Friday, July 29, 2011


tomorrow the crew will come once again and trim the hedge, that thing grows like a weed, almost as fast as kudzu.
Then there is a lot of other overgrown bushes , Brie comes wih Zack and his nephew now strapping young lads.
It will be in the 90's again for they better drink a lot and stay cool as they can.

I will enjoy the end products and if things are short and cleaned up I can manage them better myself. Last year I was out of commission for broken ankle and this year the broken back....I still have to watch it all....yikes...getting old is not for sissies ...that is what they say...but then who is getting old.?

the week that was.........

Friday and end of the month.
The government is in shambles....leave it to the Republicans.........
still no vote at this late moment.....
social security checks may be late....
can we tell the electricity company that they have to wait too???

Some odd circumstances brought me to the attention of the passing of a man
who once was my husband for 17 years and fathered my gorgeous women/daughters.
I have to thank him for the help in that case.

He was 82 and his wife 59. I do hope that she had a great time with him and that he stopped his chasing and infidelity.

I had not given the man much thought during my last 4 decades.
I was just so darn happy with Bob who was such gentle, loving man.
Our son reminds me so much of him as he has the same basic ideals of honesty and decency.

My girls grew up in an art world, visits to Museums, opera's ,travels and living in a Spain for 5 years. It was a great life with feast or famine but I always managed to get us fed as my contour will attest. A true artist is a very different persona then the rest of us , Bob was that, he loved old ladies with wrinkles so he could paint them, he loved flowers and trees for watercolors and still lifes.
With him I learned to pay attention to colors, nature , forms, and what beauty is.

So back to husband numero uno , does a long term relationship when you are young, foolish and trusting also make you a widow again? In that case I must be a black widow (just kidding here) 2 husbands in one year? Gone!

Truly I am just joking here, Joe (numero uno) was no longer a part of my daily thoughts, unfortunately, he came back in my dreams after Bob died. Go figure!
Night after night he was there, young, (I never saw him old) full of beans as he was a joker and he was cheating on me and I would cry buckets. Night after night.
I would get up so angry and it would take me a few minutes to get back to the reality of my daily life.

In my case I would tell anyone who cheats on their relationship, women or men, that they probably have no idea what trauma this causes to a person who was trusting.
Trust does not come back with ease, took me years to trust Bob.
The pain is with you for a very long time and actually for me it must be somewhere in my mind to return in my dreams after 4 decades +.

Joe I read in his obit was in Belgium on a visit and died from a stroke....
it was on June 8th 2011....on that day my husband Bob would have been 85 if he was still with us.....


Sunday, July 24, 2011

of great interest:

check out this link and learn something about agoraphobia:

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I do not like surprises

I am set in my kidding me? I am so damn set and stubborn.

So I sort of lost it this past week end.
In retrospect it is silly, stupid, and too much about "me".

Son and I are very quiet.
He does his thing in his room or the living room and I do my thing in
kitchen and office.
We cross now and then in between rooms, sometimes we hug, sometimes
we ignore each other like we are ghost living in one place but do not need
to communicate. We are fine , we have space.
What does invade our space are the 3 dogs and sometimes the cat too.
They follow one of us when we move, does not matter where we go, they have to know if this is going to involve food or a special treat.

So a shock came early in the week with son telling me that he was
starting a long distance relationship. I knew he was writing to people on the internet, just like I do, it is his and my connection to the outer world as we are both stuck for one reason or another. I do not drive, it is hot to walk downtown, or I had doctors orders not to, and he has agoraphobia...had it for years.

So when the announcement came that he was starting a relationship I was in
seventh heaven. I knew he was lonely, I know that having a 79 year old around is not exactly a "young thinking" person. He needs young people.

So he explained that the young lady, and he had been writing for a long time, he said 2 years, she said 1 year...pick whatever,
she is 35 and divorced and has a boy age 5, Bob adores small kids.
So it all sounded very good.

Two days later he announces that the girl will come and visit ...when? said I with apprehension. He answered this week end, like in 2 days.

My head started to spin. I shop once a week and have everything sort of in orders for just Bob and I and not much extra as nobody comes here to worry about.
The available food was at minimum..ok I knew I had frozen chicken, that is good,
and I have russet potatoes....the menu started to shape up....ok ok I can do that.
I would have liked advance notice to go shopping but that was not in the cards.

What all followed during the visit is a bit much to rehash but I felt like the
aliens had invaded and I already had Bob married in 3 months and gone to another state. Could I live alone? Absolutely! Did I know it then??Absolutely NOT.
I was frantic and out of sorts , grouchy,
I asked the young lady out to lunch, she politely refused as she wanted to be with Bob....of course she did that is why she came here.....but that too bothered me...
I bothered a few of my friends with my lament.
I was very selfish in my son needs to get healed...this may force the issue...he needs to be happy....maybe this is in the cards for him...
I behaved badly and I regret that I am re-acting out of fear ....
I am somewhat ashamed of myself...

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Urologist is happy,mommy is happy

pain in my back he thinks is muscular, the test came out clear, got hell from Brie because I do not drink enough water to make the left over kidney work.

I have had a rough week with ridiculous emotions but I am getting over it.
Sabrina always sets me straight.

Soon all the tests which I hate, did you try to drink all that stuff before a colonoscopy? I asked my urologist. He shook his head and said it is ridiculous and he could hardly swallow it.....I was throwing it up by the third bottle...hate it...just hate it.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Fun day in Asheville today

I love to go to Asheville but most of my visits there lately have been to see doctors.
Got to see my urologist for check up, not very happy about that since I have been having pain in my back. Do not want the other kidney to start any trouble.
The trophy I get afterwards is a nice lunch at the Bistro on the castle grounds.
We have a year pass, Brie and I, and we treat ourselves to a nice lunch at the Bistro.
Usually just a cheese plate and fantastic bread.
The best of cheeses which melt in your mouth like butter.
Then we go to the garden shop and see if anything is affordable and needed...cross out needed....what do we need but bread butter and wine...cross out wine...the psoriasis does not like it...bread butter and a good cup of java.
Then we meander into Michaels ...maybe...but most of all the huge Habitat thrift store...they do have so me neat things at times and it is a very clean store, no clothing but furniture, art work , and do dads.
Then we stop somewhere for an ice cream in the afternoon, get groceries and call it a day. For me that is heaven! Thanks to Brie I get this treat!
Also Rhonda gave us the pass to get into Biltmore.

Monday, July 18, 2011

surprises come in all different sizes

and packages.
So surprise, surprise,
Bobby has a girlfriend.
Started via the internet and they met for the first time
this past week end.

My son deserves to be happy, no question about that.
He said to me the exact words his father said:
I am getting lonely.

Old Bob was 42 and a bachelor and decided he was lonely
and found me in a fleamarket of all places, best bargain
we both had.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Viva le 14 Juillet

French are celebrating today and soon the festival in Ghent will start for 8 days and I wonder if I could still handle the crowds.
Last time we went during the festivities was with the grandsons and we rented an apartment right on the main street of noise.
I loved it.
A piano player was busy till 4 am right across the street. I sat at the window
watching all the young people run around.
Elvire and Leonard where still alive.
Come to think of it we went another time much later just Bob and I , it was still fun then. Then both of our friends had gone and we became friends with the nephew and his wife, we still are friends with them!!!!
Great old times.
Well, frenchies have fun today!

the hosta corner

I had this vision of having tons of different types of hostas all in one area in back yard.
The dirt there is so hard to manage because of the tree roots in place so I decided to put them all in pots and then make a little red brick road aro9und them.
In my head it looks great.
Started it this morning while it was only in the seventies but moving all the pots I planted was no small task, dr Bones would be upset.
I did it, Bob has major issues with allergies is on second set of antibiotics so I dd not want him outside.
I am not happy with the look but have not gotten to the bricks yet so many that will change.

visitor on Saturday

Bob has a friend coming to visit on Saturday.
That does not seem so unusual to most people.
For Bob it is, 4 plus years with agoraphobia does not give you
much of a social life.
I am delighted for him that he can talk to someone closer to his age
than Mom's.

Monday, July 11, 2011

HOT FRIES and they are not FRENCH, they ARE FLEMISH

It is 92 degrees in the kitchen and I am going for Sainthood.
I fried some chicken and now I am making my usual fries.
No the French did not invent them, the Flemish people did.
Not that I am doing this for halo's from my son.....
but because I can't be too many days without my fries...
so if the pope is reading this....make me a St Jeannot....
nah that does not sound right...but then again my baptism said I was born Johanna...

Judge Judy addiction....

Old Bob hated her.
He said she was mean and bossy.
He would turn the tv off if he saw her face.
I am getting even.
Son is recording her so with reruns and new ones I have daily dosages
of the law.
She not only deals with justice the way I like to see it but she is also
When someone is arrogant to her she shakes her finger and tells him or her:"This is MY playpen" You are not going to top me!
When a couple seem to be unmatched and with elevators not going to the top, she will ask if they have kids. When the answer is NO then she yells out "Keep it that way!"
She will make a comment when some girls show up barely covered, she will ask "Where did you think you were coming today? The beach?"
I am constantly amazed at how many young people just tell the whole world that they have been in jail and smile about it.
When I was young, jail was something you hid like TB. You told no one that you had been there or had tuberculosis, these were family secrets.
Young man just stand there and say:"Oh yes, my third DUI, lawyer cost 5 grand but this girl paid for it because she likes me and I do not owe her nothin!".
The nerve!
Love that Judy!
It is an education! Write a contract! Do not sell cars to relatives !!!

Psoriasis and coconuts

A dear friend brought me a jar of coconut oil for the psoriasis, she showed me how it helped her.
Now I am going to bed every night smelling like a macaroon.
I have to fight off Bijou who thinks this is delicious and loves to lick me up and down.
It helps with the scaling, the idea being to keep it moist.
July is usually good because I perspire s much and that helps too.
The scalp is covered so every night I put oil on it and I can't keep washing it either so...since I ham home all the time...I look like a slick Tango dancer ...the scalp is better the hairdo is from hell.
What we will do to keep from scratching....

Sunday, July 10, 2011

the L2

If you are ever at odds with your L 2 you will know it.
Trust me it will take about 14 weeks (if you are pushing 80)
to get over the pain and the swallowing of Vicodin, Tylenol, beer, wine, not all of them at once. However at times this did not sound like a bad idea.

The L2 is not the transit car to a lovely destination, in my case it is a Lumbar vertebrae (L1–L5). Now I can't even remember what I did to it, break it? smash it? can it be fixed? None of this is logged into my mind.
All I knew was the pain and not being able to do very much at all.
The hips felt like they had taken in some 100 new lbs on each side.
Dr.Bones said I could not bend should sit up very straight at all times.
Gave me tons of Vicodin, I could have gone on the street corner and made
a fortune with them...if I could walk.

How did I upset this little vertebrae? I rested in my recliner to recover from having a kidney removed (cancer all gone) ,the surgery went well but what I forgot
was that on many occasions I have vertigo. SO...I got up from my seat and decided to do a pirouette maneuver and fall on my tush....that is all it took...remember next March I will be 80.....I am not the breaking a lot of bones kind...oops..I did break my ankle last March but that was because of the snow....

I am now walking on eggs....I do not yet have the OK from Dr Bones to do anything but I am feeling like a new person, no pain, hid the Vicodin, and started to weed in the yard. (Read spray with poison like Roundup).

The L2 I am assuming is happy again, restored? I do not know.

Saturday, July 9, 2011


Sabrina and I went to Savannah to pickup Zack.
He had been taking lessons at SCAD, an private art school with a great reputation.
I felt very good and the ride (about 5hours) did not bother me. That was the best news for me.
I had booked a hotel in the center close to the dorms of the school.
Expedia had given us a great rate considering that it was the 4th of July week end
and the town was filled with tourists, not counting on all the parents who showed up to find their artsy kids.
More girls than boys we found out.
One floor of boy dorms and 3 floors of girl dorms.
Students had come from Mexico, Puerto Rico, Columbia, Sweden and all over the USA.
Zack's room mate was from Colorado , on his own and had flown in.
Zack was happy to see us and go out to shops and dinner out.
He did not want to go home, he had a great time there and felt he had learned a lot.
We had an exhibit to go to as soon as we had arrived , I was very anxious to see
what form of art there was to be seen.
7 busses filled to the brim with parents and students rushed to the ancient building near the white Bridge. The school had renovated an old warehouse and it is a fabulous building, lamps were made in the classroom using old materials and
a lot of the decorations were all school projects.
I was at home, again surrounded by art. All sorts of expressions, pencil drawings, paintings, collages, fashion designs, photography, jewelry originals, the scope was enormous. After walking row to row I managed to find a chair and plunk down and rest my tired feet. I started to take it all in and enjoy the youth energy around me. Girls in short, short dresses, girls in hippy type do's, memories from the 1970's. 4 inch heels I noticed going by and just when I wondered how they could walk on this, one girl twisted her foot with a big "ouch" yell.
The atmosphere was electric and I did enjoy the charge after the long ride.
I rarely see so many young people anymore and I surely enjoyed the mix.

