Heron.

I love a mother like that...

I heard this tale and thought I'd write about it.
It is about a very smart woman-mother.
She has a young lad who had a birthday and did receive several gifts of money.
She also knows he has a lazy disposition at times.
Not so lazy that he would take the money and run to the store to get what he
needs for his vehicle.
So the mother decided to nip this in the "butt".
She asked for the money, the lad put it on the table with a big frown.
He wondered what she would do with his stash and worried that he perhaps owed her
that much and he forgot.
The mother gently said: "This money stays here until I see the "thank you " notes to
the people who were so generous with you.
Within five minutes if not less, the notes were on the table all ready and set for the mailman.
The young man grabbed his bills, counted them again, and flew out the door to get to the auto shop
when they would open.

I am of a generation when we did write "Thank You" notes but often these days the parents forget to
enforce this. When a kid writes :"I do not like" Walmart gift cards" I never go there then you may be sure he
will not see another one coming from me.
When they get a present and say :"I thought it would be something else". He or she is on my list too.
Kids to day are so spoiled with enormous expensive gits in the electronic vain and expect all the time to get
one bigger or better and the cost does not enter their mind.
I am just griping this is not for my family in fact I forgot to give one grandson his Christmas gift, yikes,
he probably will be surprised when he gets it on Valentine's day.

So I am, into books, who would have ever thought....

Within my Fire Kindle I discovered this time that there were books I wanted to read besides fluff and romance.
I remember Bob and I have discussions over the French Revolution, I think he read all he could about it.
A "psychic" told us a long time ago that we were together during that time and I mistreated him.....is that the reason that he gave me 13 years of heart ache when he was ill with dementia? Soit, who knows. C'est la vie.

So I had read Mme Bovary eons ago and reread that. I knew the ending, during that period they all had to have a pinch of arsenic in the books or it was not worth writing.It was just a bit of fluff that got me in the mood for history rather than novels.

Then I thought I would get into the Louis's.
I saw that Kindle had a series of memoirs on our celebrity of that day and picked Louis XIV.
Memoirs written by Duc Louis de Rouvroy Saint Simon.
The first volume was like reading the telephone book of nobility and bastard children.
I doubted I was going to finish the book.
Then I got involved with some intrigue and the battle in Namur against the Prince d'Orange.
Of course Belgium as a country was still far away, at this point in time this is the Low Country.

I started to remember who was the "prince of the blood" and who were the bastards so loved by the Prince.
The church (Catholic) at that time was also playing enormous roles.
Not to even mention the mistresses.
The whole set of intrigue, poisons, secret love, arranged marriages to 13 year olds , protocol, castles here and there ,writers like Racine and priest such as Pierre Lachaise.
Just so much to learn again even if I had a bit in school it was mostly about this King or Queen Died and this and that one took over after a fight or with support.....

The writer had written for years and years and had thousands upon thousands of sheets with the accounts of the court ,
it is said that his documents are still in Versailles.

Finished volume one (it stopped rather abruptly) I needed a little bit more so ordered Volume 2. (all these are Free on Kindle)
After number 2 I ventured to order more so now on Book 5, I am wondering if I will finish the whole series and I think it is 11 or 12 of them. Right now I find it very interesting. Old Bob was right but then he was a Royalist lost in America.

After that there is still so many years to catch up with ......who know where I will end up.

Cel phones and more.....

When I had the stores I had a cell phone, must have been in the late 1990's. It was a simple instrument, I could call and receive calls....No texting, no Facebook, no pictures....I loved it, I just could touch home and see what I needed to do next.

Fast forward to last Christmas when Brie gave me a phone. She said it is a simple one...yeh right..not like mine she said...just so you can call us if outside and in trouble. Oh but it does take pictures. ...Fine delighted......

Then I tried to send a text...I was lost, was pushing wrong buttons, was calling people I did not know...so my tail between my legs I go to son and admit I am not a nerd (well he knew THAT) and ask how can I text. He took my lovely phone in his hands and frowned...."Let me see, Mom" ...time passes...."What you do, Mom,......damn if I remember, I had one of these 5 years ago but I forget on how to use it....you see mine is so much simpler and I can read my emails and go on Facebook, text in different ways then yours ...." So now what? Do not text just write them an email or call...you can do that, right????

