The C and L's

Yup they were here on Saturday with a box full of delicate luscious goodies.
Fresh cooked shrimp on top of the list , a lot of to wake up my appetite and by Georges I think that did it.
Thank you C and L , sounds like an electric company.
Love you

Mother used to say:

when they are little they step on your apron strings.
when they are old they step on your heart.
It's been that kind of a week.
Waiting for a phone call, an email....
Waiting for Sunday.......
Looking at the message board by the smiling face of my computer, is there a new little envelope showing me there is a message? Nah....
the heart aches, no matter how often this happens and I say
it will not bother me.
The heart aches...............

18 days and counting

or should I stop to count.
This surgery did not go like I thought it would.
I imagine it was just a walk in the park, soon I would be in my garden.
Did not work out that way and then I added a week ago a rather nasty fall on my right hip and side due to the vertigo which sent me spinning.
Not sure which is worse the pain of the fall or the surgery.
The fall still lingering.

Fed up

So i had the surgery, takes longer to recuperate then I thought it would.
So Sunday I do fairly well, it's a hot pretty day, all is well with the world,
I get up from my recliner, very, very slowly as I have learned to do that with the
vertigo I take one step and the whole room starts to dance like in a horror movie,I swirl with it one whole turn and fall on my derriere, fall HARD.
In going down I even thought now what will break?
I sat for a long long time afraid to get up and break my hips even worse like I had done with the ankle. Enormous pain , Bobby helps me into my chair and gives me a pain pill. I slept the whole Sunday away taking Tylenol and at night Vicodin.

Today I would be dancing in the streets if it was not for this right hip who is obviously well bruised inside and muscles going outchie.
I am so fed up

a good day

nice and warm outside , a good day to feel alive.
All is well.
Slow but then that is part of the recovery package.
a friend brought me home made soup which must have 40 veggies in it.
So yummy and a bag of croissants to go with it.
Life is good.

at least now I do not have to be a kidney donor and try to be heroic for someone.

If you know someone who has all this love for someone else and wants to be or has been a kidney donor..........then go kiss their feet.
That is not small donation, that is not a small surgery.
They are heroes of love, the love to save someone else's life.
How big is that?

To live with or without drugs ...........

I am making Lexapro richer and richer
the little white pills gave me a different state of mind during Bob's illness, guess now they are my crutch but I am not sorry. Hey, what time is left I want a feel good time.
In the hospital they took away my Lexapro so I started back up yesterday.
I am in a constant state of crying followed by complete ecstacy , moment after moment changes. No fun.
Give me again stability!
Give me my Lexapro.
If I had extra money I would buy their stock too.
Cant find the "correct my spelling button" Boo Hoo Boo Hoo

so that was an "ouchie!"

2 weeks ago a trip to the ER with some bleeding turned my world upside down.
Within 5 hours the men with white coats, girls with giddy prints on their scrubs and guys with pony tails in nets decided to tell me I had a "mass" on right kidney.
I will catch up with the memories of the last 2 weeks but now fast forward I am thinking that in 13 months , starting March 3 2010 till now I had 3 major
changes in my life .
Forgetting that by then in 2010 I had been a caregiver to husband for 13 years.
Forget that part , March 3 2010 I break my ankle in 3 places.
6 months recovery time.
Sept 5 2010: Husband makes his transition.
recovery time : impossible.
March 31 2011 : surgery, removal of complete kidney infested with Cancer.
Recovery time : 6 days in hospital and waiting now at home for the rest
of the time.
I do pain quite well but pain with this surgery was not my friend.
I was a big ouchie!
I did not even lose weight , they tell me I am still bloated. Fine and dandy.
I hardly ate in 2 weeks for "bloating?".
Needed blood transfusion, they tell me the donor is was a man.
OK so will I grow balls now or be afraid to ask my way when I am lost?
Final line: I am cancer free do not need chemo.
For my friends who prayed and sent me energy I thank you.
You are the diamonds in my life's tiara.
Love every one of you
Jeannot
Back after a recovery commercial

Sat 3/26/2011

Everything fine in the pre surgery testing yesterday.
2 nurses admired my necklace and promised to go find the hsop for more.
Brie stayed the night.
I slept like a baby till 11 as she had stolen Bijou for his early walk.
Ate a bit ,took pill for nausea ( allowed) and of course slept the
afternoon away.
Statistic: Energy None
BP: pretty good
Head : spinning
Nausea: under control with meds for now
Pain: very little
Mind set: I will win this one too.
Good night all

5 more sleeps!!!!

about butterflies

I have become somewhat of a romantic when I think about a blue butterfly,
something that appeared often during Bob's departure.
So with that little bit of superstition I looked for nurses with
butterflies on their scrubs. The last test for Xrays of lungs last Wednesday
had a cute young nurse with her top full of pink butterflies.
I said something like "darn I need blue butterflies"
Sabrina said to the nurse "she thinks my dad is a blue butterfly"
nurse did not skip a beat and answered:
"He is wearing pink today"

Hilarious.

