In the shop we go....

That is so far 190 pieces of vintage jewelry, priced, catalogued, cleaned, and in display boxes.
MOI, I am exhausted this took 3 days so far with no other work being done, I throw frozen ravioli in the boiling water pot and sprinkle it with lots of cheese and Bobby is happy. It took me a few minutes and I am happy.

Tomorrow is scan time, do not remember which one, I am to starve before...hate that part....while I do that Zack will be in his torture chamber.
Brie is sick, she blew the leaves at Jaimies without a mask.
Her blower is professional, the leaves are covered with pollen.
Today she can't talk. The mask was in her car, the car is not sick!
Stubborn Taurus.
We will do fine tomorrow, she can't talk I do not hear, coversations at the clinic will be swell.

Bijou not feeling well does not leave me alone. Clings to my lap.

Saturday we are supposed to have 65 degrees, I no longer know when to plant the tulips.
My petunias are blooming again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow Black Internet day?????

Someone asked me why did they call it black Friday.
As a retired retailer I can tell you that on the Friday after Thanksgiving (in the olden days) people started to shop for Christmas.
Merchants for the most part wait for these weeks of gift buying to bring them out of the red.

Now it is disgusting, they bring out Christmas items right after Halloween and some even before that. No sooner will Christmas be over and You will see the red hearts for Valentine day!!!!!In March we are being reminded not to forget Mother...she gets her day in May but it may take us that long to remember her....
Hallmark has done a terrific job to spread these days in different continents and countries. We never heard of Valentine's day or Halloween when I was little.
Now they have that bug in Belgium , must, must, must decorate for these special days....One might wonder if Hallmark has everything produced in China....

Sabrina and I had lunch and then did some grocery shopping,Rhonda has been working overtime and is exhausted. Yesterday she was to be off at noon and it turned out to be after 5.ooPM. They are very busy, visitors from all over. From Europe, Japan and China too. After all this is the only private castle left in the USA. People lived in the house still in the 1950's. I met a maid who worked there all her life and her mother did too. Not one unkind word ever being said of the employers.

I did give in to the spirit, at the Aldi they had chocolate direct from Belgium, I needed that...stolen flown in from Germany, I needed that too, the ones with the marzipan in. For good measure I thought I needed baklava too. Then I noticed spekulaas from Belgium, can't let that one left in the store....I was talking it up too, I was telling people which ones to buy and I had an audience. I should get a percentage from that.

This week I have about 350 mixed VINTAGE jewelry coming which needs to be priced and put in inventory. AND in the shop ASAP.
Vintage here for jewelry is usual from the 1950's when we had some very nice good custom jewelry...some pins fetch 400 to 1000.00 dollars. I can't afford to deal in them but the Monet, Trifari, Weiss etc...that is my bread and butter besides my own work.

Facebook games will have to wait.

Black Friday.......

Shoot it is Saturday, Black Friday gone and the good sign was that Biltmore was sold out even with earlier openings , tickets for that day were all sold out. That is a LOT of people. Rhonda was extremely busy. Bus tours came early, she not only has to figure out their time schedule in the castle but also where to park all these buses.

I had a week that was FULL and made me so tired.
Now I like to stay home, safe, warm, my dog on my lap even when I work on the computer or work on jewelry.

It started on Tuesday , I had an appointment with the urologist.
I had a lot of back aches in the last weeks and figured it was the "broken back" acting up but wanted to make sure the lonely kidney was ok.
His test did not show anything bad, but he said it was about time for the scans and that is for next week, to make sure that all is still OK.
When you are over the 1 1/2 year mark and nothing is showing up any other place that is a good sign said dr "Great".