SO...between 1998 and 2013 there is a world of difference??????????I do not even know what a blackbird, Android, and Apple,or a Pear means anymore...if I can't eat it I let it be for the NERDS with money!!!!!

a lot of hoopla on Weather TV but

Here we have a very sunny morning, not a cloud in the sky and no snow.
All sorts of warnings last night.
But I am sure on 4000 elevation and in the ski areas they had their share
while my sub basement flooded yesterday they had snow.

Son is finished with his 18 weeks of torture.
Algebra and him are not the best buddies.
But I believe he said he still had a 91 on his last test and is waiting for his totals now. He is now like almost normal !!!!! This was a hard load for him.
Next week and the rest to come will be psychology etc........that he will love.

Zack in clinic for more testing today.
He is one happy camper since school is finished.
Next it will be automotive school, I think he will love that.
He only talks about cars and motors.

Is winter coming to the South?

It is 49 outside my yard is flooded, we cross our fingers for the semi basement.
Raining very hard , the dogs look outside then look up at me and they say:"Are you kidding me?You go pee in this wet mess!".
Bob tells me that we will get snow and I laugh, it is 49 outside!
Temps will drop in the evening and we are expecting a lot of wet snow but it will not stick because the earth is warm still.
Rhonda will be happy if she sees 5 snowflakes.
I am ready with salt for the thaw.
I better cook for 2 days just in case the electric goes out . Plus in my phone and Kindle.

Photos will be coming if this is a reality!!
Stay warm, world.
Maybe winter will make an entrance in the South East.

Zack has 92 .......on English Honors

Just got the "official" word. Zack made a 92 on his English Honors and is indeed an early graduate!! (you know you hold your breath until you get it in writing)!!! Frank said Zack hasn't stopped smiling all day.

Zack graduation inspite of being ill............

\
Sabrina Kensinger:
Zack is DONE with his school work and we are awaiting the "official" he is an early graduate letter / phone call!! I already got the word from school last week that he just had to finish this paper and it's a done deal!!! SO SO SO PROUD of everything that he accomplished with all these obstacles!! Proud of you Zack Fisher !!! and he is going to cross the stage with all of his friends. I will get to see ALL of my "boys and girls" graduate!!! Boy I better bring a couple of boxes of kleenex.

The heat in January

People are lined up still to get flu shots.
They call it an epidemic situation.
I do think they like to sell a lot of shots.
I did not get one.
I did not get one for the last 5 or so years.

Now today was a summer day.
People walking about in shorts.
I had a short sleeved dress on with a scarf and walked downtown, it was too hot to wear the shawl.
This is January the 13th, we reached 69 degrees.

Walking Bijou I turn a corner and right in front of me a cherry tree in bloom.
The kind we see in DC at the end of March but there it is in full bloom.
One night of frost and it will be all gone and miscalculated. Who is wrong?
Mother Nature gave it the wrong signal? perhaps the tree did not listen....
Are we so smart that we run in shorts and in a few days we need parkas and boots, what do we tell our body?

It's enough to drive an 80 year old to drink.

a dog named "Courage".

"Courage is a tall girl with a shiny coat and greying in her face.
She has big brown eyes.
We do not know her exact age nor her breed.
Probably like we used to say 47 Heinz variety.

Courage had another name and home at one time, she lived outside on a chain with a dog house.
My daughter in law would bring home anything on 4 legs and disliked most species on 2 legs. She kept watching the black dog and saw that she did not get much in food and nill in attention. Then one day she saw the dog being beaten. That night the rescue effort was made and Ari climbed over the fence and took the dog and ran for her car.
Delighted she came home to show her new live-in. Bob would not have anything to do with it, you go to the Sheriff right now and explain and they will confront the owner and you will get the dog!!!!

Ari figured he was right and the rest is history.
The female settled in with cats, and some angora rabbits. They named her "Courage".
But she was a bit short in the courage department. She hid, she was frightened.
She no longer had it to fight back, she gave in and hid.
Oddly enough she took to Bob. Since a male had beaten her we were not sure she would trust another one but she adores Bob.

At some point the gang moved to Texas, including a tank with hermit crabs which we still have but now bigger. Bob wants to save the crabs from the ugly gift shops who paint them sell them for 9.95 and then the cage etc....and the hermit needs certain food in captivity and certain temperature. Bob can't save the crab population but he has kept 7 of them for about 7 years now.
They are tame to some extend as they know when he comes with the food.
Special organic food !!!!

In Texas we all lost our Ari. Her dad was in charge of her things as Bob had come home for a short visit to help with old Dad. Bob had of course left the cats and dogs in Texas ans was going to return within a few weeks.
Bob has agoraphobia, he got worse and worse and could not leave the house. Brie and I found out that they had put Courage and the cats in a shelter. They were to be put down tomorrow. Brie pleaded and pleaded so they kept the animals for us to come and get.

We took a plane to Dallas and went straight to the shelter and accepted a giddy Courage and some neglected scared cats.Long hair all messed up.
We put them in boxes , got Ari's car and drove home the same day.
We had to get into a motel at some point. So we found one and said we had a dog and paid for him but kept quiet about the cat menagerie.

We settled in put out a cat box and hoped for the best.
One kitten had been crying the whole 300 miles and we still had a day to go.
All went well. Courage kept waking up and looking at us. It was a long night.
Next morning we pack up and miss a cat....we look everywhere...no cat...panic sets in....no cat to be seen. We know no one had opened a door we had blocked it with a chair and double lock. The cat had to be somewhere. Sabrina undid the beds and there she was between the box spring, she put up a fight and did not want to leave her safe place.

Back en route we ordered in drive-ins, less we would have one animal bolt out.
We had a delivery of one cat ordered in Atlanta by Ari's friend.
So with the meowing out of the way we had it a bit quieter on the rest of our trip.
Courage behaved very well.

The reunion of Bob and Courage was all joy. They make a terrific team.
She loves it here and she became a bit overweight. That worried me but not enough to share my dinners with the lot of them. No we did not keep the other cats, friends of Ari all wanted one of them and I had one already so lets just stop it there.
Bob loves the dogs but his big love is cats, so I keep quiet about that.

In the autumn I noticed that Courage was losing weight, she did not go gobble the food and became somewhat distant. The changes came very slowly but I kept feeding her more and more and she would refuse, finally I am feeding her out of my hands or with a spoon. I said to Bob that she is senile. Say what?

Her walking around from room to room sometimes stuck in a corner reminded me of old Bob and his walks. Everything showed me "dementia" and sure enough that is what
the old girl has. We are trying vitamins which are supposed to help a lot with hearing and recognition. We are guessing she is about 14 and has had a terrific life with Bob not to mention that I spoil her. She does sleep with Bob that is her friend and she tolerates Bijou and the Corgy.
Sad to see but Ari saved her for a better life.

antiques and decorators

A friend gave me some gorgeous magazines to peruse.
The kind of magazines with every page a thick glossy feel and gorgeous colors to get your attention.
My hands caressed the pages as I started to actually read the reasons why this color or that color had been picked for this "English look".
I checked article after article on the homes in Western Carolina.
I had no idea that we have so many interior decorators in this small town.
Truly, this is not Charlotte, not even close to being Asheville.
Are there so many people who do not know how to put a room together?

I am glad that they obviously must have work to be represented in such magazines and contests. Contests for the best room, the best house for the year, the best windows, you name it and they have a contest for it.

I have known interior decorators in my business, they were all diva's.
They would empty half the shop on approval and then return 99 percent of it way past the return date.

Can you imagine a house with 10 rooms to be done and each room has a different decorator. The prize is to be published and free advertisement.

I can't begin to think to see 10 divas plus staff milling around that house.
Trying to see what each one is doing would be called spying but when they come over with a smile and a glass of wine how can you hide that "find" which makes the room.

When I finished two such magazines and perused all the photos I noticed how much everything is changed.
Art: my husband's gorgeous work of trompe l'oeil panels and still lives were not in style in these homes. Decorator "garbage" I call it which you can buy by the ton at Pier I. We had some of that at Steinmart too. I did not see original work on any of the walls. Husband would be starving if he was still alive.

Antiques: My big love. Here and there I saw a table, an accent, a breakfront repainted in white with faux streaks of grey here and there , the background was now covered with chintz, Breakfronts in solid wood can be had at thrift shops for 400 bucks , you redo it and charge your client 1500 for this accent piece. In one cupboard I saw what they called Wedgewood china. It was all white without much decor at all, the idea was to have this all white. The word Wedgwood added class but in this case was not needed.
In other words people now need someone to tell them what to look at and live with the rest of their days. People need gurus in every shape of their life.
Gosh I must have missed so much guidance in my 80 years.
I just followed what I liked and what my soul required in comfort and looks.
If I was still in business I would be starving, well, come to think of it, I thought so in 2001 when I closed up shop, the trend was then visible in the Atlanta Wholesale Market.

Payday

Payday was yesterday so today is shopping day with my taxi "Rhonda".
Even so the sky is that lovely blue we enjoy so in the mountains of NC but on top of my list is "SALT".

Not the kind you put in your stew but on the sidewalks and steps ....am I expecting problems with snow? You can bet on it! Or can you?
The lillies boarding the rustic fence of my neighbor have leaves about 5 inches tall, no kidding these things usually start to show up very slowly in March.

Some of my petunias I planted last year are still going strong and even budding???
Looked at the calendar twice, yes, we are January!

Rhonda and I will enjoy a lunch somewhere and then stock up.
Yes, I will buy extra canned food in case we have an ice storm resulting in no power for days. We do have a camper stove and also have installed a gas heater in the living room, it does not need electrical power. We are set.

Noticed we got a pay raise with our s.s. check. Noticed AARP secondary health insurance went up. Noticed that Humana for my prescriptions went UP.Tried to notice what raise I did have.....it left a bigger hole in the complete budget.

Try and figure out what to cut out is hard. Our luxury in this house is the internet and minimum cable. We do not eat out. If I have lunch with the girls they fight me on the bill and pay. I do not need more clothing, I need to weed out again in that department. I do buy now and then some jean dress at the thrift store. Spending money on kindle is at a minimum lots of books are free or 0.99 cents.

With these old houses comes old pipes , my house was built in 1926.
I noticed the next street had to open sewer pipes at 4 houses. We are told that all the labor and parts on our property is our bill! You can get insurance for that...so I gave in to that. I am thinking that sooner or later my street will be next.
No works have been done here since we came here 37 years ago. Another new bill for 2003.

All this is very boring but is it not life?

Resolutions 2013

1) I decided definitely NOT to give up chocolate this year. That is a resolution I promise I will keep.

2) I decided not to try and loose 25 lbs , if I lost that I would be ill.
So lets keep the fat for 2013.

3) ABsolutely will not give up my French fries. I just got a new fry pot and it should last to the end of this year. No French fries would make me sick and we do not want that.

4) I will not give up spoiling Bijou. No matter how much I am being heckled about this. My resolution is to continue to spoil this white rat with a bad haircut and often bad breath.

5) I WILL go on trips with anyone who asks me, I promise to step in cars, busses, planes and go wherever you are going. I will stick to that promise for 2014.

6) I WILL give up sex, that I promise. Enough said, no details needed.

7) I will NOT neglect Facebook and the 16 farms. I probably will neglect the flowers but...I am not perfect.

8) I will continue to say bad words. I am no longer a nice with manners lady, I am now a crusty old broad ...so sue me.

9) I will NOT give up on Judge Judy, she is a MUST in my life. Prepares me for going into court, if I ever need to do that.

10) I will NOT give up vacuuming unless my back is given me hell.

Enough with the resolutions.
This life is hard enough!!!!

2013

Well, I did it! I am still here in 2013!

I went to bed at 9 I have seen that ball come down many times, it is a deja vu all over again.

In 1958/59 my then husband and I lived in New Jersey.
We drove to New York and hung around Time Square till the ball dropped.
I was a wreck, first time I left my baby girl with a sitter. It was the gal next door but still I just did not think it right that I was miles away standing in this
crowd and yet I had promised myself that I would do that at least once in my lifetime.

Young then, I was not afraid of the big crowds. The cops were everywhere and I felt protected wit5h New York's finest, on foot and on horses.
What were we worried about then? Pick Pockets!!!!!
We saw several being arrested and dragged away. That was our worry then.

I am very glad I saw it then because you could not pay me to go now.

Happy 2013 May we all experience the best year of health, wealth and contentment. I do not use the word happy anymore.
Happy is ups and downs. Do not go for that!

World Peace? We can wish, it will not happen just yet....we can wish.

