This blog was started last year when I was almost suicidal.
I say "almost" because it is not a word I allow myself to think about.
I believe in an afterlife and I think they would send me right back
and , boy, I surely am not ready to come back so quickly and start all over again.
The blog somehow was better for my release than my journals.
Perhaps I put it out there on the internet wires or waves as a call
for help. Perhaps I thought that somehow I would be heard and by some miracle someone would write back and say "it is OK, you can do this, it's not such a big deal as you make it out to be". It is OK.
The reverse is happening as now I get emails and people saying"thank you, I feel better reading your blog".
My mental state is up and down, no use lying about it.
Mostly the "down" is when other problems are weaving into this caregiver carpet.
If there is a shortage of money, if the kids are in trouble.
Then the "down" grows into a larger picture.
So what I am trying to say is that a 24/7 caregiver also has to remember that his/her life is not 100 percent about the ill person.
There is still a life out there with meals to fix, laundry to be cleaned, floors to be washed, dogs to be walked, children to be consoled or comforted, friends who need a friendly word.
Life goes on, you have to think of the "self" , try and read a book even if the dishes are in the sink waiting for you, do not listen to the news, you can't fix it, have a manicure, have a massage, have a "sitter" and take the afternoon for a walk, a movie, or just sitting in the quiet of the library.
I recently have learned to have lunch by myself on Main street, I have never done that before. Now I think it is great fun.
Recently at an A meeting an old lady said that she was going to the hospital as she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Our faces all dropped and she was smiling. She was surprising us all with her statement:
" I am so glad that I will be in the hospital for a few days, away from him. I will also need some help when I do the chemo. It is my turn to get some help".
She was actually excited about her horrible illness. All she truly needed was some rest.
I read in Trusera that 30 percent of caregivers become ill.
Ladies, gents, children,in laws, you are taking care of someone so be sure to take care of yourself , you are needed in this equation. You are needed to be good to yourself in spirit and in body.
Now I will try and do what I preach. Yes!