WHAT i HAVE LEARNED IN A FEW WEEKS

In the last 8 weeks or so our own family world has been upside down.

How did we handle it?

I can truly only speak for myself. I see the pain in others eyes but I do not know what in fact is making them to continue one step at a time and one day at a time.

I have solace, I now drink too much coffee (with caffeine- a no no) I run to the fridge whenever a tear comes in the duct ,like this is a permission to go and eat "something" any thing.
My scale tells me stories, the batteries must be low....

The one person who has taught me something is Zack.
The man/child. He looks healthy, he had trimmed my hedge just some weeks ago, works like a man and with a smile. He has dimples when he smiles.

This guy was never sick. His pediatrician must have filed his paperwork in the trash years ago. He would have a headache or an upset stomach but if a friend came in to invite him out he was healed.

He had more doctors look at him in the last weeks than I have seen my whole life.
He had surgery to remove the "cyst", he had needles put in him in every office he visited. He was shoved into giant machines, not one but several, I honestly lost count.
He was put back in "lalaland" to remove lymph nodes and put needles into both hips and remove bone marrow. (that was for sure an "ouchie" when he woke up and several days after.

His only complaints were about not being able to eat after 9 PM.
Then not having the tests like at 4PM the next day.
His reward: The steak house after the torture.

The kid is incredible, he does not run around bringing every body down, he tells his friend to just have fun now while he can. We smile and laugh and wonder if he can see how phony we are, how we want to take it all away from him. How we would gladly trade places...he is too young to have to deal with this.
Yet he does like a trouper, I am amazed at him, I am truly in shock on how little he shows us IF he is worried or frightened.

He sat with us on Saturday at the 1940's ice cream parlor where Elvis is King and he ordered a giant banana split. I watched him eat it with gusto. He does not save his whipped cream for later like I do but delves into it layer by layer, cream, ice cream, bananas, then the chocolate sauce. One can see how good it tastes by the
gorgeous brown eyes twinkling. He loves his ice cream!!!!!

He runs around with his pals and they are all hanging around him. They do not speak much about his condition. He tells them that he has 4 doctors on his team and he is tire4d of listening to them and what they predict. He says F'it lets play football.

He is missing the one year when school is more or less fun in High School, he was going to be on the football team. He was looking forward to that.
This is a big year.

The only idea of "poor me" is only about his hair.
He put on Facebook for his friends to see : I likes my hair!!!!!

He has been my sweetie pie when he "lived with us " in the shop till preschool, he now is my teddy bear, he can pick me up and I am not a dainty small old lady.
He protects me all the time. Tells me to watch this and that step, asks me if I need anything. He lost his other Grandma who loved him so much, and then his Grandpa who was his artist hero (he collects his work) ,he is hanging on to two other grandparents. He loves us and it shows.

He is my hero and I am learning from him every day.

help from Pema Chodronj

Pema Chodron
‎"The next time you lose heart and you can't bear to experience what you are feeling, you might recall this instruction: change the way you see it and lean in. That's basically the instruction that Dzigar Kongtrul gave me. And now I pass it on to you. Instead of blaming our discomfort on outer circumstances or on our own weakness, we can choose to stay present and awake to our experience, not rejecting it, not grasping it, not buying the stories that we relentlessly tell ourselves. This is priceless advice that addresses the true cause of suffering- yours, mine and that of all living beings."

PICASSO JASPER COLLAR LATEST STYLE

WANT WEAR WHAT NEW YORK WEARS?

STONE COLLARS ARE IN.

THIS PARTICULAR ONE I HAVE PHOTOGRAPHED BEFORE BUT NOT WITH DETAILS

THESE STONES ARE NATURAL PICASSO JASPER PYRITE.

THE SPACERS ARE CRYSTALS

I WILL MAKE A FEW OF THESE IN DIFFERENT STONES SO THIS WILL STILL BE AN ORIGINAL.

A CHOKER I WOULD SAY

DROP THE THE END OF THE MIDDLE BEAD IS 10 1/2 INCHES

EACH BEAD IS ABOUT 1 INCH TO 1 1/2 INCHES.

FABULOUS FOR FALL COLORS.

PRICE 45.00 FREE SHIPPING

UNUSUAL "HUGGING" BEADS

ONE OF A KIND ORIGINAL , I DO NOT DUPLICATE MY WORK.

THESE ARE HARD TO FIND BEADS , THEY ARE PICASSO JASPER
THEY ARE INTERTWINED.