Best gift this year

None of us knew it but the best gift was that cel phone which I barely need but still I need it.
Turns out I can hear on this thing and called my friend in MA. for 53 minutes we had a ball as I could hear every word. Even on my very expensive "hearing phone" this does not happen.
I had such a good time hearing Lee, even so we both have the same problems...needed an electric can opener, she one with batteries, she is already deep into snow and power may go off any time. She concerned over falling, her two casts have just now come off.
I walk with such care outside, like I am walking on eggs.
I should call it the 80's diaries.
We will not admit to our depressions either. We are fine, we tell ourselves that and anyone who wants to listen.
My daughter acts like she is my mother, said she. I say: That is new to you?"
I have a new mother now for years but this one comes with unconditional love.
I heard it all and I smiled.
There was a day that I was 23 and she 25, we had husbands but no kids yet and we
ate lunch on payday out to where they had nice shrimp. She taught me how to shop and where at a discount. She taught me that the BIG diamond on her finger was real..I hardly believe it. Even from Belgium, diamond country, I did not have relatives with rocks like that on their hands. She installed a telephone next to her bed so she could answer my many midnight calls when I would be crying my eyes out about a no good husband. She told me to leave him 10 years before I had the courage to do so.
We worked in the same office in New Brunswick NJ.
I came in from the chocolate and lace boat. Eyes wide open to a new country and new adventures. All these years later we still try and console each other.
It helps if you have a phone and can hear.
Thank you, my dear Santa!!!!!

Comments on my blog???

I have always allowed comments on my blog but I have been told that they do not register. I checked my account and it clearly does say that comments are allowed. Do not know what else I could have done in this complicated world of technolife. For instance, I had a cell phone years ago when I was still in my shop. When I closed the business there was no need for a phone. We have had our house phone since we moved in 1976. Yes, I had a Princess phone in here at one time and diverse models over the last 36-37 years and lately had several for the hard of hearing (that is a joke !!!). Since I walk the dogs daily and walk a good distance from the house I started to worry that I might fall one day and since I am not able to get up without help, I might just sit in the middle of the cemetery for quite awhile before I am being noticed. (I walk there daily, it is quiet!) I asked Sabrina if they had a very cheap phone just for emergencies, I said that I was "thinking" about it. Well Christmas eve she gives me a box and tells me to listen to the box. The room full of people was suddenly quiet, very quiet. I put the box to my ear and at first I heard nothing then there was a faint music like little bells, it took me a few seconds to figure it out and I shouted: It is a ....phone! I did say a bad word so sue me.!!!!I used to be ladylike for decades now I am a salty broad. Well, this phone is nothing like what I had a decade or more ago. This one does take messages and leave notes and whatever else. How much a month? said I? now seeing my budget being cut some more. The girl said :Nothing. Now I knew she was full of it. Zack said he was there and since I am on their plan it makes her plan cheaper!!! Say what??? Well, the enormous bonus on this is that when I called Sabrina yesterday for a try out, she sounded like she was standing next to me. I could HEAR! Now I will see if this is going to be the norm. AFTER I learn all these buttons and probably will call people by mistake or cut off some "by mistake". I am back in the normal world. Thank you Brie. What action does Brie like? She can call me when I am a football field away from her at Sams and ask: where are you? and are you done shopping? Both of us have walked miles in stores trying to find each other. I can show you my corns and have proof of that much walking. Have a good day....

Christmas is over with

Well, in a few more hours.
I am starting to feel the relief.
Why? Oh! Why? is it so hard to be of joy at the holidays?
I think Bob was so busy with Christmas and decor and I was always so busy cooking days ahead of time....it was exhilarating...it was fun...we waited eagerly for the kids to come and mayhem to start.

None of this now for several years, near the end of his disease he hated people coming into the house, he hated even Bobby moving in. He did not know any of us anymore and he got angry.

I am tired of telling this blog how much I miss him, but I do, it does not leave me.
he is like a blanket woven with tears hanging over my shoulders. I cry and cry and then fall asleep crying. I am a mess.
So no wonder that I ended our dinner with tears...yikes...Merry Christmas to all and be of good cheer...............Sabrina held me tightly and said she loved me while she was battling her own tears....brave souls we all pretend to be ...but the Fishers have funeral and memorial to face this week.
I have asked to be excused. I told Brie I loved how we did with Bob, brought his ashes to the river in the forest, simple, no speeches of goodbye, we all there (kids and I) knew he was a gentle, kind, loving man and we had told him that many times when he was alive.

I am going to bed, I found a book for my Kindle and will get lost in that I hope...."Behind the beautiful forevers" Katherine Boo.
When I will read that non fiction story I probably will know how lucky I am to be in my warm bed with a roof and four walls......a hiatal hernia complaining because I ate too much...