Wednesday, October 22, 2014

just anothr day ...........

October was not my best month but I think the worst is over, small little stuff which will not kill me but make me a bitch to be around.
Yesterday I did not even want to see Brie but my fridge was empty. Then I see her and she lights me up and wears me out. We walked all of Main street and saw many new shops all with nice new style clothing.
I like the mixes they do again with different fabrics and colors, Bohemian like. My style.
Brie looked great has lost a lot of weight but it was her skin which made me wonder what cream she was on this time, she told me cream had not touched her face in ages.
She stopped the sugar and milk and the gluten thing en vogue now in America.
If that is what did it, I do not know but she looked younger and smooth skin.

I am selling my stock of beads on eBay, I make up a tray of about 30 + worth and sell it for 5.00
that nets me about 3.,50 after eBay and Pay Pal is paid. and so much in the red. I am doing it so I can help some others who are in the midst of making jewelry for the holidays. Somebody needs a help somewhere.
I get rave reviews....and then.......I am starting to get some people with a lot of nerve.
They email me : "Can you look for some more glass beads"- "I need some labarodorite can you put some of them up in your lots ?" The one who hardly has experience on eBay...writes me tonight that I should put her beads in a smaller box.....I had already mailed her beads this afternoon at 4 PM. If I had put them in a smaller box they no doubt would have crushed some and then I would have that complaint....
I am so fed up I am ready to pack it all and give it to charity. Bob always tells me:" No good deed goes unpunished or something like that.."

Looking forward to November? No, not that much.
We are having frost nights now. It is not going to get better,
The turtle did not come out today at all. Good thing because Bob tells me it is getting harder and harder to get worms for the little fellow. He or she, is so smart as soon as we are in the room he stretches his head way out to see if he is going to be fed.

Got to take my Bijou for his night walk and it is so windy that his little ears flop up and down in the wind, so cute then he looks at me and wonders why we cant just run back inside. I agree. Pee and we go back!

     


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

more of the same

horrible allergies....it is that time of the year. Bob had it a couple of weeks ago, what are these yellow blooms in the fields/ I forget the name, they will do in most people but I only started to get them in the last years. My husband could not cut the lawn at any time or within hours his face turned into the guy in The beauty and the beast. Our doctor was going to give him a shot and said :Next time, Bob come in with a paper bag over your head, you are scaring people.

Tired of getting tissues all the time last night, like every 5 minutes, so I took a sheet and decided that should do me for the night.
It's all water, just plain water.
I am whining.....i do not like that but I am so uncomfortable it helps to whine.

Monday, October 6, 2014

changing of the season?

2 nights now with mils frost.
2 nights now with allergies which are a big pain in the ass.
Eyes crying, cough, cough, cough all night long , nose running
pharmacist gave me something which is not yet helping.
I am a miserable old lady/
Will sit up all night trying to sleep.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Another judge...........

My 1.00 o'clcok Miss Judy is gone. I miss her but it was my rest time so I decided to check the new judge , I already forgot her name but the case was just baffling to me.

Two mothers, two teen age daughters.

The suit is about bullying the one girl and needing therapy for a year and still did not return to school, so they had to pay a tutor for her schooling.

Backing up a bit: the accused girl , is a cheer leader, and she found in her mind that her "friend" was too fat.So she started to call her names, then a small group started to sing about her fat hips. Then they went on facebook and made remarks about the girl. The last straw was when they pinned a sign on her jacket and
it read something like :"caution when you pass a wide load" something in that vein.
The girl in question left school and did not want to go back.
She became bulimic and is still home doing hr school work.
She is now very thin and the other girl made a point of saying that she looked very good NOW.

The mother of the bully said she did not think that warrented for her to pay any damages.
She said there was a divorce in that family and that is why she had an eating disorder.

Judge told her to pay half of the expenses incurred.

I just sat there with my mouth open thinking that this one instigating brat had started this nasty
rumour about someone who had been her friend.
As Judge said :If you have friends like that who needs enemies.

Bullies ..........

Halloween and this and that .......

Today I had to truly laugh at a question from a would be buyer (?) on eBay

I have listed a Victorian Crucifix and gave a lot of details on the piece but evidently I missed an important part.

The buyer wrote : Pray tell me what is Jesus made off? Wood ? brass? plastic?

I should have answered him that in 1850 they did not make Jesus in plastic, anyway I had to tell him it was just pot metal. But reading his question at first had me baffled.


Bob loves Halloween  most of all Holidays.
So on my free swinging window on the porch he started to decorate :

Next I posted on facebook for back when Thursday :
I
do not remember when the first photo was taken in Belgium.
Second one with the 2 Bob's was in 1990.
Bob was "cool" man but pouting because he had left a girl friend behind.
Yet the trip was not lost, he took lots of black and white photos and
had one of his on display at the museum.

I have been listing my hundreds beads left from my beading career.
At night I dream about beads.
I think maybe I am 1/4 finished. 
This is tedious, remembering what each stone is and taking photos 
then make it sounds like it is a diamond.
Just kidding.
I learned a long time ago that diamonds are NOT your best investments.

 


Saturday, September 20, 2014

I HAVE CABIN FEVER

These words written by my son who suffers from agoraphobia just make me cry.

"I have cabin fever, Mom, and I will scout out my friends tomorrow!"
 that is what he said , that is HUGE

He had worked all week on sorting his collection of mint in box toys and he needs to be out for awhile.
He knows it and he wants it.
HUGE

It's a great Saturday

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Saint Rita

In my Catholic years I think I was the only one to be a devout person in my family, of course, I went to school with nuns for teachers till the 7th grade.
However, when my mother was in a desperate state then we marched to the St.Margriet Straat in Gent
and found a very dark corner in the big church. No lights in there but always, always hundreds of candles glowing. It smelled funny in there , I thought, I did not like it, it was so dark you could not even see what the walls were made from or if they were painted.
Mother clinked her few francs in the round bin and took out a candle from the box, she would light it
and ask me where she should put it.
Then we sat in silence in the few chairs outside this tomblike candle inferno and pretended to pray to St Rita.
She was in all her glory on a small altar with a dozen or so lights around her. They would be shining bright and I imagined that she would come to life and help my mother.
In the corner of that small chapel was a door with amber stained glass windows , it was the door to the shop.
Hundreds of medals, statues, photos, roses, rosaries lined the walls. It was dead silent in there and in a very slow voice , like you were afraid to wake up the dead, you pointed and the lady would take out your favorite medal. Her little pieces of paper were on the counter, exactly cut and measured so not to over do the wrapping needed for a medal of a few cms.
Most of the time we did not buy, we had one little statue of St Rita. That was enough.

St Rita had been a married lady with 2 kids and I can't remember how she lost them all and then joined the convent. Somewhere along the line her prayers helped people and as she was dying outside her window in the snow a rose popped up and bloomed. So the little shop also sells dried roses.

I was not sure about it all when I was little ,my nun never mentioned St Rita it was all about La Vierge and l'enfant Jesus. I think soeur Denise thought that l'enfant never grew up, he just stayed with his mother
the most Sacred of all.

Came around me being a very stubborn teen ager ,I was 17 , I was in love with a 27 year old man.
He had a good career set up and wanted to marry me in the spring after Easter and I would be about 18 then.
Mother disliked him, said I was too young. (She was right). I became her prisoner I could no longer see him.
At my work as a telephone operator I could call him at his office and that went on for a little while.
Both of us deciding we would win out.
Mother dragged me to St Rita and a candle was put in flames to reduce my flame.
I walked out of the church just hating my strict mother who was ruining my life forever.
I cried and cried and she did not say a word.
A few days later I noticed that I was not in a hurry to call him and he did not call me.
Days went by, I stopped crying, I decided that maybe it was not a good idea to get married yet.
His mother was very fond of him, an only child, and did not like the blonde coming into her house to have pannekoeken. It dawned on me that St Rita had something to do with all that. Damn her why did we have to go there and light a candle and talk to her when I was so much in love and happy.

Decades later my mother saw him in the hospital as he was visiting his wife, they passed each other without saying a word. They knew each other still. Then my mother wrote that she was sorry that she broke it up,
she knew he had a very nice house and I would not have gone to America.
St Rita knew better......