HAVING BEEN CARVED TO PERFECTION SO THEY FIT ONE INTO THE OTHER.

VERY UNUSUAL

YOU WILL HAVE A LOT OF PEOPLE ADMIRING THIS NECKLACE.

PICASSO JASPER NATURAL STONES,
ALSO THE SPACERS ARE DELICATE RONDELLE BEADS, MULTI COLORED.

DROP MEASURES 13 INCHES

PRICE 50.00 SHIPPING FREE

CLASSIC PEARLS AND LAMP WORK GLASS, STUNNING

ONE OF A KING ORIGINAL.

I DO NOT DUPLICATE MY WORK AND MY PRICE IS VERY REASONABLE.

I LOVE THIS NECKLACE.

I AM NOT AN EXPERT OF PEARLS BUT THESE ARE FROM A NECKLACE DATING BACK TO THE 1950'S.

THE CLASP WAS 14 K GOLD BUT SMASHED SO I COULD NOT USE IT AGAIN.

THEY DID NOT USE 14K GOLD CLASPS ON JUST ANY PEARL NECKLACE.

THE DROP IS A LAMPWORK GLASS BEAD WITH SWIRLING COLORS OF GOLD, BLACK, ORANGE,RUST.

I CAN'T MAKE UP0 MY MIND IF THE PEARLS ARE A SUBDUED GOLD MIXED WITH PINK OR JUST A DARKER CREAM. RICH COLORS.

DROP MEASURES 15 INCHES TO THE END OF THE PENDANT.
PEARLS ARE ABOUT 8 TO 9 MM.

PRICE: 40.00 FREE SHIPPING

UNUSUAL GLASS BEAD NECKLACE

ONE OF A KIND ORIGINAL NECKLACE.

HARD TO FIND CRYSTAL BEADS IN RAINBOW COLORS, THEY ARE FROSTED AND
ALSO HAVE SMALL "WINDOWS" CUT INTO THE FROSTING SHOWING A CLEAR GLASS OF PURPLE
AND BLUES.

THE SPACERS ARE SWAROVSKY TYPE CRYSTALS IN LIGHT PURPLE.

A DROP OF 12 INCHES

I HAVE NOT SEEN A BEAD LIKE THIS IN MORE THAN A DECADE.

PRICE: 30.00 SHIPPING FREE

ROYAL BLUE GLASS FLORAL NECKLACE ORIGINAL

ONE OF A KIND ORIGINAL NECKLACE.

I DO NOT DUPLICATE MY WORK.

LAMPWORK GLASS BEADS WITH WHITE FLOWERS AND A SMALL RED DOT FOR CENTER OF THE FLOWER.

SPACER BEADS ARE DARK BLUE GLASS, THEY ARE VINTAGE BEADS FROM AN OLD NECKLACE.

A 12 INCHES DROP TO THE END OF THE NECKLACE.

A BARGAIN AT $25.00 SHIPPING INCLUDED

HANDCARVED AVENTURINE FLOWER NECKLACE

ONE OF A KIND ORIGINAL

MAIN EVENT; 5 HANDCARVED AVENTURINE FLOWERS

HARDNESS 5

BEADS : YELLOW FIRE DRAGON VEINS , SOMEWHAT FROSTY

SPACERS: HOWLITE DYED SQUARE BEADS

MEASURING TO THE END OF THE LARGEST FLOWER:
14 INCHES , DROP.

PRICE : 35.00 SHIPPING FREE

DRAGON VEINS AGATE NATURAL CHOKER

SLICES OF NATURAL DRAGON VEIN AGATE.
BEADS : AVENTURINE AND DYED JADE

MEASURE : ABOUT 22 INCHES IN TOTAL
A DROP OF ABOUT 11 INCHES

CHOKER

ONE OF A KIND ORIGINAL.
I NEVER DO THE SAME NECKLACE TWICE.

$20.00 INCLUDING SHIPPING

latest production:

PEACHBLOW DRUZY AGATE CENTER
J

ONE OF A KIND ORIGINA

PEACHBLOW DRUZY AGATE CENTER
SEA SEDIMENT JASPER DYED BEADS

CRYSTAL BEADS

14 INCHES DROP TO THE END OF THE CENTER DRUZY

NOTICE: NO THIS IS NOT A BROKEN PENDANT, THE HOLE IS PART OF THE NATURAL SHAPE OF THE DRUZY AGATE.

