Again in THAT place

My mental stability is in question this week end.
I am so confused about so much, I can't get things straight.
Sabrina called and talked but in my comprehension it seemed she was talking a foreign language. I told her so and she started to say :Mushy mushy mushy (thinking Chinese)

Made macaroni and cheese and had to read the labels, I truly did not know how to start and how hundreds of these did I make in my 80 years.

I am acting like someone at stage 3 Alzheimer. It scares me.
Then I remember to be that way when things got so bad with Bob and I was so
overwhelmed.

Everyone says I am strong, I WAS, but this week with daily changes into Zack's healing process have thrown me for a loop. I crawled in bed this afternoon (not my sleeping chair) and slept 4 hours, I heard the phone ring...I did not answer...the hell with the world I needed sleep.

I was dreaming of a friend who passed on very young from breast cancer, in my dream she came and was yelling at me. She looked young again and healthy and gorgeous, she said:"Jeannot stop acting like an old lady!". I said: I am old!
She left as swiftly as she came. When I woke up I was shattered. I never had a dream with her in it before. That was wild.

Bobby tells me that my fears he picks up and stop it Mom, we are feeding on each other and you got to stop it.

I want to see the red button which tells me "STOP", I am lost to find a way for now but then maybe with a regular schedule for Zack and all that testing done with ,maybe I will become the strong bird again.