We had to do the rounds today with Zack and his radiation. Then lunch and then the mall. I need glasses again. Jeez...after 10 or so years and my cataract surgery now I need glasses again to see far away and have 20/20. Problem is that the TV faces are foggy , since I do not drive I am not really missing much otherwise. I need inexpensive and got that but they do not stay put on my face when I bend down.
Whatever...I will only use them with TV and I sit still then.
Zack became very tired and pale so we took him home back to Brevard and I had a chance to see the shop and know that I needed more vintage stuff for the Christmas rush.
We had an break with apple pie a la mode and brie her fave banana split. Then back to Asheville. I found myself fading very fast, Brie is too. We both look so tired but we do not dare tell Rhonda that we are not coming. She had planned this for weeks, she so loves the castle and wanted us to see it during the decorations days. This was a special invitation for employees and guest. Large buses from Young came to get us in parking lots, the place was packed. B. employees 1500 people.
Presents are given to the kids under 12. We had finger food and drinks and went to see the decorations. Thery are the best yet and I saw about 4 of them. Best year, just fabulous also looks nice in the evening !!!!Not much electricity but candles every where, yes even real ones!!!Guides helped me so I did not have to use the long corridors and had short cuts to the rooms plus the elevator which is the original one still running. Inside it is decorated with fancy iron work and lovely wood panels.

Somehow we got rejuvenated in the castle. However the free family photo they took makes me look like I celebrated my 100th!!!!
Came home about 10.30 P.M and fell into bed.

Next day a luncheon date, OK dress up again , try to look chipper and see long time friends again. I had canceled several dates with them so I better go a move on and go. We went to the Inn on Church street and it was just lovely....I had fish and chips, my fave but this had huge prawns with the fish. I took a doggie bag and said "woof woof" to the waiter as I am surely the dog in this case.
It was very nice BECAUSE my friends let ME talk and I am a TALKER so I do not have to strain to hear their questions. It was a gorgeous day, my petunias started to come up again it has been that warm and they even bloom.

Thursday was Thanksgiving, Brie decided she wanted family with her so Rhonda worked till 4 and then picked me up. I had a bad day and did not know why. I got up and started to cry and that lasted for most of the day- lecture from Bobby put me to sleep in my recliner. It was a very bad day ....the dinner was good but I could not hear one person at that table, conversations ran from one side to the other and I decided to look at all of Bob's art work and try to remember where we were when he did the persimmons, where he sat and painted and when did he call me for help.
He always wanted my feed back. He hated back grounds so he always asked me which one he should use. He trusted me and I am not an artist. I would tell him when to stop a work because he never thought his painting was finished. He would work and touch up for weeks if I let him. I'd say :"Bob it is finished, let it go, it is lovely". Reluctantly he would stop and take my advice.
His time was never an issue with him, it was for me because he would put too many days and hours into something we knew we could not get paid for his hours.

The room at Brie was cozy and no denying her Belgian heritage.
My aunts Victorian vases sit proudly in a nook with a light over them. In my mind I invited them to come and take a look. The Delft which was in my mother
s kitchen is there too. Bob's work everywhere. Handmade lace doilies. My mother's kas kept up and shiny from the wax jobs! The memories kept me going as I sat quietly at the table and has a glass of wine and pie with whipped cream (the real stuff).
Zack was tired and in his room with the little ones. I do not have the energy to mess with the little ones like I used to do. Besides that I wanted to cry some more.

I was glad the day was over, I had bought a spiral ham for Bobby, he does not give 5 cents for the holiday but loves the ham.
I came home and fell into bed and Rhonda emailed me she did the same when she got home and had to be at the castle at 6 30 AM next day.....

So Black Friday I rested in between catching up (barely) with my games on Facebook. I filled more display boxes with pins ready for Brie to put in my shop...whenever I see Brie again.

So today we are that saturday.......in the news there seems to be a truce , I doubt it will last or help but let there be peace for awhile so children can play outside and have parents still alive...on all sides...

Big John has decided he will GO HOME...that is a tragedy...
Zack refuses to be in the hospital on Christmas so that will be bypassed, the kid needs some "normal".

I hope to have a quiet week and will try to play catch with the energy.

Fighting, Infidelity, budgets on Capitol Hill....

I am supposed to be uplifting and positive.

OK so I read a lot of news .....so there is blood shed today on both sides ....
over what? Land!

My grandfather had lost big in the stockmarket so when I left in the `1950's his advice to a very naive granddaughter was :"Buy land" they are not making anymore and we will be over populated one day.
I always remembered that ... early on someone offered us two lots at very low price, the lady was a friend and in her eighties and wanted to help us out. I was afraid to get into debt and declined....I did not listen to grandpa! A very few years later the University in Santa Cruz Ca. started to built on these lots and everything else they could buy around there. The land had been purchased at a very high price.
Land...the fight over land in many places....but bloodshed over it scares me.

So we have a scandal in DC. A General and an x general ,CIA person had an affair and who the hell cares. If you lined up the unfaithful at the Mall in DC you would have a bigger crowd than when Obama took his oat there. Please, who cares but the wives involved who have to face the humiliation. They have to worry if they can ever forgive and worse if they can forget.
Forgetting is the hard part. I still dream of first husband cheating on me and i had not seen him in 45 years. He passed on last year but he is still there tormenting me at night. So the general's wife has all my best wishes.

Good news? Zack has his last day in the hospital week, he has had it, problems with his port in the middle of the night which was not a picnic. His Mom exhausted from seeing him hurting and counting the bills.
12 different companies send her bills, a doctor here and a specialist there, then the cancer center, then the heart place, the many pints of blood.....
I was a riot at the beginning od the diagnosis I offered to sell the house, Brie answered: Mom this will cost more than your house, honey!
Say what? Well she was right we are now almost at twice my house value and it is not finished by a long shot.
A friend of ours had her son ill with the same cancer, he is fine now, but 5 years ago the bills were over 250,000. Sabrina said theirs will surpass this and some by the end.
Thank God that Purdue our NC past governor was one of the first to embrace Obama care so then Zack could get insurance for previous conditions.
I read that Florida will not accept it. They have a Republican governor and NOW we do too, a Rep. is taking office now in NC.
I hope that they can't revoke that rule, I doubt it.

Have a nice Sunday ...I will try that too.

This and that

I have been away for awhile....not in the mood to do anything but sit and sleep. I think they call it a depression. I missed Bob every minute in the last 2 weeks, no reason except that I miss him. He was such a great companion.

So I rejoiced Nov 6th and went to bed feeling so secure. I was petrified of the changes Mittens was suggesting and then changing his mind ...I said four years ago that Obama could not5 fix the mess we were in during a first term, now he has no electorals to please or watch out for. He can sit at his desk and stop the worrying
about what will be said this time around but I do believe that he has the fever back to fight for the little people. He just has to fight the Republicans up the hill till they have a solution.

Many people here in NC are upset...just look at the polls.....
No one touched my Obama sign, I was afraid to put it up and then did anyway because I felt like a coward.

On Nov 11 I walked up to the cemetery and put small flag on the sacred ground of WW1 soldiers. I have done that for awhile. This was my grandparents war and my parents suffered in different ways. My father was number 7 in a line of 8. His father was in a military career and was in prison in Germany as soon as the war started leaving my grandmother with all her kids. My father, then 7 years old took his little brother to the German camps near his house and stole food from them. He also learned to speak German. Our King Albert and his Queen stayed in Belgium with the troops during the whole war, that little part of B. was never taken by the Germans. In ww2 our King Leopold ran for the luxury of living in la belle Suisse. Some Belgians did not forgive him that....including my mother who loved Royalty.

Now I have to say that I just hate even the word "war", both sides loose, no matter what. There is human life involved. We can always rebuilt but the loss of people is another matter. I am worried that Bibi and Obama are not seeing eye to eye over Iran. Lets not make it another war because they have or do not have weapons of mass destruction. We have been there and done that.

On the very good side of my house is son who hates Algebra with a passion and had an A at the end of his first 9 weeks. This is just a very big , big win. He is now into the second Algebra 9 weeks and a bit calmer about it. I am very proud of him.
Doing correspondence school every day often including Sunday is not for the lazy people, you have to be committed to stay with it and not miss a day. I think he started last September and even sick he continued on his journey for psychology. With his years of agoraphobia and panic disorder he could counsel from the heart.

Zack is doing very well keeping the C word away but has his ups and downs.
The loss of his eyebrows and lashes this week make him very sad. He has these gorgeous eyes and had the longest eyebrows, every one used to talk about them, it bums him out this week. With radiation and Chemo he is a lot more tired and needs more blood transfusions, his BP being low too.

I worry about him ...a lot...I wish I could be with him at the hospital when his mother has to leave to work. He has tremendous nurses and doctors. His High school also had a fund raiser for him just the kids getting together selling T shirts and stuff. How great is that?

I will do my best to get out of this funk and continue to just write boring stuff.....

Sandy

The storm of the century is hitting New York and on way to Philly and up state.

Atlantic city boardwalk highly damaged.
House on fire along some of the coast.
The Jersey coast highly hit.
So far Lee is safe, we have not heard yet about Sabra in Jersey.
Subways are full of water in the big Apple, this will take weeks to fix I am sure.
construction of this may suffer a lot from salt water.
Cars floating about in the big city. Imagine the damages.
One hospital had to transport the babies as their second back up broke down, no electricity is also a factor which will take a lot of time.
This is horrible.
We just had the winds which made me anxious with all the trees around us.
No damage.
It is snowing in Asheville.
We will have 65 degrees on Saturday and pretend none of this happened but in the North there will be struggles for months.
It is slow and covers 1000 miles.
Elza called from Belgium. How Nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

56 years

It was not to be.

But I never forget the day you came, Walter and William you would be 56 today.
Wherever you are be safe and happy.

and Frankenstorm goes where?

Frankenstorm 2012: Hurricane Sandy Hybrid Could Hit New York, New Jersey And Pennsylvania

They call it a monster, one expert said :"I have no idea what will happen and where, this is a once in a lifetime storm, with the help of a cold front coming to meet Sandy the storm.

Even so we are far from the coast I am apprehensive as the weather person said that we could have a LOT of wind and water damage.
We do get floods in the mini basement but have a pump ready.

I finished almost entirely the yard and hiding objects which can't survive the winter like my Chinese pots collection. Some cacti go inside and my palm tree which became huge this summer goes in my bedroom.

I purchased in the spring an azalea which blooms all the time, I was not sure but it is blooming and I am bringing it in.
The heather can take our cold.
I sort of wish I had kept the hedge, it was so nice and full and tall and protected us from a lot of wind. But there is the idea to put up somewhat of a front and show that the yard is somewhat "kept".

It will be a blast to get the dogs outside, the big one, Courage is already act5ing weird she now comes and hides under my skirt and she is tall! So she is feeling something which will happen in 3 days? Who knows.

If my computer goes out, if electricity goes out I will be lost for sure.
In tje meantime, good night to all. Be safe, LEE, be safe!!!!

Election blues

Gosh, I have been working very hard these past weeks.
There is the winter clean up in the yard.
2 professional gardeners came and cut all the overgrown mess
I had not been able to tackle.
My Zack did this but the poor kid is busy with chemo and radiation.
For now all is going well with that.
I know when he gets well what he is worth...
Yikes...these gardeners know how to charge.............

Hedge is cut low on all sides and I feel naked looking out on the street now.

I have been in a bad mood and tracking down the origin I figured it is political.
I can't stop watching the news, the polls, the gossip, the truth???Where is the truth??
I was petrified to put up my Obama poster in the NC Mittens atmosphere.
This morning I decided the hell with it and I put it up

I am also making room for my pot collection which would not survive the winter.
So9me plants come inside under the special light and continue to stay alive, I am almost done. I had Rhonda taking me to my shop on Saturday and that is ready for the end of October tourist, then I will have to make more for Christmas and that is next.
Here are the last flowers, they served me well even with my neglect.
The water lily is the last one I am sure she is just budding now.

That is all I have to say today till I get in a better mood!!!!!!!!!!

new batch part 2

New batch

I keep forgetting to post these , so before they go to the shop (hint: Eclectic cottage in Brevard NC) I thought to share.

I do NOT use plastic beads, the beads are gem quality from different rocks mined all over the world. Please note that it is harder to get AAA quality in Lapis Lazuli, why? The biggest mines and best colors are in Afghanistan were now these mountains are for fighting.

I also use mother of pearl. I am a designer, I am not tumbling and filing rocks myself but I make designs with the tons of beads I have cluttering my office.