40.00 SHIPPING INCLUDED

LOST

I am somewhat lost in a sea of questions.
Lost in the "why's".
Lost in being firm and in knowing that everything is going to be OK and IT IS OK right now.
No cancer to be found in this great giant child.
The reaction to chemo may be next to nothing.
The hair will come back (his biggest worry)
It is not about me and yet it is because the me is lost and
I need to find her to help him.

GUNS and more GUNS

Colo. gun sales spike after shooting

Gun sales in Colorado have spiked since last week's massacre, The Denver Post reports. Background checks jumped more than 41 percent since Friday's shooting that left 12 dead and 58 injured during a midnight screening of "The Dark Knight Rises" at an Aurora movie theater. Over the weekend, the Colorado Bureau of Investigation approved background [...]

Please what will all these people do with their guns? Go hunting? I doubt it.
Fight each other???

A fresh week

Starting a new week.
I am finally starting to KNOW that Zack will be fine at the end of this road.

Rhonda called and her ultra sound for the breast was ok.
A water cyst or something like that, said dr.
She was afraid if it was bad news how she was going to tell this family.
But all is good.

I now know that I have been a total wreck.
I am now calmer because of Sabrina's visit, we talked a lot about what dr. say and
what Zack tells us.

Time and time again we hear from parents that they learn from their sick children, the courage and grace they have. We are starting to see this in Zack.
He does not want fuss around him, just let him have his games and his texting with friends and he is ok. He refuses to take meds because he is afraid to have accidental overdose of mixing medicine , he knows the results which we had in our own family.

He takes the pain, wish he would not. The pain from the last surgeries is a bit hard to take but he just takes it.

Not a wimp at all. Perhaps too much of this macho stuff.

Today preps for the first chemo, EKG's and stuff like that.
Tomorrow final council before a schedule is made.
Not all of them stay in hospital, they check the vitals and how they react to it.
Then decisions are made to either stay or go home.

He is so strong perhaps this will not touch him very much.
His buddies have sworn if he looses his hair that they will shave heads too.
He thinks this is cool and nuts.

so much for shopping

My shopping trip with Brie was finished in a hurry.
We went to lunch.
Had a great conversation back and forth about the last week.
I feel so much better.
She has become my mother.
Went to Staples and immediately became ill with indigestion and everything else.
Rushed home and stayed in the bathroom for awhile before crawling back in bed for several hours.

Fine now I think that I just let go of all my worries and said like Bobby said "F" cancer and we go on.

I think I will be OK and able to function like normal (what is that) again.

We all want "normal" schedule the chemo and be on with our lives.
Zack already had an entourage and when he did not feel well , he called his cousin (same age) and this calm young man came right over and spent the night.
These kids are resilient. Zack saw a lot of kids much younger at the cancer center so he knows he is not alone.

Brie was upset that all they sold in the gift shop was pink ribbons and shirts about saving the tatas. Little bald girls looking around if there was something for them and is was zero. The pink ribbons and tata shirts bring in the money but for heavens sake start making something for the kids with leukemia and other cancers.
I lost 2 friends with breast cancer, I miss them, but then I also lost a friend with other cancers.

We hardly ever hear about prostate cancer, tell the men to go and have a psa check before 50. The ones who die from prostate are the young ones, for the old ones it is a slow moving cancer. My husband had it and seed implants saved him. Now at the same age they no longer do anything, they figure that they die from something else first.
But make people aware.

Off my soap box. I am feeling fine and will be on the go!!!!

A day out and looking at shops!

Brie is coming, I need groceries for the week ahead but we will have lunch together, pour our hearts out and make it a fun day.
It is warm outside with gorgeous white clouds.
Bob used to have names for clouds as he did so many watercolors in different countries and so these clouds he would name "Dutch clouds". They would remind him of some watercolors he did in Amsterdam in the 1950's before he knew me.

I was surprised to have my son take me outside the other day and show me the
clouds. They were gorgeous. He had never done this before. I was a bit chocked up as old Bob did this often. Unfortunately he also did it while driving:"Look at that cloud" he would say and I would yell "look at the road ". We would both giggle because I knew he was always an artist before he was anything else.

Colorado

While I just worried all week about my family there was terror lurking
in Colorado.
12 miles from the massacre at Columbine years ago another person had plans of destruction.

The massacre at the movie theatre so far has cost 12 lives and many more are struggling to survive.

The young man who did all this is a mystery to most of the people he touched in his life.

Where to put the blame????

First of all the crazy laws in this country. He bought a lot of weapons on line.
The others which required ID's he passed, he had a clean record.
BUT why do we sell these weapons? Because the NRA is holding hands with Washington
and I do not see any changes coming soon.

