Sunday, August 30, 2009

Going down hill this week

Bob is going down hill this week, we took him to BK as he always likd it there and had "his" table and 3 trips to refil his drinks. We wanted to see how much he would remember again, must have been a month or more since we were there.
He did not know his corner table, did not know how to use the machine to get his drink.
Managed to eat a hamburger and then decided that he did not want another drink- all unusual stuff.
He was annoyed that Peter was with us.
Peter is very much a talker with arms,legs and feet.
That annoyed him.
He also told Rhonda to shut up.
She said "that is a bad word Dad, reminding him that he did not allow her to say that when she was little." He looked at her again and said :Shut up!
By evening we sat around the kitchen table , son, daughter myself and dad. He became calm, let us talk, did not know what we were saying but sat there staring at me.
If I got up he would follow me with his stare.
We went to bed before Rhonda was leaving and he was not happy. Asked me : Who?Who?

Today he looks tired and not well, he walked to 5th Avenue again and I had to rescue him , I am hoping that the4 dark sky is going to give us tons of rain so he will stay inside for the rest of the day.
I want to laugh so ordered Blazing Saddles from Netflix but I can't sit and watch until he is trying to sit next to me.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Moving items

In a short while we will be in a mess. Yes, more than right now. Renovations will be done to our old house.
New kitchen cabinets for starters and new heating system and wiring.
So........I started to clean out the cabinets now. That way everything will be ready to put in the new shelves.
A kitchen armoire was to be moved, I did that.
Kitchen in disarray at the moment.
So what? you say.
Well , try moving a chair in another direction, try bringing in a new item and the Alzheimer patient goes bonkers.
So when old Bob saw the changes in the kitchen and in my office he just did not know what to do but panic.
Moved a painting (not his work and he was ready to hide it)
walked around the whole evening from room to room.
Looked at both of us, son and I, like we were Marsians.
So by night night time he was a bundle of nerves.
I think I would have given liquor if I had any in the house.
Until 2 AM he undressed and dressed over and over again until I hid his shoes and pants. I just could not sleep but watch him do his "thing". Then he insisted I put pillows between us. All this in gestures. He finally fell asleep at the very edge of the bed. Afraid he was that I would touch him.
Afraid, was I, to fall asleep. Young Bob took over.

What in the .........will happen when we have dozens of work man running around and everything in the house changed?
I could not stop this process it is for the best of our safety (re-wiring) it is for a better summer next year (read A/C)
it is the best for this old house (born in 1926 and in the National Historical section) - Read: histerical

Shall we have hysterics around here? Yeah. no doubt.
Last night I lost it big time and yelled at son:
I am going to kill him one of these days!!!Son replied: then do it quietly, you are screaming!
That remark just made me laugh and I got out of it. The heebeegeebees however you spell it- were gone.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Week end away

week end with Sabrina and that means help to look after Grandpa too, I had a good chance of napping on the couch. During the night he was confused and decided he did not want anything to do with me. Tried to get me out of bed. He kept looking at Zack's "art" on the wall.
That would confuse anyone anyway. 14 year olds have different taste than a 83 artist grandpa.
Even I did not feel like looking at the poster of "the Scream".
However it was nice of Zack to share his room for us.
Bijou came along too.
Zack and his friend kept steering grandpa to the right bathroom and back to his seat. It was nice to have the help.
Came home to find an email from a friend I met in Belgium when we were school chums.
She immigrated years before I did and when I finally made it to New Jersey she lived in Paterson , I went to her wedding and she was the Godmother of my oldest.
Somehow we lost touch when I moved to California but I found her after 50 years on facebook and now we have
catch up to do.
Wow, I am thrilled.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

It has been hot and my zest for writing is diminished with my dripping wet body. Oh! the South! Oh the price of an a/c!

BUT better days are coming, looks like I have been approved for some remodeling in the old house. A/C will be with it.

My dearest friend called me because I had not written in awhile in this blog and then she worries about me. How many people have that kind of a friend? I am lucky!

We talked a lot about old Bob and what it takes to make his day, his meals, his rest, etc....she ended up by saying that I am keeping him alive with my care. That came as a shock to me. I thought about it for a second and then figured that for sure he has better care in this house than he would have any other place.

Maybe, just maybe, I thought. I am doing something right here. As one gets older , one tends to become a bit paranoid- read "very" in my case- one listens to some of the complaints from some children "you should have done...." from your financial advisor (If I had one) _"You should have...."
from my own conscience "Why did you not do..." and so there are times that I wonder how I ever made it to 77 and what in the h... did I do right or wrong.

