Friday, June 7, 2013


The last years with Bob were extremely difficult.
I had not time for visitors nor did I want them to come and see Bob the way he was.
Bob in return would probably have told them to get the.....out of his house...
he hated people coming in and at time even hated me here.

What kept me going on many days was emails.
I made friends with people I will never meet in person but they are like sisters to me.
Often I would write while the tears would flow down my face.
In the next ten minutes a letter would appear with a joke, a connection, a do not give up note, an I love you and want to hug you wish. I would read it over and over again and I would calm down and tell
myself that I was not alone.

When my grandson was diagnosed with a fast moving child cancer, Ewing Sarcoma, I was in total disbelief. It was followed with the certain knowledge that he was not going to be able to fight it.
Months I went to bed with that thought and in tears , I would wake up think of Zack and start to cry again.
I became depressed at all the different decisions which had to be made. Where to go for treatment? Zack wanted to stay in NC near his friends. So then the protocol was started and week after week treatments in cancer center or in hospital stays. Slowly I was beginning to see that he was still strong, he was still smiling even on  bad days. I was getting hope where despair had lodged, I stopped the crying as much as possible. Idid not ever want him to see me upset, we are very close. We just plain adore each other. I am his last grandparent , he lost 3 of them in just a few years. He does not want me to go very soon either.

On facebook I started to hear from my new FB friends. Emails, little noted here and there.
"He will be just fine" We are praying for him. The pages were filled with positive energy flowing out of the computer into my being. What would I have done without all of you????I may never hold your face to give you a smooch on your cheek but in my heart I see every one of you and I know how much life you gave Zack and his family and his Meme.
Now I am starting to cry again.....enough old broad...accept the love from your friends, your family  and feel lucky.
Thank you very much, you know who you are.

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