Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas eve 2010

Every Christmas we wondered if dad would still be here.
Last year he had problems with the crowd but sat in his
chair and looked confused.
I think we no longer said "will he be here next year".

He is gone.
Last year we did not expect that I would break my ankle and that he would land in a nursing home.....

I miss him so much.
I canceled all celebrations because I can't be false and sit and be merry when
the tears are always right there at the door waiting to fall unto the cheeks.
Hate it.
I do not want to be a drama queen.
I do not want to spoil it for others and yet I did.
I feel I need quiet and lots of sleep.

Wherever you are, Mr Christmas nut , come and ``tell me it will be ok.

I love you and miss you.
This is a horrible evening,

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