Saturday, March 26, 2011

Sat 3/26/2011

Everything fine in the pre surgery testing yesterday.
2 nurses admired my necklace and promised to go find the hsop for more.
Brie stayed the night.
I slept like a baby till 11 as she had stolen Bijou for his early walk.
Ate a bit ,took pill for nausea ( allowed) and of course slept the
afternoon away.
Statistic: Energy None
BP: pretty good
Head : spinning
Nausea: under control with meds for now
Pain: very little
Mind set: I will win this one too.
Good night all

5 more sleeps!!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

about butterflies

I have become somewhat of a romantic when I think about a blue butterfly,
something that appeared often during Bob's departure.
So with that little bit of superstition I looked for nurses with
butterflies on their scrubs. The last test for Xrays of lungs last Wednesday
had a cute young nurse with her top full of pink butterflies.
I said something like "darn I need blue butterflies"
Sabrina said to the nurse "she thinks my dad is a blue butterfly"
nurse did not skip a beat and answered:
"He is wearing pink today"


No Sabrina I do not think dad is a butterfly, he sends me a butterfly to say hello!

better night

on way to hospital for the pre surgery tests
had a good night sleep
feel a tadd more energy
maybe, just maybe I can stay awake all day
that would be a novelty
things to do places to see
no pain in the last 24 hours is a biggy
just that damn vertigo which continues to hang on

news: I am now drinking a LOT of water.
will be my new addiction, yuck yuck!
Wonder if I can switch it to champagne.
Nah. I love it only with lots of orange juice
see ye.........

Thursday, March 24, 2011

just for fun

stolen from Maggie on facebook:

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are;
because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star,
I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far;
for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
-Milton Berle

a letter to my best friend

just got up
i have been up every 2 hours as I drink so much water
so far I can urinate on command
I hold my breath till can do it and then I am relieved
clean out is no big deal but until I get there to have it done
that is something with huge pain
had 4 clean outs , one here in ER and 3 so far in dr office
yes they use a catherer is that the word?
I just want it over with
I am so friggin tired and cant do anything but sit and fall asleep
brie will be here the week end
rhonda on call till friday morning
neither have slept much
they are so concerned about being there and listening to phone calls.
This would be much easyer if I was like in the past a person with faith.
I can't summon it up.
Prayers were always my biggest medication and that has left me.
now i work with rational thought
It is there, it is a fact, it has to come out.
IF it is my time to go then I will go either on the operating table, a blood cloth, pneumonia afterwards or driving to Asheville or going downstairs to get the laundry trip and hit my head.
The how and when is a mystery.
But one day it will happen.
To all of us.
So no big deal, the surgery, I want to live a bit more and if I do fine that would be swell and dandy if I don't then I will not know about it.
I will just leave the kids with more of a mess with hundreds of beads and cabochons, a demanding dog who will miss me, and too much "tristesse".
Easyer to say 10 Our Fathers and then feel good go on with the day, it aint there and I can't fabricate renewal it has to come from wherever faith comes.
Tomorrow hospital for pre preparation and tests.
Lung Xrays are OK

the big C

My mother could not say the word "cancer"
It frightened her just to say it.
Silly, I know.
Equally silly is moi.
I refuse to wear or contribute to the pink little brooches people wear.
I keep thinking it is an invitation, a "bad thought" to invite cancer in your life.
So to my big surprise I found out the hard way that I have cancer.
Contained within the kidney, has not spread, is huge and I need surgery
March 31st is the big day
in the meantime I sleep a lot.

Friday, March 18, 2011

BTW less and less vertigo

I had a great adjustment and that helped.
ALSO I am adjusting my bending, looking up too high and stuff like that which makes me an instant drunk.
I do believe in the adjustments some I had not done in 70 years of my life.
Thought that chiropractors were quacks.

March 18 2011

OK So I had a birthday.
So I am 79.
Am I looking forward to 80? NO!
80 sounds ancient to me, 79 sounds still part of the young set!!!
First birthday Bob has missed, no, that is not true.
Bob has missed the last 6 or 7.
In the good old days he would say a few days before my birthday:
I do not know what to get you!
I would answer while I'd show him a piece of jewelry and say"You bought me this, dear"
He would sigh, hug me and say "thank you, I hope you love it! I do have good taste!".
He was always glad to be off the hook and if I had bought the Hope Diamond that was still ok with him. He had little notion of values and money spent.

This birthday was the best I had in a decade.
The girls spoiled me with a great evening out.
Then we had lunch with my faves C and L and it was just fab.
Bobby renewed my Time Mag which I had missed and out of my budget.
Life is good.

I am selling my jewelry at the shoppe and I am both surprised and delighted.
Life has a new turn and it is good.
Bob would be laughing of my new enterprise , he loved it when I had new ideas and always worked with me on whatever.
He just did not like it when I said "Go and paint, rent is due soon"
That was my line way after the house was ours.
It got him going...for awhile.
The muse and know that excuse.....

I forgot to put new photos last week of the new collection, I will post this weeks.
Life is good

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

So where is my chocolate?

Forgot to get some yesterday.
Never mind it is that special wednesday I am not participating anymore.

Bobby gave me a fun present.
It is a Mason type jar with a blue butterfly in it.
When you tap the lid the butterfly starts to fly.
Of course, it is a paper one, silly and a battery makes it
flutter, it is cute. Will do till the real ones come back.

