Saturday, December 22, 2007

This is my bed!

Had a hard night. Bob decided AGAIN that I should not sleep in the same bed with him.
I tried to tell him we have slept in the same bed for 40 years but that did not seem
to make sense to him.

I kept saying things like "we are married" and "I am your wife".
He answered that he did not know about that and if I wanted to leave
I was free to leave.
I asked what he would do the next day and he answered:
work hard like I always do.
Then he had a puzzled look and said :
Everything is so mixed up in my head.
Just sleep on that side (as he showed me my side) .
He mumbled more and seemed so angry.
I could not see the usual glimmer in his eyes.
Clearly he did not know who I was at that moment.

Went to work at 5 am and was concerned on how I would find him
when I got home by 9.
He was all smiles but he did not take Toto out of cage and I had left
a note to that effect.
He asked me what a cage was?
SO that was it he did not remember the word cage.

A few months ago he really surprised me when he pointed to an airplane and
asked what that was.
I said : airplane and he tried to repeat it but he had problems with the word.

Alzheimer, the plaque which grows while our loved ones leave us a thought at a time.

It was hard falling asleep.
I am consumed with feeling so sad for the 2 of us followed by anger and back to
just loving him so much. But the anger in between bothers me.

When we say for "better or for worse" we are usually young and we do not think that there ever will be a "for worse". Surprise , here it is.

For better or for worse, but let me hope that tonight when the covers are being
folded that he knows me and that he is happy to see me join him.
Lets try for the "better" , Bob, lets try it if you can.

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