Monday, February 14, 2011


It is our Anniversary. My first alone.
Wow, I am drinking a mimosa.
L and C gave me a small bottle of champagne for my new adventure and
I saved it for today.
It is 10 am and I am drinking champagne.
How weird is that?
Looked at your photo and knew that I will always love you
even if you are no longer by my side.
Nothing can separate us. Not even death.
So that is that.

The head is getting a little cloudy, you know I am such a cheap drunk.
said to myself:"what if I am drunk in the A M?"
I answered myself : "so what? crawl in bed and sleep it off"

The mimosa tastes great, an angel peeing on the tongue.

Talking about my got to know all this, I know that you do,seems to me that my mind is like this huge mountain, lets say Everest and
for the last 3 years there has been fog, the mountain is clouded all the way to the bottom, I can't see a hand in front of my face. It is all mist and grey, the sun must be somewhere up above but it is not showing itself.
The fog lasts and lasts. Where am I going? I can't see, I am getting clostrophobic, what do I do ? The fog only gets thicker.
This long, long wait for the sun to break through finally started in the last few weeks, slowly I could see my hands, the feet walking on fresh green grass, the mountain is still in a huge cloud but on lower levels the villages, the paths are opening up and there are spots of blue skyes around the mountain.
I am getting clearer in my thinking, I make decisions about my future, climb higher now? Go to the peak? There is still fog around the top but this brain is starting to renew. To remember what it was like to take charge of something. To start planning a new life, to start a new career if possible, to be a new self.
Small stuff, put on lipstick again, brush the few remaining eyelashes with old dried up mascara. Look in the mirror and not see sad eyes. Walk with a stronger step. The fog is lifting...oh joy...what did I do when I was in this fog?I could not think straight, I was afraid, I was lost. No more, I see a renewal and I have to go on. Till we meet again.
Oh Shit I am drunk, the glass is empty , you know I am a cheap drunk. Love you

No comments: