great news in the Valley St.

Yesterday a visit from B's doctor. She said the change in him is absolutely great. Not the same man as a month ago she told him. Medicine finally doing the job to stop a lot of the anxiety and panic. She is expecting him to go out more and more and once we get the tags for the car he should be driving more, a block at a time. He is very excited with her prognosis. School is also exciting as they are now delving into psychology and weeding out the other courses. He will need algebra and is terrified but he can get a tutor on line for a week to prepare him. The news is fantastic when I see him visiting the girls next door, I then remember how upset he used to be when a workman had to enter the house. Often he would stay in my bedroom and have panic attacks. Now I see him bouncing over to the next driveway and laugh and chat with people his age. Makes my heart sing. I am feeling better too, the extra Lexapro is beginning to kick in so the sadness is much better today. Great April month, now I have to plant 5 more tomatoes which came in the mail.

so the Mitsubishi

wins, mechanic promised Bob this will be the most reliable, it is also 7 years younger than the Toyota. Bob wants something he can rely on and not have to stop mid highway to have something fixed and have an attack. He is very serious about driving more and more if possible. He bought insurance and we are heading for the DMV tomorrow for tags. The phoenix is coming out of the ashes..... We are excited. It will be slow but it will be a step forward to be sure. Renewal comes with spring.

Easter Sunday 2012

Calm day in our household, I planted and planted, split plants who needed more room for their tender roots and had a great time in the garden. What I do not know and have not learned yet is when to stop. I work and feel great, hours later when I relax the back tells me that I overdid it again. Pain pills are needed to sleep and rest again. This is so damn boring. Bob is doing so well now that he has kindred spirits next door to talk to. Women his age and in relationships so no problem there. He smiles, laughs, comes in the door with a step so light that he could be a ballerina. What a difference some ever so slight companionship does. He has Xmas presents sitting in the living room for people he wants to give gifts too but they do not come here. It has been so lonely for him the past years, so damn lonely. How much can you talk to your mother? Actually we talk about everything, his studies, his views on religion, the whales, the sharks, the planets, trilobites, meteorites, Smurfs, the L A Kings, and the list goes on and on but to laugh and giggle on young people jokes, music , books TV that is another story. I do not watch murder or action films, I am very boring with TV just watch Bravo and fall asleep very quickly or read in bed and fall asleep. Bob is up till 2 or 3 or 4. The change is a healing change, he does not need negativity, he has enough of his own , he does not need mine too, the conversations next door are light and pleasant. We exchange plants, flowers, advice. They call me to identify plants in their garden and so far I have been lucky I did remember them. We all need someone to hug us sometime and someone to listen to us and be listening to others, we all need some human touches.

MODERN ART

OK, everyone who knows me also knows I love antiques but lately something else is stirring in my brain. Guess I want to redo a lot in a new way, something I did not often do. I doubt I changed the couch position in 36 years. Sabrina changes her furniture almost every week. That would drive me nuts. Is it that I am watching Jeff Lewis too much , the man with no more than 3 articles on your coffee table... the man for simple, simple, simple. My house is hardly simple some people say it is museum like, some would say "old folks" style and some like me are tired of dusting and cleaning. Then I have weekly visits to thrift shops and there was this piece so unusual that I felt I had to have. Wondered if it was a bad day to shop and give in to things I decided to wait a few days and if it was still there then maybe I might consider it. The price was not the problem, it was very inexpensive and then there was that discount too....so I purchased it on the second visit. Old Bob would not have liked it, I know that, I doubt it would have made it in this house. If it had been 18th century hand carved and guilded he would have picked it up tout de suite. But since he is not here and I am , I decided to get it and ask permission to no one. Voila:

Voila, my modern art console!!!! I like it!!! Reminds me of Santa Fe N.M.

Dallas Texas Tornedos

Two monster tornados aimed for Dallas yesterday, Turned on ABC and that is the first I heard of it. Bob and Brie called to find out if Oscar and his family were OK. Oscar took it all in strive in his usual calm, said Bob. The monster hit around them. They only had a big tree down and in the middle of driveway. They do have a shelter too which I did not know. Oscar due for a trip to China with his school. Bob said that he now has a "man" voice. It surprised him. The mess these tornados create lately are formidable. If you see one coming you better hide and fast. Even an airplane caught above the area TODAY was in such a turbulence that several people including staff were sent to hospital.

