March 31 2010

Almost a month since I broke my ankle.
Yup, 4 weeks today.
My whole world has changed.

For emotional reason, for wanting to hold on, for financial reason, all of them
counted in one reason why I did not want to give old Bob up to a nursing home.

A small step on a cold early morning slipping on ice changed all that.

The broken ankle is the big part in all of it as immediately the need came to
find a place for Bob.

I was pretty much out of it for 4 days in hospital and then recuperated for
20 days at the Oaks in Brevard.

Now home again it is a new life.

I am still in need of plenty of rest. Desperate need. I sleep all the time.
Try and watch a movie and I hardly get past the introduction and
I am gone to la la land.

The new freedom is giving me an absolute high.
Almost afraid, I am, of coming down with a crash.
This can't be good, I tell myself to be on such a high.

Only one I have to worry about now is ME.
How novel is that?
I can sleep till all hours in the morning if I feel like it.
No one to get dressed is waiting for me.
No one to feed is waiting for me.
No one needs watching and could run out of the door.
I can eat what I want and at whatever time I want it.
No major cooking plans in the works.

The leg needs mending so I am home but I truly
feel this is now a place to be happy again.
I have known so much  joy in this house and yet the
last decade almost erased it all.
I need to find all that again.

I may have a year left or 15 years or more but lets
bring on the laughter again and the joy of the garden,
the puppies and the company.

Bob is being supervised and taken care off, as well
as I did? Of course not. But now it is what it is.
I know I gave him all I had to give.
All the energy I had went into his well being.
No regrets and now try and get ovr the anger I feel
towards an illness.
Can't wrap my head around it all, not yet.
It will take time.