Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Caregiver's lament

So it has been one of these days, I truly believe that in every caregiver's day there comes a moment when you think you can't possibly do one more chore.

There comes a moment when you know you have given all there is to give.
What is left of yourself? You just sit there and ask yourself that question.

Who is this person in the mirror? Who is more neglected, myself or the house?
Look at my toe nails? No, better not look.
When was the last time I had a night cream on my face?

When was the last time I went to a movie in a movie theatre?
When did I wear lipstick?
When was the last time I had a belly laugh?
When was the last time I could have a day without tears?

Why do I have a stack of clothing to handwash and do not get to it.
Only mine does not seem to get done.
Why is that? Maybe because I am busy?

When was the last time I got in a car without plans
just to get lost or find a new place I have not seen before.
We used to do that all the time.

What used to be is no more.

Live in the "NOW" , great formula I learned a long time ago.
What is my "NOW" now?

It is to have a 82 year old behave like a 2 year old.
There are the tantrums, in stores everything has to be touched,
at home we are told that we should go away.
In restaurant bathrooms there is panic, this is a different faucet than at home.
There are people visiting but we can't see them.
Bedding ends up on the floor or hanging on the four poster.
Bathroom issues are becoming a greater issue.
Food is only good if it is with lots of sugar.
Wear turtle neck when it is 90 degrees and refuse to change.

My "now" is checking all night why his breathing is so low.
My "now" is checking our BP and seeing that his is normal, mine is out of reach even with medicine.

My " now" is worrying about the time that I can't do it anymore.
Oh, yes , that was a few minutes ago.
Oh, heck that was before venting.
I will be fine now.

What the heck, it is what it is!
It is life.
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1 comment:

Adriana said...


I'm doing research on Alzheimer's for a project I'm working on. I've been following your blog posts and was wondering if I could ask some questions about you and your husband. Would that be okay?

Please email me if you're interested.