ARE YOU KEEPING UP WITH ALL THE NEW GADGETS?

I have a vivid memory of an old toothless man sitting in a red chair balancing the back legs against the white washed wall of his casa. That was in Spain when we lived there. He always wanted to chat. Someone had given him a NY Yankees hat and his large ears stuck out on the sides.
He was so cute yet comical.
"Senora!" Darn I wanted to get away to the market in a hurry and it was not going to happen this time. So I went over to him and greeted him shaking his wrinkled hand.
"News!". He said. " man on the moon!" 
"No, es verdad", it is not true!
He was so upset about all the hoopla about something he could not possible imagine.

I walked away and decided then and there that I would keep up with everything in my
old age. I was going to be "modern" and stay with whatever changes come into our daily lives.

Well as they say in the South"It ain't a for sure thang".

Enter the computer.
My son had one but I did not see much need for me to try that too.
It all looked so boring..until it hit a nerve..."retail"
Retail blood moves in my veins and makes my heart pump harder.

Bob had found out that there was a place where we could sell on line.
Toys mint in box is his passion and he found an outlet for his collections.
He showed me that with a WEBTV  I could go into a place called "Ebay".
It was still in it's infancy! It was 1997!

Within days I had a WEBTV, a gadget which you connected to your TV and 
it worked like a computer. I was in heaven. Next looking for the market
was easy. News was everywhere that Beany Babies, a stuffed bear or other animals where the hot items on eBay. 

Bob and I were the ones you read about who stood in line at 4 AM by a toy store or novelty shop who expected a shipment in the morning. Stores sold the little critters for around $3.00 but they sold out in minutes and then on eBay you could get 12.00 and more for the same item.
We became regulars at all the shops within 40 miles from our home.

Sabrina had charge of the antique shop back home which was in a recession so we had
to keep doing what we could to get us in the black.
I was so proud of myself as I finally had learned to be on a WEBTV.
I marched into a store full of real computers and got me everything I needed
a computer, printer, camera, screen and scanner.
I was in business and eBay was growing.
I am still on there and just sold some of my old shop stock from the shed.
I have 6755 feedbacks at this moment and 100 Percent on my 17 years with this company.
100 percent means I have done everything correctly , no negatives in all this time.
I consider this my badge of honor AND I did keep up with the technology world around me
and I know we made it to the moon. I am doing OK, after all I am 82 now.

Not so fast..........there girl.
How did you get a cel phone???Daughter thought I needed one when I walk the dogs and should I be in trouble. I can always text her.......what did she say???Text her?
My fingers seem to be too big for that keyboard ...where is a space? ...where is a "@"...
so if I get it my text looks like this :okiamfinenoproblemloveyoumom"
I did not get beyond that YET.
Then worse yet I can't hear on the cel even with hearing aids.
My landline was put in my house in 1976 and it still works very well, thank you!
 So much for that advancement.

Daughter has a lead foot when she drives. She is my chauffeur. That means that I do not try to be a backseat driver. I NEED her. BUT she seems to have a need to hear voices.
Voices on her phone, that is. She constantly has this thing hanging between a shoulder and an ear.
I have deep, deep sighs. She finally figured it out that I am a wreck.
One day she tells me: "No worries, Mom, I now have a blue tooth!"
"A what?" Now I know about colored teeth but blue? IN Spain all the begging gypsies on the beach smiled with a mouth full of gold teeth. Is this what she has a blue/gold tooth?
It is a gadget that looks like a gross earring. She now speaks to that and we are supposed to be safe now. I don't think so , she is yelling at the IRS people. This is not going to go smoothly blue tooth or not.

Needless to say I will forget about getting that gadget.

Son tells me that Kindle is the new book reading gadget. He gets one.
I am not impressed. I can hold my book, truth is I read and snack in bed and invariably
I mess up the book with crumbs and coffee. 
Son gets an upgrade Kindle so I get his OLD one and I start to like that pretty
much I can even get a movie on it and plugs for my ears. Life is good I will get used to that gadget, I look in the mirror and smile. You still have it, kid, you are still with it.

A visitor comes by to say hello to my son, she plunks herself on the couch, hardly said "hello" and shows a gadget the size of my kitchen TV screen. Holds it up and starts to taking pictures and shows them off, I can see too much detail, under that chair is some of the Corgy's hair....
not good this much detail on a flat screen? Where is the camera? That little peep hole is a camera?

I feel like my grandfather when we went to a movie during the war, obviously he had not been to many and when we walked out he was angry. He yelled out loud:"does not make sense, how did they get from the kitchen to the bedroom? I did not see a hallway". 

I feel the same when I look at a thing I think she said was a Pod????
I can't remember. She announced it cost 456.00 and Mom had given it to her because she needed it in college which she attended for a law degree. 2 months later she left college.

I was not going to rush to get one of them things.
I do hope that Bob will upgrade his Kindle Fire and I will inherit it.

So much for me and all the Apple and other gadgets, I have to give up on the next NEW cel etc...
Then yesterday we walk into Staples, Sabrina and I.
This is the danger shop for my blonde child.
She is in the market for one of these pods, she researched it all, she talks to the mgr like she works there. They talk about bites and all sorts of stuff, at this point I know JPG and Mega...
and I no longer have to store my photos in Geocities and can go directly from my file to eBay's or Facebook, so I am doing pretty well (she thinks).
3 hours in Staples and Brie's bank account is lighter. She now too has a camera peep hole and starts taking my picture. Every single pimple, hair, and wrinkle shows...good camera..where is the gauze they used to film through? We come home and to make matters worse she talks to the "thing" she names it "siri?" and IT answers. Where is this dame? did she come in from the gadget in the car who gives us directions? Is she a relative of her? Where is this person?
"Question Siri, how do I get home? asks Brie?"
 Hell, she knows her way home ,she comes here at least once a week for decades. Siri like magic shows her  a map and tells her that she will be home in 34 minutes (the voice obviously does not know lead foot).
My obnoxious son asks a question with a bad word in it. Siri is so smart: "no need for profanity" she tells him.
She got his number, I am impressed but still how did she get in there?How did she know where I live? Is she stalking me?

I have failed, I no longer can keep up with this fast technology. At least now I know for sure we did go to the moon. I know how they get from the kitchen to the bedroom in the movies. I am still looking for the woman who talks to us in the car and tells us where to go and "siri" in that very thin screen.