Friday, April 4, 2014

Take this medicine and feel horrible.....

Going to my favorite doctor , my urologist, just for last check up after the 3 years and kidney removed.
The staff finds an infection, I am not hurting, I am arguing. They took the wrong cup I say.
I get prescription called in.

Costly one not my usual one.

Taking the pill I do not feel different since I have no pain but I am getting exhausted, I get up walk my dog , eat my breakfast and crawl on the couch sleeping till lunchtime. Do the same routine all over again.
After about 3 days of this I am thinking on giving up. I am having very dark thoughts.
I am so depressed I truly do not want to talk to people.
Finally I am figuring out that if I take all my pills at once I will no longer have to worry about anything.
I have a glimmer of "Do not be stupid" . I talk to my son and daughter, they convince me it is the medicine and it will all pass.
The day after my last pill is taken , the girls and I go to Biltmore for lunch , we took a vote, they won, I would have preferred going to BK. I was afraid I would fall asleep at the table.
I bought an orchid in the flower shop hoping it would change my mood. It did not.
I just became angry that I spent the money on a flower again.
I love being with the girls now that there is peace between us all.

Next day back to the routine of sleeping.
Much work to be done around me and I try to ignore.
I feel like I am 95 at least and will sit in a chair in a corner in a nursing home.
The future looks like hell.

Back at the doctor for check up , all is clear, infection is gone.
I ask the doctor why I have no energy and was suicidal and he immediately tells me that different people are affected by the antibiotic. Some do not sleep at all, nausea also common and depression very common in the elderly. He tells me that 10 days after the last pill I will get back to normal.

So I am writing this looking longingly at my couch. 7 or so more days to be "normal".

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