Thursday, June 2, 2011


It is June? Where did April and May Go?
Oh! That is right, I was in the Vicodin sleepwalking state of mind.
Visit to Dr. Bones on Tuesday. Xray will tell what is happening.
This is more pain than I bargained for.
The surgery was not so bad but falling on the derriere is not so good when
you have my bones, I guess.

Tired of the whining and tired of not being able to do much.
I did cheat and did vacuuming and Sabrina will have my hide if she
finds out.

Planning on getting back to the jewelry next week.

The yard is starting to look decent thanks to Sabrina and Stone Crazy Gardens crew.
I have ordered more hostas as I will have a whole plot with different types of hostas under the trees.

Sat to have lunch on the porch and noticed about a dozen different birds coming to the feeders while the squirrels stay on the grass to get the crumbs as we do have squirrel proof Yankee feeders. If they try and stand on them they go flying,
they do not get hurt they just fly to the next tree and probably have hearts pounding. We buy premium food not that small yellow junk so they have to learn to share.
Bobby saw a chip munk too, I did not see these here before.
The "pond" has been cleaned and 3 happy little fish dart about so I hope that Mr. Heron stays away.

I am doing well as I am a survivor (that is what people say) but then...aren't we all survivors?
My sainted mother-in-law told my dear Bob: If you do not like this or that then you will have to get a gun and shoot yourself!"
So that is what we don't do , we just take it another day at a time.
My Mom said if in May 1940 she would have been told what the next 5 years would be she would have swallowed all her pills. Instead she did it , she survived one day at a time. Some were very hard and some we pretended all was fine and sang songs in the shelter. I learned to play cards at age 8 from grown men from the electrical plant. I became very good at it and I started to wish for the siren to go off and
run into the bunker built by the plant.
This past year, March to March was a horrible time for me, especially when Bob left for good this time. He had been leaving for so damn long. Now when I think of the cleaning , washing, feeding, cooking I did while watching him like a hawk for all these years I just wonder how I did it. Where did I get the energy? A survivor?No, you do what you have to. All the caregivers do what they have to do and take it
sometimes one minute at a time.

Son who has agoraphobia for many years now said that he would not have believed it if someone would have told him he would be here for 3 1/2 years in our house
and not been able to go 100 yards from here, in that same time he lost his wife and had to deal with his loss too. I often wonder how he is doing it. I would call him a survivor first class. BUT he is doing it most of the time just one hour at a time battling panic attacks and anxiety.

I am thinking that the next year has got to be fabulous.

My only handi cap is the hearing loss. That is the only bug in my daily life. I have had 4 different hearing aids but they are just aids. I can't go on a tour even local ones, I could not hear the guides. I'd be afraid to miss the buss, and if you can't hear a guide what is the use of going.
In the olden days I would pay the way of the girls and we would be off to somewhere, Belgium, Destin or wherever but I am no longer in that financial boat.
Since childhood I always wanted to go somewhere...anywhere.
A suitcase is a happy time for me , I should have a big smiling face on my luggage.
Well, I have been many places and I am happy with memories, that is terrific and also a bit of a lie.
Good night.

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