No Sabrina I do not think dad is a butterfly, he sends me a butterfly to say hello!
Dummy!!!!

better night

on way to hospital for the pre surgery tests
had a good night sleep
feel a tadd more energy
maybe, just maybe I can stay awake all day
that would be a novelty
things to do places to see
no pain in the last 24 hours is a biggy
just that damn vertigo which continues to hang on

news: I am now drinking a LOT of water.
will be my new addiction, yuck yuck!
Wonder if I can switch it to champagne.
Nah. I love it only with lots of orange juice
see ye.........

just for fun

stolen from Maggie on facebook:

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star,
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
-Milton Berle

a letter to my best friend

just got up
i have been up every 2 hours as I drink so much water
so far I can urinate on command
I hold my breath till can do it and then I am relieved
clean out is no big deal but until I get there to have it done
that is something with huge pain
had 4 clean outs , one here in ER and 3 so far in dr office
yes they use a catherer is that the word?
I just want it over with
I am so friggin tired and cant do anything but sit and fall asleep
brie will be here the week end
rhonda on call till friday morning
neither have slept much
they are so concerned about being there and listening to phone calls.
This would be much easyer if I was like in the past a person with faith.
I can't summon it up.
Prayers were always my biggest medication and that has left me.
now i work with rational thought
It is there, it is a fact, it has to come out.
IF it is my time to go then I will go either on the operating table, a blood cloth, pneumonia afterwards or driving to Asheville or going downstairs to get the laundry trip and hit my head.
The how and when is a mystery.
But one day it will happen.
To all of us.
So no big deal, the surgery, I want to live a bit more and if I do fine that would be swell and dandy if I don't then I will not know about it.
I will just leave the kids with more of a mess with hundreds of beads and cabochons, a demanding dog who will miss me, and too much "tristesse".
Easyer to say 10 Our Fathers and then feel good go on with the day, it aint there and I can't fabricate renewal it has to come from wherever faith comes.
Tomorrow hospital for pre preparation and tests.
Lung Xrays are OK

the big C

My mother could not say the word "cancer"
It frightened her just to say it.
Silly, I know.
Equally silly is moi.
I refuse to wear or contribute to the pink little brooches people wear.
I keep thinking it is an invitation, a "bad thought" to invite cancer in your life.
So to my big surprise I found out the hard way that I have cancer.
Contained within the kidney, has not spread, is huge and I need surgery
March 31st is the big day
in the meantime I sleep a lot.

BTW less and less vertigo

I had a great adjustment and that helped.
ALSO I am adjusting my bending, looking up too high and stuff like that which makes me an instant drunk.
I do believe in the adjustments some I had not done in 70 years of my life.
Thought that chiropractors were quacks.

March 18 2011

OK So I had a birthday.
So I am 79.
Am I looking forward to 80? NO!
80 sounds ancient to me, 79 sounds still part of the young set!!!
First birthday Bob has missed, no, that is not true.
Bob has missed the last 6 or 7.
In the good old days he would say a few days before my birthday:
I do not know what to get you!
I would answer while I'd show him a piece of jewelry and say"You bought me this, dear"
He would sigh, hug me and say "thank you, I hope you love it! I do have good taste!".
He was always glad to be off the hook and if I had bought the Hope Diamond that was still ok with him. He had little notion of values and money spent.

This birthday was the best I had in a decade.
The girls spoiled me with a great evening out.
Then we had lunch with my faves C and L and it was just fab.
Bobby renewed my Time Mag which I had missed and out of my budget.
Life is good.

I am selling my jewelry at the shoppe and I am both surprised and delighted.
Life has a new turn and it is good.
Bob would be laughing of my new enterprise , he loved it when I had new ideas and always worked with me on whatever.
He just did not like it when I said "Go and paint, rent is due soon"
That was my line way after the house was ours.
It got him going...for awhile.
The muse and artists...you know that excuse.....

I forgot to put new photos last week of the new collection, I will post this weeks.
Life is good

So where is my chocolate?

Forgot to get some yesterday.
Never mind it is that special wednesday I am not participating anymore.

Bobby gave me a fun present.
It is a Mason type jar with a blue butterfly in it.
When you tap the lid the butterfly starts to fly.
Of course, it is a paper one, silly and a battery makes it
flutter, it is cute. Will do till the real ones come back.

Adjustment helped a lot.
Will need a couple more of them next week.

Oscar is coming on Sunday.
A short visit.
Do not know how long.
At long last someone who loves my pancakes again.

Friday eve a comedy show downtown Asheville.
Hope I can hear it all.

Busy bee, good that I can walk but I do take a cane
that helps me to feel stronger when the spinning starts.

gorgeous day

daffodils here and there and I am going to enjoy the day no matter what.
Sabrina comes to have me adjusted by her boss.
No matter what life is good. It is spring....
Renewal ....the little stuff floating in my ear can kiss my
derriere.
I am going to enjoy the day, asleep or awake.

not yet able to do a lot

vertigo is nothing to moan about unless you want to do a lot of things
and just sit in your chair.
Vertigo does not know me , I did several necklaces standing up and not moving about much. I am going to win over this ridiculous stuff.

ok so talk to a pharmacist

I could barely walk yesterday , vertigo became my master , 2 doctors had not been help at all. Son got on the computer then the horn and talked to pharmacists.
They told him what will help me "an ingredient which is in dramamine" cheap at that.
Son in law was in town and got it for me and today I am almost vertigo free.
A little sleepy but I can function.

I will give 100 percent for the pharmacists who listens and wants to help.
Dr.s hear it all and tell you :"live with it".

Thank you Walmart and Walgreen for your help.