What have we become???About 5 years ago someone snitched on a friend and police stepped in a house full of weapons and ammunition. The house was a few blocks from mine. Police said if it had exploded probably 2 blocks would be flat. They said he was nuts. Voila, that is a good explanation. They shoot because "God told me to do that" they shoot because of mental illness and in the end it gets forgiven.

Where is our mental health help? Clinic after clinic closes.
Our prisons are full of people who need mental help not shackles.
It took my son 3 years to be able to find help for agoraphobia. Try and get someone to come to your house to help you is almost unheard of.

My heart cries for all these people who lost someone because they wanted to see a movie.

Blame Hollywood? They will. But they have made Batman movies forever. Come on.

The world today is again pointing at the Americans who are weapon crazy, we may just as well point to Washington and follow the money.....it is all about money in the end.....

Again in THAT place

My mental stability is in question this week end.
I am so confused about so much, I can't get things straight.
Sabrina called and talked but in my comprehension it seemed she was talking a foreign language. I told her so and she started to say :Mushy mushy mushy (thinking Chinese)

Made macaroni and cheese and had to read the labels, I truly did not know how to start and how hundreds of these did I make in my 80 years.

I am acting like someone at stage 3 Alzheimer. It scares me.
Then I remember to be that way when things got so bad with Bob and I was so
overwhelmed.

Everyone says I am strong, I WAS, but this week with daily changes into Zack's healing process have thrown me for a loop. I crawled in bed this afternoon (not my sleeping chair) and slept 4 hours, I heard the phone ring...I did not answer...the hell with the world I needed sleep.

I was dreaming of a friend who passed on very young from breast cancer, in my dream she came and was yelling at me. She looked young again and healthy and gorgeous, she said:"Jeannot stop acting like an old lady!". I said: I am old!
She left as swiftly as she came. When I woke up I was shattered. I never had a dream with her in it before. That was wild.

Bobby tells me that my fears he picks up and stop it Mom, we are feeding on each other and you got to stop it.

I want to see the red button which tells me "STOP", I am lost to find a way for now but then maybe with a regular schedule for Zack and all that testing done with ,maybe I will become the strong bird again.

for my Republican friends

You do not like Obama, I get that.

I never like Bush and I told it to the world too.
That was Bush son. I actually like the father.

Here is the deal.

My kids are using the Obamacare new law to get insurance for their son with a pre-existing condition, the insurance will pay 80 percent.

The other option would be to file bankruptcy when all s finished in a year or more. That would ruin Frank's business and make the rest of their financial life a mess.

OR: they could file and hope to get help from Medicaid (= we the tax payers)

Or they could pay the hospital 25.00 a month for the rest of their lives and still have bad credit and a hospital which will loose out big time.

I am not very smart with politics, I find them all to be crooked but I know when I tried to get long term insurance ,many years ago, my husband was refused because of a previous cancer (then healed) disease.

My kids will owe money at least the 20 percent but the hospital will get paid for sure with 80 percent of the bill, a bill which we, the tax payers, will not have to pay with Medicaid.
That is what it comes down to.

worldwide friends

When I was a teen ager in the late 1940's I wrote to 3 girls in the USA.
Our school gave us addresses. One sent me pictures, her name was Joan and she
lived in Minnesota. She was very cute. I could not get her letters fast enough.
I do not remember the others that much, one was from Ohio but no one from large cities. Their life seemed like a dream to me. That was eons ago.

I am still writing, I just never stopped writing. Most of it was letters to myself with all my problems and woes and after I wrote them I would burn them.
My grandmother had done that at the turn of the century when she found herself in Italy far away from her mother and with an workaholic husband. She told my mother to write and burn it and take long walks. That was all before we had yoga guru's, shrinks with long named titles, experts on the mind etc....

That advice however is a help.

Now in my small, small world. Most friends gone, my hearing a factor in conversations,
I leave the house perhaps once a week with Brie.
YET I have a world of people who write and support all my moods and woes.

Little did I know in 1997 that my son was telling me to get "with it" and learn about computers. I said NO WAY Then I saw how he was buying and selling on a new place called eBay. That was something else, I have retail blood in my veins. I was hooked.
I have been with eBay since November 1997.
I sold a lot bought a lot and still do.