So this litany was to come to the point of this evening.
Bob is cleaning his room and found more stuff from Ari. He just dumped things in a corner of his closet not wanting to deal with it just then.
5 years later he finds "stuff" from her and it is a hard time.
He comes into the room and said:"Mom you and I worked so hard to get this together, Ari, learned to love St Rita from you , would you like to keep this:




Where is my Kleenex?



15 1/2 more months

That is what President Obama must be whispering to himself in the quiet of the night.

What can he do about terrorism which is blooming in many lands.

What can he do in his own country to protect us?

What can he still do about the immigration laws?

Can he keep the economy rolling. Nay sayers say we are heading for more problems there.

Can he stop Putin from taking on new territory?

What will his legacy be for the last 15 months?

Does he care anymore is he not tired of fighting Congress?

The general say this the bureaucrats say that and Congress sits on their derrieres to see who can win the next election in their hometown.

None of them have money worries. All have a great pension coming so what is the rush?

Will a judge step down so Potus can put in a liberal minded before the Republicans fill the post.
Heavens did I say Republicans?
Can Hillary win? Who will fight her?

Obama can't be a lame duck now as the world is crumbling around us and when will it hit our shores?
War in the air, not on foot? War is war.

People are dying by the hundreds from this new virus ebola. We are sending 3000 troops but they will not be taking care of the sick. What will they do? Keep order in the lines of people who want into the hospitals and are being refused? A gesture but I wait to see if it will help at all.

I  just have too many questions for my President. I like the man, I voted for him I would do it again. He wanted peace with diplomacy , it does not always work, it was and is a terrific notion but when you deal with barbaric terrorist talking will not do any good.
Good luck, Mr President for the next months.

Merry Old?

Tomorrow there is a vote to be interesting.
History being changed? Maybe?
Scotland wants to be alone.
Not involved in UK and be by themselves.

Basque people in Spain want the same.
Have done this forever.
When we lived there they blew up cars in Madrid to show
what they wanted and that was 42 years ago.

Belgium, the size of Rhode Island wants to split.
Are they kidding?

Texas wants to be a country , go for it!!!!!!
Keep your oil, guns and attitude.
Are they kidding? Probably not.

After I learned everthing about the Belgian Congo in school, the regions, the rivers,
the mountains......now I look at Africa and can't remember anything anymore
no Leopoldville, Stanleyville, etc...History can make it very confusing by changing
every thing all the time.

We shall see in the tomorrow, the queen may loose some sleep tonight ...........

Monday, September 15, 2014

WAR????

Potus said this is war but no boots will see the ground?
I can't keep up with all this.

The word WAR gives me anxiety attacks. Always has.
So is it not again about religions?
My God, your God, his God ,their Gods all with different names and worth fighting about?

People are being beheaded, brutes a work, justifying their brutality.
Afraid to look at the news for the next one, to me it does not matter the nationality, they are human beings
who are in a far away country, we can't reach them, we can't save them?

Can money buy their freedom and should we pay?
How much do we NOT know about this new "war".

Dick Cheney, the old VP, smiled last week and said something like "back to the Bush era"
I'd like to say F U , you started it all.

I am lost in this new battle.

SEPTEMBER MORN

I need a jacket it is cold, thanks to a Canadian cold front cooling us in a hurry.
Walking Bijou I crushed hundreds of acorns and my mind wonders, in this early morning fog I see visions of Cherokee women gatherings the acorns I just crushed and telling me to help gather for winter is coming and this is precious food. The fog lifts and I smile, now the Cherokee ladies work hard in a casino not far from where I stand. We stole their land but the Casino gives them a yearly profit share.
Money always about money.

The black walnut tree is shedding and my yard is covered in yellow leaves.
Soon the maple will turn red and Sabrina will come with power blower and gather it all on the side so
we will not stand out as sloppy neighbors. A shame I like the leaves around all over the place
even when I bring them in the kitchen and make more work for me.

We have unwritten rules in this country, you MUST cut your lawn, you must eliminate the dead leaves
you must remind yourself which is the blue bin and the green one. Don't you dare mix up the garbage, it is now filed accordingly. That is a written rule.

September mourn...Etienne had a birthday, he was not here anymore to celebrate.
Where is my red headed friend from my youth?

 My grandson's birthday is coming...we celebrate...oh! we celebrate ! We celebrate his good health and
his stamina to catch up on a bad year. I hear he went to the Country Fair not once but many times
with his buddies and his shiny green truck.......the fair has closed last night.......it's a September morn
for the crew to pack up their highflying wonders and collect the sheep and rabbits. I hear it was a great one this year!

September morn...the yellow school goes by and the kids yell at Bijou....he barks...what else is there to do? Soon the teacher will be yelling at them. Poor kids, they have over crowded class rooms, good and bad teacher, bullies, and always a concern now if some sick person will come in with a barage of guns.
School is no longer innocent.

September morn, a new day , a very lovely day ...just do not turn on the news channel.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Yesterday is gone, thank goodness

Got up with my throat closed , something which happens to me off and on.
I have been in ambulances with this as I turn blue and scare people.
I am a pro at it now.
If I hear the slightest sound, the smallest "peep" in my throat then I know
release is coming.
It takes time.
On my last day at work in Steinmart I had such an attack and turned blue, everyone staring at me.
I had an audience. EMT rushed in and by then I started to hear some release, I was either going to pass out any second or they could help. Usually by the time I am at the hospital I am breathing pretty well.
Drs can't make up their mind.
One says it is a spasm.
Another thinks it is stress related.
My ENT man thinks it has to do with the hernia.

I manage to frighten the people around me, not that I am feeling so good.
This time it took a good 1/2 hour before I could speak and breath a little at a time.
Bobby taken out of sleep staring at me and Bijou in Bob's lap staring too.
I get generally very agitated after it is all over with.
So that took care of my morning.
None of my plans worked out.

In the afternoon I go and give some water to the house painter ,Tony, he is a peach and it is hot.
The front of the house is full of huge trees and shade , nothing grows here but vines, ferns and lily of the valley. I walk on eggs here because I hear Brie's voice. "Mother, watch your step".
Chit chat with Tony, turn around and trip over a vine and fall flat into poison oak bed.
I thought there was humor in that : "I feel this is a soft fall" was my reaction.
Lucky I did not break anything. Hand hurts and knee but that is all.

So we go to the Red Box and get a film for me to relax in the eve.
I pick "Silver Linings", read it was good.
It is Hollywood garbage.
They just glimpse over what can be serious , mention some pills and giggle about the outcome of them.
The father has OCD, we now know that because he re-arranges the clickers a few times.
The son and main man has been in an institution for 8 months because he beat his wife's lover.
he has bipolar disorder, he wants to get better so he runs and runs and gets fit.
He runs into this gorgeous creature and she has issues and by now a very bad reputation, a widow who went wild when her husband died,
The movie 's main object is to bring these two together at the end in between there are a lot of football dialogue which has not much to do with the story.
You put 3 people in a script, all needing therapy, medicine and or more, even another inmate from the hospital and all you want in the end is some football match to be won and a love scene.
All is supposed to be peaches after that.......
They still have mental problems love does not solve them.
It is Hollywood fantasy.

On the other side of the coin.
I believe a British production filmed in Ireland.
CITADEL
My son has agoraphobia, had it for years and he saw the movie the other night.
He said it frightened him...a lot.
He loves horror movies...this was too real.
He told me that the script was perfect, time and time again the reaction of
the person who does have agoraphobia reminded him of how he would feel
in the same situation.
Someone who knows how one feels with this disease wrote the story, my son
felt. It was extremely accurate and made him feel the fear the actor had.
I do not watch horror movies but Bob felt this piece was very well done from beginning to end.

end of my soap box for today
 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Freedom of speech

I just do not buy the garbage some celebrities will tell the press and in turn the press thinks we are interested in that garbage,.

For instance :Gene Simmons on suicide:"“My mother was in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. I don’t want to hear f**k all about ‘the world is a harsh place.’ She gets up every day, smells the roses and loves life,” he said. “And for a putz, 20-year-old kid to say ‘I’m depressed, I live in Seattle,’ f**k you then kill yourself.”

Later he apologized..................Yes, I know he has  freedom of speech..............
I have the freedom to be disgusted with this kind of response to depression.

Joan Rivers will be missed and adored by millions.
She was very funny but the cut throat personal attacks were not what I liked about her comedy so I
stopped watching.
"She also got into her fair share of trouble. In the summer of 2012, the Anti-Defamation League rapped Rivers for comparing retailer giant Costco to Nazi Germany. What prompted her outburst? The decision by a Costco in suburban Los Angeles not to carry her book “I Hate Everything… Starting with Me.”

She and the ADL were at loggerheads again the following February, when Rivers said of Heidi Klum’s Oscars outfit: “The last time a German looked this hot was when they were pushing Jews into the ovens.”

I do not think this is funny. Not at all.
And it did not end there :
"

Joan Rivers: Palestinians deserve to die, they started this war

The controversial comedian gives her opinion on the conflict in Gaza, showing little sympathy for the civilian casualties.

Later she said it was taken out of context.
I know : Freedom of speech!

Then I read about a wonderful (?) Christian pastor who responded to an old couple, desperate people, they could not tithe and could not make it so they wrote to him, telling him they had asked the Lord for help and none came.....it was a sad letter.
His respond: something like "You could get a job answering phones, look around your house for junk and sell on eBay and more suggestions ....to a couple in their 80's !!!!
How very charitable.

I am just letting go of frustrations today , this is a very mixed up world ......
Freedom of speech.

Have we become so hard?

Friday, September 5, 2014

Joan Rivers passed away at 81


I used to be a fan of Joan, I remember her on an early appearance on the Ed Sullivan show.
She was funny, she had housewives jokes we related with and she could make fun of herself.
Her road was not always paved with huge TV contracts. She had to fight for spots before she became THE Diva.

Over the years she became more daring, well, that is not the right word, she insulted people.
Horrible insults about Liz Taylor about her weight, even about the President, in my feelings she overstepped the boundaries. I no longer watched her shows or interviews.

She was a tremendously smart business lady and had smarts to make for herself a fortune.
QVC put out a red carpet when she came to sell her jewelry.
There is even a second market for it on eBay.
She adored her daughter and grandson.
She lived in a grand style and deserved it.
Her many face lifts were legend.
I can't help but wonder if all the anesthesia over the years was the down fall with this
simple procedure she had done this past week.
When you are 81 and you look 40 you still have an 81 year old body.

I am so sorry for Melissa. She once begged her mother not to do another procedure
that time it was for her neck, she did not care, she then did it anyway.

Joan had written what dress she needs to be buried in and what pump she wanted for
her funeral. Show bizz good bye, is what she wanted.She said she wanted Meryl Streep to cry in 3 different languages.

The last suite in which she parted from us was decorated by a known person, full of ribbons,
flowers and plants. She was waiting for death in style. I bet she was giggling over this scenario.
After all there is only one Joan Rivers.
RIP, girl.

Friday, August 29, 2014

PARENTS ...........

I am so distressed this week about the news that a 9 year old girl accidently killed
a gun safety instructor.
Imagine being on vacation with the family  near Las Vegas.
Vegas used to be the adult town but that has changed, a lot of attraction now available for kids too.
Vegas wants to be the family town too.
So here you drive with the gang having fun and you see a "shooting range"
This is becoming a gun society so I am assuming that Mom or Dad said:
"that may be fun to learn and try"
I do not know that for a fact, of course, but something like that
might have been said and then the 9 year old probably begged and said me too.

What followed then was instructions with an Uzi.
Child's gun? I do not think so.
I know nothing about guns but I do read about the Uzi's.
Any gun makes me shiver, people came in my house during ww2 with guns
I surely did not like them then and not now.
But what made a parent try a stunt like that?
I do not get it.
Not her fault that she could not handle it.
Now a family is ruined with a man dying before his time.
Now a little girl has to live with the knowledge and the memory of that Vegas day.
Her parents, what are they thinking?

What are we all about now? The IRA is king over our politicians.
It is no longer about hunting wild life.
It is so much more.

A man in Florida hears a person outside his door late at night.
It is a girl who had an accident down the street.
She came to ask for help.
The man panicked and shot through his door and killed that
innocent girl.
Panic and guns mean trouble.
But it is so much more.

We do not see an end to it as the gun shows gets swamped with buyers.
It is big business.



PAINT ON A BUDGET...............

For sure I have not painted the outside of my house in probably 20 years.
The white paint held up fine but slowly some of it started to peel so
repainting is being done before winter.
I thought it would cost me about 225.-
Then visited Lowes with Brie and got the best for the white and the green trim.\
Kaching at the register 546.00
No use to buy cheap paint if you are not going to repaint in a hurry.
Especially for outside, so I get the best.
I also had a shock to my budget.
BUT Valspar also has a program till next week and I get a rebate of 100.00
on the lot so this makes it easier to swallow.

I am out of the main stream buying loop.
But when I hear what people have to pay today for a pram, a simple child bed
etc..I wonder why anyone even thinks of having children.
Let alone the clothing , the shoes , the education.
18 years they said on the news costs an American over 250,000 dollars then you have not started on
the college!

My mother in law said at the end of her life that she was glad to be 86
she could not keep up with much anymore,lucky for her she was devout
Christian Scientist and never ever saw a doctor. Imagine if she had done that too.

I do sleep better knowing I have Medicare. Not ideal for a lot of people but OK for what I needed .
 

Monday, August 25, 2014

Leaving a past with words.....

It was December 2007. My husband had been ill for 10 years.
Alzheimer/dementia is a dead sentence. There is no known cure at this time.
So in the meantime, his life changes every second.
My life became more chaos and depression.

I decided to start writing a daily journal.
Not knowing much about blogging at that time I thought it was
my own private thoughts looking less difficult if I reread it.

Soon emails came of people, both genders with the same issues.
I was surprised.
Somehow one does isolate themselves and then you find out there are others just like you.

When I started this I was contemplating Christmas.
Bob was an absolute "Christmas nut". He would decorate our store, the mall in which we rented, the house in and outside. He was in his element and he was very good at it. Well, maybe not so good with lights....but that is another story.

I just concentrated on our Christmas meal. I loved to cook and we always celebrated in our house for the whole K clan if they lived near enough to come. The oldest daughter and kids were mostly in Washington DC and Nashville before they returned home.

This 1997 Christmas was not my idea of joy. The house had been neglected as my chores had changed and I still worked part time. Rhonda now lived closer and started with bringing a Christmas tree.....

there starts my blog.

Today I reread some of it for the first time since Bob passed.
I did not think I could do it but in reflection I am glad that I made the notes.
The good, the bad, the cute, the ugly. My heart and soul belonged on the words I ticked on my Qwerty
keyboard. I am glad I did. If you are in some situation , your head bursting with concerns, question marks and or fantasy, just write it down. You will be glad you did .

Blog December 2007

Daily journal, coping with Alzheimer

I am a mother, grandmother and now a caregiver which is my biggest job yet.
I was ill prepared for this. I am not the "nursing type". So guess what?
You learn pretty quickly.
Posting this blog mostly for anyone interested in the disease or could perhaps get
some help from my experience and visa versa.

We are ten years since the diagnosis.
Husband, Bob, has been and still is the love of my life. He is a rare peach of a man.
Has a great soul and love in his heart.

At this point he walks our Maltese dog, Toto , around the block.
Dries the dishes and sits in his chair falling asleep most of the day.
Refuses to lie down and be comfortable.
There are days that he knows us , the children and myself but he does forget
our names.
Sometimes making a sentence is impossible for him.

I work part time and I can still leave him alone for 3 or 4 hours but this too
will come to an end soon. I think in a few months I will have to give up my job.
I am an auditor and keeping busy with the figures for these hours is a blessing.
All other reality leaves as I count the money in the store.

I am 75 ! going on to 76 in a few months.
That is it for a beginning on my blog

Sunday, August 24, 2014

CAN THE RAIN CLEAN IT ALL?

Last week was a hard week.
You know they come like that, suddenly a dark cloud just hangs above your head and you wondr why.
Then the phone starts ringing...and the voices on the other side speak in low tones and are over anxious.
A member in my family had a throat problem and the ENT man just happened to mention the "C" word. Well, that is not a word we like to hear. 3 days later he said there was absolutely no sign of the dreadful
disease. A young doctor who did not attend class, I am sure, when they were teaching how to talk to your patients.

That cloud left and then I hear that Bobby's place of mental health and his care is being terminated
due to lack of funds. It is a lament I have heard before, it is nation wide.
So the search now for a new crew. This puts Bob in a rather anxious mood.
He does not watch the news. He told me that on the internet in one week he read about an American being decapitated, A black kid being shot by police, an earthquake yesterday in Ca.
But most of all he is affected, like many with mental health issues, about Robin Williams.
The logic goes like this : "If he can't find help with all his money and resources, if he the funny man gave up, what chances do I have?"

Then the next cloud was discord over stupidity in my family. Life is too damn short ..........

So to cheer me up I picked a movie at the Red Box , I picked anything with Colin Firth, because I just adore him. So out came :"the train man". Holly Moses, that was all about the mistreatment of English soldiers by the Japanese in WW2. A very well done movie, British production and sadly a "real Life story".
I did not breath I think for the 160 minutes.

After that I took Bijou for his night walk, the air had cooled and te wind was breezy, it felt good on my face as I tried to think now of fun things to do tomorrow.
That was a bit of a challenge.
We were not but 15 feet from the house when suddenly it started to rain. First a little misty and soon a heavy rain. I loved it. I was getting wet and Bijou kept shaking his coat, he was not excited about the ordeal.
I thought that the rain would clean everything, the cobwebs in my head, wash away all the problems behind my door and maybe some parts of our lovely mountains.
My peace was quickly abrupted with a voice in the dark, it was Bobby who had run across someones lawn to bring me an umbrella. He was on his socks, and now he was wet.

I had to laugh. It was a lovely scenario because he cared but actually I love the rain.
Tomorrow there will be sun and a new week.
No more dark clouds, I am putting a white bubble around me which will protect me ..and all mine...
.I hope.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS

I was born and after me they threw away the mold......not so....my father wanted a boy....my mother had a hysterectomy soon after. So I became an only child. Forget being a spoiled only child. Did not happen.
Year after year I wanted a sister. Someone to play with to grow up with to confide with.
You know what Erma said: " the grass is always greener the other side of the septic tank".

As I grew up I saw my mother and her sister having enormous fight.
Fights over their children. Fights over a recipe. Fights over what kind of shoes to buy for their daughters. I heard it all. T hen my cousin and I wondered if we should have a fight too, often we just picked one so we could justify being in our own mother's corner.

So it was just natural for me to plan on having 2 or 3 children.
My first two, both girls barely 2 years apart. Then came the boy more than a decade later.
Now I figured I had done my dream.
They would all be so close and happy together and I could leave this earth just smiling
knowing they were all 3 little jewels.

STOP. Stop this nonsense, Jeannot.

The girls had dozens of fights, hair pulling name calling on both sides.
Brother came and he was their baby.
Even arguments on who would bathe him.

I looked at my husband and he came from a family of 8.
He was number 7. Most of the first 4 did not get along at all.
I was surprised. There went my idea of a Hollywood family , all getting along singing
and dancing in the sunset.
 Mother of 8 was a doll and she had learned early on to let them just fight and argue.
She had no ups and no downs, she was always just one quiet line in the middle.

My children are getting older, that surprises me, I do not feel old until I look in the mirror but then I think I need a better mirror.
Over the years there have been splits when all communication was finished between me and them and also between each other. Each one had these periods. Near the end of my journey I would have hoped for closer relationships. One can't force that and maybe it is better that way.

I am thinking now that being an only child was not so bad.


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

A new razor needed.....

I was in Walgreens today to get some gadget Brie needed to fix my roof.
It was a good thing that  young Bob remembered what it was and what th4e name was.
I was in the store and drew a blank.
Passed by all the isles and noticed everything I did not need.
I suddenly stopped and saw an add for a new Norelco shaver for men.
I quickly decided that old Bob needed a new one. He had such sensitive skin
and always was bleeding when he shaved.
I stood for awhile, was it an eternity or just seconds? I do not know but
standing there with a shaver in hand I came out of the clouds and started to giggle.
I spoke to the air : I just forgot that you no longer need this, honey.
I just forgot.
I put back the shaver and wondered when I will ever KNOW that he is gone.