B looked so sad yesterday. Daughter and I were scheduled to drive 3 1.2 hours to a Boy Scout Camp to visit the grandson. I asked B if he wanted to go for a long ride and his eyes began to sparkle. Getting dressed appropriately is a big issue now so we had to think that one out.
He gets cold so fast now when we are sweating. After awhile he decided it was not worth the trouble and announced that he'd rather be home.
He said he did not feel well and he did not look well.
Then starts the guilt, should I leave him or not?
My son told me to go and enjoy the ride as he would watch him with care.
That helps but does not relieve me of the black thoughts :"what if he got sick while I am gone? worse yet what if he died?
on the other hand there is the need to get away.
Daughters ask "mom do you want to go with me?"I do not ask where and answer:
Yes and yes.
The conflict about wanting to get out of the house and the need to watch him all the time
is an enormous conflict even now with son being here 24/7.
It was a gorgeous ride towards Mayberry (yes that Mayberry) the mountains were gorgeous and we drove into never never land.
Gosh I hope the Scouts to be well equipped to find their way.
Grandson was moping. He wanted to see us but he also wanted to go home with us.
His Mom did not see it his way.
A few tears, a camping dinner, more tears and then finally the goodbye.
Come to think of it he never did hug me goodbye.
Ride back and getting dark so I am getting this gadget thrown into my lap and
watch a movie. Swell. Now I get to see something like 13 going on 30.
A chick flick, but it gets me home without thinking of the winding road over
40. Do not like it! The moon was full and gorgeous and looking out for us.
Came home about 11 and found out that son had ordered pizza so they did get fed!!!
B in bed snoring never remembered I had been gone.
C'est la vie !