The icing on the computer cake now this very day are my friends.
I get emails, advice, prayers, nice cards, uplifting words, gorgeous photos.
I live with these "E friends", I rejoiced when one had company from Indonesia and loved the photos of gorgeous children. I cry with a friend who's son is ill and too early in a nursing home. I had a football (soccer) coach and he passed on a few years ago and I still think of his emails about his heros in the sport. His wife now consoles me in a hard time. They are from everywhere, the UK, Belgium, Crete, New Zealand, Illinois, California, cold New England, I can't name them all.

I open an email and find myself smiling, I am not alone. I may sit in my nightgown, my dishes may be in the sink waiting for me to get off my derriere but here I sit with my coffee and drink in the loving words of comfort.

Alone? yes, lonely? NO.
I am involved in many lives and thank you, Bobby, for insisting that I was not
dumb and that I could master the computer plus listing on eBay, make thousands of photos from my wares and most of all giving me a world of women who care.

calming down

now that we have a program in sight and stipulations to what to do when, now then we are relaxing.

OK repeat that, please.

Relaxing:

Why did my waffles end op kind of mushy? Oh! I forgot the oil!
My teen age guest is very polite and did not say they were terrible.

Why did I go to the washing machine to reheat my spaghetti?

Why are all my entries in the scrabble with friends just 3 letter words and I am getting smashed in the contests?

Why did I go to bed the other night with my day clothes on?

Why do I yell at the dogs, they are always in my way but this week
they truly look like Mac trucks ready to fall over.

Why did I make an opera length necklace when the order was for a choker?

Why would I just like to go to bed and put the covers over my head and wake up next year.

It is unfair.
Life is unfair. My grandson is fullof life and energy, why does he have to be full of chemicals in the nextyear? Why? I am 80, I had a full life, why could it not be me. Why did my husband who had more faith than anyone I know have an disease which was a slow death sentence.

I am relaxing....never mind...tomorrow I will be much better.

Yesterday test again shows nothing

in the pelvic area and onlyone test remains and that is tomorrow when they put in the port for his chemo and while he is "out" they will do a bone marrow.
After that remains the chemo which starts next week with 5 day stay in hospital.
Zack is happy to stay home in NC.

Thank you Mr. President

Some of you would not like this blog but one must give credit where credit is due.

Thanks to Obama care Zack now as of today has insurance which will pay 80 percent of the bills (from today on). He now could get insurance for a pre existing condition.

My kids will already be in much debt until they found all this out but from this moment on he will be covered.

so with all my heart I say Thank you Mr. President.

we stay in NC

A lot came into these kids decisions.
Not much help is out there once you have the ball rolling.
Every body in the field wants to start from scratch....
They want to have started it themselves with the surgery.
We did not know it was cancer until 2 weeks AFTER the surgery.
The tests took so long to come back.
At first examination the surgeon thought it would be some sort of cyst, remove it and forget it.
Every hospital wants to have been at point A before the surgery and then do the
follow up so they have it from start.
At this point St Jude said that all they would add is chemo and the same formula
as they will give him here. They are not interested in starting it from this point.
Here supposedly they work with other hospitals for every thing they do, I forget which ones.
They follow procedures from trials of the past which worked not the new protocol of new formulas which may or not be better and have not been tested yet.
Brie needs to work, needs her pay check every week and will have tons of medical expenses even on top of some possible available help. Zack has asked to please stay in town so that he can continue to text and write to his friends and perhaps they would be allowed in the hospital when he does receive his chemo (starting next week).
He did not want to go to Memphis every 3 weeks and Sabrina would have a hard time having a full paycheck every 3 weeks.

So much enters into it.
So they are staying here.
We know a young man, Nick's future son in law, who had the same cancer and
after 1 year is clear of it, he had it on the bone and did not loose his leg.
Today he is fine and healthy, he was in Asheville.
So thank you all for your help these past weeks, it was terrific to find out so much stuff from people in different states and with different experiences.
Had we know what we know now , Brie would have started in another place (I think)
and would have had a surgery done in another place, but we can't go back.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers and keep them coming.
Brie and Frank are doing worse than Zack.
Zack is a trooper, he tells us to shut up already about it all, he is tired of listening to it. He wants to go in have done what needs to be done and get it over with.

on to opinion 2

Brie is in Asheville as I write with Zack for yet another scan.

BUT she is going for another opinion and has then refused anymore work on him at this site.

If he gets in at St Jude, they can do all that needs to be done there.

Sorry to hear Brie's friend and boss had an accident last night and made an accordion out of his sports car. He walked out of it and bruised. Police said "You should have been dead with this kind of accident". He was speeding and overjudged a turn.
Hope he gets over his bruises very soon.

I am somewhat calmer, also talked to my friend Lee, that always helps but my knees feel like they are buckling under me, I expect to fall any second. Weird.
O think I will take a nap.

on to second opinion

The news today at the Protocole Program clinic was really a bit alarming to Sabrina and Frank.

First of all another scan tomorrow and the next day a bone marrow inspection.

There is a small spot they are concerned about right at the incision.

Because the surgery was done (when we all thought it was a simple growth) and the surgeon
Did not treat it as a cancer until he got the report weeks later from the lab. Because of this
Zack can’t get into the program.

A second opinion is now in the works.

If he goes to Memphis to the St Jude’s Foundation , IF he is accepted there then
All the medical cost including air fare are free. That is what they will try for a second opinion.

St Jude does ONLY children with cancers and has done this for decades.
Thanks to Danny Thomas who started this years ago.

He cant go to school to finish his last year.
He had the rug pulled from under him today as he is very popular and has tons of friends and also football will be out. The scare for infections is such that they do not want kids in school for a year.
This is huge and Zack is now very angry and will need to be watched, I fear.

Chemo will take 5 days in hospital as they do it very slowly each day.

This is serious. This scares the hell out of me. Such a fun person and such a warm heart person.
Why? So we all learn another lesson? I had enough lessons to fill my 80 years and take on the
Ones that Zack should not have. I am rattling because I am stunned and on hearing Sabrina explaining it all in tears and afraid.

The cost of all this would be around a million she was told. Memphis is starting to look good.

Wish I had something fun to say….but I will be better when I process all this.

another day...another answer...

It took me all day yesterday to get over this sick feeling in my stomach and the headache that would not leave me. I heard the good news but it did not sink in and then the negativity came out :"what if there is something wrong at the incision"...they said they saw something?????what was it....more specific please....well , today they go to Protocole and the big experts on this disease.
I read some comments on the doctor and they were all glowing reports.

By night time I was full of energy and just kept making necklaces. Finally at midnight I took an advil and fell asleep. (also helps my knees).

This morning I am full of hope of getting just good news today.

I know the precaution is chemo and that is going to be a rough ride and maybe not, every one is different. Zack is very strong and very young, that is a plus I would think.

Finally a call
No cancer viewed in the petscan.
Chemo will be needed to make sure.
I can breathe again.
I will be there with Zack AFTER he gets the treatments.
Thank you all for prayers and thoughts.
I think we are out of the woods with clear blood tests and pet scan.
This is a rapid growing cancer, they tell us.

I will know more when they see the protocole team in Asheville.
I think it is Tuesdayor Wednesday

The long week end

It feels like this is a never ending week end.
I am trying to conquer the anxiety and fear.
I am not very good at it.
The next 2 days will tell us the rest of Zacks story
where to go next and what will be done next.
So I am just sitting on the computer, playing games, checking out stuff and
running to my consolation place : the refrigerator.
I take an advil at night for the aches but it helps me sleep.
Bijou cuddles close to my back and I then feel some comfort while sleep
sets in. Wake up and the first thought is : Zack.

Zack surprised us with a visit today and got his bracelet from Uncle Bob.
He was all smiles. The kid is so full of energy, he just can't be sick.
What joy it was to see him come in and surprise us while he was driving Mom's car.

Way to go Zack, do not text and drive or read your many messages and drive.

Lets Take the Long Way home

A dear friend gifted me with a book "Let's Take the Long Way Home"
by Gail Caldwell.
A memoir of friendship.

Due to my frame of mind right now I had to read it slowly and with intervals. But it is intimate and humble.

I wish everyone could have friendships like these two women had....and then there are the dogs....and we already know how I feel about dogs.

Thank you, Joan, this was a lovely gift.

up to date with Zack

http://zackmansjourney.blogspot.com/2012/07/outsiders.html

Sabrina does a great job blogging his journey.
I am so proud of how she handles everything with great strength and love.
Zack surprises me a lot, he tends to have moods but in this instance he
is actually like a grown up man. He acts like "no big deal".
Grandma is another story but it is not about me and I must just
stay with the cool and calm.
(Read I put on 5 lbs this week! Since food is my consolation)

Results on Monday 16th

Will I be able to have my 14 Juillet party and celebrate with the French?
Well, I have never done before so it will be a calm Saturday.
21 July is the feast day for Belgium and the festivities in Gent for 7 days and nights. Gentse Feesten. Wish I was there but all the chaos and people may be a bit much for me too.
So we wait till Monday for results for Zack and probably even Tuesday as they meet
with the protocol team then.

The sun is back and the heat came right quick after the rain but the new monster
in the office works like a charm I had to turn it off I was getting so cold.
I am delighted it is working and the breakers have not given up on us and all the
electrical wiring.

I ate M and M's all afternoon now I do not feel so great about eating dinner.

Hand in there, Jeannot

what is Petscan

Pet scan I had to know what it stood for:positron emission tomography.
Read all I could about it and hoping to get good news this afternoon.
Just writing to keep the fingers busy even if the brain is not normal.

Today an important day

I am not surethis morning if I know my name.
I am a wreck.
Zack has his pet scan today and he could not eat since 9 pm last night not until this afternoon.....he is not a happy camper....
He is frightened , his mom is working till they need to leave for Asheville and
I am wondering how she is keeping up with her patients.
My answer to all this is just going to bed and sleep but when I get into bed
I am wide awake.
No room to put hide my anxiety.

hot hot hot

What is it that when you reach the golden age you discover that you are just gold plated and the tag stamped on your derriere "18 K" was just fraudulent.

Really ...I now have a bunch of hardware where my perfect ankle used to be.
One gold plated kidney turned green altogether and was removed.
Then I fall like millions of people do every day but the backbone is brittle,
one little bone is stamped L1 and another L2 they were hardly worthy of a
"gold filled" stamp, the people in the know tell me that I needed more "D".
So "they" tell me :"You have a broken back".
I ask: can you wire it like my ankle maybe using 14 K which is supposed to be stronger than 18K? Answer: "NO".

So now and then it smarts a bit and I get up and grunt a bit or say ouchie like the little kids. I do not mean to do that but it relieves some stress in your mind and you really want to say something stronger. So Brie heard my grunt last week and she
yelled from the other room: "Mom did you hurt yourself?" I answered:"Yes, dear, last year!". Oh Oh was her reply.

Taking all this in consideration I am starting to think that I am doing quite well,
it is all in the attitude....then the heat came...even 100 F greeted our "cool" mountains. I walk the dog and I am grasping for air, what the...., I bend down like I will find better air at one foot from the ground but it is not happening.
I get up and have a feeling I will faint. That will not be pretty, I quickly wonder if indeed I have underwear on or will I shock all of Valley Street. Bijou looks at me wondering what is holding me up from his treat when he gets home.
Minutes go by which are truly just seconds and I regain enough wind in the pipes to finish the walk....I can see my hedge ...I will not faint...I am good...I tell myself all these right thoughts but the breathing is so shallow and it feels like the throat is just going to shut down.

When I see the steps I am delighted, if I pass out here at least Bobby will find me and it will be less of an embarrassment .....I get in and the room turns black
but I do not fall...I find a chair and fall into it and put the head between the legs...this is no longer a joke....

I do not get back to normal breathing for at least one hour.
A nurse friend tells me it happens to "old people" all the time.
The air has been very bad, she tells me, and the humidity can be sliced like fresh bread. Old people can't be out at 100 degrees if they have ersatz lungs like mine.

Is this heatwave a thing of our future? We did not have a winter to talk about.
I know a lot of people do not think we have global warming but this is not funny anymore.

The giant in the family

Tuesday morning the phone rings quite early, as I do not get too many calls a day this ringing ,of course, will bring the panic button in my stomach.
"Hello, Meme, I am on my way to your house, I will trim your hedge!"
"Zack it is supposed to rain".
"I will work till it rains, my buddy is coming along".

My hedge started to grow out early this year like everything else, it is huge. I no longer can tackle this and young Bob is allergic to pretty much everything outside.
His dad was too. They get this swollen face and could go and audition for the "Beast". One time I took Bob to the doctor for a shot and the good natured doctor said:"Bob, you should come in with a bag over your head, you are scaring my patients!".

Zack or Brie usually do the hedge but I did not want to ask anyone with the new circumstances and before that I wanted the birds to be able to nest in peace.

Zack has the voice and the body of a grown man but he is 16, in Meme (moi) eyes he is still a baby no matter that I feel like a midget next to him. We all know I am NOT "petite". His grandfather Fisher is a real giant, the man is huge and we think Zack still growing will be like him. In the small town they live in if you talk about "Big John" everyone knows you are talking about John Fisher. I think Zack said he was 6 feet 6 right now.

