Sunday, June 1, 2008

The machine goes on..............

Yes, I am beginning to feel like a machine.
I no longer can fix everything even so I once thought so.
I can't change anything for my son who now can't face the title "widower"
at age 35.
We have yet to have the memorial and I am beginning to be unraveled.
I honestly do not know where I get it to get up in the morning and go to
work and or start the household chores.
Old Bob 's behavior for the moment is in the background that does not mean
that I am so po'd at him that he cut all the branches on my grapevine.
They had grapes for the first time!
And I was beaming.
He broke his housekey in the car lock yesterday.
We are now covering the car which cost 20.00 and I wonder why we did
not think of that before. (the cover)
Will he peak under the cover?
My house is topsy turvy with stuff coming in from my son's life.
I am trying to give him back his old room.
So sorting out what I no longer need and figuring out that I too became a packrat.
I do everything on automation
Son said that even when I garden I do it with so much tension , I should enjoy the gardening, he tells me and yet when he watches me I am like a machine, must do now, must finish by 5, must water now.
Son is not doing well at all. He keeps everything inside and shows this strong front which leaks with anger.
If I do not learn to "take it easy" (hate these words) I am going to be in trouble.
BP is up way up for both son and I while old B has a normal BP.
Of course he does not know what goes on , not any of it.

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