Monday, June 7, 2010

Bad week

This blog started out mainly for coping with Alzheimer in the family.
That now very familiar title given by the Dr. who found this sort of dementia and it now present in a great deal of families.
The blog was my salvation, mental salvation at a time of great despair.
I had several years of the decline of my best friend , partner, husband , under my belt but my deterioration was slow like his decline and kept creeping in further and further into several mini break downs.
The crying was constant.
I did not ever say why me? or why us?
but I constantly was trying to stop it.
Slow it down. Put my head in the sand at times and figure that I was just exaggerating his behavior.
I tried to avoid giving up the driving because it would be extremely upsetting to him but it would be even worse for me (if I was going to be honest).
I do not drive and so my wings too were going to be cut.
So I started to wonder how to overcome all the emotions, anger, guilt, exhaustion, sorrow, helplessness, loneliness.
There were thousands of "what if"s"
Legal and financial matters became my problem completely and they did not frighten me as much as I was used to take over that part but the future now ~that no longer were there paintings to be finished or restoration to be acquired,~ that part looked very grim.

The ones closest to me who knew I could not afford counseling advised me to write a blog and so I started.

It was a salvation of sorts. It helped ,that and my dose of Lexapro, took off the edge of the despair.

Now we are at the end of the blog?
Now that Bob is in a nursing home is it all finished?
Not at all.
In the last 3 months we have learned tons of the red tape.
It still amazes me that people are so
ill prepared when they KNOW there is a problem.
Talked to someone this week end, my age, husband has been diagnosed with memory loss due to hardening of the veins in the brain.
Dr said : it may go slow and it may go fast.
I said: Of course you have ready:
Your will.
Your power of attorney with someone you trust to handle the finances and the medical situations which may come up.
Have you considered if you want to
be resuscitated or kept on tubes?
What about him and you?
All papers in order?
He is a professional retired navy, did you talk to a social worker at the VA yet? For a professional soldier there is room at the inn if he becomes unable to stay at home. For Bob that option does not exist even if he is a Vet. he was not a professional soldier.
Do you know , I told my friend, that he is able to get a pension.
If he was 90 days in the service during a war, even stationed stateside, even if he never fired a shot, he is eligible and so is the spouse. It is according to your income today,
My friend was flabbergasted.
She had NOTHING in order, not even a will and they own 2 houses!
So right now I get on my soap box and tell all to be ready.
If daughter had not the power of attorney in her hot little hands the day I broke my ankle and she had to hunt for a place for her dad , she would have had problems on hand.
The paperwork for Medicare, for admitting, for survival orders etc...are never ending when you are least able to cope.
I was alert up to a point. After any surgery you are not running on all motors like before. You are somewhat in a daze. I let daughter handle everything and she had the knowledge and the authority to do so.
We did all this 5 years ago when Bob was still able to sign his own papers and had a vague idea what was going on.
I even forgot where I had the papers but what a nice surprise to remember them when we needed them.

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