I look at him and I am wondering how such a strong body can be sick. He can't be. They must have removed all the cancer in his surgery. We will know more after the petscan which is tomorrow.

We are all acting and "trying" to think positive, yet there is this horrible Mrs. Fear, she crawls into your subconscious like a jealous wife. She whispers :"BUT....little cel...a spot here or there..." . It is hard to tell that one to go to hell but this is what I am trying to do every minute.

Zack has been my buddy since the day he was born. Dimples, long eyelashes and
eyes which no doubt will send many a girl to the moon and back.
Here he is at work:

photos in Jelill Island

100 degrees in the shade vacation

When I found out that Sabrina had 5 days off I went with it in a hurry.
Checked the places we love , North Myrtle Beach is our favorite, everything in one place, they wanted 7 days stay or no deal. Then Jekill Island our place we love the most does not like dogs and I had decided to take Bijou this time. So we settled
for an expensive place on the beach but their restaurant was very expensive.

Brie had rented a Cherokee whatever...looks like a huge. do not mess with me, vehicle. She no longer wants to add mileage on hers and it is uncomfortable for our giant Zack and his friend.

So last Tuesday we started our journey. Bijou kept looking out the window , I think he wanted to remember the route in case we got lost. He was all shivers of anxiety, he is not used to go somewhere. A home pigeon like the rest of us here in Hville.

It took us 8 hours with stopping for lunch and dinner on the way. We ate in the car as we did not want to leave Bijou in a hot car and Brie did not want to have the rental running for a/c less someone would take off with Cherokee and Bijou.
I was starting to wonder how many people I was going to upset with taking this dog. No one did (out loud anyway). Bijou ate fried chicken like the rest of us...this is the South after all.

Brie did what her sister did in Atlanta, she did not like the room, they upgraded us immediately to a room with better ocean view and a jacuzzi , I do think it was the honeymoon suite. No kitchenette but a jacuzzi would be a good clue!!!

It was still hot even in the evening and you could cut the air with a knife.
Zack and his friend went scouting the lay out and we just watched TV and fell asleep.

The next days was all sorts of activities for the boys, but Brie was by the pool spraying herself with 70 (they have 70 now?) and I tried and tried to get small walks in but I could not handle the air. Here I thought we were going to have hot weather like at home but we would enjoy the breeze from the ocean....the ocean did not want to breathe either. It was pure humidity and no relief in sight. One morning at 7 I managed to walk Bijou for a long walk on the beach and it was do-able , I was so excited and Bijou loved to check every item on the sand. New smells, new items to bark at. Walkers would come up to him and say how cute he was and he responded with growls or bark....he did not go to charm school but he was constantly within inches from me. On the return from the walk it was 8 am and I barely made it to the room.
The air was already thick and I was breathing very shallow, like a very old lady.

However hot and humid it was I just LOVED my a/c room , pure luxury for me.
I was in it more than I was out and that suited me fine. Quiet, cool and let the troops do what they want and Bijou and I took more naps than we needed.

The guys played in the pools with grown ups and kids alike, there was so much laughter and joy to see them, my heart tried to be in a positive way and know Zack will be ok.

I ate more fresh shrimp, peeled them with delight lb by lb. while Brie stuck to the crab legs. I dare not weigh myself now. I will wait another week or...two.

I excused myself from mini golf and bike riding, the guys drove over the whole island and met with hordes of mosquitoes. I was bitten by some sand fleas but did not see the no see ums and did not feel them either. I think they could not go through this thick mass of air.

I did go on the buggy ride as we created our own wind by this fast moving vehicle(25 m p h).

A lady in a gift shop saw my necklace and wants me to send her photos of my collection.....ahum....the collection I still have to put together...everything right now is at my shop. It was nice to be wanted.

If all of this sounds extremely boring then you are right BUT when it is 95 at home without a/c and one can get a few days by the ocean with it....that is all that
counted for me, as for the boys they had a blast, they made friends and Zack for a few days forgot what is coming this week .On Friday we saw him doing search on "petscan" it was on his mind...of course it was...I hope for a few days he just forgot the whole situation.

The USA is in a HOT spell

I hope this heat does not continue, if we have to curtail watering our flowers I am going to be one pissed old lady.
Tomorrow I will be comfortable looking at the ocean from an air conditioned room.
I may not go out for 5 days. I have a loaded Kindle and my dog, the kids in the pool and a refreshing place downstairs . I may learn about a new cocktail or maybe they have the Skinny Girl cocktails, I owe one for Betheny , the inventor of same.
Au revoir mes amis.