Tuesday, November 23, 2010

waking up is hard to do

I just can't seem to wake up this morning it took me a good half hour before I could truly wake up.
Kept looking for Bob.
In my dream he had packed the car full of our stuff and we were to go somewhere but not sure where.
The car was overloaded and I told him we had to go over the mountains and would get stuck, he said NO NO NO.
We were at Elvire  and Leonard again, they keep coming in my dreams and so is the ocean .
It was so real I woke and kept looking for old Bob.

white squirrels

Brevard NC has the distinction of housing hundreds of all white squirrels.
Goes back to when a circus was in town...I think they said....
We 12 miles away have one that pops up now and then in our street.\
Bijou ignores squirrels but when he saw Mr White this morning he
was barking the poor thing way up the tree.
Bijou knew this one was different and as far as the Maltese in him is concerned he should be the only white one on his street.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Gorgeous weather for November

Sky is blue and the temps are rising. The night was bitter cold but now we are going towards a gorgeous warm fall Sunday.
I liked it when in my childhood Sunday was a day for doing nothing.
Going to church for me and then relaxing.
Mother and Father if he was not working would sit outside in one of our "comfortable" kitchen chairs and just enjoy the Belgian sun , (if she came out) ,. Father might tinker a bit in his shed but all was quiet except for the radio (pre-war) when Belcanto was on.
It was a day to wear the Sunday dress, Believe me when I say that often I had 2 dresses , a week one and a Sunday one.

So today it is Sunday and it is a day with a lot to do on my list. I will not wear a Sunday dress, no longer go to a church. and try my best not to nap.
Next 2 days are social days both with "to do's" at the Biltmore. Zack singing there tomorrow and then Tuesday a special party for castle employees.
Wednesday eve I cook for 8 people, tons of French fries and Belgian stew. (By special request of all 8)
I have a vegan in there and have to think of him and son does not eat beef so chicken for him.
It will be fun, I think someone is bringing dessert and fruit salad.
I have my hands full cutting about 15 lbs of french fries.
I will stay out of trouble the next 3 days and probably sleep all day on Thanksgiving day.
For now a cup of coffee to start..............it is decaf..........will not wake me up totally........

Friday, November 19, 2010

Sample Chohua and MOP

I had two necklaces half done sitting on my bench for weeks, got to them today. this is a small sample of what I will be doing, I am also working a lot with pearls (my favorites)


I use a lot of natural stones
this is Lapis Laz. Chrysicolla and glass milliori beads

The long fall

Gorgeous weather again, it did freeze during the night but it will be about 60 in a few hours.

My dreams are so much about my past life.
I am most of the time in Belgium (even so I have been here more than 5 decades) I am always looking for the lace and stuff to sell. Last night I saw this gorgeous baby gown with intricate lace but some of the rosettes were in shreds, the dealer was someone I used to deal with, a shrewd lady. I could not afford the gown nor able to fix it, I was sad  about it.

I used to have some prophetic dreams  but no more it is just the past haunting me.

An old lady in Belgium (part of the family) well...she was my father's mistress so call it like it is. Well, she asked me why she was always young in her dreams and she was always dancing.
She owned a club/bar for decades so she did her share of dancing........must have been horrible to wake up to the old body . At least I dream about pretty laces and buying and selling......

Amazing how one can picture such details of something you have never seen in real life.
I am still seeing the baby dress and I have been awake for hours now.

In a fog for Christmas , I do not have one present for anyone.
It will be slim pickings this year too.
Kids keep saying they are not buying anything but they always lie about it.
I like to spoil the kids but my budget is no longer there for such largesses.

I will try and do some beading today but it is 10 51 in the am and I am yawning........I hate this, I truly hate this.....I do not have that much time left to sleep all day.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Good day , starting to get ready to make jewelry again

My favorite blogger:


Excited for friend Lee who will be in London next week, checked the weather there....what do you expect? it is cold England, same as Belgium wet, cold, nasty.
Here it was cold last night, freezing in fact but 60 today.
Slept again this afternoon so what t he hell, I will do what my body tells me.
Now I will try beading and not drink the Beaujolais today , fresh from the fields......never mind you have to read Toad to understand.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

New colors approved

Indeed I did get an email and the new colors are approved by friend Lee so we shall not change again, well, not today anyway!!!!!!!!!

All is better this week......

We will take what we can get.

The head works on its own time table.
Best news : no water in sub basement.

new colors

Approved????My friend Lee, could not read the other color.
I am expecting an email with comments.
But then again maybe not she is going to London for a week.
Courtesy of her daughter in 5 star hotel.
Go girl!!!Go!!!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

New colors

Perhaps that will help my mood.
New background.

Found out there is a way to find how and where people are reading this.
In the Ukraine?
In Italy???
One wonders ....hackers for something.............

How safe are we on blogs?????????????????

No news

Should one post when one is in a bad mood?
Better not.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Armistice day part two

Armistice day, November 11,

Remembrance Day (also known as Poppy Day, Armistice Day or Veterans Day) is a memorial day observed in Commonwealth countries to remember the sacrifices of members of the armed forces and civilians in times of war, specifically since the First World War. This day, or alternative dates, are also recognised as special days for war remembrances in many non-Commonwealth countries.
Remembrance Day is observed on 11 November to recall the official end of World War I on that date in 1918, as the major hostilities of World War I were formally ended "at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month" of 1918 with the German signing of the Armistice. (Note that "at the 11th hour", refers to the passing of the 11th hour, or 11:00 am.)
The day was specifically dedicated by King George V, on 7 November 1919, to the observance of members of the armed forces who were killed during World War I. This was possibly done upon the suggestion of Edward George Honey to Wellesley Tudor Pole, who established two ceremonial periods of remembrance based on events in 1917.[1]
The red poppy has become a familiar emblem of Remembrance Day due to the poem In Flanders Fields. These poppies bloomed across some of the worst battlefields of Flanders in World War I, their brilliant red colour an appropriate symbol for the blood spilt in the war.

I am posting this in memory of my grandparents who lived in Belgium.
Henry Van Melle , was an orchestra conductor in the army. He ended up in a German camp leaving my grandmother alone with 6 children. My father was 7 when the war started and quickly learned how to steal food for himself and his little brother. Ernest Droesbeke, my mom's father worked in a sugar plant as manager, he managed to trade sugar for whatever they needed until they had to evacuate. My Mom was 4 when the war started. 
Our King at that time was Albert 1 , he and the Queen were with the troops fighting at the Yzer , they did not flee
to safe Swizerland , they were with the troops.

I took a tour not so many years ago in  fields in France still riddled with mines, signs every where telling you not to go on the grasses. The trenches showed us how close the 2 armies were to each other. One could feel death.
in Ypres Belgium a large monument with the names of the British soldiers who fell in the battles there.
Every day of the year (except during WW2) you can hear taps at that monument at 8 PM.
We sat in a cafe around the square having some goodies when we noticed busses arriving. I asked the waiter why. He answered with a smile. "These busses are from England, they come every day with young and old, all races and genders, they bring the poppy wreaths and honor soldiers they never knew. " That scene gave us chills , then we walked with the silent Brits and saw the poppies blooming in profusion around the monument. 
The cafe's were ready with the Belgian beer and loved to see the crowd come in after they had done their duty. What dedication!!!!! Armistice was about WW1 how very unfortunate that now we in the USA also add WW2, Korea, Vietnam,and how many more still in active positions. How many more lives must we loose? 
With every scene I see on TV in Afghanistan, in Iraq , and others I can only think of the children, I am 78 and I can't forget WW2, I shake when a fire truck goes by with a siren blaring, I save things , I hoard food afraid to run out, a plane comes over too low and I have been known to throw myself on top of children to protect them.  The war memories do not leave you, how many children are affected now?????How many soldiers on both sides left orphans and weeping mothers.
Oh am I on my soap box? No apologies. Lets remember the ones we lost so we may have freedom.
Lets just think for a doggone minute what the word "freedom" really means.  


Armistice day

The first chapter of In Flanders Fields and Other Poems (a 1919 collection of poems by John McCrae) gives the text of the poem as follows:
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
      Between the crosses, row on row,
   That mark our place; and in the sky
   The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
   Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
         In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
   The torch; be yours to hold it high.
   If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

weather forecast for my head : continued fog

Ha Ha.
Now my keyboard refuses to write certain letters unless i bang on them and the caps are not working so this is no fun writing on.

a friend gave me hell for the last blog, she thinks i have all the answers already and it is bs.
another friend loved my sincerity.


i started the blog in 2007 because i was sure i was going insane, writing had always been my outlet so i started this as a journal but soon it got found and i managed to get a job from it for a few months, later some of the days were reprinted on other sites. hoping , i am, that it helped some people.

i am doing the very best i know how at this very day, i try and accomplish something instead of creeping back into bed and sleeping. will i get better, i sure in the h...hope so. this is all fresh, and unknown territory for me. my parents left more than a decade ago and that was a long distance mourning, also expected as they were aging. i still talk to my mother almost every day, the good thing is that she cant answer me anymore or she probably would be judgemental, she always was. i talk t o old bob and tell him that the boiler messed up again, that frank tried to fix the roof and that i miss him. he no longer cares in fact he has not cared for many years.

so this too will pass .......today  i am happy because the yard has been cleaned up and the boiler has again a new part .........young bob tries to explain to me why there is still fog in the head ...the girls invite me for some activities in the next few weeks.

i wait for a new keyboard to come which bob ordered at amazon as a present so in the mean time i struggle with this old one , like its writer the keyboard is in a fog

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Reconstruction of self

No, I am not going the Botox way nor the plastic surgery knife.
I am in a process of figuring out who I am.
No longer a wife.
No longer a caregiver.
No longer an auditor.
No longer a shop keeper,
No longer a doll maker.
No longer young, yet I think I am.
No longer able to plan on long trips.
No longer a snowbird in Florida come this January.
the list goes on ...so who am I?
Here is where the reconstruction starts.
OK I am single it sounds better to me than widow.
I take care of my dog.
I cook a bit for my son but I am not his caregiver, au contraire, he is starting to be mine.
I was asked to go back to my old job at Steinmart and I refused, I am too tired.
I try to remember and cream my wrinkles hoping they would vanish.....do not count on it either.
I will try and find short trips I can afford.. Nothing is the same in Belgium anymore
the last years aged everyone, cousin Etienne in nursing home with Alzheimer and strokes.
My childhood friend celebrated 80 and her husband is 86 m not an age to run around shopping like we used to and try every tearoom in town.
Alice is now 86 , I bet she still would love a drink in a cafe but she can't get on the tram , her knees
do not bend that well anymore.
Friend in Mass. is going to be 81 this month, oh God I think it is today I better email her.
Where do I fit in?
Where do I belong in this reconstruction?
Where can I help without being able to hear     ????
I used to be the chef supreme to my husband, he thought I was the best.
Son is very picky, very. How many dishes can I make without vegetables, without gravy?
I am heavy on the gravy, I am a Belgian, we like gravies.
Every day that we had potatoes left from our garden during the war my mom would make
this fabulous cooked potato with onion gravy. It was divine.
Where am I going? How much time left? How much money left?
Worse of all : how much energy left?
I will ponder more of this between my ups and downs.

I have always thought if there is a problem find a solution and start working at it.
No time to waste, do it.
Now I just fill the hours with what I want to do this minute and a lot of it is sleeping.
Kids say normal mourning cycle.
I hate acting like a victim , I am a big girl, I need to find my big girl pants and get with it.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Friday October 29

Minus one tooth , one way back there in a hole all by itself no connection on the top row of teeth and hurting so it came out.
The new dentist is a peach.
He did a swell job.
Sabrina insisted I stay at her house till we saw that it would heal without problems.
A few hours later I was eating bean soup, no pain.
All went very well.

Brie wanted me to stay for her Halloween party.
I wanted away from people.
I thought "I will tell her in the morning that I want to go home"
Morning came and little miss perfection was in a tizzy.
She had this to do and that 6to do and son wanted to be driven here then there,
there was a festival in town and she had to make a giant pot of chilly.
Did I dare ask her to take me home 35 minutes away (one way)????
Of course not.
I decided to grin and bare it.
I had the eternal dress up dress I purchased in 1972 in Tangiers.
Usually all gold embroidery type dress. I remember it was about 7 bucks.
We did ask 25.00 for a watercolor at the time.

I dressed up with a crown Brie had and became the stepmother witch of
Snow White.
I was mostly concerned about not hearing people but in the end I had a good time.
Someone would just come and sit by me and talk lous enough.
I went to bed happy that I had stayed and seen (again) Sabrina's friends.
Rhonda came late as she had worked.
She dressed like a movie star.
She had the original 1920's hat on which she had saved from a 1993 estate sale we had.
Wow! She did not let me see the name of the designer, it might have landed on eBay.
Photos to follow.