Sunday, May 24, 2009


I am wondering why my dreams are always so negative.
My middle child reminds me :"you are a negative person, Mom"
I am in shock, MOI, negative?

I think about it with care, I thought I was at least middle of the road.
When I was a child every one around me used to say:
"Jeannot is so serious!"
They did not say "negative", serious is a better word.
I had reasons to be serious. There was the matter of fear, and then there was more fear
throw in your parents fighting all the time and it being WW2.
I was an only child, no one to play with and learn how to laugh with.
I did not even learn to mix and play at school.
Only when I was 17 and had a maniac boyfriend did I discover I could
actually have a belly laugh. I was hooked on that feeling. I hung on to him
for that reason, he made me laugh.
Later on I married a very funny man so I figured I had it made, unfortunately
he started sharing more laughter with others.

So why is everything so serious in my dreams?

My father's long time live in girl friend was in her 80's when she asked me:
" Jeannot, I always dream that I am young and I am dancing and I am
beautiful! Why is that?"
I figured that was about all she knew, a non educated lady who had owned a
bar for decades, lots of dancing, lots of drinking, lots of money.
Beautiful was a big stretch of the word, but she thought she was sexy and
She had pleasant dreams in her 80's ...oh...but the horror she must have felt
when she woke up. Old face , old legs and no dancing.

Now approaching the 80's faster than I care to admit, now I dream about
tragedy. Every dream I tell people that Bob has Alzheimer. My first words
to them. I see young men trying to seduce me and I tell them :I am married
and my husband has Alzheimer, now go away. Does that mean I am about to
become a "cougar" ? Heaven forbid!!!!OK, George Clooney will do.

I dream about my X cheating on me and I dream about trying to sell antiques
in a bad economy. How odd since I closed my store in 2001. I am still

I wish I was dancing and I wish I thought at least in my dreams that I was
gorgeous. I would promise myself not to look in the mirror in the morning.

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