I also ordered two gorgeous one of a kind carvings in Indonesia. Indonesia has terrific carvers, they have been there probably for centuries. They use ox bones.
They are not cheap but the work is terrific.

All the pieces are one of a kind.

I do not repeat my patterns.

Walking

Thanks to the dogs I walk a lot. I think they have me pegged for a sucker and just like to go out and beg to do so. I do get help when it rains then the begging stops.


My walks are also about looking around for changes in nature and waving at the old people in the housing project.
I wish I could stop and talk to them on the porch but my hearing loss is not helping. They will talk and I can't answer. Then when you tell people to talk very loud they start to yell and slowly they go back to the whispering, it never fails.

When I walk uphill on my street I reach the housing district. The town truly keeps it lovely, grass is cut in time and outside repairs are done as soon as detected.
This part is all for the elderly housing. It is very quiet here, most do not even have cars. The only noise here is when the ambulance comes followed by the fire department. They work in tandem for emergencies. Then you see the heads coming out the doors and asking "who is it?"

If the ambulance leaves quietly everyone then wonders. Was it ok? Did they fix the person? Or is the ambulance quiet because there is no need for help anymore.

I was thinking about all that and compared the upper road housing to the left, young people live here, children live here in abundance, they play in the street, no playground nearby. I often see cars swirve around a child and my heart races in my chest. This part of the housing sees a lot more noise. Especially the police cars, the sirens will blare and you know there is trouble, drugs, domestic violence even
now and some shooting and people hiding behind the windows.

Life can be observed between the two projects.
Not that everyone was always poor, I know 2 ladies in their sixties who lost all
their money in the stock market, thanks to crooks. Another has a husband who left her very dry after he found a new model. Yet another is drowning still in medical bills she had before Medicare set in. They are all races, different backgrounds.

One view I can count on during my walks is the numerous cats in the "oldies" housing, they are all white and black. You can hardly figure out which one is which.
People put dishes out for them and they all look healthy but the dogs are not to thrilled to see the growing cat alley.

It is a quiet street except on school hours when the speeding mom.s and pop.s come racing to get the kids in on time. Better not to walk during that time slot.

I like the quiet of this side of town, we are still in town and yet we are very quiet, trees everywhere, birds and squirrels fighting at the feeders.
I think I see someone begging and it will rain soon so I better get the furries out there while they can.

white and grey fox

jUST LOCK ME UP

My mother was extremely frugal but when she was down in the dumps she would go out and by something outlandish. Like a new couch and matching chairs, a sewing machine or a rug not worth what she paid for to 2 guys who came at her door!(so dangerous)She even made them turn around so they would not see where she kept her money!!!Yikes.

Au contraire to my mother I am not frugal but when I am down in the dirt feeling totally lost and not worth going another step then I do something odd too.
This time it is a stroller/jacket. It is GORGEOUS!!!!Got it on ebay with the description to make me drool and I bought it.
Here is the down part: My grandchildren hate fur wearing, my best friend hates it, my Maltese saw it and decided it was another dog and wanted to make it in shreds.
Here is the p0lus part: I love it.
Where will I wear it? Not often, it is not for a Walmart trip nor the Hospice thrift shop. But I am invited this Friday on the grounds of Biltmore to see Mary Wilson in concert. She is 62 and has a schedule made up for a 20 year old. She will be in Germany 2 days after this event. I may just wear this then. Lets see how cold it is.
What is it made off? the softest white leather I ever did see and all along the border and neckline white fox from Finland. It was purchased in Alaska. For 5 x what I paid for it.
The lady was my size and said she wore it once, it is spick and span new.
I did get it at thrift store price and she mailed it to me Fed Ex with the hanger and the bag to go with it.
As I am a retailer I also know I can get my money back and then some but I intend to wear it as long as I am still walking about these places. (Not walking the dogs !)
A photo will be coming this way.

I probably will not be invited out with my grandsons if I wear this and that is their privilege. I already gave away my mink jacket years ago but this one is for keeps.

The heat is on

The heat is on in more ways than one.

Cold during the night so it turned on quickly the ever obliging old heater, thank you so much for working still.

After Obama's luke warm talk with Romney winning I just saw on Huffington post that Romney may still win this. My stomach turned when I read that blaring headline.

I feel like this may be true.

Found out my grandson voted for O and then figured our immediate family all vote for him expect for Frank the in law. He is a Republican who does not like Romney but will vote for him anyway cause he does not like Obama even more.

I already voted so I did my best.

I am pissed at the thought of ....oh well I can't do anything else.

I will give O another 5 bucks , I am not one of his big bucks people

Zack

17 years ago a long awaited for baby boy was born.

I have no idea what he weighed or how tall he was, all we thought about at that time was for him to survive.

Backtrack to a difficult pregnancy, a much wanted and delayed pregnancy. Sabrina had been living with Frank for 7 years and then married hoping to have a child. (She did keep her maiden name) Nothing happened very quickly for that girl and then finally she had to be very cautious during that time period.

So we are at the hospital, a fairly new hospital, very nice and well oiled in care and doctors. Her doctor happened to be working in that hospital only.
Run or owned by a religious group the only complaints I ever heard about them is that no coffee or cafeine was served, but very healthy food with tons of vegetables.
For the life of me now I forget the name of the church.They do honor Saturdays as the day for rest and the Sabbath.

Sabrina is ready and I am to be with her trying to hold hands and ignoring the pain in my baby. The doctor comes and goes, often, I have camera in hand or so does her sister we film the whole episode. Finally I hear the doctor tell the nurse to get the team ready we will have a cesarean section. Nurse looks at him and said something I will NOT forget :"Doctor, we do not have a staff ready, so and so has to come from Fairview and so and so from another town". He does not answer, you can see that he is very annoyed. He orders: I need to see how this baby is doing bring him the equipment NOW.......he mentions what he needs...he waits..goes down the hall.
No one ever came. He tells Sabrina that every time he tries to get the head the baby retracts back in. The doctor is quiet but does not leave us. I smell trouble.
Another nurse comes in and there are looks to each other but there is a quiet in the room besides Sabrina's complaints.

No one comes with news of a team nor machinery.
It dawns on me..it is Saturday!!!!
We are here with a skeleton crew.

Doctor and nurses gather around the end of the bed, one has a blanket ready, the baby finally comes with a cord around the neck, color is not normal, cut the cord quickly and the nurse grabs the baby wraps him up and runs down the hall.
I follow....she goes into a room and someone shuts the curtains in front of my nose on the window. We know nothing.
I know nothing. I did not hear a cry.
I am thinking this is all over with and I want to just sit on the floor in a corner and weep.
Mother in law comes from the waiting room and who ever was there I have not a clue anymore we form a circle in the hall in front of the nursery and pray, we pray out loud, we want this baby, Lord how we want this baby to live.

A nurse comes out of the elevator trying to get a smock on while she runs, it is Rhonda's friend she is a specialist for lungs here and they called her to come in.
Rhonda tells her while both are running that this is Sabrina's baby. She answers I will do my best.

I do not remember if we saw Zack that day, every time I went to the nursery someone would shut a curtain. Sabrina did not see him and we were told that he would be ok
but needs some help with breathing.

The angst was enormous it was several days before Sabrina could nurse him in the nursery, he was not coming out of that place for awhile. They did not go home for days.

In the end he was saved by the crew in the nursery but we all know and have the video still that it should have been cut and dry a cesarean section.

Zack was a big baby, cute as a button, he smiled all the time, he was our joy rarely had a fit so by week 6 he was on the road with us selling Santas and loved to ride in the car except for one town "Augusta Ga". It did not matter how old he got he would scream all the way from Augusta to home some 3 hour ride.
We almost gave up the Augusta shows but we always sold out there, he just hated that town and he could not even speak.

Today Zack has another challenge , he hardly had an aspirin in his 17 years, he is a man, 6 feet 5" and he HAD cancer, a fast moving nasty cancer. So now he is on the mission to stop it from coming back and has a severe regime of chemo for one year.
It is hard to be 17 ,treated in pediatrics, not being able to do the football, not being able to be with his palls in his senior year, could not go to the yearly fair, can't go to the games....and on and on.

An infection now or catching anything from a sick person would be very dangerous.
So far he has needed numerous blood transfusions to keep going. His hair is gone but his spirit is very high. He gets angry now and then and has a right to but it does not last. He is so liked by the nurses and doctors. He has the right attitude.
The world needs Zack and he will be your best mechanic as this is where he will go to school next when this battle is over with.

Happy birthday ,my baby bear, you will never know how much joy you have given me already so do keep it up!!!!Meme loves you !!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT TO DO TODAY????

I was very young when I started this ritual. A ritual I still do now at 80.
Perhaps every one does that, I never asked.

As soon as I am awake I am thinking" what is exciting today?" It could be anything that sets the mood for me...less homework...a friend back from being sick...and as I grew older....the boyfriend will visit today....mother will take me to see a movie...

When Bob was ill I hardly had time to think what would happen today ..I knew my routine, get him out of bed and cleaned up and dressed....strip the whole bed and start washing...that was my first thought then...for years and years....

After Bob left us I'd wake up and think "I am a widow, I hate that name, there is nothing waiting for me ......no hugs, no rides in the country, BUT also no laundry waiting....then I would do the best thing and crawl back in bed to sleep some more.
Perhaps then when I would wake up again I might think of something worthwhile to get up for.

Two years later we, the family, again faced with disease. I wake up and my first thought is my grandson. I rush to the computer to read the blog and see how yesterday played out. Sabrina is tired of calling every one and repeating conditions. We all agreed that the blog will help us and her.

The day involves in what I read. A bad report lingers in my heart and my bones well until the afternoon until I take a nap and forget the world.

But Thursday Sabrina surprised me and wrote:"the numbers are good, no transfusion on Friday, I am coming to see you and we will have a day out like we used to".
It will be fun!!!!

I wake up Friday morning and my first thought is "Sabrina is coming and she promised fun". I am so excited. I jump out of bed and forget the brittle bones in the back.Ouchie!

I have not seen much of my daughter in the last 3 months. We used to shop every Tuesday and replenish the fridge. Now Rhonda does this on week ends and she is a doll for helping so much with her sister and me. So it is not so much about getting the milk and bread but seeing this wild girl who promised me fun today.

She steps out of her car and I now see make up, eye lashes curly and dark ,eyebrows trimmed and lipstick. hair still has 24 colors but it is a start. She did something to please herself for the first time in months.
I look into her eyes and I see the pain, the worry, the exhaustion.
No sparks no little stars in the blue, blue eyes.

I used to be shocked when I took time to look in the mirror and saw my eyes, they told the whole story of my body and emotions. Sad, sad, exhausted and sad.

She tells me :"Mom, we will not talk about cancer or Big John , today" We will have girl talks. I can go for that.

No sooner are we in the car and her phone rings, Hospice here ....and the talks start for the next 30 minutes about what to do with Big John who wants to return home. He promises the doctors he will not smoke, he smokes in the nursing home, what the blazers is that promise worth. So the scramble is on for
a place for BJ. His wife has been on duty for decades with this demanding man who thinks she is his slave. She moved his bed out and cleaned the whole house from top to bottom to get rid of the smoke smell. She is done. She did her duty. Picking up a giant man when he falls on his one leg is not task for her anymore.
Sabrina is her mouth piece, Sabrina fights for her freedom but these days there is no room at the nursing home, not here, not there, not at the VA. We just live too long, a month ago the dr. said John was dying. He has been dying more often than any cat with 9 lives.

We finally get to lunch and dropping bunch of stuff at the Hospice store.
The rest of the day is fun...we even go nuts and have a donut at Krispy Cream
with a cafe au lait. By evening we are laughing at every bad joke.

I show her my ankle and the protruding 2 screws which have to come out some day, Brie says: Get some W40 Mom . The laughing starts again. We are having a release for a short while . When she sees her brother she tells him : We almost forgot cancer today, I want to sleep over but tomorrow I need to get the yard ready for the fish fry and Zack's 17th birthday!!!

I got up this morning and my first thought was: "yesterday was fun today will be good I have a new fry pot and it will be french fries tonight!Yeh!"It does not take much to get me out of bed.

a dog's world

Does your dog yawn when he has to pee? Mine does, the Maltese, I find this very insulting. I put on his "bra" hook up the leash and it is yawn, yawn, yawn every time.
I think he is telling me that the walks are a bore or..he is laughing at me thinking that he hooked me again to go out when I want to sleep in late.

This fall is a first for him. He decided after 4 years that he should become a hunter. His new desire are the squirrels, he never noticed them before, now as they run to and fro a mouth full of nuts, now he wants them too, perhaps he thinks that the goodies are the same he gets at home. He has not figured out that he is a meat eater and the nuts are not on his plate.

The Corgy is shedding A LOT, I can honestly vacum every hour if I was a cleaner like Sabrina...but then she does not want a shedding dog either. Not my bad, my son when he got her thought that all his research showed that a Corgy was one of the smartest ones to train.....probably is, he did not train her besides telling us every ten minutes that she wants OUT. I do not see her yawning, better manners, I guess.

My world is not going to the dogs, I am just in a good mood to complain about them.
My not so bright doctor has finally diminished some of my meds for HP. I feel like a new person, I am not so dizzy, not so tired and I feel better in all the departments, my pharmacist had told me that prescription was not right for me. I should have complained more a long time ago.

the quiet day

I took the Corgy for a very long walk, picked the cul de sac street lined with trees and dozens of squirrels hurrying to and fro..sometimes you can see an argument followed by a race one tree branch at a time. It is a gorgeous fall day, our leaves will not turn until mid October. Many trees are already shedding and getting ready to give us a lacy landscape of dark intertwined branches.

I am trying very hard to concentrate on nature this morning as my heart is still so very sad from Zack loss of his car. Of course he could have been hurt and it would all have been so much worse. The car can be replaced, it is just so much to take in for an old lady.

I used to think "Karma" is biting you but Zack made friends wherever he went. He has a golden heart. Since he was born he had a smiles with deep dimples getting deeper and deeper. He had a will of his own, he decided when he no longer wanted to be breast fed, he decided when the diapers should not be used anymore. Sabrina had it so easy with him. He was pleasant, loving and was loved.

I had several shops in one small mall and our workshop upstairs where we made
dolls (bob and I).Zack's crib and playpen was with us and I would rock him to sleep and made up songs for him. He still remembers. As he started to walk he would visit the entire mini mall. The restaurant gave him cookies, the hairdresser pretended to cut his hair in the big chair, he roamed around and visited wherever he felt like.
My husband adored him and I was mush in his little hands.

Karma? He did nothing wrong in his 16 years, he was a boy scout until he gave it up last year. He respected every one.

The men in his life show anger, a lot of anger, his father, his Uncle Bob, and Zack himself , all are angry. The women give up and have a good cry now and then.
I have problems not being able to stop the crying.
I wish I could just be angry and hit my fist on a wall or throw away a set of dishes in splinters but I am too practical for that.

So I walk in the silent street, I can't hear my own foot steps but I can hear a bird over my head shrieking and complaining about something. I stop, I feel odd that I hear nothing else but that bird. He must be loud. The wonder of it all makes me to start crying again....what the.....Carwen,the dog, looks up at me, she looks like she knows. She can feel the pain, she is a good companion.

The car

I can't believe I am sitting here crying and my heart aching like I lost a best friend.

I lost nothing at all but my grandson did.

During this period of chemo and being sick with most treatments he had only one object on his mind. A car! Not just a car but a 1971 Ford. He and his mechanic uncle had been working on it. The uncle had recovered the seats as a gift and they were gorgeous.
Zack finally could drive it around. He visited friends near his house all day yesterday. He was in heaven.

This morning I get a quick email:
Zack is OK. His car caught fire and it is gone

Seems that was moments after she found out that she wrote.

What else can happen to this child/man?

He has already been through so much since June 6th

I now do not know what he can think about that he wants to do when he comes home from all these treatments, how will he cope with this too.?????