Wednesday, January 7, 2009

A red letter day for me.
Why? After being a caregiver for 10 years I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am finally able to put my husband in a day care program which will benefit us both.
I will have 6 hours by myself and he will be entertained by live music programs, visiting pets,
craft projects and company.
He can tell again and again about his war days and his youth by the big water( read Pacific Ocean).

A bus picked him up this morning as I was managing to get a huge tension headache.
It's no less a drama then when you put your first born on a bus to kindergarten.
I thought he would balk but the driver was full of joy and he stepped right in.
I had told him that he would go and "help" which he loves to do.
He had answered with a growl. So I was not on steady legs.
But the moods with dementia/Alzheimer change every second at whatever
memory hits them at that moment.

He can go for 5 days a week. WOW.
A program that I did not know he would qualify for.
A big help came from a new social worker at the VA , she was the angel I had hoped for.
No way I could afford it on our social security.
Even so that has been helped again with the VA as a pension is available
and on Jan 1 st I did receive our first check.

I am absolutely in a cloud.
I tried very hard not to sit on a pity pot but 10 years is a long time
to watch someone you adore just go into another world.
Ten years is a long time on the changes of your inner self.
You do not notice it for quite awhile and then one day you tell
yourself that you no longer are the person you used to be.

Laughing comes in very small dosages, tears are forever ready at the
eyelid doors. Negative thought creep in faster than anything
that would uplift you.
You go down, not like the afflicted, but you go down to your own
personal misery.
Nothing will ever be the same, someone told me 9 years ago
and he was so right.
Nothing is the same anymore.

Now with respite , free time, perhaps the more jovial, happy,
positive thinker will emerge from the mud.
As I saw the bus leave I thought "now what do I do with the
rest of my life". The answer was : enjoy the quiet time,
rejoice for the help, be happy.
I actually went down on my knees and thanked the Universe.1/7/2009

No comments: