Tuesday, September 25, 2012

the quiet day

I took the Corgy for a very long walk, picked the cul de sac street lined with trees and dozens of squirrels hurrying to and fro..sometimes you can see an argument followed by a race one tree branch at a time. It is a gorgeous fall day, our leaves will not turn until mid October. Many trees are already shedding and getting ready to give us a lacy landscape of dark intertwined branches.

I am trying very hard to concentrate on nature this morning as my heart is still so very sad from Zack loss of his car. Of course he could have been hurt and it would all have been so much worse. The car can be replaced, it is just so much to take in for an old lady.

I used to think "Karma" is biting you but Zack made friends wherever he went. He has a golden heart. Since he was born he had a smiles with deep dimples getting deeper and deeper. He had a will of his own, he decided when he no longer wanted to be breast fed, he decided when the diapers should not be used anymore. Sabrina had it so easy with him. He was pleasant, loving and was loved.

I had several shops in one small mall and our workshop upstairs where we made
dolls (bob and I).Zack's crib and playpen was with us and I would rock him to sleep and made up songs for him. He still remembers. As he started to walk he would visit the entire mini mall. The restaurant gave him cookies, the hairdresser pretended to cut his hair in the big chair, he roamed around and visited wherever he felt like.
My husband adored him and I was mush in his little hands.

Karma? He did nothing wrong in his 16 years, he was a boy scout until he gave it up last year. He respected every one.

The men in his life show anger, a lot of anger, his father, his Uncle Bob, and Zack himself , all are angry. The women give up and have a good cry now and then.
I have problems not being able to stop the crying.
I wish I could just be angry and hit my fist on a wall or throw away a set of dishes in splinters but I am too practical for that.

So I walk in the silent street, I can't hear my own foot steps but I can hear a bird over my head shrieking and complaining about something. I stop, I feel odd that I hear nothing else but that bird. He must be loud. The wonder of it all makes me to start crying again....what the.....Carwen,the dog, looks up at me, she looks like she knows. She can feel the pain, she is a good companion.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Let go of the pain. You have been through so much in your life and it has made you the amazing mother, wife and friend you are today.

He is learning such valuable life lessons and this is making him even stronger. He was amazing today, laughing, teasing about everything.

We adore you Mom!!!