To hear that I am probably keeping Bob alive at least gives me the thought that I must be doing ok with this situation even if at times I am way beyond aggravated and stressed to the max.

These thoughts invariably bring me back to a very young soul -left us way too early- she was only 32 and had not experienced much laughter, brightness, color me bright pink kind of days. A dark helo had followed her through her very young years, battles with mental health when she indeed worked with all her talents, heart and brain in that particular field.

At 32 she could have said "I should have" , she probably did but in reality she helped dozens and dozens of people who could not help themselves. She worked with the disabled of all ages, from babies to seniors. She did everything for them that they could n't do. No doubt she kept many alive. No doubt her love for them made them smile even when she was too exhausted to return it.
I miss her, that kind of spirit is not just about a job it is about helping another soul. It is about giving your all and she did that.

I have no idea why I wrote all that. I am just missing her and I just had to write it down.
The hot Southern day can do that to someone without A/C ...go figure !

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Boring stuff

Love the early morning.
Today it was misty and sweet smelling.
But, I did not like it when sweet Bijou decided 6.45 was the time to
get up and pee. When he wants out he sounds like a cat, he yawns a lot but it has a meauw sound.
So I tried to tell myself that I sure do love that early morning feeling especially when it is Sunday and looks like I am the only one up.
No, I saw that the church going man across the street lifted his blinds.
Time for the suit and church.
For me, time to try and get a nap in before my day begins.

The days blend one into another.
I know that next Friday I have an appointment for my haircut and Sabrina will come. I don't need a calendar to write it all down.
Schedule : M-F 9.30 bus comes - M-F 4.00 bus comes back.
Driver is never confused, he always drops the right male.
In between there is cooking, laundry ( boy there ever laundry)..
computer gossip and email, dog hair collecting (I wish I could spin some lovely wool from Carwens hair) and trying to keep cool.

The quiet, boring, existence is broken up with son's new project or new read. I start to read a lot more but I also fall asleep a lot more.
Writers must make their books ................fill in the keep me awake.
The garden is getting straggly so I have to work more in there but the heat is a good excuse to be lazy.
eBay is not producing many buyers so I am waiting on selling again.
Need a new hobby.
Thinking of refreshing my french verbs (they are not doing very well) or start learning Italian with the hopes of going there in 2010.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Fantastic week

This has been a great week for me.
Bob was gone over the week end and either I got well rested or he
decided to behave because the girls has a talk with him.

That's a joke ! He would not understand a good talking to if you
would even write it in the sky.

We also had Oscar again home from camp and now back on his way to Texas. He is doing extremely well.
It was amazing when we saw the photos from camp (on line) and
he was climbing huge rocks and doing a lot of activity.
He is extremely polite. Something which we do not see very often with 10 year olds.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Jane Brody's Guide to the great Beyond

A WowOwow friend of mine, Joan Larsen, snatched an interview with Jane Brody.
An extensive review can be read in
Read it and you will want to know more, check it out:

Jane Brody’s Guide to the Great Beyond: A Practical Primer to Help You and Your Loved Ones Prepare Medically, Legally and Emotionally for the End of Life

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Another life

Yesterday old Bob decided to give me dozens of kisses, my arm, my hands,
my head, and then he said "love you".
I could not leave it alone. I should have.

I said: Do you know who I am?
"so, I am a girlfriend?"
"Your wife?"
"Bob, we have been married over 40 years"
He thought about it for awhile and then clearly said:
"another life".

You bet ye, it was all in another life.

Dear friends took me to Cherokee country.
The Cherokee nation owns a Casino, run by Harrahs.
We used to love to go there about once a month or so
and play out 20.00 , eat out and have a lot of fun.
I am a better poker player so he sat next to me and watched
when he had lost his allowance.
Once I was finished with mine , we would split.
We always had a great time, a few times we would win and
be absolutely giddy.

So I was picked up in the morning and could not wait to
drive through the lovely mountains.
At Exit 38 melancholy started.
That is where we would stop for breakfast on the way in
at the truckstop, a huge breakfast for little money.
Southern style.
We passed it and drove into the curving mountain chain.
The more old memories cropped up the more I just
did not want to see it so I decided that sleep was a good
substitute about now.
We had a great lunch, pricey I thought but Louis insisted
on treating , then we were off with our loot.
Well, we did not last long , Celia too had 25.00 but she
had money left over by the rendez vous time.
Louis decided he had enough and I was broke.
Darn poker machines did not want to even give me 3 of a kind.
The ride home was better.
I do so miss that man in my life and like he said
it all was "another life".

My kids are afraid I will loose it if old dad leaves us but
I am thinking that I have lost him over the last 12 years now.