Adjustment helped a lot.
Will need a couple more of them next week.

Oscar is coming on Sunday.
A short visit.
Do not know how long.
At long last someone who loves my pancakes again.

Friday eve a comedy show downtown Asheville.
Hope I can hear it all.

Busy bee, good that I can walk but I do take a cane
that helps me to feel stronger when the spinning starts.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

gorgeous day

daffodils here and there and I am going to enjoy the day no matter what.
Sabrina comes to have me adjusted by her boss.
No matter what life is good. It is spring....
Renewal ....the little stuff floating in my ear can kiss my
I am going to enjoy the day, asleep or awake.

Monday, March 7, 2011

not yet able to do a lot

vertigo is nothing to moan about unless you want to do a lot of things
and just sit in your chair.
Vertigo does not know me , I did several necklaces standing up and not moving about much. I am going to win over this ridiculous stuff.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

ok so talk to a pharmacist

I could barely walk yesterday , vertigo became my master , 2 doctors had not been help at all. Son got on the computer then the horn and talked to pharmacists.
They told him what will help me "an ingredient which is in dramamine" cheap at that.
Son in law was in town and got it for me and today I am almost vertigo free.
A little sleepy but I can function.

I will give 100 percent for the pharmacists who listens and wants to help.
Dr.s hear it all and tell you :"live with it".

Thank you Walmart and Walgreen for your help.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Can't handle nausea

I should be pregnant, this much nausea then produces something at the end of 9 months but this time it is ridiculous.
I am trying so hard to keep up and to be healthy in mind and body but when this
vertigo strikes and I am throwing up then I can't fight that.
I can't handle it.

benign paroxysmal positional vertigo,he said, and sent me home

By Mayo Clinic staff

Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) is one of the most common causes of vertigo — the sudden sensation that you're spinning or that your head is spinning inside.

Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo is characterized by brief episodes of mild to intense dizziness. Symptoms of benign paroxysmal positional vertigo are triggered by specific changes in the position of your head, such as tipping your head up or down, and by lying down, turning over or sitting up in bed. You may also feel out of balance when standing or walking.

Although benign paroxysmal positional vertigo can be a bothersome problem, it's rarely serious except when it increases the chance of falls. You can receive effective treatment for benign paroxysmal positional vertigo during a doctor's office visit.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

march 3 2011

A year ago I fell and broke my ankle in 3 places.
I am totally recovered and only needed a good doctor and a lot of patience.
Happy to be walking.
Extremely happy about that!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

March 2 a swinging day

by swinging I mean I walk from one hard corner to another, sort of like Jane looking for Tarzan but she can't truly be swinging in the forest, she is hardly moving going from one item to the other while her head is spinning.
I know vertigo is not for old people only so there is a consolation there, albeit minor. The ear doctor cleaned ONE ear, wonder if they charge by the ear?
Said my ears were not as bad as Mills said.
Said he: this is nothing benign so sort of learn to live with it.
What a guy!!!!

Here is wishing for a stable day tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

What a year it has been!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In a couple of days, March 3rd to be exact is a day I will remember.
A year ago , we had snow and ice and good stuff like that.
We had cleared the steps and made a walk way for the "children" (read :dogs)
I got up early as Bijou was begging, I did not sleep well.
I just could not sleep well anymore as I was constantly watching what
Bob was doing sleeping next to me.
Was he going to get up and wander? Was he going to miss the toilet and have a soaking floor? Was he in need of a quick change diaper?
I never slept a full night anymore, I did not in a very long time.

So...with sleep in my eyes and very little alertness I stepped out with Bijou
first step had an icy spot, I picked that one to put down a foot and I did not need to try to move the other foot as I slid down 4 steps, leg under me. I tried to hold on to the railing but I was too slow and the fall too fast.

Fast forward: Ankle broken in 3 places.
Surgery that evening with hardware put around the fresh cut bones.
I was asking the first nurse if I could stay the night in the hospital,
I had visions of me going home with a cast and crutches but most of all
I wanted to sleep in a bed alone for a change and really sleep.
They told me that I would be in a bed for some time to come and not my own.
I gladly took the morphine and did not even think of what was happening at
home, I slept.

After the rude awakening to what I had done and knowing that I could not
take care of my husband anymore I was totally in shock. I had been his caregiver for years , how could I give him up? What did "they" know that he liked to eat, would they help him get into his pants one leg at a time instead of both legs in one hole? Would they watch him not to run away? Would he miss me? Would he know what was happening? Would he be angry at me?

He did not know us anymore so what was my concern.
People in charge would know more than I on how to take care of him.
All that did not come to me.

It took me 6 months to walk fairly well, sometimes with my cane.
It took him 6 months to the day that he was in a nursing home to pass on.

The last 6 months have been a fog for me.
The head only started to clear recently.
I can now walk and skip and no longer have pain in the ankle.
I am lucky the surgery took very well.

I can sleep till Bijou comes to lick my nose and tell me it is his time but by then I had a very good night.
I am finding my own way, have been a wife for so long I am learning to be me.
It was a year of many changes but it is now 2011 and spring is coming and I see
blooms popping up everywhere , little red buds on my maple get bigger every day.
New life! New hope.!

last one for this week's into the shop,