I loved Zack's work, of course, I am his grandma, not sure of his cartoon but it was on display.No prizes were given, all were considered equal art expressions, I liked that. They will have enough critics if they continue in this line for a living.

After the show we managed to get dinner at a Mexican restaurant who served enough for for 10 of us. We had promised ourselves crab legs by the pound at the River for tomorrows outing.

Zack joined us the next day and we spent most of the day on the beach on Tybee Island (spelling?). I knew I could not sit on the sand and get up without a lot of assistance so I was smart and got me a regular beach chair. No way I could get in the water, as soon as I looked at the waves the vertigo set in and I was ready to flop on my derriere again. Brie and Zack had a lot of fun in the water and I
just sat and took it all in, mostly I enjoyed the sun and the breeze.
Yes, there was a breeze otherwise I would not have been able to handle the 98 degrees out there.

In the evening we went to the River walk. We found our restaurant and I devoured 1 lb of crab legs tried not to dip too much in the butter and enjoyed a light beer too. I was in heaven! Lots of noise, lots of people, there is a world out there after all.

Savannah has one very good point to make, it gives you free busses every 20 minutes into the center and then the river. Fabulous as parking is always filled up.
At the beach we had to pay 20 bucks to park on a private lawn. We were lucky to find that.

Zack reminded his mother and I that the bus was going to be there in 5 minutes so we had to leave the dress shop and start walking, did I say walking? We saw the bus and we started to run, old Meme here with her back problem forgot not to do this
madness and just sprinted with the other two. Made it into the bus and a pain cracked up and down my spine. Oh, Shit! I said silently, afraid to tell Sabrina but by the time we were at our hotel the pain was gone. Go figure!
Dr. Bones would not be pleased with me but I am feeling fine.

On the way home we made a slight detour of about 60 miles to find the red roof Tanger stores, we ended up in Hilton Head. We came for Zack shoes, did not find them, but I found 2 skorts and Brie a lovely bathing suit which she had not found
at the beach. As we walked in the stores a person at the door would yell out
50% off today for the whole store. This scene was repeated and repeated and we did welcome that!!!

We came home to be greeted by 3 excited dogs!!!!!Bijou did not let me sleep that night, he kept creeping up to my face and licking me. In the middle of the night I took him out figuring that he needed to pee, not so, came back into bed and he started licking again....mama is home .....that is what he was saying and he
wanted to show me how much he had missed me.

Did Savannah win me over this time? No! I was glad to go to be out of the house and to zee Zack but Charleston is my place.

The bed

"Our bed" has become "My bed".
That at first was the worst place to go back to.
Shared this for decades with my best friend and lover.
Now the queen size bed loomed enormously huge in my bedroom.

George Burns said that when Gracie died his only comfort was to sleep in her bed.
They had a lot of twin beds in those days.

So the bed was put into a corner against the wall as only one exit is needed now.
I bought some voile netting for the four poster and draped it over it and added
some of my great color shawls. Looks like an invitation for a small harem.

Bob would not have liked that design change, not at all, so now it is mine and I love it.

I make a point of sleeping right in the middle and my Maltese best friend, Bijou, sleeps tightly against my body. When I sleep I am thinking Bob is there until I wake up to reality.

It's a nice bed, every night even when he was ill we fell asleep hand in hand, somewhere in out tussles the hands fell apart while we went into dream land. I am sure I always had a smile on my face.

We did not promise to never go to sleep angry, if we were angry we just went to sleep back to back, no hand holding. Basta. We both hated these moments , fortunately they were few.

I do not have arguments with Bijou but if I pass gas he is out of there and goes to sleep at my feet!

I love my bed again.

I collect.............

Among other things I LOVE purses, hate shoes, (my feet always hurt since childhood unless I buy a boat size with wiggle room).
Purses! In the 1980's the eel skin purses were the rage , I had them in different colors, there is a problem with them ...they last and last and donated them to the charities after I was tired of them.
I am BACK , I like them again and found a great dealer on eBay with second hand bags and no shipping that site.
If lucky I can get an eelskin bag for under 20.00 , now I have a vibrant green one coming that I won and I can't wait to see it.
You did not think I had vices? Think again.