Sunday, December 5, 2010

on AGING .............the good and the bad.............

My opinion only so do not get excited.
I am 78 3/4 and next year will be my last 7... then I am thinking that no way, just no way will I get an 8....we shall see.
Reason I am fighting this is because I just KNOW that I am somewhere between 40 and 50. No way that I am 3 decades older.
My brain is almost always on target so why should it lie to me now.
But then there is the mirror.
That mirror of mine (in the bathroom) is especially gentle because it is a soft light. Why then does it punish me with this stranger looking at me.
An old stranger on top of it.
This stranger often has hairs on her chin, the likes of when I was horrified in my teens to see them on my Bonma's chin. I figured then that this would never happen to me because Bonma also was addicted to snuff and that made her nostrils very wide.
So I was safe, I would not use snuff and I would have a tiny nose and no hair on the chin.
Think again smart ass. The nose is not tiny and I need it sometimes to use the breathing junk for asthma, the hairs are multiplying every day, soon I will be having a beard. Come to think of it this morning my hair was all over the place and I laughed at the image, I looked like Mark Twain, so help me I did.
So I should work on a moustache.
The good thing about hair is that I no longer have to shave my legs. That is great for I always would be bleeding and I hated the smell of Nair.
I once had tons of hair on top of the head, even 4 years ago I had very long hair and tons of it. It is falling and falling and soon I will check out Dolly Parton's closet for a wig.
Maybe the mixed up thyroid is doing me in or maybe stress.
What is there to stress about when you are retired and only have MOI to think about?
Oh! I can name a few hundred items on my stress list.
I was born stressed out, I came out looked at my parents and said "this is not where I am supposed to be" Original stress 1.
Don't ask me about pubic hair, the tummy is too big and I can't see anything anymore down south.
So talking about tummies...well, between that and my wounded knees I can't get up anymore from a flat on the ground position....I tried that again last week when I fell walking the pooch. A very small man helped me up. He may have to see his chiropractor now. I now I do, my back feels like an iron gate when I move and it smarts and complaints about needing oil.
The worst part for me is not hearing anymore.
YET, believe me when I say that sometimes that is a very good thing.
Like when relatives are arguing at the table and I have no idea what they are saying...I was told that was a good thing.
Best of all is that I have "ears" for listening to TV and that is heavenly.
Hearing aids are just that "an aid" never replace what you had.
No matter what you pay for the gadget you have to adjust them according to the environment. Still no perfection.
I would give you my first born and maybe even the other two if they made something that brings back the hearing from when I was 20. Any takers???
Did not think so.
I heard a joke last week. Old lady said she can do 3 things all at once.
She can sneeze, pee in her pants and pass gas all at the same time.
Everyone laughed out loud. I was silent.
June Allyson had the answer:"Depend" and when you are deaf and pass gas you do not hear it and figure that no one in the room heard you either. It is a
good feeling to know you are still "protected" .
So what to do at THAT age? You do what you want to do. Never mind the other world.
I flirt with young waiters, they smile and are quiet about telling me that I look like their grandmother, I smear my face with everything that says "wrinkle be gone" then my dog wants to lick it off, or I slid out of bed.
I still want to make my bucket list but what to put on it is a ?????
does a bucket list have to be realistic? or can you just ask for anything?
Like I want to sing like a soprano. (I can't carry a tune)
Like I want to roller blade (with iron in my ankles = do I want more on the other ankle?)
I'd like to travel to China but it takes a falling dollar.
Like can I get rid of the psoriasis without deadly meds?

Shuck it (notice I cleaned it up) forget the bucket list.
Get back to the grocery list and ignore the scale , the mirror, and the pains.


Unknown said...

OH my goodness I think I just peed my pants reading that. It is hilarious...not in a make fun of sort of way...but that should be published somewhere. BTW My mom is 81 and still doing relatively well living by herself.

Jeannot said...

You are too funny Joy. So glad your Mom is going ok in her own home.

Unknown said...

Seriously though that should be published in a magazine or something!! You are an excellent writer and to have such a sense of humour after all you have experienced (good and bad) is admirable!!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Joy, I tried to just learn to laugh again. My older friends thought it was all too sad. I could not understand that.
It is what it is. My hair was standing up this morning and I did look like Mark Twain, I just laughed at the mirror. I have cried for years, time to laugh in the time I have left. You are my big supporter!!!!

Unknown said...

Laughter is definitely medicinal. If I could not laugh I would definitely be crazy by now. ;)