I have been writing since 2007 about living with a person afflicted with aLZHEIMER/dementia.
Being a caregiver and all what it entails.
But while you are a caregiver you have no idea how your life is changing.
It is so gradual. It is a slow moving machine, today you may notice that he does not remember to put sugar in his coffee so you help. Tomorrow you may notice that he hides all the bills with his name on so you make a deal with the mailman who does not co-operate.
It all changes so slowly and you change with it.
You start to know that he wants only this spoon and that cup, the others he is not avoiding, why? No reason.
You know it when he starts to hate the small grandchildren, he loved them 6 months ago.
Then one day you find yourself totally lost. You are exhausted. You are in a state of continual fatigue, you can't remember how to relax. You can't remember that you need to pluck the hairs on your chin or try and put on nail polish. You forget dates, birthdays. The seasons blend one after the other and you missed t check out the appleblossoms. You forgot to get your favorite lily of the Valley out of the yard.
You let the birds eat all the cherries, forget the pies you were going to make.
You are being zapped from all energy and the person who is doing it has no idea.
Life goes on and you feel like you are stuck in a time zone but the face in the mirror has jumped ahead and is where it should be 20 years from now.
So now comes a sudden change.....
You fall, break some bones and you suddenly lost your title. No more caregiver, say what?
You are now in the hands of people who are caring for you.
Sleep is a constant companion. You love the sight of a bed even a hospital bed.
You like the food even bland as it is.
You love it when someone holds your hand and tells you that it is going to be ok.
What happens to the promise :"I will always take care of you!!!"
Where is he?
Will they cook his favorite dish?
Will he miss us? The dogs????
What will I do without him?