Thursday, July 30, 2009


Most of my adult life I have been the center of our family.
The spoke which helped the wheel keep turning.
I truly took on the job as a matriarch.
I was (I think) capable and thought I would be 95 and still be able to keep everything together.

Think again.
Often now my children question my judgment, of course they would have to,they now have 5 decades under their belt in a brand new cyber world with new rules of how to bring up children they would have
points to make about the old bird's ideas.

That is not that much of a bother to me.
What is becoming an issue, is IF and When and COULD we ever put old dad in a nursing home.
With me, rule 1 would be if I am emotionally able.
rule 2. if we use Medicaid (since we have no portfolios to brag about)
then I also lose his income. Can I survive on just my s.s.?
rule 3. would we ever find a place like home?

th answer to the three rules is almost always NO.

Then there are the new generation of wise birds who know that Mom is spent. Totally spent. Emotionally a zero on a scale to ten. Physically
on a good day 5 on the scale. Spiritually : lost it all.
What is left of her ? nothing from the matriarch who once filled so many blanks. I know what I want. I want Bob in this house till he leaves us and I want to take care of him. I want the energy, the enthusiasm to do it.
I need both of these and I checked all the bottles of Vitamins at Wally world but find not what I want.

No comments: