Thursday, July 21, 2011

I do not like surprises

I am set in my kidding me? I am so damn set and stubborn.

So I sort of lost it this past week end.
In retrospect it is silly, stupid, and too much about "me".

Son and I are very quiet.
He does his thing in his room or the living room and I do my thing in
kitchen and office.
We cross now and then in between rooms, sometimes we hug, sometimes
we ignore each other like we are ghost living in one place but do not need
to communicate. We are fine , we have space.
What does invade our space are the 3 dogs and sometimes the cat too.
They follow one of us when we move, does not matter where we go, they have to know if this is going to involve food or a special treat.

So a shock came early in the week with son telling me that he was
starting a long distance relationship. I knew he was writing to people on the internet, just like I do, it is his and my connection to the outer world as we are both stuck for one reason or another. I do not drive, it is hot to walk downtown, or I had doctors orders not to, and he has agoraphobia...had it for years.

So when the announcement came that he was starting a relationship I was in
seventh heaven. I knew he was lonely, I know that having a 79 year old around is not exactly a "young thinking" person. He needs young people.

So he explained that the young lady, and he had been writing for a long time, he said 2 years, she said 1 year...pick whatever,
she is 35 and divorced and has a boy age 5, Bob adores small kids.
So it all sounded very good.

Two days later he announces that the girl will come and visit ...when? said I with apprehension. He answered this week end, like in 2 days.

My head started to spin. I shop once a week and have everything sort of in orders for just Bob and I and not much extra as nobody comes here to worry about.
The available food was at minimum..ok I knew I had frozen chicken, that is good,
and I have russet potatoes....the menu started to shape up....ok ok I can do that.
I would have liked advance notice to go shopping but that was not in the cards.

What all followed during the visit is a bit much to rehash but I felt like the
aliens had invaded and I already had Bob married in 3 months and gone to another state. Could I live alone? Absolutely! Did I know it then??Absolutely NOT.
I was frantic and out of sorts , grouchy,
I asked the young lady out to lunch, she politely refused as she wanted to be with Bob....of course she did that is why she came here.....but that too bothered me...
I bothered a few of my friends with my lament.
I was very selfish in my son needs to get healed...this may force the issue...he needs to be happy....maybe this is in the cards for him...
I behaved badly and I regret that I am re-acting out of fear ....
I am somewhat ashamed of myself...

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