What will summer bring?

This summer will be the big one for Zack. He has a truck, an antique made out of steel not the bending plastic junk. He will have his license soon. He has his learning permit and drove us to Old Fort last week without a hitch. He drives the speed limit ( parents in the car and grandma, that helps) He asked his mom for his own dog and she wisely answered : "You will not be home anymore once you have the license, the dog will never see you and guess who will walk it?" Been there , done that like most parents. Zack will also get into his last year of High School come this fall. He is not into dances , right now the truck is first priority and girls second. He even wears camouflage. What can I say ?We live in the boonies. So what else will we have for excitement? Perhaps young Bob will drive again. That would be huge. Even if he can drive two blocks to the 7/11 and go inside. That would be major!!!! Perhaps we will have a few week end trips if one of the kids lets me tag along. Perhaps I will see so much this summer that I need to double up on production. I no longer think way ahead for much of anything. I do most of my planning day by day that way I do not get sad about changed plans. Well, shoot, I thought I had so much lined up for summer and now that I am writing I can't think of anything. Enjoy the yard , old lady, enjoy the yard and Bijou.

Loving spring

I am reborn with spring. How can we just ignore all what is popping up from a pile of dirt. The flowers, leaves, everything just coming out to join the summer party. Here are a few of the plants from Lowes "Instant gratification".

and then there is this wild one all over my yard , do not know what to call it and where it came from, comes back every spring, I call it "the white flower" very unusual title, I know, I am artistic!!!

My friends the Lilly of the Valley , every May 1st in Belgium, there are vendors on the street corners with mini bouquets of Muguets and they are given as "good Luck" , I used to make huge bouquets for my Mom in my friends garden who had a BIG plot under a tree with thousands of them. This year I doubt they will last till May 1, we are aPRIL 2 and most are in full bloom already.

here they are mixed with the wild violets which also multiply every year. So I was going to paint this door red. Opposition from son. He wanted it to stay white. Yesterday while ne napped in late afternoon I decided to get out my red paint. I had some mixed at just the right red I wanted. Then I hid the paint so Bob could not hide it from me. So guess what? I forgot where I hid the paint. I searched for 1 hour. No paint. I gave in to go back to my white, at least it is the first coat and not finished yet and if I find the red I can cover it again.

The Boston fern on the porch is also a quick fix purchased that size and will not last in the winter AND will shed and shed on the porch, do I care????NO!

You had to be there....or maybe not.................

Something hilarious happened yesterday.
It is not a ladylike joke, so ladies do not read further....anybody else go ahead and risk it:
Sabrina was here with a truck to do some yard work and clean up, I was standing by the truck and looking at the new flowers I had just purchased when she dropped a big wooden shelf into the truck with a huge bang. Even with 82 percent hearing loss I heard that one so loud that I literally jumped up, Brie said my eyes looked like saucers. I did not have a clue what just happened...she started to laugh when she saw my face and I started to laugh with her and suddenly the flood doors opened and I stood there not able to stop the "moisture" running down my legs and into my shoes...as we stood there laughing non stop I said "Brie, I pee'd myself"...more laughter...finally I walked into the house to change completely and Brie kept making swoosh swoosh swoosh sound.
You had to be there, but I do not think I laughed this much in years

what was and what will be?

Ari's car is finally ready and legally in Bob's name, it only took Texas 4 years to get the paper work and numerous trips here and there to DMV's , Texas has worse rules then NC.
Brie came with high power equipment to detail the car and Bob was at it for 2 days.
By now all sorts of spiders had made silk curtains inside the vehicle.
It was not a place where Bob would go into until it was ready to be sold.
Then he had to face it.

The Toyota which was ours went to Bobby some time ago when Bob could no longer drive.
Due to the disease it too has been sitting for years. The tires are bad but otherwise it is in nice condition. 60000 miles on a Toyota is nothing.
So I sat in it today as it was all nice and polished and I talked with old Bob in the driver seat ....I thanked him for all the trips we took, for his safe driving record and for taking me wherever and whenever I wanted to go.
Miss Daisy was spoiled.
Do not know if he heard me or if he came to visit while I sat there in tears.
That was all yesterday , I tell myself, there may be a brighter future...Bobby may very well start to drive again and perhaps take me to the Lowes and the flowers....
That may be my tomorrows on a different scale but it is something to look forward to.

Great Day

R needed a chair, not fancy one that the cat can scratch up .We went to the thrift shop and found the right one, a bit pricey, BUT they had a special.
They hid Easter eggs and if you found one then you get the discount showing in the egg. Of course, the witch found one right away and it was 50% off so R can get her chair at half price.
Then I spotted yet another fancy chinese cachepot (I collect them) it was too pricey, out of my budget. I walked around and quickly found another egg so now I got mine at a discount too, mine was 20 % but I was happy with that.
R is elated over her chair. During lunch all she said was :
I love my chai, I love my chair!.
Good day.

Walked into new antique shop and lady said to me:
I know you, you told me to buy the Aubuson rugs at the thrift shop and I scooped up both of them....thank you so very much....
I remember it well, 2 huge Aubusson handstiched in wool, worth at least 2000 each, I drooled and drooled and Sabrina said NO NO NO you will fall over them.
They were marked 250.00 EACH. I saw the lady was buying a small rug and I went up to her and said "Ypou want a rug worth thousands?" I pointed to the rug, she snapped upo the ticket so fast I thought she'd fall. Then I pointed to the second one and she ran to it and grabbed the tag,
This time all cleaned and looking fabulous, not a spot or moth hole in them, and I did not want to look at the price but I bet it is more than 2000.00
Gorgeous, gorgeous in her new shop.
I was glad I had helped someone find something she overlooked, she must be new at it.
Good day, very good day!!!!

RENEWAL

I can't recall a spring when I was so awakened by the changes in nature.
Perhaps because it came so early and fast, perhaps I am calmer now ,perhaps my soul is yearning for what is real.

Walking the dogs I see dozens of tiny flowers cropping up all over the place.
Between grasses, rocks, cement, woodchips, they are everywhere.
I bend over to pick a sample and think that it is a shame that we call these weeds.
In some books they may be classified as wild flowers but within a few months the
weed killers will come out and kill so we can just see the plants we bought and meticulously put in just the right spot.

I would so love to let the whole garden grow wild but I am not in the country and I have people with well manicured lawns measured to the right amount of inches just looking around wondering what I will do this year.

Asked Frank how to plant all wild flowers in the back yard and then I read about it and to do it right it takes a lot of work, it would have to be tilled and then
seeded just right, oh Please!!!!!

A decade ago when the first Mexican farm workers came to live here I remember that the lawns in front of their houses were usually unattended. Gossip followed about lazy people etc...etc...but a friend of mine who lived in Mexico for 15 years and was married there to an architect, she decided to talk to the newcomers and explain to them what North Carolinians were used to. They in turn told her that they never had a lawn before just flowers and plants here and there, perhaps too hot or not enough water to sustain the lush greens. Now most of them have followed the
unwritten rules "cut your lawn"!

I have done away ,lasr year, with one small lawn, covered it with plastic and then red bark and dozens of pots with hostas, looks like I am going to sell them, I do not care I like that better than the spotted lawn.
The hostas are already about 5 inches high and doubling in each pot, they survived the non winter with splendid color.

I enjoy my dogwood in bloom, Bob's voice resonated in my heart :"You know, dear, they say we are having a virus with our dogwoods, better we cut this one down"
I answered:"Over my dead body!" and he said "OK".
a dozen or more years later the dogwood is still blooming and growing.

My mother in law in Santa Cruz CA. loved dogwoods but they did not last in that climate except one was planted in the Santa Cruz Mountains in Ben Lomond and every spring we had to take her to see the tree up close.
This morning I thought of her, (Mom come and take a look).

I have plants with meanings. There is the Lily ,Rand gave me one year.
There are the pink Lily of the Valley a dying man gave me from his garden and told me:Dear, I do not need these where I go. Every year I think of him when they pop up and they are popping now 4 weeks early.
Bobby while in High School and giving me some headaches gave me a bleading heart plant, how apropos, it finally died a few years ago. Rhonda gave me an ornamental kind of low spruce and it is sitting by the water feature. Sabrina gave me several plants last year and they are all coming back but she gave me this 4 pots making one tower and soon they will be full of flowers.

I have shamrocks in a pot since 1976, I neglect them and talk to them and they always come back!!!!I should feed them one of these days!

Very tired last December I found a bag with some tulip bulbs grandson Nick had given me, I forgot to put them in before. Exhausted I made a big hole in the side yard and dumped the bulbs in a group, not even sure if I put them right side up,
today they are all blooming. I thanked them for their patience.

Renewal, a great spring, an early spring, lets hope the cold stays away.
Last year in April we had a deep frost....I have lots of towers and sheets so they will have to come out if this happens again.......

Spring 2012

I looked out of my kitchen window and saw the tree across the street in full bloom so I opened the window for the first time this year. OK OK I do not have a screen on that one, I love the feel of open view and tolerate what flies in.

Cat with attitude

Rhonda gave me this planter cat years ago and I just love it.
She, I assume it is a she, she has a big belly, is pissed at me
for I have yet to fill the belly so she made a face.
I thought putting her next to the tulip would help but it did n't.

Bijou surprise

When I was at the party I had been gone 2 days from home , staying in Brevard with Brie and co. is fun too but I had gone on her bed on Friday at 1 PM and said "I will take a little nap". She said "go for it,Mom" I woke up at 5 pm.....

back to the party I visited with 3 large dogs, one is half wolf and half German shepherd, she has blonde hair is large and sweet. I think the others were a 47 varieties kind. They all came to say hello, all had the roaming power of this large piece of land. How swell. I kept petting dogs as I missed Bijou so.

Rhonda had been to my house to pick up a present Bob had for Nick so she decided to bring Bijou. She arrived after us and one of the kids said:"There is your dog".
I said something like "No he is home and I miss him". I saw that white fur ball in the distance and ...so help me...I thought I would start to cry my eyes out...
the dogs all greeted him and sniffed some derrieres and he just ignored them.
Not the usual, he barks at a falling leaf. I started to call his name, he looked up, took off like a jet and came running to me. He licked me clean, my face covered with his kisses. My heart jumped a faster beat, I did not have to rush home now.
I am such a nut, I can't begin to explain how I feel about this bit of fur , is that natural? I feel like we are just one.
The peace and quiet with the others was finished once I was seated and he took the throne on my lap position then the other dogs were not allowed near.
He growled at the wolf/dog and all the others.
They took the hint and left me and him alone.
Rhonda, you are a peach to think that we needed each other in the woods of Old Fort.
Thank you very much.

Party time

Invited at Grandsons place for his 26th birthday and house warming.
He and a dozen or so friends, all like minded, built an adobe hut/house.
Most of them still in college are going to be able to use it as they need it.
He has another year nearby and it saves on rent from his student loan.
He invested the rent money in materials, it is quite large with windows, doors ,propane stove etc...
Nick is getting close to being an osteopath but will go on for another 4 years to have a specialty. He delivered 4 babies for the first time, 2 on his birthday.
How cool is that.
He has a very neat love interest/ partner. Doubt they will marry but they have been together since college days and before med school. She is into gardening, plant science, organic everything.
They are starting to raise rabbits and she wants to make wool from their furs.
She graduated in science (if I have that correct) she was top of her class too.

The scenery around the hut is gorgeous, a lot of land and just plain wilderness.
A large garden is forthcoming and a small one already in motion.

They made a slide from one tree to another and the kids took turns getting on it.

For me it was a day out that I did not want, I am getting more and more a homeperson. Son told me I had to go and see some people. I went.
I enjoyed it because I connected somewhat with a young girl named H. who asked me OUT LOUD questions about aging, she was most interested on how I felt now, without a partner, with vanity, with computers...she made my day.
Otherwise I would have felt like a fish out of water. Two people there age 80 and the rest a LOT of twenty something....
In the old days I would have been in the middle of it with stories and gabbing but the hearing loss puts truly a damper on things.
People with soft voices think that their screaming is on my level and most of the time it is a wasted effort on their part. There is just one level I understand.
Sabrina has it down path, even Bobby who is with me 24/7 does not always get it.

I get as much annoyed as the person talking to me, how well I remember, I had this with my mother. Her TV was so high that we could not stay in the room.
She said the "ears" did not work. I have my ears for both the TV's and I can read under titles pretty quickly but the sound in my ears is fabulous. So do enjoy my TV.The kids were all very polite and nice to me. They are not a bunch of tugs or dope addicts, they all have tremendous goals to make this a better world. Lets hope they can achieve some of them.

so now what?

My birthday luncheon was perfect, the weather gorgeous, the plant shop open at the Biltmore but I did not see anything I did not already have.
Next day Sabrina showed up with giant Zack and cleaned the shed. Bob's shed. Even so I had stored stuff there from the shop a decade ago, Bob had claimed this to be "his". He kept putting garbage in it and I gave up to fight with him over it.
Furtunately the garbage was mostly coke cans by the dozens and paper stuff from across the street garbage....I did not want to see it, my stomach was turning inside out. Brie unpacked stuff and shortly my yard looked like a flea market.
But at the end she found the goodies. Boxes still with china and most of all about 50 lbs of vintage linens.
She had promised me that nothing was going to come in the house (already a box empire not to mention a bead shop) but the linen sat next to the new washing machine.
Ouch! Big mistake.
I washed all day Sunday and Monday and set up the old ironing board and ironed and ironed non stop. I would take some ice tea and sit for a bit and then go back to the chore. Still delighted that they were saleable items.

Bob had not been into Ari's car since we brought it here.
Brie and I had gone to Texas to get her car and some of her belongings.
That was almost 4 years ago. Bob had to struggle to get the Texas title changed to NC, seems it is due to come any day now. So while the yard was a mess and Brie was
there he thought to empty the car and get it ready for sale.
I saw his face get whiter and whiter, he keeps his emotions inside. He could not hide it, he was hurting. So was I , I loved that girl, she was weird, she was brilliant , she helped hundreds of people in her profession, the underdog was her
aim to make life better for him or her, she had gorgeous tattoos covering her white gorgeous skin and I learned to love someone with tattoos. Unbelievable how narrow minded I had been. She loved my son, he loved her and she loved me.
Seeing her woolen shawl, her oriental bibelots, her passion for candles, and dozens of presents Bob got her from my shop at one time or another. It all came back.
Then Bobby found her perfume and that did him in, Sabrina and I too , the scent of Ari...it was a bit much.

So his items went into the house, now the kitchen looked like Portobello in London
pricing, washing, repacking all came into my full time slot.
I wanted it all out of sight like magic, gone forever.

So I had little time for anything else except getting pissed at the dentist as my
tooth (repaired Nov 2010) broke off to the gum line....
more on that tomorrow when I see the dentist....
did I say that the profession I dislike the most are dentists???

Did I say that Nick had a birthday I think he was 25 and delivered his first 2 babies all on the same day..........
Imagine that I insisted on coming to the USA when it was 1947 or so and now in 2013 my grandson is delivering American babies. Hope they were girls, boys always end up fighting around here. I must ask him.

80

OK I made it.
Today is the day, I am actually 80 and so far it feels good.
The day is gorgeous.
Spring is 4 weeks early in these parts and plants are coming up and
flowers are starting to bloom on most trees.

What is not kosher is that one of my gold fish died, I had him for years but for him to call it quits on my birthday is just not polite, after all I am a Pisces.

I requested in all honesty not to have a special party which the girls wanted but just be together and EAT, we shall do that tomorrow when no one is working and meet at the Bistro with Louis and Celia. Nothing more or less!

Presents are forbidden BUT knowing my kids who do not listen I said if you MUST then give me something for the garden, a seed, a little geranium.

Bobby found what I liked a kit for indoor mushrooms!!!!
Lee had that and had 3 or 4 harvests from it.

It is soaking now for 24 hours and after that....we shall see....hoping for lots of mushrooms. Bob and I both like them. If this is a vegetable (???) then it myst be the only vegetable he likes. He is allergic to veggies, he came that way at birth, his first words were: DO NOT LIKe THIS!!!!
I bribed him with little cars, soldiers, robots...still no dice. Now I give up altogether. He will never be a vegan or vegetarian.

I am going to relax today give myself a day off as soon as I finish the dishes...

79 11/12th

I hear the girls voices like it was a chant they did yesterday."Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey and you smell like one too" Giggles, Giggles, Giggles!!!
It was a yearly routine with all our birthdays, followed with the kisses and hugs and :are you baking a cake?

It was yesterday, was it not? This week I will be 80!!!!
The only birthday I did not like was "55", I was depressed it was cold and
I was working on an estate sale which was not going well due to ice on the road.
The combination had me upset.

55, I thought life is over, gosh what is there left for us? Bob is already 61, he is OLD, he is in his sixties.....but then the other side of the coin will be that in
a year he will have social security and Medicare....something to look forward to.

Since then I have not objected to the added birthdays.
When I reached 60, Rhonda was still a dr.'s wife and she arranged for a nice dinner in her huge house, most invited were other antique dealers I worked with every day. It was nice.

I do not like a lot of "stuff" and action for my birthday.
I always say that holidays and birthdays bring out the caring in people but I prefer to see that every day in small dosis. Don't bring me flowers when I am dead kind of a thing. I spoiled my mother in her last decades, filled her rooms with antiques and paintings. She lived in a gorgeous environment. She did not need to
be 80 to get a Val St Lambert vase.

My children take care of me every day. That is a HUGE birthday present. I need no more, I need nothing more to dust, wash or break. A plant for the garden , I said, if you must be obnoxious about this gift giving thing.
Bob got me the special poppies I wanted and they are thriving with our "hot" week.

We will have lunch at the Bistro in Biltmore, have a cheese plate and best of breads and a glass of wine. Two I allowed to be invited by the girls were
Celia and Louis. They stood by me for decades.

Two years ago, at this time, I was in a rehab learning to walk again on a broken ankle. My love had to be given over to strangers in a nursing home. I would not have bet a dime for me to still be alive by end of the year.
I was worn out, totally spent, did not give a damn about anything but Bob who I pictured in a hell hole. (He was n't) Our lives did not need to end that way I thought. I was ready to go to whatever is after this.
THIS right now for me was hell on earth. It could not get worse.....
well, I learned to walk, I was the star at the rehab, I insisted on more and more
excersizes I wanted to be home. 21 days I was there but it was a paradise compared by the rest of places. I was treated like Royalty.
My depression worsened as we watched Bob fail for the next 6 months.
By the time he left us I just thought I would never heal without him.
Then last year I continued the doctors paths, the c word in the kidney, removal of same and then a bad fall which crushed my lower back.
In my solitude I figured it was time to give up, Bob was gone 6 months and is it not the usual routine for people close to each other to join after that amount of time??

Somehow, out of the blue I have picked myself up in these last months and have decided that my life is worth to continue and not give up. I feel we have choice about a lot in our lives, if one wishes long enough to go then it will happen, I am sure of this, but if we give our life some meaning then perhaps we can still be of good cheer and love our kids and friends, the pets, the blossoms on the trees and the gorgeous white cloud I saw tonight. (Bob would have loved it, he was a cloud man).

I have survived a lot, abuse, a war, loss of babies, a bad marriage, RA, business failures at times, panic disorder etc...we all have these different challenges in life, I am just one of the whole, we have a choice, we fight for survival and
do not give up. I am just delighted, even proud, and excited that I made it till
the age of 80!!!!
Bring on the next decade!!!!
Happy Birthday, old broad, you deserve the smile wrinkles and the frown wrinkles? hell, you surely deserved them too!!!!!
At one time or another I was Jeannette, Janet (for Americans), Jeannot Van Melle, Huys, Kensinger and lived in Belgium, Montreal, New Jersey, Northern California,Nerja Spain and the gorgeous Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina.
I have been damn lucky!!!! I became an American in 1967 but still wished that I did not have to give up my Belgian identity which was the law then. Now you can have dual citizenship.
Happy Birthday!!!!!
OH I am premature, my birthday is March 15

HOW DO YOU SPELL CEMETERY

Being self taught in the English language I make a lot of mistakes but some words I NEVER remember how to spell. Cemetary is the one I insist should have an A. Neighborg should be the way I want it to be. I have notes on my computer with the correct spelling of these and some others. They will never register in my head which also has a form of dyslexia.

My odd life and lifestyle could make a psychiatrist go running back to school and become a bookkeeper.

I started as an lonely only child. My mother was brought up in a convent, to say that she was strict is putting it mildly. She did not know "grey" it was white or black.
The line had to be straight, no curves, nothing but perfection.

My father was not a hugging kind of man, he seemed hard to me but he was a policeman and took his job seriously, even at a time that murders were rare and stealing was more going into the fields and getting some potatoes out of the land. That was a quiet time and it was prewar.

I was petrified of my mother. She had a temper and she hit me hard for anything that I did badly. My father would sit in his corner and just say :"Do not hit her in the head!". She did not listen.

So by the time I hit High School which in my case was a vocational secretarial school , I was still lonely, had very few friends and was living in my own world.
I did not like school. I liked typing but the short hand in 2 different styles and languages had me very confused. In the evening I had daily drills of material dictated to me by Mom and then I had to reread it....it was unpleasant and I remember sitting in my chair just trembling and the scribbles in front of me just blending into nothing that made sense. Her eyes would get more and more angry and I read less and less. Hated school!!Hated Mother!!!

So I started to play hooky. I took the long walk to the cemetery. There was my grandmother and godmother, there was my Meme. She had left us when I was 4 but somehow I still fell connected to her. I'd sit by her grave and talked to her.
Then I'd walk around the old place and just took in all the sculptures in stones and granite. Many writers, artists and musicians were buried here. It had been one
of the popular places to come in the 19th century.
A pianist young woman had for tombstone a life size piano with the lid open and her image sitting on a bench in front of it. I always went to check on her.
Poets had streams of poetry written on large stones. Much later a carved out motorcycle was on a young man's tomb. This place is like a museum of statues and art work. The flower crowns on the stones were in porcelain and kept their colors over the decades until fleamarket people discovered they were saleable. They were Majolica in perfection.
My Meme was the first to be buried in what we called a "cellar" , it would eventually reunite the family, my grandfather in the 1960's , then their first daughter and last in 1993 my mom. Last year the earth opened up and swallowed up a row of tombs our family included.
There has been a restoration of sorts, all graves been identified with a new modern looking flat stone.

Back to my playing hooky, mother found out. I had to go to the principal with her and explain where I had been ...I told them....no one believed me...more questions...shaking of heads....went home and mother beat me with the poker...the mark stayed on my leg and one teacher told the principal. Mother back at her office in days. They did not protect kids then, beating kids was normal too but somehow the principal did manage to scold her in some way. We went home in silence.
Years later she asked "where did you go when you did not go to school?"
I said" cemetery". She shook her head. My Meme knew I had been there not once but many times even into adult hood. Mother never believed it.

So when we drove past old cemeteries I would want to see the stonework, the dates, the quotations, I just had a fascination with that. I outgrew it eventually and would it not be odd that I moved in a street which ends with "a cemetery".
The first few decades we would just drive by and Bobby would read the stones and make remarks like :Hey Mom this guy is named "Dedham" he does not need ham anymore does he? Bobby always had an audience with dad and I , he was such a joker.
Then I became a grandmother and had babies come and go early in the morning while
Mom's went to work. I would put them in their carriage and walk up the hill and around and around the old graveyard. Graves here go back to the middle 1800's.
They have tree trunks for the "Woodsmen" which must have been some association, someone odd and wealthy had been buried above ground and had a prism on the top which would reflect her image inside when the light was right. It became a
meeting place for teen agers and the prism was covered over with cement.
THE ANGEL is still there the one from Look Homeward Angel. People from all over the world come to see it. Now they built an iron gate around it to protect it from vandals.
http://www.cityofhendersonville.org/index.aspx?page=130

When walking the babies stopped then I would force Bob to walk with me all around the place so he would have his walking routine. He loved walking. He'd stop at the graves which had a special detail and point it out to.
And then came the puppies...first Toto and I we would walk till he could no more and gave up looking at me with pity black eyes "pick me up" he would beg and
we'd go home with him in my arms.

There are 4 miles of roads in the place, I was told by a worker, I find it hard to believe but they criss cross so much so perhaps it is true.
I have walked every inch of it now for years, I still read the names. I keep Bijou from messing up near graves, there is plenty of grass fields still left.
I say hello to "Charlie Hip" when I walk by, there are the names made famous in our town streets, the Hodges, the Brownings, Adams ,Justice, and so on...
I notice several who came from Sweden, Australia and wonder if they ever where homesick. My sacred place is on the corner as one walks in, in the middle of a plot of 21 small stones is the flag. All the men here are from WW1. I talk to them too ,they helped my grandparents and my mother and father.

Bijou knows all the curves, knows where to chase the squirrels and barks at the 3 crows who live there and make a racket. Now with the trees bare one can see the large squirrel nests, one tree has 4 of them, I call them the condo's. Must be a family group willing to live close together.

Early in the morning a cop sits in a shaded quiet corner near a fence, he comes there often , then another car appears and leaves...a rendez vous? an informer? someone bringing him coffee after a hard night shift? My mind wonders but I stay away from his car. He may just be taking a nap.

I visit my beloved daughter in law, the child who left us too soon and she shares her plot with her mother who came 2 months after her, filled with sadness she could not be without her.
I took plants from her garden and potted them in a heavy cement bowl so it will not fly away in the wind. The plants continue to grow ,they are hardy.

The cemetery is old and a new one with regulations is in another part of the city. I do not like regulations. The place where a mom had to leave her 12 years old is full of his toys, glued solidly to a stone, there is a GI Joe and little cars, often fresh flowers , the Mexican population now adds all sorts of statuary, no rules....the city goes around all this and mows and cleans but it is not like this sterile place with same size plaques and plastic flowers. Conformity in death too?

Across the street is the OTHER cemetery. It was and perhaps still is for African Americans. Then in a corner almost filled up is the Jewish cemetery, it is fenced off with rocks and iron works , the stones are lovely and have series of small
pebbles lines on top of them as is a custom in Jewish traditions.

I will never be here if I have my wishes carried out, I want to be the ashes in the stream in Pisgah Forrest, I want to follow Bob's ashes and all streams go into the French Broad River and eventually into the sea. This Piscean belongs there.

So this is my story and I am sticking to it. I love an old cemetery so do not lock me up just yet, I might become a cat lady and have 60 cats...then you can lock me up.

I can't find another thing to wash!

I should start the garden, I'd get plenty of dirty laundry.
Seriously I am delighted that I washed the kitchen curtains and removed the storm windows. Our house was built in 1926, in every window including the 9 French rounded windows they also built storm windows for them.
In the kitchen it makes me feel confined.
Husband used to argue with me when I wanted them out in February and if truth was know I probably wanted them out with the Christmas tree.
For me, when Christmas was over I was thinking SPRING , flowers and plants.

For the last two years with the boo boo's and band aids and tears by the gallons I did not give a damn about the enclosure of storm windows. I left them IN for 2 whole years...what was I thinking? Or better yet"when was I NOT thinking".
Little spiders made home between the spaces. They found heaven.

I got up this morning with this spring drive like the bear crawling out of his den ever so slowly and wondering what new life is around. It was freezing last night but warm during the day but if I do not want to plant Brussels sprouts, carrots and such this is not the time for planting my zinnias.

Looked at the windows and thought: Wash!!New Machine!!!Gentle cycle! opening the air ...curtains .....taking away the storm windows. YEAH!!!Yeah!! Spring is here.
I beamed all day with my accomplishment and then more HARDY poppies came in small plant pots, present from son, after the freezing nights they like it cool so I
can start there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did I ever see a tree with tomatoes???Hirsch has the seeds for it.
Looks kind of weird, a climbing branch on trellis like a tree and big tomatoes
hanging over your head. Should I try or save my money???

Tonight no CNN no politics....a good night sleep....I do not know what I will tackle tomorrow.....

The sky is full of stars, very clear and cold, at Brie's house she must be able to see the Milky Way, here with city lights no such hope.